Is it easy to be a stay at home mom?

Melissa - posted on 07/23/2010 ( 106 moms have responded )

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Yesterday and today, my husband and I have been debating the issue of being a stay at home mom. My husband is in the military and I am a certified childcare worker. We had our son a year ago now and I've spent the whole time with him at home.
My husband doesn't seem to understand why I'm tired by 6pm since I just stay at home with the baby, he thinks that being a stay at home mom is easy. So easy in fact, that if all parents could do it, they would.
Stay at home parents can eat,sleep,come and go as they please,ect...without having to answer to anyone.
In my opinion, being a stay at home parent is one of THE hardest jobs anyone could have but my husband doesn't see it this way. I would greatly appreciate other points of view on this subject. Am I wrong? Do I have the easiest job?

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Jennifer - posted on 07/23/2010

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No you do not have an easy job! And no you really can not come and go as you please without answering to anyone! You have your child that you have to look after, the house to keep mantagable! What would your hubby think if he came home to a flithy house and a crying baby bc u 'came and went as you pleased!?' My husband used to say the same thing until one day I switched with him! I went to go help a friend at her work and my husband stayed home with the kids all day! When I came home he was VERY tired! Ok I know that everyones work is hard...thats why it is called work but think about what you do! I am a stay at home mom and this is what I do....laundry-which NEVER ends! Cleaning-which my children destroy faster than I can clean, cooking-which is not all the easy with curious little kiddos! And finding time to play games, sing to cartoons, make sure that the kids are safe, fed, happy, and NOT makng another mess! Easy!? No. Your husband is an emplyee at his work but you are the boss at yours! YOU run it and keep it running all on your own!

Heather - posted on 07/26/2010

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Hell no (sorry but its true) i too am a stay at home mom, and my husband does not appreciate ANYTHING that i do. my day starts at 5 am when i get up to fix his lunch for work, I then start things around the house like laundry and cleaning, then start breakfast around 7 casue then my daugher is getting up. from that point its a constant thing. Always running after her, and keeping her from getting into things and getting hurt. Also that means playing with her, teaching her trying to potty train, fixing lunch, getting stuff ready for dinner for my husband and us. Budgeting the household expenses. making sure that my daughter has clothes that fit and shoes to wear. I am always running after her all the time, and trying to keep the house in order and clean and the laundry done, and everyone fed. I also am a ful-time online student, so after dinner, bathtime, storytime, and the 2 hours it takes to get my daughter to bed, I have school work to do. So when my husband is in the bed by 11 I dont get into bed until after 2 am and 3 hours of sleep will drain anyone. I feel like its always somehting to do all the time. so tell your husband the same thing that i tell mine: "I'm sorry that you don't think that i am important and that the things that I do are not significant. If you want I'll stop doing them and go back to work and you can pay someone to come in and do the things that I do, i hope you know that means, paying a housekeeper, and a cook, as well as an accountant, and daycare or nanny. You cannot find anyone to do all the work that I do and not have to pay them an outrageous amount of money" fair warning I got throughly cussed out for that and told that I meant nothing to him but thats how my realtionship has been for a long time now. But trust me I know how you feel, it doenst matter how much you do adn try to prove yourself, no man will ever appreciate everything that you do until her has to do it all himself, everything that you do everyday for a week. the let them see how it feels, my husband won;'t even try he doesnt even change diapers to help me out. So good luck! hope your husband is a better man than mine

Not to mention I feel like i hae been cut off from the world, I lack intelligent conversation, I miss interacting with adults instead of watching disney all day. i cannot make a phone call without screamin in the background from my daughter wanting my phone. i cant go to the gas station without a suitcase it feels like and grocery shopping is mission impossible. I can't have 2 minutes in the bathroom without a audience, Shower time is invaded by the munchkin, and trying to gat anything done is next to impossible.
Its hard to be a stay at home mom, its without breaks and you dont get off at 5, its non stop all the time!

Dana - posted on 07/25/2010

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It's the hardest (and most rewarding) thing I've ever done! We all know, in the back of our minds, how lucky we are. Regardless, I feel like I could strangle my husband when he barrels through the house complaining that the trash needs to taken out or his t-shirts are wrinkled! It's a freaking t-shirt... If he'd let me put the dang thing in the dryer like any other normal person, it would get the wrinkles out! If I take a 20 minute break to go tanning or hit the grocery store for bread, he's stripped down to his boxers because our son spit up on his clothes and he couldn't find time to change them. The baby has a poopy diaper and he's ready to run out the door to the firehouse. With him being a firefighter, he's gone a LOT, so Max & I have a great time, just the two of us... and I tend to find that we manage to get more accomplished when he's gone! I sure wish I could get my nails done or go to the mall for an afternoon, but it's not worth the mess I'll have when I get home! Only us stay-at-home moms can keep it flowing like we do!! (:

Heather - posted on 07/23/2010

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Eat, sleep, and come and go when you please? Is your husband high? When you are a stay at home mom you eat while taking care of your kids, sleep (hopefully) a few broken hours a night, and come and go when your children please!! I am going back to work this week after four months, and I am not looking forward to it, but it will certainly be much easier. Luckily, my husband never dared to tell me outright I had it easy, but he totally changed his attitude after having the baby for an afternoon. (Only an afternoon lol.) As they get older/ you have more it becomes even harder, and there is no such thing as a break, a moment of quiet, lunchtime, or adult conversation!
I say if your husband thinks it is so easy do what so many mothers have done before - give him a list of what you would normally accomplish in a day, hand him the kids, and take off for a day. Tell him to finish the list if he can, have dinner ready for you when you come home,etc. All the things you do for him. When you get home, suggest that he do it again, for the rest of the month, every day, with no breaks or days off. Then see what he says.

Taylor - posted on 07/23/2010

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it is not easy at all. i am trying to get my boyfriend to understand this as well. he pretty much feels the same way as your husband about it and has gone the extreme of calling me lazy because I don't have a "full-time job". It's hard, stressful, and very demanding.

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Meagan - posted on 07/27/2010

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I think it's important to get to spend time with your kids as much as possible, at any age. But at some point they have to develop social skills with out you, or the other parent, being around. Being a stay at home mom is incredibely hard! Not only do you have to do EVERYTHING with a little shaddow right beside you (which is fun most of the time, but hard when they decide they don't want to do what you NEED to get done). I found a happy balance of working part-time at a job that I love. This way my daughter gets her social time with her friends, I get to get out of the house and get some erronds done before I pick her up from daycare, I get to have more "adult time" with co-worker/friends and we are all happy! It took me 6 years to get it figured out though... So I completely understand the struggle!

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You do not have the easiest job! I would say that being a parent is the hardest job, and being a stay at home parents is a close second (if not above it). I stayed home with my son for the first 6 months, and ended up needing to go back to work. But, I highly respect all stay at home moms.

And, you DO have to answer to someone! Your child! I'd rather a cranky boss than a cranky child any day!

Lana - posted on 07/27/2010

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It is very hard to explain just how hard it is to be a stay at home mom to someone who has never done it themselves. I have stayed home with my two kids (ages 4 & 7) since my youngest was born and my husband is the same way. It takes a very strong person to be a stay at home mom- afterall, your daily interaction is with children, not adults. Not to mention the cleaning, laundry, cooking, educating, and much more. I think there are A LOT of moms who will agree :)

Ashley - posted on 07/27/2010

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I stay at home with my daughter and its so hard sometimes! My fiance doesn't understand how much it takes out of a person to take care of someone 24/7. I am very greatful that I am in the position to be able to stay at home with my daughter, but sometimes I do wish I could have the 15 minutes in the car alone that working mom's get.

Claudia - posted on 07/27/2010

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Being a stay at home Mother is the hardest job in the world. Husbands/Men wont understand that unless they do it!

Rionna - posted on 07/27/2010

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I have been a stay at home for over a year and it is a hard job. You get no breaks and have to stay on top of the discipline by yourself. Sometimes i think i just need a break and still haven't gotten one. his grandparents don't have time for him and it's all on me. It's exhausting!!

Mary - posted on 07/27/2010

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Being a stay-at-home mom is more invasive then a full-time job because we are more professions than one - we are daycare, first aid/nurse, laundry, cook, referee, entertainer, and the list goes on and on. Instead of an 8-hour work day our jobs never end. And we don't get vacation OR sick days, either! As my husband has said "moms don't get to be sick."

Kristen - posted on 07/27/2010

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i have been makeing a "all in a days work for mommy's) and here is what i got.

- wake up when baby wakes up, or when hubby wakes up at 6 am, and wakes up child
- change diaper
-make breakfast
- clean up breakfast, and child
- playtime with child, and have a snack about 2 hrs afterwards
- go to park, with either lunch on hand or come home for lunch
- make lunch
- clean up dishes and put them away
- get baby down for a nap
-get dinner out and defrosted if not done alreadys
- pick up toys from carpet and vacuume( hard wood floors-sweep)
-pick up toys from kitchen floor, sweep and mop.
- wake up baby, so he can go to sleep for 8-9pm (whicis never easy)
- deal with child not wanting to stop crying
- take out garbage to dumpster
- prepare dinner, and snack for baby.
- have food on the tabel for hubby
- give baby a bath, and into pj's
- clean off dinner tabel, and do the dishes.
- get baby in bed by 8-9 pm if lucky.
- pick up toys from floor and surround areas.
- read drivers manual(cuz i want to drive)
- go online a chat with some adults
- read a book
-watch a movie, horror film(can't watch when child is awake.


So yea that is all i have to do, it's hard, and i wish my hubby can understand that i need his help to do the dishes, i need his help so i can take a shower, i get a shower once a week, i know gross right? but anyways, showw this list off to your hubby's ladies, and try haveing him do all these things, oh wait he can cuz he's a man, pfft, puh lease, get a grips guys, us women need a break as well.

Kristen - posted on 07/27/2010

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well i have to agree and disagree really. i am also a stay at home mom, but i also want to work. somedays can be easier then other, if you have the most rotten child yea it is hard, but if you have a angel of son like i do, then it's easy, so easy of the fact that i can work with Avon, the comapany for women, I told my self if i can be a stay at home mom, then i can do this. i can bring my son out with me and get some extra pocket money for my self, and meet new people around my area. Now let's face it, us women need extra sepnding money for our selves, we do alot in days work, we do the cleaning, washing of clothes, and takeing care of the baby(ies) if we are lucky when they go down for a nap, we can unwind and have a nap too, or read for that time, or heck browse youtube to listen to our fave songs. My husband thinks i complain alot, but when i tell him that he never listens to what happend to me in days work, and why im MOODY! he just throws it back in my face. but enough about me, back to the topic. yes i think we should go back to work, and earn a living, and some moolah's for our selves... try going for avon in your district... easy to do, and you get out more, and you have one more excuse to give to your husband. "i have work too you know!?!" i hope that helped...

Nikki - posted on 07/27/2010

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I do both, I go to work in Asda/ Walmart for 4 hours a night 4 night per week 10 pm - 2 am I then get up around 7.30 - 8 with my two boys, immediately its breakfast time and...........sorry one of the boys wanted something... it is non stop nappy changes, keeping them occupied with toys, crafting, drawing, lunch times dinner time, when one isn't screaming or having a tantrum the other one is. even having a cigarette outside I am at the window peering in watching both of them and every move they make. Its physically emotionally and mentally draining. the fact that your brain has to be on the go constantly all the time and you have to be a cook a cleaner a laundry maid and an accountant amoungst other things. IT IS HARD !!!!

Erika - posted on 07/27/2010

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i used to work 70+ hours a week, and i am more tired sitting at home doing the housework and being a mommy to my 3 month old. its by far the hardest thing i have ever done

Alisha - posted on 07/27/2010

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NO you dont have an easy job AT ALL and it only gets harder, i have been a stay at home mom for 9 years thank goodness my youngest is starting school next year so i can go back to work. you can NOT come and go as you please, your boss is never reasonable, you never get a break and you are working 24/7 instead of 40 hours or so a week. most men do not see it as a hard job tho me and my husband have gone back and forth on this and i finally was able to prove it to him when he got laid off hehe. ( my payback) lol he was the (stay at home dad) for 5 months and then once he seen how hard it actually was he was beyond estatic when he was able to go back to work. if it wasnt for that i dont think he would have ever understood my point of veiw.

Tammy - posted on 07/27/2010

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I could not help myself but laugh while reading your post, because I am a stay at home mom of twin boys who are now a year old. My fiance has veiws that are extremely similar to your husbands. I then tried explaining to him that my job as a stay at home equals alot more than just sitting there and watching the kids making sure they don't hurt themselves. I have to do housework while keeping them entertained and happy, change the diapers non-stop etc. What they don't see is the amount of patience it requires to be a stay at home mom. On top of all the patience that is required if anything goes wrong in the house that frustration atop the frustration of the children possibly screaming and or beating each other-which my twins do alot of...ha! But the men in our lives have a great job and they do work hard and I am by far not knocking that effort but a stay at home mom is a job that requires just as much effort if not more because each day is a different day and its all a huge learning experience for both you and your baby(ies)....

Amanda - posted on 07/27/2010

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most husbands dont realize that we have the hardest job in the world...even if we work we still have a hard job... raising our kids!! I am a SAHM and have been for about 3 yrs now.. I've gotten to the point where it drives me nuts lol. I love my boys dont get me wrong but i have no me time.. I am always cleaning, picking up after the boys, doing laundry , cooking ,etc. When your a SAHM you never have much time to yourself unless your kids are old enough to take care of themselves.... still they dont leave you alone. I catch myself trying to steal a min to myself but they always find me haha. Its a lot of stress and patience that we need... so no it is not an easy job. but its a job that we choose because most of us cant afford day care ...

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2010

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Hello, I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I stay home with my children as well. I am currently a college student online and spend a lot of my days doing school work with my son (1) on my lap. Being a stay at home mommy has been one of the greatest joys of my life but what my husband also failed to realize is that it is so hard. I also spent a lot of time taking naps with my kids when they did and sometimes when he would call from work he would ask how i could be taking a nap and still be tired at night. Then one day i wrote down their schedule, everything that we did from start to finish and i took a one day vacation, went and had my nails done, tanning, worked out at the gym, then spent the rest of the day at my friend's house watching movies and eating snacks! lol when i got home around 8 pm he was exhausted, he told me never to do that again and that he was sorry that he underestimated how hard it actually is to take care of two little kids all day long. he said that he wouldn't call anymore between one and two to be sure that i got my nap with the kdis! lol it was so funny. fathers sometimes dont get to see how much work it is, especially with children so small. i know that me and my children get up around 7, eat breakfast, watch a little cartoons, have a mid morning snack then we watch some more tv, read some books, sometimes do a project or play a game then the eat lunch and take a nap then when they wake up we either play outside or if it is too hot or cold we play games, read books and do some more art projects then have another snack play some more then i have to cook dinner, get them into bath and bed. but, while doing all that i do laundry, clean the house, wash dishes, he seems to think that everything just keeps in order and there is some fairy that does everything except take care of the kdis! lol when it was all down on paper, every single thing that all of us did at home, it put it into perspective for him, maybe you should try that.

Jeremi - posted on 07/27/2010

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Out of every job I've ever had, being a stay home mom is the most demanding, exhausting and underappreciated. And I have a child that is pretty low maintenance. She can play by herself for hours and let me get other things done. But if I'm not dealing with her, there's always something else to be done as well. On top of that, I'm a full-time student which I do online. But our job is not easy. There are no scheduled breaks and lunches. There is usually little down time. Any questions you may have, aren't always so easily answered. We don't get vacation or days off. I hear people sometimes talk about "days off" and I think to myself, what is that like again? But it's rewarding. If he thinks it's so easy, let him try it. And make sure that EVERY need is met. The baby is clean, fed and entertained. The house is clean and there are groceries in the fridge for you to cook a nice meal with, etc. Stay strong mom!

Krystle - posted on 07/27/2010

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Im not agreeing with your hubby. Im a stay at home mom now and its more fustrating than ever now because u have to attend to your childs every need and on top of that u have the cookin,cleanin,shopping and all other task u might have during the day. One day when he is off give him the chance to see what it is like to stay at home all day and do what u do. My husband sees what i go thru in just hours and he appericiates what i do to keep this house runnin smoothly. If that helps u any at all give him the chance to do exactly what u do and see how he feels by six.

Jacqueline - posted on 07/27/2010

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yep there is no such thing as privacy lol the worst part about it is i think stay at home moms are especially hard on themselves.i don't know about everyone else but i feel guilty that my husband has to go to work so i feel like everything should be twice as clean and perfect when he gets home dinner should be on the table etc but it NEVER works out that way lol..he usually comes home to the house looking like a toy bomb went off kids hanging off my legs while im trying to burn dinner lol thank god he isn't the type of guy that gets mad if things arent done.i do feel bad for the moms who are trying their best and then the hubby comes home and says what did you do all day GRRRR

Gretchen - posted on 07/27/2010

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eat? shower? alone time? some days i forget that i have a name and its not mommy...do yourself a favor and go out and be reminded that you are an amazing woman with a beautiful child seperate from just mom. i think that is the hardest thing about a sahm, u can feel like you are only mom and not a person of your own! and getting dressed! haha no thanks ill stay in my stained pjs so the new stains dont stand out! enjoy it tho, it goes way too fast! one day u will look back when they are teens and say wow that was easy! lol i have a toddler and a teen...try to mesh that one! band camp and boo boos! sometimes its hard to switch from toddler mom to teen mom! ouch! lol

Chantal - posted on 07/27/2010

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being a stay at home home is for sure not easy i have a 6 month old and i babysit a 18 months old which is on the go non-stop its not easy and my bf thinks i have it easy...

Amanda - posted on 07/27/2010

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I am a stay at home mom to a 16 month old. When my son was 9 months old I took a 3 month internship and it was so much easier than staying at home being a care taker. As selfish as this may sound, a working mom has the opportunity to get away from the house and in a sense have time to herself while working. I am now back a home with my son and when the clock strikes 6pm I am exhuasted.

Gretchen - posted on 07/27/2010

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i so agree! if u r not a stay at home parent no one gets that its NOT YOUR schedule thats followed, its the kids! they r the bosses and u cant just go and do what u want, unless u like dealing with grumpy kids! nap time is catch up time! haha and going to the bathroom alone? never!

Gretchen - posted on 07/27/2010

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yea being a mom (stay at home or working) is a full time job! my bf tends to think that i sit around all day and do nothing when in fact i chase an 18 month old around, clean up the messes he makes, feed him, change him, clean him, do laundry, dishes, and whatever else comes my way! usually i have to stop doing one thing to go clean up another! you dont get a day off ever, u dont get to sleep when u are tired and if you do sit down, you gotta get right back up! my advice, leave him home alone for the day and see how he does, give him a lil taste of you everyday! he will stop and domore, trust me!

Jacqueline - posted on 07/27/2010

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i love being a stay at home mom but it is really hard AND tiring.sometimes i go a few days without actually going anywhere and it can be really draining to be in the house taking care of my 2 boys all day.i never clock out i'm expected to care for them 24/7 and sometimes it gets really hard but i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world

Liza - posted on 07/27/2010

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No you are right about that. You my hon did samething to me too when our son was 15months old, he though that it was easy too. We are also military family so his gone alot and he thinks that im not working at all. This is what i did. I simpley told him that i need time for myself and i told him that ill be gone all day, tell him what to do and leave him home with the baby. Go shoping or just walk around or viset your best friend if you can. Then you came back he'd be very exided to see you and he will approushiat in what your doing when you at home... Do it on his day off's that would realy make him think. I did that too and now his helping me more then he ever did before. And i've been stay at home mom for about 30months now, i took care of our new born son and i woke up with him, fed him, change his diaper, played with him. Now we are expecting another one and we are both are very excided about it. Hope this helps. Best wishes to you. Stay strong you will get there.

Elissa - posted on 07/27/2010

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I am pretty sure most couples go through this. Of course being a stay at home mom isn't easy, but until your husband does your job for a while he can't possibly understand. It's just one of those things you know what I mean? To him (and my husband and many others) it seems like a piece of cake. But, really, they have no idea what we do every day, what it is like to be busy caring for your child 24 hours a day. And, it is extremely hard to explain to them without it turning into an argument I think. I try to explain to my husband that while we both may have difficult jobs, he at least leaves his job every night. Does your husband ever spend a whole day, or even part of a day taking care of your son? I have gone out a few times with friends for even just a few hours around mealtime and nap or bedtime & my husband was amazed at how difficult it can be and how little he could accomplish. So, really having them walk in your shoes is the best way to get them to understand how difficult it really is. I hope you have some luck getting him to understand. My husband is better at it now, but some days we still argue a little about it. GOOD LUCK! & you are not alone!! :)

Sarah - posted on 07/27/2010

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No, you are not wrong! My husband and I have a silent debate about this nonstop. He gets irritated if he comes home and the dishes aren't done, or there are clothes on the floor. He thinks he should be able to come home, grab a beer, and sit on the computer all night. Since he works alot (and I agree, he does work a lot! sometimes16 hour days, 5 days a week) he feels like I should be able to take care of the housechores, errands, the kids, and make meals no prob. After all, I'm home all day, right? I just play with the kids all day long, and am lazy, so I pretend its difficult. If I'm not making money, I'm not working. I've tried letting him stay at home with the kids so he can see how it is, but he either says, "well, they were just testing my limits since they're not home with me often" or he just sits at the comp and yells at them every now and again, getting up only to grab them some crackers and juice from the kitchen. You need to solve this problem now, before it gets out of hand. I kept thinking he would come around, see where I'm coming from, but he hasn't. We have three kids now, and I'm so overwhelmed with everything to do and no help or even emotional support. Talk to him, show him these responses, and get him to understand that, while you might not get paid, you DO work!



And to the above statement about the stay-at-home dad doesn't do the housecleaning, shopping, or cooking? Its an understood that that is part of being a stay-at-home parent. If you have worked out a different routine, then good for you! But most people's jobs require that they are gone for an amount of time that would mandate the stay-at-home parent to do a significant portion of those responsibilities. If both parents work, then the kids are taken care of at daycare, preschool, or by a nanny. A lot of the responsibilities are then taken care of by them. You pick up the children, who are fed and mostly clean, or you relieve the nanny, who's been picking up after the kids all day. I don't have that, as a stay at home mom. Every potty accident, every spilled milk, every boo-boo and oopsie and "shhh..don't tell mama" has to be taken care of by ME. Its not that I'm doing all the chores a working mom would after she gets off work, but that being at home with the kids all day creates MORE work on top of the work that is always there in any home. If I didn't do everything, it wouldn't get done. Its not an agreement my spouse and I came to, it is an understood part of my job description.

Kate - posted on 07/27/2010

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I am in sync with many of your responses below. My partner often had very heated arguements about this issue, until I got very sick for a couple of days and he had no choice but to look after our son who was just over a yr old at the time. After half a day when Angus finally went down for his midday nap, Ron looked at me and said sorry, gave me a cuddle, and started helping with things more often . A couple of days at home and he thought that was a challenge until he took Angus for a small trip away when we had our second child. They were gone for 4 days and when they came back Ron did a 180 degree and was way more hands on with him than ever before. I now get to sleep in till 7.30am every 2nd morning rather than get up everyday at 5am when Angus wakes, as parenting has become the team work it should be. Neither of us feels taken for granted, we both get sleep and our son has improved on behaviour, eating, sleeping, basically everything! The boys also get to spend some quality time together having a cuddle or building towers out of lego in the morning. Now that we have 2kids, its even more of a challenge to keep everything in order but we are doing it together.... even if I am still going to bed at 11pm every nite after my quiet cuppa!

Rebecca - posted on 07/27/2010

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You husband is soooo wrong. My husband too is military and he took ALL the parental leave when we had our first child...not even 2 weeks later he wanted to go back to work lol. He doesn't give me a hard time now with 2 kids and i also take care of another 3yr old and a 5months old. Our kids are 3 and 1. I don't think it's an easy job by any means but we have more freedom i guess with our "jobs". They say a stay at home mom has the equivalent of 3 full time jobs...so does that mean i have 6 lol. Anyways, if we got paid i can tell you right now we would make more then our husbands. I can tell you right now, i am up at 6am even though both my kids don't get up before 9 and i clean the house before it becomes a disaster again, the kids are fed and dressed and they go to bed at 9pm...sometimes my 3yr old doesn't go to bed until 11 or 12...so i have a long day. My husband wouldn't think to tell me i do nothing all day and i have an easy job because he's been there...and he only had 1 baby to care for.
Your husband will see in time. Maybe leave your child with him for the weekend and go do something with some friends...or stay with a family member. It will give him a taste of what it's like to be on call 24/7.

Minna - posted on 07/27/2010

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I guess I have to be the voice of dissent here. I DO think being a stay at home parent is difficult. My husband is the stay at home daddy, and now that we have two children his job is VERY VERY hard. Two babies keep him hopping, for sure. However, I would not say that it is one of the hardest jobs in the world, just that not everyone is suited for it the same. Also, he doesn't do all the housekeeping and cooking or ANY of the shopping. If you are filling all these roles it's a routine you and your spouse have (perhaps unwittingly) agreed on.

I'd give just about anything to be home with my two little ones. I do know, however, that my husband is better suited for it at this time, and he does an amazing job. I think all stay at home parents are filling a very important and wonderful role, but I have to say, it could be harder.

Erin - posted on 07/27/2010

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I have a 21 month old and a 9 week old, and I'm exhausted all of the time. Even when I only had one child to look after it was hard. You should have your husband stay alone with your child for a few days while you go out and do whatever you want so he can get a taste of what it's like. Then maybe he will change his mind. If I have to leave my girls with my husband, he is so happy when I get home!

Aoine - posted on 07/27/2010

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The hardest job i have ever done, its 24/7 non stop, stressfull is the word that comes to mind... but wouldnt change it for anything, thankfully my partner understands why im tired when he gets home and he does all he can to help..every little bit helps! You should leave the kids for a couple of days with your husband, then he would be more uderstanding towards you!..:)

Shaz - posted on 07/27/2010

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You are completely right. I used to be in the military myself and have been a stay at home mum for 18month so I can directly compare. If you're brave enough, get your husband to take a week of leave and have the baby full time and include for him a list of the household chores that must be accomplished also along with any playgroups etc that you normally attend. Go stay with a friend or family for the entire duration. He should have changed his mind by the end.

Jenny - posted on 07/27/2010

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Oh my goodness girl.. you definitely don't have it easy!!! My husband and I had the same talk a couple months back, and I decided to do a test run. My husband is also in the military so I kind of know what your husband is going through as far as work wise, and I am, or used to be a stay at home mom.
I went out for a whole day and told my husband to take care of our daughter (4 years old). He was like .. this will be easy, I'll play with her, we'll go do fun stuff, etc. I leave the house around 10am, I come home around 3pm to shower to get ready to go back out (I had just came from the beach). The minute I walked in the house, I saw our daughter sitting on the time out chair, and my husband pacing back and forth. I wanted to laugh, but held it back. I just bit my lip as he explained to me that "She wanted this cookie, and not this. I got her chicken nuggets but only wanted 1 and half of a burger, but there was ketchup in it, so she stopped eating it. Then I put her down for a nap.. impossible. I wanted to play call of duty.. nope, didn't work." I just kind of stood there waiting for 1 comment.. then it came out.
"I will officially stop bitching. This is not easy."

:)
You might wanna try it. And since then, he never says anything. I'm completely tired, and he just is "want me to make you dinner?" I have to keep doing my trial test once in a while, but he's pretty much got the idea.

Linda - posted on 07/27/2010

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i disagree with your husband. my husband was the same way. i did it for the first 4 yrs of my daughters(i was lucky i could) life and while it is very rewarding it is also very hard. by the time she was 4 i was so ready to put her in preschool. as a stay at home mom you never have time for your self. it's all about the kids schedule and don't ever think your house can be kept the way it used to be they just mess it up faster than you can clean it. this is why they have daycare and do you think day care workers are free.no. so when you think about it you are the free daycare worker of your own child. hense you are really doing a job. so of course you are tired after that long day of free child care. and that is how my husband came to understand that yes i do work hard. hope this helps. and try not to overdo, just relaxe and enjoy your child as much as you can, they really do grow up fast.

Sara - posted on 07/26/2010

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No you dont have an easy job. its harder then most jobs. somedays id rather go back to work at least there you get breaks

Trudi - posted on 07/26/2010

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i totally diagree with your husband. i quit my job 2008 october and am now home. at the time i had a seven year old and an 8mth old baby. i was dropping him to school, teaching him and several other kids in his class french and playing game everyday from 6:45 am to 8:ooam and i had to help him with his breakfast plus breastfeed his sister at the same time. then rush home cook my husband's breakfast and the baby. bathe her clean the house and then help him at his job which usually takes me on the road, then pick up my son rush home cook dinner do home work and then assist my husband. honey its harder than working in an office. now i have a 6mth old, my other girl 2plus years old and home schooling my son for a term and all summer and the house and my husband. sometimes i dont even get a chance to eat or shower all day. it is time consuming and hectic but very rewarding.

Samantha - posted on 07/26/2010

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I cant even take a shower or go to the bathroom when I want. Being a stay at home mom is super hard. I worked three jobs when I was in college and this has been way tougher than that, at least then I would get to sleep in once in a while lol. Its hard for me to do housework sometimes, I keep falling behind, something I never did before. The worst part is you dont have a babysitter to fall back on when you are sick or want to have a girls night out. Make him stay at home with the baby for one day and he will understand that its not easy.

Naomi - posted on 07/26/2010

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being a stay at home mum is not easy men dont do all the things we do looking after the kids keeping the house clean washing and everything i am a 22 year old mum of 2 beautiful girls who i love dearly but it does get hard especiallt now that i have moved to australia and have no family its hard doing things on your own being a stay at home is awesome but can become stressfull if you dont have good support people you can talk too.you have responsibilities so you cant actually do as you please you have to think about your priorities and will the kids be ok if you made that certain decision. but thats just what i think my own opninon. at the mo im studying and looking for a job so three things at once is hard where as my partner he works comes home eats sleep helps me out with kids thats good but yea men think they got it hard lol

thanks for posting that felt good to get that out lol
naomi

Amber - posted on 07/26/2010

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I myself am a stay at home mom of 3 children and it is the hardest job on earth!! my husband felt the same way since my first child!!! after he was hurt on the job a couple of weeks ago he has changed his mind totally and doesnt have a clue how anyone could do a job like we have everyday!!!!!!!!

Traci - posted on 07/26/2010

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I agree with you completely! I have been a stay at home mom for 16 months now, it is incredibly difficult! Yes they have nap time and whatnot, but that is the time that I use to clean and do other household things! At work you get scheduled breaks and it isn't like you sit there thinking about your job 24/7! Even just being a mom is hard, worrying about your child/children all day everyday! Even when not around my son I still worry, and think about what needs to be done. No matter where you are, who you are with you never stop being a mom. Dad's don't think the same way! My husband tells me that it is his job to make sure our son has fun and mine to worry about him. I just wish for one day it could be the other way around! I am incapable of that though lol :) Just try to explain that just the worrying alone takes a lot out of you, it is hard to be a mom stay at home or not in my opinion!

Maureen - posted on 07/26/2010

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I can understand that a military job is not easy, but a Mom's job never ends. We work 24/7, 365 days a year. No one comes in to cover when we want to take holidays, or like one mom said up further, you can't even pee by yourself.
Just ask your husband, how often he pees with someone watching & asking questions?
This is not an easy job, but us that choose to do, I would not change my job for the world!!!

Erin - posted on 07/26/2010

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I had the same conversation with my parnter and at the end of it I told him I was going away for 2 weeks and he can do what i do everyday and listed everything school drop off and pick up feeding cooking washing etc, no problems he said I left for a week and then received a phone call can you come home you are right its not that easy, ever since then I had so much help in the house its not that bad all I had to do put him in my shoes for a while

Allie - posted on 07/26/2010

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I have to disagree with your husband as well... Being a stay at home mom is the most rewarding job sure, but easiest? I'm tired by nap time! lol
I am lucky, however, that my husband understands that I don't just sit around and do nothing all day. Best of luck to you all!

Lady Heather - posted on 07/26/2010

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Eat as I please? More like shove my lunch in my face while trying to ensure the boss gets her share which is always larger than mine for some reason. Interesting how a 19 lb baby can eat more than a 140 lb woman.

Sleep as I please? Hahahahahahahahahahaha.

Come and go as I please? I suppose if you don't mind having a cranky kid on your hands, then it's fine. Personally I like to make sure mine has regular naps so she stays happy. And that means I go nowhere between 10:00 and 11:00 am and 2:00 and 4:00 pm. The afternoon is a little more flexible with stop and start, but it's two hours nevertheless.

I don't think it's a horrible job. I love it. But it's not for the faint of heart. I actually think the hardest thing is the lack of contact with the outside world. It's very important to have friends and non-motherly things to do. Oh...and there are no sick days. That's one I think a lot of people don't think about. This boss doesn't care about my migraine. The other ones I've had would all let me stay home.

Rebekah - posted on 07/26/2010

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It is VERY hard. My daughter is almost 1 (she will be on the 28th) and she is running around all day and I have to keep after her and keep our home clean. Whether She's asleep or not I have work to do... dishes, laundry, meal planning, bathing and our cats are almost like having 2 more one year olds. There is definitely no coming and going as I please either. Getting her ready and myself with her being so independent and fighting be every step of the way I don't even think about it most of the time. I used to be a cook at a restaurant and this is definitely harder than the busiest day I've ever worked.

[deleted account]

Your not wrong. I think that your husband should have a day in your shoes while you go out and enjoy yourself. Hang in there.

I am not saying that it will get any better but it will eventually.



I am a stay at home mom of 16 month old Twin girls, and let me tell you it's not an easy job staying at home. Especially when you have a little one wanting your attention , running around after them and you basically have a 24/7 job. You have no sick days you don't have brakes, and not to mention the no adult interaction that you used to have at work.

I also longed for adult company, but I found this community center near my place that have baby play date groups for free, so it got me out of the house and I got to hang out with the moms to have discussions. I also go back to work every so often with the girls to visit and my co-workers love to see them.



Take it day by day and don't put to much pressure on yourself with house work. My motto right now and I tell my husband , is that I take it day by day and have your down time when your little one goes down for the night take time for yourself. House work can wait a little bit, it won't go anywhere.



Both me and my husband have agreed that I stay at home until the girls are old enough to go to kindergarden because daycare here is really expensive especially when you have twins, it's over 2 grand a month and it wouldn't be worth me going back to work right now because I would basically be going back to work for nothing. Plus I wouldn't change being a stay at home mom right now, yes it has it's disadvantages and ups and downs but just to watch and see there developments and being around them makes it that much better for me. Yes I am tired by the end of the night and don't feel like doing anything. I would go back to work if I would get a ridicules amount of money that I would be able to cover for daycare. I wouldn't trade it for the world, I get to enjoy my girls. Plus I love to spend time with them just to be with them every day and the pros out way the cons for me.



He also thought that it's a breeze being a stay at home mom, until I had a day out and then he switched his mind pretty quickly.

Like I said have your husband take care of your little one for a full day, and you go out and enjoy yourself (don't feel guilty about it)



You are a great mom (everyone here is a great mom)



Enjoy your little one, cause next thing you know it, it's off to college and on to there own life.



Not every mom are meant to be a stay at home moms.



We stay at home mom do not have the easiest job but we have one of the most important job in the whole world taking care of our little ones. I wouldn't also swap being a stay at home mom for the world.

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