Is it ok for my 8 yr old son and his best friend who is a girl to have sleep overs?

Jen - posted on 05/22/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

25

23

7

My son and the girl across the street (who is 8 as well) have become very good friends. They are inseperable. They play together every day at eachothers houses after school and on weekends. They had the same 3rd grade class and also sat next to each other. They have just recently started asking if they could have a sleep over. Just wanted to ask you moms what your thoughts on this was...is it appropriate? I'm kind of back and forth on it!! Thanks!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

23 Comments

View replies by

Feah - posted on 01/21/2013

66

0

21

I had sleep overs with my best friend who was a boy until age 12. Always supervised but at that age they are too young to really worry about.

Louise - posted on 01/21/2013

1

0

0

i really dont know what to do,isnt there a law or something,i would be supervising,but im just worried as my son is very popular with the girls and he says they fancy him so i think i will just let them play till late then take her back later

Connie - posted on 05/24/2009

6

46

0

I totally disagree, I mean even though they are 8, it opens up a whole new world of "wonders" and even though they may not, its teaching them that its ok when they are teenager to sleep over at a boy or a girls house. Remember girls mature faster than boys. But thats my point of view. Just go with your gut feeling.

Rooja - posted on 05/24/2009

30

0

0

well, the truth is ... kids at this age are very curious. So better be safe than sorry. let them have a sleep over, but under supervision. Camping in the living room sounds great

Jen - posted on 05/23/2009

25

23

7

Thanks everyone so much!! It's so nice to hear everyone's point of views!! I do know the parents pretty well and do trust them. So I will just wait and see if they ask again!! Thanks again!!!

Amie - posted on 05/23/2009

6,596

20

408

Is it appropriate I don't think is the right question. Everyone will have differing views on it but most seem to be positive on here that I've read.
My own children have sleep overs all the time, it's not a big deal. It's only a big deal if you make it into one. Obviously you have to trust your child and the parents of the child that yours may be going too. My own never have sleep overs anywhere unless I know the kids and the parents very well.
Do keep an eye on them as you normally would but don't hover over them all night. Kids need their privacy too and deserve it. As long as you are within ear shot and can hear what is going on it should be ok. If they get quiet just go check on them, you don't need to give them an explanation just peek in and make sure all is kosher. =)

Sarah - posted on 05/23/2009

339

31

45

honsestly, i dont see a problem with it, but you do need to keep a closer eye on them. It's natural for children to be curioius, to them it is totally innocent. Just the curiosity gets them. I would just keep the door open at all times, and pay close attention. Hope all goes well.

Shameron - posted on 05/23/2009

59

10

7

It depends entirely on the children and you.

My girls have a friend who is a little boy, he also has two little sisters. I have no problem with them having sleep overs because I know the little boy very well and I know the mother very well.

If you, yourself are comfortable with the child and the parent, I dont see why not. If there is question or concern, I would say that having a campout in the living room is the way to go.

Other than that, by treating the little girl differently than any other friend your son might have will register in your child's mind as "this is something that is different, I wonder why" I have found that when it comes to things with the girls as long as I treat it like it isn't a big deal, but still keep an eye out for things they don't see it as a big deal either.

Rachael - posted on 05/22/2009

2

26

1

MY 5 YEAR OLD SON HAS HIS GIRL MATES SLEEPING OVER BUT I MAKE IT FUN AND WE ALL CAMP IN HIS ROOM ON OUR QUILTS TELL STORIES AND HAVE A LAUGH SO I CAN KEEP AN EYE ON THEM BUT THEY DONT KNOE I AM IF HER MUM SAYS YES MAKE IT FUN FOR THEM AND GIVES U THE PECE OF MIND U NEED

Cheryl - posted on 05/22/2009

123

19

15

Do what your gut is telling you, I am reading some of these msgs and it is mothers fears coming out. We dont know the two kids or how they are together.

About the molesting comments they dont need to be on a sleepover for the children to share there experiences. We as parents always need to be aware of the risks!

A Sleepover is a part of a normal childhood and maybe do a pj party in the living room. where you can see them till they are a sleep. poopcorn and movies. but your son is probably a great little boy and this girl is probably a great little girl and give them a little room as well. You need to trust your gut feeling!

Sally - posted on 05/22/2009

7

2

0

I think that they should not have a sleep over unless they are in seperate rooms, or maybe in a living room where they can be watched by adults. By the time I was in third grade kids were extremely curious. Also with them coming up on middle school so soon it may be easier to just set the precedent now, so later they are not thinking that you suddenly don't trust them.

Jocelyn - posted on 05/22/2009

5,165

42

274

i think it would be fine, but i do agree with some of the suggestions about making sure that you can check on them, like sleeping in the living room. i remember having sleep overs with my best friend (who happened to be a boy) when i was little. we'd build forts in the basement. good times lol

Kimi - posted on 05/22/2009

486

13

41

As long as they are well supervised and you trust the girl's parents. I wouldn't allow my kids to have sleep overs unless I knew the child's parents well enuf to know there would'nt be foul play or false acusations as a result. Just in recent news a girl was murdured by her friend's mother durring a play date and she has now been recognised in other related crimes. So unfortunate that this is the world we live in. The gender thing isn't an issue to me and if somethig happens between them it would just be kids being kids, nothing damaging.

Rebecca - posted on 05/22/2009

143

2

27

Speaking as a teacher, and seeing unfortunately how early kids are becoming sexual aware now a days I would just say be careful opening this can of worms, very very cautious. It really frightens me to know that grade 6 and up students are can be sexually active especially in the world or oral sex.

Vanessa - posted on 05/22/2009

275

7

26

i don't see any problem with it at all, just cause it's a different sex doesn't change a thing... since i was 5 my best mate (who was a boy) and i had sleep overs, during high school we even had sleep overs, now it's completly different as i have a partner but we use to share beds even, doen't mean anything happened we were the best of friends. we did eveything together including going to the graduation night, he was also there in support of my children his uncle, so yeah i say let if you guys are comfortable them do it,

Natalie - posted on 05/22/2009

143

9

18

I dont see why not! I agree at these ages kids are gender blind! If u do feel uncomfortable making them sleep somewhere that u can see them is a good idea also!

Brittany - posted on 05/22/2009

563

9

43

Quoting Stefanie:

Jen,
Absolutley! I would let them have a sleep over, as long as it's okay with the girls parents too. Maybe make them "campout" in the living room. That way you could sneak a peek at them any time. I think that by saying "no" you might start the thought process in your son that having a girl for a friend is a big deal...when it's no biggie at all! =)



Yes, I think something like Stefanie's campout idea is good. I'm not saying don't let them, just in separate rooms or where you can see them.

Brittany - posted on 05/22/2009

563

9

43

I wouldn't allow it unless they slept in separate rooms. I know from experience that if a child is molested they'll show other children. You don't know if she's been molested.

Mandy - posted on 05/22/2009

14

13

2

Hi Jen,

I think that it is fine. My son, who is 9, has a close friend (family friends daughter) who has spent the night before om more than 1 occasion. She is 10....I see no harm in letting them have sleep overs as long as her parent's are ok with it. I have known others who feel the same way, just make the sleeping arrangments apart. No big deal, their kid's. Hope this helped, if even just a little. :)

Stefanie - posted on 05/22/2009

11

16

0

Jen,

Absolutley! I would let them have a sleep over, as long as it's okay with the girls parents too. Maybe make them "campout" in the living room. That way you could sneak a peek at them any time. I think that by saying "no" you might start the thought process in your son that having a girl for a friend is a big deal...when it's no biggie at all! =)

Tiffany - posted on 05/22/2009

327

39

37

Hi Jen,

My opinion is that it is just fine at their age. I was a tomboy when I was a kid and to this day I have an arsenal of male friends. My best friends are male and one of them I have had since we were about 4 years old. Our parents allowed us to have sleepovers together from around 6 years old and we continued to do so well into our teen years(I know that part is uncomfortable for most but there was NEVER anything besides friendship between us). You know they say kids are colorblind but at this age they are "gender-blind" as well. It is important to protect our children and to think of all the what if's just as much as we are to nurture their curiosities and allow them room to grow. These kids are paying no mind to their sexes and are just enjoying a childhood friendship, don't we all wish we could go back to those innocent feelings of childhood? So I say if you are okay with it and the girl's mother is okay with it then let them have their sleepover. This time will pass all too quickly.

Charlotte - posted on 05/22/2009

10

4

3

Hi Jen, If the little girls parents are ok with it then why not? In children of such a young age it would only rouse suspicion and make them wonder why if you said no. They don't and probably wouldn't understand... they have there innocence. I can understand your back and forth feelings on this! To them it is purely a friend staying at another friends house (again appropriate)... regardless of gender. Oh I wish I could be that young and innocent again!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms