Is it OK to PLAN tyo have your children very close together?

Stevie - posted on 12/20/2009 ( 88 moms have responded )

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I am 21 and 5 months pregnant with baby number one, my boyfriend and I have been together 7 years and love each other very much, we both want 2-3 kids and want them as close in age as possible. I was an only child who always longed for siblings and he had a sister who he was very close to but she passed away before he and I met. Having our children close together means a lot to us and I was wondering how soon is too soon? I know you are "supposed" to wait a year after giving birth before trying again but if we don't get pregnant right away the babies could end up more than two years apart and I really want them to be closer than that. What do you think moms how soon after your first did you start trying again? How long as first time parents do you think we should wait to start trying again?

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Jami - posted on 05/18/2010

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I did this. we started TTC when my oldest was 4 months old. my older two are almost 16m apart and the younger two are 19.5m apart. it took a huge toll on me and I nearly died after giving birth to my daughter...2 weeks before my oldest son's 3rd birthday. she is 2 now and we are still scared to try again for our last.

Rebecca - posted on 12/20/2009

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hi. i found out i was pregnant again 6 months after giving birth to my 3rd child, sure things can be hard but because they are pretty close in age my 22 month old is so loving with his 8 month old brother, there is no wrong or right time to wait just go with when you feel ready

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Elizabeth - posted on 05/20/2011

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They say a year apart becuase that's how long it takes your body to heal. I'm not saying there aren't people who have them as soon (or even before) the 6 month minimum most docs will tell you. I waited til my son was about 18 months before even trying to have the next. Even that big, he was still very needy and tough sometimes being pregnant and taking care of a "baby". Having the baby too soon will put strain on you and the first childs relationship. You can't devote all the precious time that is needed that first year. At the very least, don't stress til after the first is born. You never know........ I wanted 3 and now am 100% content with 2.

Lisa - posted on 05/19/2010

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I would wait about 1 year. Your body needs some recovery time from the first and if you don't you might be looking for some problems with the second pregnancy. Plus you want to enjoy your first born for a little bit - don't put yourself through unneccesary stress - you never know what kind of baby this one will be!!

Cathy - posted on 05/19/2010

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me and my husband never really waited at all... we just never use any b/c of any type. after our first daughter was born, it only took 6 months for me to get pregnant again. I love their age difference (15 months) and I wouldnt want it any other way! :D it took us a little longer this time, (we had a m/c in march of last year, otherwise it would be almost the same again) our 2nd daughter and 3rd child will be 26 months apart. but i think that's also perfect for their ages. :) If you think you can handle having another one, don't delay! :D go for it. it is so rewarding watching your children play together and mine are the best of friends (most of the time! lol)

Tiffany - posted on 05/18/2010

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Sarah, where do you live at that doctor's suggest waiting 2 years? Are you in the states?
I've never heard of any doctors here saying you should wait that long unless you have a medical concern.

Tiffany - posted on 05/18/2010

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There really is no timeline on when to get pregnant. "They" say it takes a year for your body to "recover" from carrying a child, but that doesn't mean you can't safely have a pregnancy before then. A lot of people do it. As long as your doctor says after 6 weeks you are fine to have intercourse, and you are healthy, you will be fine.

You have to do what works for you and your family. If you find out after 1, that you may want to wait, then wait. If you are ready again soon, then go for it.

Everyone's "right time" is different.

Mom had us 5 kids in:

1984, 1985, 1987, and twins in 1989.

We all turned out to be happy, healthy, well adjusted individuals.

Brandee - posted on 05/18/2010

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There are a lot of good parenting articles that outline the pros and cons of having kids less than 2 years apart, 2 to 4 years apart, and more than 4 years apart.. We plan to have ours about 4 years apart.. My son was born July 13, 2008.. He has been a very easy baby and is such a delight to have around.. I do have the desire to have another one already, but I am going to wait because I want to enjoy my son by himself for a bit longer.. I would like to have him in pre-K before we add another baby to the mix.. My husband and I are 7-8 years younger than our siblings and we all get along, so I am not concerned about my kids bonding with each other.. I just want to make sure we are able to balance everything so that none of our kids feel like they did not have mommy and daddy's attention.. I would like to have 3-4 kids.

Rachel - posted on 05/18/2010

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hi stevie...well my advice to u is if u can handle having stress and screaming kids around you and you are very patient then go for it...i had all my 5 kids close i have a 1,2,3,4,7 year old kids...and just found out im due to have baby nuimber 6 and i couldnt b happier...you always think how am i going to do it...but trust me we are built to be mothers whether we have 1 or 10...and it all depends on your attitude...i hope this has helped...and by the way im only 24 years of age...so it is possible...

Kelly - posted on 05/18/2010

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There is no right or wrong choice. It's completely your decision but I agree that you should wait until you have this baby before you decide. My husband and I originally wanted 3 years between our kids. My first pregnancy was wonderful and when our son was born he was the greatest baby- didn't sleep through the night until after he was a year but other than that, no problems at all so around the time that he turned a year we decided to try for another one. My second pregnancy was horrible! When our second son was born, he wanted to be held all the time. Around 6 weeks he started sleeping throught the night which was wonderful, but then once he started teething, that stopped and at 13 months he still has problems sleeping through the night. I thought at first that maybe at 2 years, 4 months it was too much of a gap but having 2 is so much harder than 1! I almost wish we had waited like we originally planned! Good luck with whatever you decide!

Marie - posted on 05/18/2010

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I would like kids who are 2 years apart! I think kids close in age is great. I have an older sister (4 years) and brother (10 years) and I just don't feel close to them. By the time I started college they were in their careers, it was so out of sync and crazy. So close in age is a SMART idea. Just try to recover from your birth, I think you should wait 9-12 months after your 1st pregnancy to try again to conceive like some celebrity mothers do....like Matthew Mccaughney and his beautiful wife.

Becky - posted on 05/18/2010

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You should start trying when YOU are ready. Our daughters are 33months apart and I hate it... I feel like they are too far apart so we are planning on trying to get pregnant when my youngest is 6 months. I'm sure it will be hard but I think it will be easier and funner when they get older.

Gabrielle - posted on 05/17/2010

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ok my girls are 10 months apart so yes that means i didnt wait my 6weeks u can start as soon as u think ur body is ready but let me jus say this to u its hard work jus make sure ur really ready for it cuz beind pregnant n takin care of an infant is a hard job postpardom is very likely be careful hun seriously i went through it hard and actually had thoughts of runnin away from everythin now it has passed and im alot betta wit it ut it was a hard road now my girls are 3 and 4

Hannah - posted on 05/17/2010

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I have 3 kids in 3 years, and i dont recommend having more than 2 that close!
The older two play together alot and its great for them to be friends. I love that about it.
I think if baby 3 was 6 months later, it would be alot easier on the bad days!

Tiffany - posted on 01/15/2010

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my daughter isnt even a year yet and we are already trying again. my husband is a lot older than i am and we want them close together as possible.

Tiffany - posted on 01/15/2010

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there is no 'supposed to' for ages between children. its just as safe to be pregnant 1 month after birth as it is to be pregnant 10 yrs after birth.
do what you feel you want.
rememeber... it WIL be harder to deal with 3 kids under 3 though... :)
good luck!

Aimee - posted on 01/14/2010

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All I can say is beware of the terrible twos, having one about 1.5-2 years later means they can help with the younger sibling, taking things off them that they are not allowed etc. Anyways, good luck!

Jenna - posted on 01/14/2010

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Hi, i would wait and see what happens when this one comes along. You may not want one so close afterwards or be able to. Only a percentage of women are fertile while breastfeeding as well' So if you do try it may not happen as quick as you had hoped for. You will know when you are redy to try for #2

Carlee - posted on 01/14/2010

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I think you should wait and see how you handle motherhood with your first child and then decide what you think would be best for you.

Natalie - posted on 01/12/2010

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hi. I have 2 sister's who both have 4 kids each all of there kids are 9-11months apart so it is up to you when you want to have them and how far apart you want them to be. It's also up to your body your body will tell you when it's ready

Lauren - posted on 01/05/2010

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It is completely up to you and how you feel after this baby is born. I am about to have my second baby. My son and her will be 31 months apart. My son was an easy baby so I wanted to try to have another one right away but it didn't work out as planned. I had an ectopic so that set me back a little but I was fortunate and became pregnant 4 months later. I know that they aren't the closest in age, but I am glad that they are this far apart. That is just my experience. You have to feel out yours for yourself. Good Luck!

Lisa - posted on 01/04/2010

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I had my first son when i was 19 and got pregnant 9 months later with my second son (planned)..so theres 18 months between them and i do not regret for one minute having them close together.They are now 7 & 8 and usually get on really well . I also have a 2 year old girl and although she was going to be our last i got pregnant 9 months later again and have an 8 month old boy...It is at times a mad house , but they all get on great and are really close.

Melissa - posted on 01/04/2010

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of course its ok its your life, after you have given birth to baby #1 and if by the time the whole 4-6 weeks of healing is over and you really do still feel that you are up taking care of another one, just start trying for the next one, i think the reason docs tell you to wait is medically some womans bodies might not be able to handle it so very soon so there are possiblities of miscarriage... but i've heard a statistic that like 1 out of 4 pregnancies can be miscariages so its a risk anyone takes really whether they are close or further apart pregnancies, but as soon as you both want, you can try for the next i know someone with 3 girls under the age of 4 they are very close literally one right after another she was pregnant 4 months after she had the first baby and then 5/6 months after she had the second they dont always get along just like any siblings but they do have a tighter closer relationship than other kids i've seen that are 2 years apart

Rebecca - posted on 01/04/2010

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take my advise, space them apart a little bit! i have three children: ages almost 4, 19 months and 8 months. my oldest two are 2 and a half years apart and best friends but my youngest is only 11 months younger than his brother and there are alot of jealosy issues. so my advise is let there be a little bit of space:)

Amy - posted on 01/04/2010

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I've just had my first bub and he's a really easy baby so my husband and I have agreed to start trying after 6mths in case it takes a while to fall pregnant again ( it took us a year for our son) but if it happened straight away we wouldn't mind either.

Elizabeth - posted on 01/03/2010

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I have three children. My two oldest were 14 months apart. I didn't plan it but that's how it worked out for me. My two oldest are now 4 and 3 and things have been getting easier but when I first had them, it was ver hard. It really will come down to what you can handle. For me, it felt like having twins only 14 months apart. I had a lot of help from both sides of the family because it was very overwhelming at first. I love all of my children and wouldn't change how close they are even though it wasn't easy. They will always have each other to play with. My third child is now 20 months and that was really hard too. I had a 3 year old, two year old and newborn at once. It was very challenging but as long as you're up for the challenge, you can have your children that close. I grew up with a brother who was 8 years younger than myself and so I know how you feel about wanting your children close. It hasn't been easy but it has definately been worth it.

Carrie - posted on 01/02/2010

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Continuing my previous post, I'm not trying to discourage you at all. I want my children close together as well. We've been TTC since our son was about 11 months old. Had one miscarriage, and now we're pregnant again. So even though I'm worried about my son feeling ignored (he'll be barely 2 when new baby is born), having another baby was still something my husband and I wanted to do. We are very exciting and hoping our kids will be best friends, just like you. But I still have to question how my son will react, because I just don't know. We'll see!

Carrie - posted on 01/02/2010

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I agree with a lot of the women who suggested seeing how life with baby #1 goes before deciding on trying for baby #2. Also, Dr.'s do recommend waiting for a while so your body can heal. Carrying a child for 9 months and then going through childbirth causes a lot of trauma on your body. So your body really does need some time to heal. There are statistics out there that show an increased risk for complications if you conceive soon after giving birth. That doesn't mean something bad WILL happen, but it COULD happen.

Also, I think you should spend some time just focusing on your 1st baby before you bring another baby into the picture. I have a 16 month old and he is Mommy's little boy right now. He want to cuddle with ME every night before bed and wants ME to comfort him when he's upset - Daddy just won't do sometimes. We are 6 1/2 weeks pregnant right now and I already worry about the fact that once this new baby is here, I won't be as available to my son anymore. I wonder if he will be able to adjust and if it will be fair to him to have to share the attention. He relies on me for everything right now, and I wonder if he will get his feelings hurt when mommy can't hold him because she's holding the new baby. Just something to think about.

Brandy - posted on 01/02/2010

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when you feel ready, my son and my niece are 2years apart and its perfect, ,they spend alot of time together. my niece is 4 and my son is 2, my niece is potty trained completely and we're working on it with my son, so for me this is perfect age difference. but it may not be right for you. the recommended year is because your uterus and cervix arent as strong after you have a baby and need time to heal or you could possibly miscarry or are at risk for a very early delivery, that being said i know there are always exceptions to these guidelines and every women is different and you maybe one of the women who have no problems, then again you might. good luck to you and your family..

[deleted account]

i don't think there's any prescribed amount of time you have to wait. you're allowed to have sex 6 weeks post delivery! if you are breastfeeding this will delay the return of your menstrual cycle so you most likely won't get pregnant until you've had your period again. i know plenty of moms who have gotten pregnant with baby number 2 when their first was only a few months old. if you and your bf feel like you can handle your children being that close in age then it's totally up to you! i have a 14 month old and am 13 weeks pregnant with twins, so i will have 3 under the age of two when i give birth in june! :) enjoy your family, and know that when most people are still contemplating starting a family you will have yours complete! not to mention- you'll enjoy your 40s and 50s without children in elementary school!!!

Ashley - posted on 12/30/2009

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u sould wait maybe not a year but being a first time parent you will want to wait it might not be what you expected. i am a 23 year old mother of 3 ages 4, 2, and 10mths i think that is close enough i was alred 5mths prego with my third by my daughters 1st bday it wasnt planed but it worked out ok i got my tubes tied after that.i had a c section for all 3. anyway you doctor wil tell you to wait a yearbut you dont have to i would if it was you first then have the rest close in age

Stevie - posted on 12/30/2009

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Everything you are saying is really helpful! Obviously there are no set in stone plans to be pregnant again by our sons first birthday and we will have to see how we handle him before deciding for sure. It's just our WISH to have them all close to or less than 2 years apart, My best friend growing up had 3 sisters, 2 older and one younger and her and the second oldest were only about a year and a half apart her youngest was 3 years younger than her and the oldest 4 years older than her and I always remember her oldest sister never wanting to be around us "little" kids and her youngest was too young for us to really play with and I would hate to see rifts like that between my kids, of course they are all very close now that they're older but I want my children to be close enough to always have some common ground especially going through the awkward teenage years. Certainly if we have a very fussy baby or difficult delivery or feel stressed or strained we will gladly wait longer to have our second child, I would NEVER put my own desire to have my kids close together before their actual well being or the well being of my relationship. I know there will be a lot of determining factors in our decision making and I wouldn't dream of ttc again without the doctors OK first, we just happen to feel that having them close together if possible would be the best thing for our family as we are very laid back and feel up to the challenge! I'm glad only 2 of you think I'm crazy I expected much worse :)

Emily - posted on 12/30/2009

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I feel the EXACT same way you do! I want mine close together. I am 24 and have a beautiful 4 month old. Right after I had her, I had the itch to be pregnant again and have another one (mostly because i loved being pregnant and missed it now that I look back). I told myself I would wait until Caylin was about a year old to try again so that way they would be close but not too close that it was a strain. I honestly wanted to try sooner, but the longer I was a mom to Caylin, the more I decided she deserved my undivided attention for as long as possible. You will feel the same way Im sure. Now I'm excited to try for another one whenever the time comes, but I'm VERY satisfied with just the one and not trying right now. Good luck with your pregnancy and let me know what you think or when you think that WE (my husband and I) should try again. Thanks!!

Sonya - posted on 12/30/2009

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Hello! I think you should wait two years after or close to one year and a half apart. My babies are almost two years apart.

Claire - posted on 12/30/2009

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i think you should just do it when you feel ready in yourself because everyone is different and recovers different ,i have 3 kiddies and i did have my last 2 close together i fell pregnant when my little man was 1 and now there exactly 2 yrs between them which was perfect for me , but i also have a child who was 5 when my second child was born and you can see the age gap between them alot xxx

Kacie - posted on 12/30/2009

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something you may want to consider is that if you plan to get pregnant too soon then you don't get to enjoy each child going through those memorable firsts because so have so many young children that you miss so much of the small stuff.....I think that it's best parents wait at least 2 years between children because then they are close in age but not so close that you have to miss everything with each child.

[deleted account]

I wanted kids close together but it just hasn't worked out that way. I have a friend who has two daughters that are less than a year apart. They are precious girls and very loved by their parents (though mommy gets stressed at times). It is your family and up to you do decide what you can handle. Good luck!

Cassandra - posted on 12/30/2009

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I don't think that you need to get pregnant right away. Think about this baby and this baby only. The baby you have on the way is priority number one. There is a million things that will change in your lives once this baby is born. It is wonderful that you have a healthy loving relationship with your boyfriend but there ins't a rush. If you want your children to be close then encourage a good relationship with them and nurture them. Children are expensive and they will form a relationship no matter what with one another. I am extremely close with my twin brothers and there is a five year age gap between us. The space gives you time to plan for your future as a family which is equally important. Get married if you and your boyfriend are happy and in love build a supportive fundamental family with the right building blocks. Enjoy the small moments in life because they go by so fast.

Eileen - posted on 12/30/2009

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Just to add on the nursing thing.. my friend is nursing tandem, one will be 3 in April and the new one is just 8 weeks . its not for everyone , i don't know if i could even have the drive todo it,but...

no matter what age or how far apart, it all comes down to mom, her committment to it, and her supports!!

remember,no matter what weface, its always harder to do it alone. having children is hard. having children close together,and far apart cna behard. nursing is hard...

With the right supports, anything can be easier, and can be accomplished!

i love this network for just that. no matter how a hard things seem,we're not at all alone!

Nicole - posted on 12/30/2009

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hmm could get in the way of good breastfeeding going really close together. as long as your first birth goes well I'd say go for it? I want to wait until my baby self weans personally. she is nearly fifteen months though tandem nursing is very sweet...

Melissa - posted on 12/30/2009

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oh my gosh, I'm so glad i found this conversation. i had a baby 5 months ago for a lady who desperately wanted to have a baby ( i was a surrogate). Anyways i found out i am pregnant again with my own child. Surrogate baby was born July 30,2009 and my baby is due July 26,2010 not even 1 year apart i am so freaking out about getting a c section again all the pain i am gonna be in. My oldest will be 7 years almost 8 years old when this baby is born. So i got pregnant right away.

Desiree - posted on 12/30/2009

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I think that having them close together is good because they will be growing up together. Getting things done in one shot instead of having a child 5 years after the first one. I actually three different couples that have had children in 2009 and are pregnant with the next children. My friend had a baby girl in April and she is five months pregnant with her 4th child. I have another friend that had her second child in Janurary and she is 3 months pregnant. You can probably start having kids once you start getting you regular period again. Good Luck to you :)

Anne - posted on 12/30/2009

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I had my son when I was 19 and my daughter when I was 20. They are 13 months apart. I found out I was pregnant when my oldest was 4 months old. I then had twins when I was 23. I don't think that there is any real time frame that you have to work with. I was never told about the wait 1 year rule. I think that they would like you to wait a year because that gives your body a chance to recuperate but

Eileen - posted on 12/30/2009

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I had my first at 21. the second 21 months later, the third 27 months after that, the fourth 32 months later.. and having lost the fifth last year amstill waiting and hoping for another.
Having themvery close together can be great,but also very hard on your body and your emotions and everything else.
It depends on a number of things,but ,mostimportantly, on what you and your partner feel is best for your family.
I found the 21-2 7 month gap tiring,but great!! Long enough space to nurse, get them pretty much toilet trained, get the weight off me and backin shape before the next. My friendsand cousin have three in three years, yes some even less than a year apart.

your experience with pregnancy and the birth willgreatly affect your readiness togothrough it all again as well.
Its for you and your partner to decide,but , ultimately,it will comedown to you and how you feel once this one is out of the womb and in arms, you will know what you can do and when. Trust your instincts, and trust each other. you need to decide for yourselves.

[deleted account]

Absolutely! I have a son and a daughter with 22 months between them, i tried to get the age gap closer but it just wasnt happening for me.
I too was an only child til the age of 13 when my mum had my little sister. this gap was way too big as i ended up being more of a mummy to her than a sister. And i didnt want that for my kids. And i can say 100% it is still the best thing,.. to see my 2 babies together, my son is now 27 months old and my daughter 5 months old. He adores his little sister, and she finds him extremely amusing! i can already see the bond between them and it brings me happiness everyday.
We started trying for another baby, when my son was about 6 months, although it took us a while to fall pregnant (6 months)
Good luck, and i hope it all goes as you plan.

Monica - posted on 12/30/2009

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Stevie,

I also had an amazing pregnancy and my daughter will turn 2 in march, but my fiance and I decided to have our kids 3 to 4 years apart, because like others have said, it would be hard to change one diaper and potty train the other.

I would say wait until the first one is out of diapers and has an idea of that he/she is doing and then start planning. Then you will have a little helper for the new baby. My daughter trys changing her doll babies diapers.

Rachel - posted on 12/29/2009

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in addition to the above post, i thought id just say that i am waiting till my daughter is 5 to have another, because i want to enjoy her in her complete entirety while she is young, and when we do decide to start trying again, i want her to fully understand what is going on !!!

Rachel - posted on 12/29/2009

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in the end its up to you,but i also think that having children too close together is not a good idea, i know in plenty of situations where the closer they are the more they fight, because of always being around each other, not to mention if you have a rough child, having to take care of 2 young children is no easy task, especially if they aren't sleeping throught the night and what not, not to mention diapers, and formula *unless you breastfeed* there are a lot of things to consider, i would wait until you have this child and see what happens from there i mean having children 2 to 3 years apart still isn't too bad, and its a lot different they trying to take care of a newborn and a 1 year old, my daughter is almost 1 and i couldn't imagine taking care of a newborn like my best friend does, not to mention being pregnant for 9 months while trying to take care of a young child, there are plenty of things to consider, including childcare, its not as easy to find a babysitter for 2 as it is for 1, especially that close in age, or can you afford to stop working to be a full time mom, ??? as i said, this is deff. something to think about

Chryso - posted on 12/29/2009

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My two boys are 11months apart, admitidly not planned but I love it! It's really hard work but it means there is no jealousy between them. I had my first at 20 and second at 22 and despite all my friends thinking I'm mad I feel glad that I have the energy to chase after my one year old as well as sleep only 4 hours in a row with my little one.
The only negative is I didn't give my body enough time to rest between them meaning I'm having issues with back ache and my second pregnancy I was so much bigger and unbalanced because I hadn't lost the pregnancy weight and am now having to work really hard at getting my weight back down which I've never had a problem with before but having said that because I've had my two (not planning on any more) it means I can get my body back to how I want it quicker.
All in all I'd recommend everyone to have their kids closer together, as long as your fit and healthy to start with and haven't had any problems during your first pregnancy. I never even got morning sickness with either of my kids. I honestly think you should give it a go as soon as you feel you can handle it (and as soon as you get a moment to start trying again :p )
I hope all goes well for you :)

Brenda - posted on 12/29/2009

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Im 24 and i have 3 kids. my oldest son is 14mos difference from his sister kaylee.. and then Kaylee is 10 months older then my youngest! i love having my kids close in age together.. they fight just like any other kid does but at the end of the night they are eachothers best friends! you get to see them grow up together and have this amazing bond with eachother..

Jenn - posted on 12/29/2009

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i dont think it's a bad thing to plan to have them close together, as long as you're realistic about it :) you never know what life will throw at you, and there are many things that could happen that might make you want to consider waiting ... like say you end up having to have a c-section for some reason or another... health-wise, you might want to consider waiting a little longer. or if you find you suffer from post-partum, or your stress level is higher than normal because you have a particularly colicky baby, or your finances become something of an issue... then again, things might end up exactly the way you plan them, and you happily and healthily have number two before number one's first birthday lol my kids are 18 months, and 27 months apart, and i miscarried in between each of them. i have to say from personal experience that being pregnant for almost 5 years straight wasn't a walk in the park lol and my house is oh so hectic... and noisy... when they're all on full lol but my kids are the best of friends, and i wouldn't have it any other way!

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