Is it okay to ignore your child?

Stifler's - posted on 01/16/2012

Yeah it's ok to ignore bad behaviour.

Caroline - posted on 01/16/2012

i think that ignoring the ridiculous behavior is ok... she is obviously getting worse the more you acknowledge what she is doing.. my daughter does the same and once i pay no attention to the temper tantrum she is having she stops and then goes and plays or does what i had told her to do from the start... they know we love them and they just wanna see how far they can push us lol I usually do the 1....2....3 rule... i start counting and if by 3 she hasnt stopped then she gets a timeout...

Nikki - posted on 01/15/2012

My rule of thumb is to ignore as long as she is not hurting herself or property. There are times where I have to put her in her room for time out because she can become destructive and I need her to know that it's not ok. So removing her from the situation is the easiest way to get the message across.



At this age they are so emotional, they do lash out and no amount of reasoning in the throws of a tantrum is going to help. You have to wait until they have calmed down. You sound like you are doing all the right things, give her a little control and autonomy over her life choices when possible but clearly discuss boundaries and rules.



I think the two most important tools for behaviour management are to firstly praise the positives a lot and secondly be consistent with everything you do.



Good luck

Ashley - posted on 01/14/2012

You sound like a great mom and all children ALL have tantrums they also all come to a point that they are simply to tired for talk, ignoring them is the kindness thing you can do alowing the time for them to think. And why wouldyou allow them to treat you like that and still ingage in conversation, would you alow anyone else to treat you like that, of course not, teaching them its unexeptible when there young is best. I send mine to there rooms and tell them they may come out when there calm, 5 min i have my kid back instead of hours of abuse. good luck

Julianne - posted on 01/14/2012

Ignoring a tantrum is one of the best ways to get them to stop doing it.

Teresa - posted on 01/14/2012

I wouldn't be ignoring her while she is going around being destructive, but I would be sending her to bed while throwing her fit.... and keep sticking her back in there instantly if she gets out and continues to behave irrationally.

Kylie - posted on 01/14/2012

If she is acting out to get attention then she should be ignored. my 3 yr old does the same thing, and as long as he isn't doing something that will hurt himself, or others, i ignore him till he calms down and then he has his time out, and we talk about why his behaviour was wrong.

Kelina - posted on 01/13/2012

I'm not sure I would have ignored her in this situation. I do ignore my son when he throws a temper tantrum to the extent that I left him in the parking lot at the local fair. It only lasted about 5 seconds though :) When she's tired, maybe try getting down on her level and explaining that you understand she's tired and you know she wants you to pick her up but you can't because you don't have enough arms, or something like that if it's in the store. Then maybe ask her to help you. Do you think you can help mommy by holding this until we leave? and then keep her talking. What would you like for lunch today? do you want lunch before naptime or would you like to wait until after? Ignoring has to be done correctly for it to work. When you do tell her to go to her room, if she comes out calmed down IMMEDIATELY address her behaviour and why it was wrong and ask for an apology. My son will be three in february and saying you're sorry when you've hurt someone physically or emotionally is a big part of his life right now. Especially now he's figured out what "mean" means. Also when you recognize tired behaviour, don't be afraid to put her to bed without lunch. If she's tired enough that she's throwing a tantrum over her lunch she's tired enough to sleep without it and have a great appetite afterwards.

Linea - posted on 01/13/2012

I am right there with you except my daughter is 17mo and she throws all out temper tantrums...usually if she is tired or hungry...just like your daughter she is very involved child she goes everywhere with me and sometimes they don't let you know that they are ready to go home until they are mid-tantrum...and yes when she throws a tantrum like that I ignore her! When she is behaving she gets attention, but when she is misbehaving she gets ignored...giving her attention during her fit if she is like my daughter will just make the fits worse. She is not old enough to tell me why she is mad or why she is anything, but she is old enough to recognize that when she throws her fits mommy ignores her.

Katherine - posted on 01/13/2012

Ok I have 2 boys ages 5 and 8. Yes they are older than most of your children however mine are well mannered and well behavied...I would tell them I'm not talking to to you until you calm down and stop wining/throwing a fit....they would stay in their room no tv.. just be there with their toys a cool down time...give them a chance to say what happened..I also didn't do time out in a chiar cause they would fall asleep. They had to stand at the wall any wall of me choice. They get a count 3 2 1 than off to the wall..great thing about that even stores have walls...so even now I just look at them and put up 3 fingers and the know what they need to do...shape up or off to the wall.

Dusty - posted on 01/12/2012

In this situation, I think the ignoring works pretty well. Obviously, she needed to be punished, but when you continusiouly punished her, she kept getting even worse. If you ignore a child when they act like this, they will see that they aren't getting any attention, & eventually will stop. I think you handled it perfectly :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2012

Sometimes ignoring works, I would keep it up. If you give her attention to her behavior she's going to keep doing it. Ignore it an eventually she will realize that her behavior isn't getting her any attention and she will stop. Just give it time.

Jennifer - posted on 01/12/2012

I also involve her in everything, which is what led to her breakdown yesterday, she was exhausted- I found out later after I posted. When they are this upset asking what is making them so angry does not alleviate the situation because they do not yet have a fully developed left brain. EVERYTHING was making her angry- she even got upset because she did not like the blanket that I had thrown over the back of the couch. Now, I know hat wasn;t her real reason for being mad, neither was lunch (Which, BTW, we always eat together as well)- she was just overtired. After nap she awoke her normal self. I do not like being ignored, but I recognized it as attention getting behavior so I did ignore her. We discussed it later, after she calmed down, but I told her that if she screams and hits and acts out I am not going to pay attention.

Jacqueline - posted on 01/12/2012

NO... i never ignore my 3 year old. I try not to bribe her, i let her decide if the choices are healthy. We stop everything we are doin when a fit is coming. We talk about our feelings and how we can express them in a calm and friendly manner. We "Take our angry and put it in our pocket and throw it in nearest garbage" We have Rylee Buck$ which is construction paper $ for when she does good for the day "Caring, Sharing, Listen and Patient" and gets a dollar for execptional behavior and at the end of the week she can "buy" something at the dollar store or a special treat to Mcdonalds. We also have quiet time, and relax time. Since she refuses to nap any more. I keep her mind busy with homeschool and little crafts as well. We sing the barney clean up song when cleaning and she helps me with the dishes. I dont keep her from doing things, I involved her in everything. Even if its a little piece in a HUGE puzzle, she feels helpful and important when she is involved in the situation. Eating time is a time where we sit together with the whole family, just the two od us when brother is sleeping or the three of us (her brother, me and her). I did the whole Ignore her thing once and it made me feel terrible. Do you like to be ignored? Do you like to be told you cant do anything? Words effect a child as well as your actions.



So try, "Whats making you so angry?" "Why does this upset you" "How do we fix this?" Simple and to the point questions. That let her express her feeling. She throws fits and tantrums because she doesnt know how else to express her feelings. Help her learn how to express those feelings.



Good Luck.

Jennifer - posted on 01/11/2012

I did address the behavior after she calmed down today. I knew that she was reaching her limit in the store and it was more of a warning of what was to come. Things didn;t get bad until we got home. She told me for the first time that she did not like me, but I continued to ignore her. So she asked me to pay attention to her so that she could tell me that she did not like me :/ This kind of made me feel bad, because it is pretty obvious that I am making an effort to ignore the behavior. She took a nap after all of this happened (she still naps daily) and when she awoke she was fine, but I did tell her that we never throw things and that it hurt my feelings when she told me that she did not like me. I asked her if she would like it if I said it and of course she said no so I explained that I do not like it when she says it to me. I also took away the microphone that she threw and her Leap Pad (favorite toy) for the day. I usually pick one form of discipline, but today I was all over the place because the behavior was so extreme. Thanks for the responses.

Kaitlin - posted on 01/11/2012

have you ever tried a time out in the store? I do that with my 2 1/2 year old during extreme fits (they only have happened twice, but now if I give him one warning, he immediately changes his attitude). We do behavior/consequence right away, no matter where we are. Certain behaviors we do ignore (example: at home crying fit or whining- my boys know that they need to use their words to get our attention, not their disrespectful actions) but mostly we do time out. If ignoring isn't getting you anywhere you may want to try something else.

September - posted on 01/11/2012

I think that ignoring that type of behavior in that situation is fine. Do you address her behavior after she's had time to calm down? I think that's important too.

Rachael - posted on 01/11/2012

i think that, in your situation, ignoring works well. sometimes kids do things just to get a rise out of us and as long as what she is doing isn't likely to cause a serious injury or break stuff i would just ignore it. i do it all the time when my son is misbehaving