is it okay to let your baby cry it out?

Ashley - posted on 04/28/2010 ( 45 moms have responded )

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once all the needs are taken care of: diaper change, fed, held..ect. is it okay to let your baby cry it out sometimes. my 4 1/2 month old is teething and likes to be held and im trying to get her away from the holding thing. i give her teething medicine for the teething. sometimes i just cant hold her and sometimes she doesnt need to be held. well my mother-in-law practically said that if i wanted to be a mom my natural instinct should be to hold and soothe her. doctors say its ok to let them cry it out sometimes. it hurts my feelings to be told that im not acting like a mom, when i do everything and i never ever get a break. im the only one in the house that does dishes laundry, takes care of the baby. i just need to know from other moms that its okay to do this or else im going to just stop doing ne house work and be a lazy mom. cuz i honestly cant take it ne more. im tired of being told that if im a mom i can do this or that bc his mom did it at 14 when she was a mom.

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Alison - posted on 04/30/2010

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my son is now 2, and we've always let him cry it out - mainly because for the first 2 months all he did was cry, no matter what I did. So i'd check on him, leave him in his cot and walk outside to calm down before I'd do my nut. Otherwise he never would have been out of my arms. Don't let anyone tell you how to be a mum - you know within yourself what you are capable of and what works with you and bub.

Joanna - posted on 04/29/2010

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I think cry-it-out isn't the term you're looking for, that's generally a term used for letting babies cry until a problem is solved (cry to sleep, or if they're upset cry until they calm themselves down, etc), which is usually reserved for older babies (a lot of doctors say 6+ months is when they start to understand the self-soothing of it).

It's okay to set the baby down and let them cry for 10 minutes if you need break, even newborns. My daughter had colic so bad that I would be pulling my hair out. She was fed and clean, and I would hold her for hours without getting so much as a bathroom break. So finally I just would set her in her crib for 10 minutes while I used the bathroom and ate something quickly, even just sat down and breathed. They are okay! Just don't expect at 4 months for the baby to understand that they have to sooth themselves.

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actually my baby had bad colic and reflux so she was a screamer, hours on end once she screamed a whole day and guess what? the ER said let her cry it out theres nothing you can do, my dr said it and so did a ton of others. so call me lazy lol. im sorry my daughters advanced and shes very well cared for and i let her cry it out for hours if need be. why lug around a screaming kid if nothing helps? i know tons of people who had screamers. their kids turned out great and they are great parents. until you know what its like having a hard baby dont judge. some of us didnt luck out like you with easy babys. and sorry every dr we have ever talked to said its ok and normal for 2-3 hours of crying a day is fine. maybe you dont have a crier? my husband wasnt, our daughter is and so are many other babies, until you know a person and the situation you have NO right judging calling them lazy.



and an FYI-neglect is when you neglect a childs needs, such as not feeding it,not changing baically not caring for it. not letting it cry when nothings wrong or 90% of america doesnt need kids. you cant say its neglect unless you know for a fact, thats a pretty harsh accuasation to make on someone you dont know isnt it? you cant just go making false accuasations.



Babys like us have bad days where they may scream or cry bc they are just cranky that day. why should i FORCE my daughter to be held and talked to if she wants to be left alone? how do you like people forcing you to talk to you and not leave you alone on a bad day? think about that.



and for those who say that it is lazy doing that i have family in the medical field or that were and tons of other people tell me its fine and safe. even nurses and the ER.



jessica, it does not cause damage, i think if it did the hospital and her dr would have said something as they have all heard her scream. its NOT going to cause damage.



i totally agree with brenda, i never catered to her every wimper and now she sleeps at night,shes indipendand and a self soother. you cant cater to their every cry if nothings wrong.

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have never, ever let my daughter cry it out and she is very independent. It's wrong, I'm sorry. Doesn't mean you're a bad mom though, not saying that at all. 4 months is a prime age. She is learning that mommy has her back when she needs you. Teething is tough, part of being a mom is sleepless nights. Babies aren't robots or cellphones. Not meant to be programmed. It WILL get better and she's just going through a phase. they all go through it at some point. It's OK to let her cry for like 10 mins, but I wouldn't cry til she crashes. What's that teaching her? Not to be independent.
As far as house-work... you need to set the hubby straight. It takes 2 to tango, he needs to lift a finger. I don't care how much he works or whatever, he needs to help. It's ok to have a messy house, it's also part of being a mom. Unfortunately God only gave us 1 set of hands and the most important use for them is taking care of your beautiful baby... not scrubbin toilets or dishes. Trust me when I say, cherish it b/c one day she's going to be too big to hold, or cuddle, or "need" you. So, enjoy it while it lasts, girl. You can do it! =)

Jackie - posted on 04/29/2010

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Yes it is part of being a mom to have sleepless nights and exhausted days but its also the dads job to help more around the house. when you know that a childs physical needs are met and theyre just going through teething then yes it is ok for you to let them self soothe. Some moms say that its not of course but if you cater to their every whim they do become more dependent on that. As a parent it is your job to decide whats best for your child. Youre not being a bad parent if you let them cry it out. Sometimes it may not even be the teething that makes them cry. Just as we get overstimulated and need some down time, they do as well. Since they cant speak for themselves we have to decide if they need to just cry or if they really do ned us. This doesnt hurt their nervous system. Go to www.webmd.com and it has alot of helpfull parenting tips. Im sure this isnt your case but i found that it helpd none Aspergers/Autistic kids but if you'll go to www.autismspeaks.org there are alot of tips there as wel. Aspergers kids get the same way and need to cry it out and this site may help you to ease their crying time without actually picking them up.

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Rebecca - posted on 04/30/2010

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We let our first cry it out and we started too late for this. We started around 10 months and they say around 6 months a baby should be able to self soothe...we didn't waste any time with our first after learning the hard way the first time around lol.
If all the needs are met i say let her cry it out. She will learn in no time:) If her teeth are really bugging her put a wet face cloth in the freezer and give it to her to chew on during the day...i would have about 3 im the freezer just in case lol. My son loved this when he was teething and we didn't use meds and we don't with our daughter. She's actually better then our son was with teeth.
Good luck and do what you feel is right. We all have different opinions and some don't feel it's good to use the ferber method but how else will they learn independence...i don't want my kids screaming for me when i drop them off to pre school for the first time...

Brandy - posted on 04/30/2010

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I have a six month old...who loves to be held. Well she also fights her sleep and sometimes I have to let her cry it out. I just lay her in bed and let her cry for a couple mins and go get her and usually she falls right to sleep.

Catherine - posted on 04/30/2010

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I was always told that you cannot spoil a child under 6 months. Babies need to know that the persons they love are there for them and feel comforted.

Becky - posted on 04/30/2010

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Do what is best for you and your baby.. Everybody has their own way of parenting and think they know it best. For my family, we let our kids cry it out. My oldest is 3 and is perfectly fine and we are doing the same with our 3 month old. Don't let anybody tell you that you are a bad mother just because you don't do the same as them. Just do what you need to do.

Libby - posted on 04/29/2010

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Well I think it depends on the situation, if all the childs needs are met, them let them cry for a little while. Not all children are the same. I let my two oldest "cry it out" sometimes and they are very independent but my youngest who just turned 3 is shoved up my butt all the time. I also get woke up every morning at 4am because he wants to go night night with mommy and I get no sleep. I coddled my youngest because shortly after he was born I moved 3 hours away from all of my friends and family and with my other 2 being so independent I clang to my youngest and am now suffering the consequences. If your doctor says its ok, then do it. But I would ask for how long you should let them cry so there is no damage done.

Christian - posted on 04/29/2010

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If everything is fine with the baby, then yea. I left my daughter in the crib for 30 min and she fell asleep... but if she crying for more than that, then I check her diaper again, check her temp, and then feed her just in case the first time she didn't feed completely.. if she still crying after that, then I just hold her.. just depends on the circumstance

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2010

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in my opinion( i have a 4 month old and a 3yr old) it is ok to an extent like dont let the baby cry for excessive amouts of time or cry to hard. it is good to let them cry a minute like dont mossey about but dont rush to them when clean, fed, etc. it seems to work well in many aspects, such as crying to be held contantly or spoiled in the bad way lol

Ashley - posted on 04/29/2010

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i will soon decide what is best and i will use all of your information in a good way. if she needs to cry for 5 minutes that is okay. or if the dishes need to wait a few days it will all work out.

Ashley - posted on 04/29/2010

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thank you everyone. there was no need to get mean about anything. everybody has their own opinion. but i greatly appreciate all of your situations and scenarios. it was very helpful.

Lydia - posted on 04/29/2010

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I find that occassionally there isnothing else we can do for her but to let her cry it out. Its not my first choice but when we have done everything we can to comfort/settle her and she is blatantly exhausted it becomes the only solution. I dont know anybody who likes to hear their kid cry and holding back is stressful in itself but thats the way it is.

Brenda - posted on 04/29/2010

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my goodness......i didnt mean be insensitive and let the baby cry for hours!!!! Thats awful.....its just to say that if everything is okay with her, even the doctors will tell you its ok to let the baby cry a lil. Not until they get a hernia or colic. Now if shes teething or if she's sick, of course you do what you can to console her. I agree every baby is different, but theres nothing wrong with it. I've never heard of it causing the baby brain damage, but it cause you a load of headaches when she wants to be held and keeps crying till you do.

To clarify with what Jessica stated- I agree if you cant take care of the babies you're having, dont have them. But there's a difference between being neglectful, not consoling a baby when there's something really wrong and letting them cio for a few min. I dont believe thats being lazy if you ignore them ( if they're ok) while you get some things done and just need a moment to breathe and collect yourself. We're not robots either.

Majority rule of thumb ( because all kids aren't the same)- if you keep running to them everytime they cry, they will get spoiled. They will never learn how to soothe themselves.

This is something where as the other moms already stated, you have to assess yourself. You know your baby better than anybody....you now have both sides. As far as her teething, I wish you loads of luck. Thats never really easy but you get through.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2010

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Every mom needs a break no matter if your baby is perfectly quiet or perfectly loud. When my lil ones were cranky and I knew there was nothing that needed to be done I would set them in a safe place, such as crib, playpen, etc. then I would play some music loud enought to help drown out the crying but low enough so not to freak the kid out. I would check on them everyonce in awhile and if they quit their crying I would pick them up and we would play with toys or go outside and touch flowers ot anything else. Even when my kids were just being spoiled I would tell them " We are not going to do this" and set them down and get what I needed to get done, done. Like I said every mom does everything differenlty, you ned to find out what works for you and your child. Just because someone else did it one way doesnt make it the "only right way" yes your mommy instincts will kick in when you know that your kid is hurt or really needs you. If it is just because they are grouchy and nothing else you are doing is working you can let them whine it wont hurt them at all. For teething have you tried Highlands brand of teething tablets? they are safe and all nautral way to soothe teething pain. My kids hated it when I used oragel. Or put a spoon in a freezer and then rub it on thier guns until you hear the tooth rub against it once it gets apst the whoel breaking through the gums part your lil one will feel much better

Jeni - posted on 04/29/2010

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I have been told that you arent meant to let them cry it out until they are about 9 months old biut honestly sometimes there is nothing you can do about it.
what you could do is put her to bed let her cry for 5 min, go in and pick her up until you feel her body relax, put her back into bed, wait another 5 min and do the same.
this time wait for 10min and keep doing this until she calms. Make sure you time it because believe me 5 min feels like eternity when your little 1 is screaming.
Hope this helps xx

Heather - posted on 04/29/2010

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It is not going to kill your daughter to wait a few minutes. My mother always told me to finish what I was doing before getting my baby. As long as all of her needs are met and generally you get her when she cries, you can let her cry every once in a while. Make sure you utilize your husband when he gets home also - I have found that getting a half hour to myself is better for me than getting an hour of sleep! If your MIL tells you to hold the baby whenever she cries, ask her to come over and hold the baby for awhile so you can get things done! Also, as another tip, try getting a sling or a wrap. My daughter has days where she just wants to be held all day long, and the only way I am able to get anything done is by putting her in her wrap so I have both hands free to load the dishwasher, etc. She feels close to me and I don't feel confined to the couch! Lastly, don't let ANYONE tell you you are doing anything wrong - YOU are the mother and you know what is right for your baby!!

Jodie - posted on 04/29/2010

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Our pediatrician suggested a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. This is geared toward naps and night sleeping. he talks about letting them cry it out, as well as constant soothing. it depends on what you're capable of. teething time is tough. they do need more, but if its night time sleeping, we practice laying him down while hes still happy, before he is overtired and cranky. if he cried more than 20 mins, we go in, ad pat him and soothe him without picking him up. this only took a week or two before teething. of course, things are stressful during teething!!! i feel your pain. do what feels right for you, you're his mom. i highly doubt you will come close to neglecting him, and sometimes you need a minute for yourself. and, yeah, maybe let your hubby know the baby needs you a bit more during this teething time, and the housework might suffer a little. and ask for help. believe me, no one will die if the laundry isnt folded and put away, or if you eat off paper plates some nights! my house is NEVER spotless, and my husband has learned thats part of this season of life. its so hard to learn to balance everything all the time. take a break, and dont be so hard on yourself! you're probably a really great mom. and the best advice i got from my pediatrician, "your baby will NOT come back to you when theyre 16 and say "hey mom, you let me cry, and im dysfunctional now", if you let her cry for 10 minutes while you take a hot shower or step outside to scream

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2010

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morgan - i do not entirely believe that CIO is a terrible thing, but like you said, a lot of people don't actually know what CIO means. they think it means letting a baby cry for hours on end and never really caring to pick them up. to many people, that is what CIO means. not a lot of people understand it is just a sleep training method and that the baby isn't actually left alone to cry. even though i do not practice the ferber method, i can't say whether i think it is wrong or not. i have never had to try to get my little one to sleep on her own, she started doing that by herself at 6 weeks.

and yes, to a lot of CIO parents, that's what they do - leave their babies to cry by themselves.

IMO, that is just damn right lazy and irresponsible. and yes, these people are not caring for their babies the way they should be.


IMO anyone who doesn't tend to their baby's needs is a fool.


i honestly think that a lot of the above statements are very sad...

and i am leaving this topic b/c it's making me mad reading about what these parents are doing... or NOT doing, i should say...


pft

letting a baby CIO only makes them more dependent b/c their needs are not being met. my baby has never CIO and she is extremely independent and sleeps through the night.

Angela - posted on 04/29/2010

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There is nothing wrong with letting your baby cry, children do need to learn to sooth themselves. I only did that at night to help him learn to sleep through the night and fall asleep on his own. Me and my hubby let our son cry, but not for longer than 10 min (sometimes less), after that we would check on him, talk to him a little and then leave. I've never really heard of people letting their child cry during the day when they are awake. Why would you just let your child cry?? Maybe I am misunderstanding but you can get housework done when your kid is napping, when they are awake play with them, that is when they are supposed to be learning and bonding with parents. Unless your child is going to bed or down for a nap there is no need to let them cry for 10/20 min. There are other ways to get your child to not want to be held all the time, a swing or bouncy seat works great.

Kristen - posted on 04/29/2010

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Some of you ladies are all acting like our children are all the same. Go with your instincts! If you went thru all there is like you listed, and you need to get some dishes done. Put her in the swing, bouncer or whatever (well not whatever, im sure you know what i mean) and do your dishes! If she sees you still she may calm on her own and just watch you. Im assuming you know how much is too much crying for your child, and no your not a bad mom if she cries while you clean, as long as you met all her needs before hand. my son learned to self sooth as well and goes to sleep all on his own. The first couple weeks he would cry for maybe 20 minutes and be out after, now he is almost 1.5 years and goes right to bed when we put him down. You know your daughter better than any of us =D Good luck!

Raeann - posted on 04/29/2010

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It is okay to let your baby cry if all of her needs are taken care of if not when they get older they will be spoiled and want to be held all the time if you want your child to be alittle independent then don't hold them all the time. I learned the hard way my daughter got held all the time and when she got holder she still wanted to be held. So when it came time and we had another child it was hard because I had needs for 2 kids and my daughter was wanting to be held because thats what she was used to and plus I had the needs of a new baby so if you don't want to deal with the same thing that I went through I wouldn't hold her all the time. DOCTORS say if you child crys longer then 20 minutes theres something else wrong with them. But also in some cases thats not always true.

Danielle - posted on 04/29/2010

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I'm going to agree with Brenda Graves. My daughter is 3 months old and gets heartburn (like her dad). Sometimes I can't calm her down if she's having an episode so I make sure she's changed I put her in her crib, turn the music on, shut the door and let her cry it out for bout 20 minutes and she'll eventually fall asleep. I dont see anything wrong with letting them cry it out as long as you've done everything you can think of to make them stop.

Caitlyn - posted on 04/29/2010

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If she is in pain then yes you should pick her up and soothe and comfort her, it may cramp your style but teething pain does not usually last more than about a week at a time. Otherwise, if you know there is nothing wrong and all of her needs have been taken care of then yes, it's okay for her to cry for a little while. I personally used a modified version of the Ferber method when trying to put my daughter down for naps and bedtime, I put her down for 5 minutes and then if she didn't fall asleep I would go in and try to rock her to sleep if that didn't work, she would go in her crib for another 5 minutes, and so on and so forth until she fell asleep.

Morgan - posted on 04/29/2010

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UMMMM ok, I think I might be a little confused on what people think the CIO method is.

your child should cry 2-3 hours a day?? WHAT?? my daughter is 3.5 months old and I can honestly tell you I dont think shes cried a total of 3 hours in her whole life!! let alone a day!!

I think its ok to set baby down for 5-maybe 10 minutes MAX, and let them cry untill they fall asleep. like I said I dont think that any baby should be left to cry longer than 10 minutes maybe 15 if YOUR frusterated and need a break.

I now agree with some other moms, letting your child cry for an hour let alone 2 or 3 is lazy and maybe jessica is right if you can leave your baby crying for hours on end you maybe shouldent have had kids.

Andi - posted on 04/29/2010

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I used the cry it out method for my first daughter because i was to young to now any better and yes she is very independant sometimes but it caused alot of issues when she was younger mostly medical. She is now older and doing just fine. I learned the hard way and did not use that method with my second child and she has only been sick 1 time in her 2 1/2 years of life and is even more independant than my older daughter and our bond is much stronger than my other daughters. I am not saying me and my older daughter are not close. I am just saying that we aren't as close as we should have been if i had tended to her every time she cried like i did with my younger daughter.

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yes!! it is perfectly fine,any doctor and any one who works with kids will tell you. if theres nothing wrong let them cry, crying is good for them. it helps their lungs develop. if you keep catering to the baby every time it crys it will spoil the kid and they know they can get what they want. they cry alot to test you to see if you will give in,when you do they have you hooked. a baby NEEDS to cry at least 2-3 hours a day anyways. ours crys it out and always has. when she starts screaming and nothings wrong she goes to her crib and i walk away and do house work or something until shes done. its a good way for her and me to calm down. now our daughter is 5 months almost 6 and is very indipendand and always has been bc we let her just cry stuff out. learn the crys, she has her hungry cry in which case it gets louder and she shoves hands in her mouth and wont stop so in that case i will feed her, her cry for her diaper where she throws a huge temper until changed or her tired cry which is just really loud and she starts getting cranky in which case she goes to sleep. other than that letting a baby cry is good. if theres nothing wrong why worry?

and as far as the whole if you dont want to take care of it dont have it. thats WRONG. just because the baby crys does NOT mean your neglecting it. MY baby is VERY WELL cared for and i let her cry it out. shes just fine. perfectly healthy and advanced. so now tell me i dont take care of my baby bc i let her CIO. you dont know a person so you cant say someones not caring for the baby. have you seen the baby? then you cant say that.

letting the baby cr it out also helps you cool off. screaming can be stressing esp if nothings wrong. that way the baby can cool off and you dont end up getting stressed to the point you do do something you will regret. its good for both you and the baby.

my grandma was the same way tho. she couldnt stand letting my uncle cry it out. it hurt her feelings but she finally realized its all you can do. trust me, they need to cry. it helps them out. if they dont cry they dont develop their lungs.

sometimes soothing doesnt always work. ours hates being soothed. wen shes crying she hates being held,talked to or anything. she wants to be left alone. so i will let her. they are like us. they have good and bad days like we do. i know theres times i want to be left alone just like my baby, i wont force her to be held if she doesnt want it, i will let her just cry in her crib.

an indipendant baby is not bad. ours is and is that bad? no. thats how she is. it doesnt make me a bad parent or anything.

Morgan - posted on 04/29/2010

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Omg this is getting a little bit mean.

There is nothing wrong with letting your child CIO, it wont hurt her, if crying it out caused brain damage what would happen to all the poor LOs with colic??

It just needs to be done properly, never let baby CIO for an hour, thats just cruel.

my daughter is 3.5 months old and I let her CIO somtimes shes just fussy or overtired, so I feed her change her bum cuddle her up and lay her down very rarly she crys more than 5 minutes and shes out like a light, some time its a bit longer, I know my daughter and can tell a fuss pot cry from an I need you Mom cry. dont ever let anyone make you feel like a bad mom for letting your baby cry, its the right thing to do if your becoming frustrated.

I think that Jessica is being over the top saying you shouldent have a child if you "cant" take care of it, teaching proper sleeping pattrens is an important thing for a baby :)

theres a book by DR Ferber that I swear by pick it up, it will teach you some great tips, and as a last resort will teach you how to use the CIO method properly starting with one minute at a time and working your way up to the 5 minutes, you dont always need to hold the baby, just hearing your voice will let baby know you there if she really needs you.

Good luck, go with what works for you and yoyr family not what anyone else says is best :)

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2010

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and you should NOT listen to your pediatrician on matters that have nothing to do with medicine or your child's health. whether or not to CIO is a PARENTING matter, not a medical one. i don't understand why parents even bother to listen to pediatricians when they try to give advice on these things. your child's doctor should NOT be telling you where your child should sleep, whether you should be for CIO or against it, etc... those matters are for YOU to decide, NOT your doctor.

and even things that ARE of medical matters, a lot of pediatricians do not keep up to date with a lot of new information. even if they do, they tend to stick to their already known beliefs. so many pediatricians are handing out opinions based on outdated information and it is YOUR job as the PARENT to do your own research and to know better.

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2010

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wow sarah, need to do some UPDATED research. this isn't 1920 and we know a lot more about the harmful effects of CIO now.

i've never let my baby cio and she knows how to self-soothe. she's been sleeping through the night since 6 weeks. i do not answer her every whimper, i like to give her the chance to figure things out on her own first. but if she can't, i do my job as a mom!

if you do not want to take care of your babies, WHY HAVE THEM?

Jessica - posted on 04/29/2010

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that daycare mumbo jumbo is crap. I've worked there too, and I would never let a child cry it out. It was my job to care for these children as if they were my own. I've never let MY child cio and she's a self soother. I don't have to rock her to sleep, or even bounce n sway. I put her in her bed, give her blankie, bear, and pacie and she's out like a light. SOMETIMES if she's had a long day and is over tired, she will cry, but only for a few mins. She's a smart lil thing and understands. Sleep training is just ridiculous... Maybe someone should "sleep train" some of you parents. You should have to stay in your bed from 8 to 8. Oh with no cell, no laptop, no tv, no books, toys, snacks, drink... nothin... just chill. while the world around you is going... see if you can do it. You can't... unless you're just flat out lazy!
When my daughter was teething... she was much more dependent... that's ok! I mean, when you feel like crap aren't you dependent. I still call my momma at 25! It's just part of the job.
sorry if yall don't like what I have to say, but I don't sugar coat.

Lindsey - posted on 04/29/2010

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I, personally, have never let any of my 3 kids "cry it out" until they were well over a year old. Or I should say my 4 1/2 year old I never had problems with. My 3 year old never wanted to sleep or be put down and I ran to him every time until he was a year old and only then started doing the "let em cry for 5 min the first night, 10 the next, etc..." but I never let him go longer than 10 min. When babies cry hard for long periods of time it slows their breathing, lowers their oxygen levels, and can cause their heart rates to drop from "overheating". I know some will read this and argue with me, but it's a fact and babies have died from the "cry it out" method. And like I said, with my second son I let him cry, but no longer than 10 min and I could tell by his cry if it was time to go to him before the 10 min. It took a month or so, but he's now very independent and he sleeps good all through the night.

And about your housework...again I, personally, keep up with my dishes and laundry, but when you have young children your house is never gonna look clean. So, if I have to go a few days without doing some of the extra cleaning things to keep myself sane and be able to spend time with my kids, I do it. And like my mom tells me "your house can wait, your kids can't".

Sometimes I hate responding to posts because you never know how people are going to interpret it, so I just want you to know I'm not judging or telling you what to do. I'm just telling you what I know and my experiences. Every mom thinks that their way of parenting is "the way", but only you know what's best for you and your baby.

Sarah - posted on 04/29/2010

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I believe it is okay to let the child cry it out! if it was harmful to your child your doctor would not say its okay! take it from someone that works in a daycare... kids that know how to self soothe are much easier to deal with! Think about it this way... if you child is in a daycare with alot of other kids... the ratio for my state is 4 kids under the age of 2 to 1 adult! think about it... if 4 babies are crying 1 adult cannot possibly hold them all! they will go by priority... so they will soothe the kids that need to be fed, diapered or put to sleep first and the child that doesn't want anything but to be held will not be as high of a priority! Its not saying you are going to let your child cry for hours! if you know that your child is crying purely because she wants to be held then let her cry for a little bit! You cannot jump everytime your child whimpers or you would be holding that child all day everyday! I have had kids in daycare that have been held all day everyday at home! they would get to the point where they would not sleep unless they were being held and would wake up if you put them in a crib! Back in the day when women had alot of kid and were stay at home parents it wasn't possible to hold a crying baby all the time... otherwise the other kids would get neglected and you wouldn't get anything accomplished! i think you know whats best for your child and you know when you child really needs you! at a certain age children will cry just for attention and they learn that if they do it mommy comes running unless they learn that crying does not get them everything they will more than likely continue to do it when they are older! like i said you know your child and what your child needs... no one else can decide what you do or how you raise your baby! do what you think is best!

Cathryn - posted on 04/29/2010

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both are fine i say. it depends on what you feel more comfortable with i personally think. at first i would go to every little mumur of my baby girl who is now 8 months old, then i learnt that if i left her just for a little while she would get the idea that she was there to stay and just fell asleep. i would ALWAYS go to her if the cry started to become a distressed cry - you can usually tell the differece. if it is a cry that stays at the same pitch constantly then they are fine, but if it becomes really high pitched they need to be comforted for a bit. even if you leave them just for a little while and go in to check on them, but dont pick them up or talk to them just maybe pat them on the bum or something like that. i hope that this helps, my daughter is our first and i kinda just went with what i felt comfortable with. as for all the housework - i am exactly the same, and i kinda put up with it all as my hubby works so i feel like its sorta my job in a way, but with benefits as i get to be with my beautiful daughter all day :) even if some days aren't as good as others :P

Anne - posted on 04/29/2010

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I know it's difficult. Some babies are a lot more work than others but it doesn't last forever. I would recommend investing in a sling/baby carrier. That way you can have your hands free to do things and she still has the comfort of being close to you. Crying it out overloads their system witth stress hormones which can cause all sorts of problems and it doesn't make sense to say a baby should be independent of it's mother. That is impossible. Babies are totally dependent on their mothers for survival. She is going through a lot right now with teething pain and needs you. I totally sympathise with you. I really do know how overwhelming it can be. I agree your partner needs to take more responsibility for the housework because you have enough on your plate. Try the baby-wearing thing -there are many types of carrier to chose from -soft structured ones or wraps like Mei Tai or Maya for example.

Aileen - posted on 04/29/2010

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It all depends on the kid. My husband and I had a 7 minute rule. We would let them cry for 7 minutes then check on them (if they hadn't fallen asleep) spend a couple of minutes calming them and then repeating. With my older son it worked beautifully. However my little one had a really bad colic problem so it didn't work so well. I had to coddle him because he had a real problem. He did become extremely dependant on me though. He is 2 and 1/2 now and he still is dependant. He does know that I am there for him so that is not the reason for the dependancy. It's because he likes the attention. He got used to it. Both of my boys are extremely smart And have no issues playing by themselves or with others so I think either way you should be fine. Just remember the difference between your child needing you and your child wanting you. That should help your internal battle. I hope this helps

Gwen - posted on 04/28/2010

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I completely understand where you are coming from. If your child is healthy and just wants attention, it is okay to let her cry it out when it's bed time or nap time. I would try letting her cry for 30 minutes to an hour, but no longer. If she is crying and it's not time to sleep, then comfort her. It's always okay to hold your baby when she is in pain and needs comforting. Try tylenol around bedtime if her teeth are hurting. I personally rocked my first son to sleep until he was 14 months old. Try a baby sling if nothing else works.

Melissa - posted on 04/28/2010

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I was in the same boat as you were. I started to let my son cry it out. I would let him cry for 5mins then slowly increase the time amount. Eventually he would get soothe himself. He was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks old. When he got to teething he starting not sleeping as good. This is when i started using the cry it out method

Jessica - posted on 04/28/2010

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& i agree with jessica!! your man needs to step up and be a... MAN!! good grief...

teething is always difficult but this is when your baby needs you!! answering your baby's cries will teach your baby that he/she can depend on you, therefore, helping him/her to become more independent. i have never let my baby CIO and she could not be any more happy or independent than she already is. even strangers will come up to me and tell me how well behaved she is. she knows her mommy is there for her and she feels comfortable doing things on her own! if you allow your baby to CIO, obviously he/she will eventually stop crying, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

teething will end and things WILL get better!! you just have to be strong right now. GL!!

Brenda - posted on 04/28/2010

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I've learned that thats how the baby learns to be independent of you. If Her diaper is clean, She is fed and not gasy, and her meds are taken, its ok to let her cry. Thats her way of getting your attention. If you come running to her everytime, she'll keep doing so. If you let her cry for a bit, she'll realize no one is responding and she'll stop. I did that with my daughter, and to this day shes very independent.

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