is it selfish to not want to have another child

Carly - posted on 04/05/2010

You are not being selfish, your acctually being really responsible and noticing that you may not be able to cope financially and mentally if there was another mouth to feed/bum to change. That's your right to make a decision like that and for all you know, you may change your mind down the line and have another! Your only young you have plenty of time ahead! If only there was more people in the world that had as much responisibility and maturity as you, there are too many people having children that can't look after them.

Brittany - posted on 04/05/2010

I am 21 with 2 children and I am done! My second pregnancy was actually a surprise to me and my husband since we didn't want another and were taking the precautions. So while I was pregnant with him we decided on getting a vasectomy. I am happy with my two and so is he. I feel that we as parents have the right to be "selfish" if you will. I don't believe in having more children than you feel you are able to take care of and give attention to. If one is all you want then that is fine! You need to take care of you first so you can take great care of your daughter. I grew up in a family of 7 children and hated it. There is 14 years between me and my youngest sister. I didn't want that for my children at all. I wanted them to be able to get the love and attention they deserve. Growing up I never got to spend time with my parents ( I was the oldest) and was always having to babysit. It was terrible. My daughter will never have a sister and my son with never have a brother but they both will have parents that love and adore them and that is all they really need. Just do what is right for you and your little family. :)

Lindsey - posted on 04/05/2010

If anything you are being responsible by at least waiting until your lives are where you want them to be and making sure you do in fact want another child. I don't understand how anyone could have a baby, no matter what # child it is for them, and question if they feel the same way about that baby as they do their previous. And I'm not saying that in a bitchy or confrontational way. It's just if that's how you and your partner feel, that you could never love another child how you love your daughter, than it's not a bad idea to keep her an only child. And don't feel that she's alone. She'll have plenty of friends I'm sure.

Chantalle - posted on 04/05/2010

You are not selfish to feel this way. I'm dealing with a similar situation, I have 2 bf wants a 3rd and maybe even a 4th, our second was a surprise.
I had my first at 21 and am now almost 24, I feel the same way as you. I want my life together, a house, hopefully a marriage, a second car, better jobs, or even a career. Before i even consider having another child. My feelings are if you can't support them, the you shouldn't CHOOSE to have them. I stress choose because hey surprises happen.
Until you feel comfortable in every way about having another child, then you might resent that new child.
any family is a good fmaily no matter the size as long as all members are happy and healthy:)
Good luck with your decision!

Lydia - posted on 04/05/2010

I would never have a child I didnt really want - unless it wasnt really by choice. I swung between wanting more and not for a while. There is nothing wrong with being an only child! They dont know any different because they will never have experienced NOT being an only child - my husband definately doesnt feel like he lost out for being one. He still had a fulfilling childhood with his family and friends.
At the end of the day it comes down to what do you both really want in your family? Is it 1,2,3 children? Is it a home - or a home in the "right" suburb? is life experience and travel? decide what you really want and go for it - but remember to think long term for the big things like home and children because they are decisions that will affect you long term.

Marcie - posted on 04/05/2010

i once felt frustrated with being a mom-extra workload n all and felt i should only stick with one child but think of the happy moments you've had with your siblings-nothing can ever replace that fun,love and support.so i think its important for your daughter to have siblings to build lasting relationships with.

Sukhpreet - posted on 04/05/2010

hi well u r not the only one who is having a feeling like that .i had a son at 22 ,and my partner want,s another child soon but me not i want first things to stable .u also doing the same let the things settel down first then if u and ur partner want only have another child . try to give all the happines to ur daughter live happy

Julia - posted on 04/05/2010

I definitely do not think you are being selfish. My husband and I decided we don't want any more kids after our son. For some of the same reasons as yourself. With the uncertainty of the world today we didnt even know if we wanted 1 child, but oops we had him anyway ( and we are more than happy it happened) but I think alot of people have children for the wrong reasons and it actually is more selfish than just choosing to have 1. I have a brother and sister and I know how special the bond between siblings is, but being an only child doesnt put you at any sort of disadvantage if you are properly socialized. You're young and should handle your life the way that you see fit to make your family comfortable. That in my opinion is selfless. A lot can change in a short period of time and who knows, you might be in a financial position for have the lifestyle and another child before you know it.

Sunny - posted on 04/04/2010

I had my son just after my 18. We both want more children but are waiting until he is in school, (hes 3). I dont think its selfish but i wouldnt want to be a only child and im 21 with a 4 month old brother lol so the age gap thing doesnt worry me. I prob wouldnt rule it out though your only young and if it only takes a few years to get all the things you want you might then feel your ready, maybe i dont know lol.

Katie - posted on 04/04/2010

There is no reason that you can't put your lifestyle first and just see where that leads you. You can get everything in order (marriage and what not) and see where how you feel about more children after that. You're still young, there's no reason you can put you first for now at least and then see if you want kids after everything is settled. My brother is 13 years older than I am and we get along great! I'm not saying wait THAT long lol, just remember that there is an infinite number of options and there's no reason you have to decide RIGHT NOW whether or not you'll have more kids.

Christin - posted on 04/04/2010

no your not. we only want one. right now we are in a debate tho, later on i would like to adopt a boy as i really want a boy and hes happy with just 1 girl and wants no more. but as far as not wanting anymore, not selfish. we actually just get rid of her stuff as she outgrows it. well we donate it. i only wanted to adopt just because i really want a boy and i cant go thru the whole baby thing again. i wouldnt be able to cope either.