is it wrong to want time to myself?

Rebecca - posted on 10/31/2011

Every mother deserves some me time. I am told this all the time even tho i dont really take it.if you dont get that me time you well go nuts. i wanna no why men think its ok for them to have their fun time but us women shit if we go anywhere they wanna no how long we well be or they your cell the the home number where your at. well mine does. drives me crazy. dont feel bad if you get some me time we all need it

Leanna - posted on 10/30/2011

I think that when husbands tell thier wives that it seems as a "control" method. So according to him he's like the worst father, he's not saying he wants alone time...HE'S GETTING IT! I know exactly what you're going through, sweetie. You're not a bad mom, not even close! If we don't get to sort through out mess-within-like we want or need to, I mean who constanly wants to be repeating and scolding, cleaning, cooking; not being able to turn around without tripping over someone?!! I don't mean any of this in a negative way, but when you are always for someone else you lose yourself. This is where I feel the issue arises-- if your husband was helping with lets say sharing cooking, some cleaning responsibilities, letting you get YOUR time in the shower and with disipling your child, mind you just the few things I listed, would it really bother you that he goes out? Would you have such a problem with him going for a few? I really do know what you feel! I am rootin for ya, keep me posted!

Sarah - posted on 10/29/2011

Well first of all i woukd have a tak with my husband he is a bad father if he's telling you your ab bad mom when he is hanging with friends and NO you are not a bad mom I have 4 children and the only time i get b myself is bath and thats if everyone is in bed at the correct time i feel for you and when your husband says he going out with friends that is the time to talk to him!:)

hope this helps!:)

Marlene - posted on 10/28/2011

omg! i can't beleave your husband said that? excuse me but you was not the only one who made the child.sorry for me coming out like this .i can't stand when ignorant men say but your the mom ur home all day .i put my foot down with my fiance when i had the baby.oh no that is not happening. you come from work and give me time .wake up at night feed baby.sometimes he comes from work and wants to cook.and u are not a bad mom , i know how it feels i have a 15 month old now and he drives me crazy chasing him around he don't let me sit , i know its cute lol. but sometimes i feel like a chicken without a head lol,and my fiance takes him when he comes home feeds him bathe him and put him to slee. i have to deal with h.w every single day with my 8 year old,and my 15 year old .i have to much in my hands .so it dosen't make u a bad mother,he needs to step up and help u.its his child too.and it makes him a bad DAD for hanging out with his friends. some men are such ignorant fuckers.they complain about not going out bla bla.but when their women wants to do something they bitch. and its bad.hell no ..DON'T BE A SOFTY. OR TO NICE ABOUT IT.once you change he will notice.he needs a smack!

Maygan - posted on 10/26/2011

i with u to its nice to have free time. My son just started school and he only goes till 12 and it is very nice to have time to yourself.So dont think u r a bad mom.

Jennifer - posted on 10/24/2011

there is nothing wrong with wanting time for you, you rly need that me time to keep your self level and happy so me time it up momma get a sitting and enjoy a few me hours alone of with friends

Carol - posted on 10/24/2011

OMG it dose not mean you are a bad mum it is normal to want as i call it mummy time it is actually good for you to get some time out even better to get some some mummy and daddy time together it is important for you relationship and you mental health. it is also good for your daughter to learn a bit of interdependence at this age, 2 year olds can be very demanding and difficult i know im on to my 4th 2yo lol and i go insane without me time so dont feel bad you sound like a grate mum and try and get your self some mummy time even if its to just have a cupper in a coffee shop you need it

Danika - posted on 10/24/2011

i might add that i know how you feel to a degree. i have three girls, 6, 2 and 10 months. always going never stops, never time to do anything for myself. not allowed to shower with a child in there with you (them making that happen not me) and a husband that works 60 hour weeks and is always too tired to help out. i need to look into some sort of daycare so atleast my 2 years old is getting some social expiriences and gives me some almost alone time with just the baby. i do real quilty for trying to spend time away from them but i also know i'd end up killing myself if i was never given any me time. parenthood is extremely stressful and to have your partner not care about the way you feel will only ruin your marriage, you need to have it sorted asap.

Danika - posted on 10/24/2011

your not a bad mum at all, he sounds like a pretty bad husband and maybe even father. show him all these posts and tell him a father spends not only quality time with his children but also supports the mother. thats not a partnership its a dictatorship and theres no way i'd put up with it. stand up for yourself and your daughter and do whats right by you. take care

Tresia - posted on 10/23/2011

shame on him! but i know exactly how you feel...seems like my husband does the same thing about going out with friends and im left alone with 2 kids under 3... take time for yourself! you have to or your gonna go nuts.. i even go to the point of when my kids are asleep during the day i sit and do nothing! cleaning can always wait but keeping sane takes priority!

Jammie - posted on 10/23/2011

there is absolutely nothing wrong with needing a little time to yourself. i personally think it makes you a better mom, when you have some time to yourself. you need a breather every once and awhile and it helps you get some patients back to be able to better handle these tantrums and fits, and your husband should be the first to help you, weather it be to take a shower or run to the store by yourself to just have those few moments. i am sorry you are having a hard time, wish i could help. -Jammie-

Jamie - posted on 10/23/2011

Mommys need breaks too. Sometimes, if your stressed out, the kids can feel it and it just goes down hill from there! You NEED some time to yourself. It healthy for you and your daughter. My husband was kinda the same way, he did whatever he wanted, when he wanted, and I stayed with the kids. It was "the way it works" But, once my kids got a little older, my husband stepped up a little more.
Your not a bad mom...AT ALL!!!!!!

Geraldine - posted on 10/21/2011

its normal to want time to yourself my husband give me 4 to 6 hours a week on one of his days off to be away from the kids he just takes me to the mall or somewhere and drops me off

Nicole - posted on 10/21/2011

Your not a bad mother at all!! I'm a stay-at-home Mom of a 2 yr old and a soon to be 5 month old. I hardly ever get time to myself, too. Sometimes you can get real crabby and just need to cool off alone or have a small break. Luckily I have my parents close by, so I can usually ask my Mom to take one of the boys or both at times. My Mom told me a couple months ago when I was so stressed out having a newborn & a toddler and having so much housework to do, that "housework can wait, they don't stay little long. You want your kids to remember you had time to play with them instead of always being busy." That really helped me, I started playing more with them and would do housework either when they were napping or at least while my youngest was napping and my older one would "help" me which was great bonding time, too!

Angie - posted on 10/21/2011

Oh dear! That's a horrible thing to say to someone who works all the time, 24 hours a day. Why does he get to go out with his friends? I take an hour each day to myself just to do little things, once a week I go out by myself and once a month my husband and I go out on a date night. I have two children both of which know through and through how much I love them. They (especially my 9 year old) are thankful for when I take my time for myself. My husband and our kids have a fantastic relationship because they get their time together too. You are not a bad mother and I am not trying to brag about my 'me' time. I just simply don't understand the mentality round people who think a mother is only a mother when she is with her kids. It actually infuriates me. I hope it all works out for you and you get your time to yourself. The longer you let it go on where you don't take a stand, the more resentment you will feel and the harder it will be to deal with it. Good luck and take care!

Nikki - posted on 10/21/2011

I was in ur same situation and my husband was going out wekly with his friends while I was stuck at home. I finally broke down one day and said if I could just have a pee alone then I would be happy,lol........I would go as far as pretending to have a stomach ach so that I could hide in the bathroom and read for 10 min,lol. Anyway, we have finally come to an agreement that I can go out alone everyother week for a few hours while he puts them to bed and he is allowed to go out everyother week too.....I said he could go out every night if I could just have a little time alone with no one talking to me. He has come along way....2 childern and 7yrs to finally get it. I hope it doesn't take you that long but definatly tell him you will be less crazy and a happier person.

I cam home last week from my night out to a tidy house and 2 kids in bed....he got sex cause I was so relaxed and it was a win win for everybody :) good luck

Iysha - posted on 10/21/2011

nope, not a bad mom at all! I'd go crazy if it weren't for me going to school four evenings a week and if my aunt didn't take my daughter for the day once a week. In fact, when i was a SAHM for 10 months, i was depressed. i had no real friends to talk to. My aunt told me that in the 50's, the reason women were able to be SAHMs and do it with a smile on their face was because they were prescribed valium or some weight loss supplement that was just like speed!! lol...that explained it perfectly for me. I could not do the same thing day in and day out.Smart women need their mind stimulated, not their patience tried.
You do need some time alone and your husband may never get what you mean. Try in the form of "father-daughter time." Suggest they go do something fun together, just the two of them. It will be great for the both of them to bond and great for you to do whatever you want to do at that moment. I would suggest things that may take a long time like, fishing or something. I would also suggest making plans and having him be the one to take car of your daughter on a day when your husband is off work. don't ever miss an event with your friends because he wont take care of your daughter, make him understand that you hardly go out and you want to have some grown up girl time with your buddies like he has with his friends.

Meg - posted on 10/19/2011

Having mommy time is very very important. It reduces stress, and provides you a needed break from your daily routine. It gives you a fresh perspective on the situation rather it is taking 30 minutes during nap time to sit down with a good book, or getting a sitter and having a night out with your friends or husband. Your husband is completely and totally wrong. My husband encourages me to get out and away from our two girls once in a while. Its not a constant thing just once in a while. It is the little things that keep you sane. Don't let them go. Inform him that he needs daddy daughter time and you need to go to the library. My husband is sitting here next to me he couldn't believe the post and says that your husband obviously needs to talk to an older more experienced father. The longer you go without a short break, the harder it will be for you to deal with the continuing button pushing, its daddy's turn to step up and have time with her actually honey its way past time for a once a month daddy daughter day or something of the sort. I mean what kind of father does it make him if he doesn't want to constantly be with his daughter? The road goes both ways dear.

Araceli - posted on 10/18/2011

NO!!! It doe's not make you a bad mom!!! We all feel that way!

Jennifer - posted on 10/18/2011

I am in the same boat. My husband works nights so my situation is a little different, but because he works nights, I have no time to my self, EVER! I completely understand, and you are NOT a bad mom for wanting some time to yourself!!!

Tara - posted on 10/15/2011

Being a mom is the hardest job there is!! as everyone else has stated you deserve time for yourself, doing whatever it is you would like to do. You are 21!!! you need a night out with some friends. Your husband needs to experience what it is like. I have a 3 yr old and 3 month old and I definitely need that time. I find it hard to get that time but only because my husband plays lots of hockey but I need to make that time. I know what it is like to feel resentful so to keep the marriage going you need to find time for you and you need to feel appreciated for all you do as a mom!! your daughter will be just fine. If your husband gives you a hard time with having this time to yourself then I would just up and leave the house and tell him you will be back in a bit! it will help overall, caring for your child, feeling relaxed and also how you feel towards your man!

Kayla - posted on 10/14/2011

there is nothing wrong with wanting time to yourself.

Jamie - posted on 10/14/2011

NO, NO, and NO. You are 150% not a bad mom at all for wanting time to yourself. I am a stay at home mom of 3 kids and I NEED that time to myself. I think all moms do, it makes us refreshed and better moms in my opinion. If you are frazzled and the candle is lit at both ends ALL the time, that isn't good for anyone, including your daughter!! Tell your husband how you feel about it and be honest but most importantly, take that TIME TO YOURSELF for sure!!! :)

Stephanie - posted on 10/14/2011

First off - you are not a bad mom for wanting time for yourself. Everyone deserves time alone. I am a stay at home mom of 2 boys 3 and 17 months. My time away is 3 nights a week for 3 hours while i got to school. If you don't have time to recharge yourself then how can you be any good to anyone else? think of it this way: when flight attendants advise on breathing masks they tell you to do yours first NOT your child's; you can't do good for them until you are taken care of. Plus it's unfair to your daughter if you are frazzled to the point of freak out. I catch myself getting to tat point on occasion and those are the times when i put my foot down and go somewhere alone, even if it's the grocery store. If your husband is going out with his friends and leaving you at home and says that you're a bad mom for wanting to get away for 10 minutes, what does that make him? Sounds to me by his definition it makes him a pretty bad dad to be away from her and out with his friends. Double standard, men are awesome at that. I'm not trying to knock your husband but I'm just trying to put it in way that makes sense. Put your foot down and go do you. You're a good mom, you do it all for your daughter and deserve some YOU time. I hope this was helpful.

Barb - posted on 10/13/2011

No cause I want sometime by myself right now my toddler is the same way and is not even 2 yet. It doesn't make you bad mother. It make you a better, mother then be able to come back after relaxing and take better care of your daughter.

Siobhan - posted on 10/12/2011

Ur most def not a bad mom! Every parent needs time alone, that's what grandparents and babysitters are for it may help if you told your husband how ya feel now, otherwise it may lead to bitterness and arguing later!

Tyi - posted on 10/11/2011

i totally think you should have me time. sometimes it will be when your baby is asleep. i have the same issue and i have 2 babies 14 mths apart.

Juli - posted on 10/11/2011

Absolutely NOT!! Every one needs time for themselves!! my daughter is 22 moths old already started the 2s early, and can be a huge handfull. Hubby even encourages me to get away at times. otherwise we would end up going nuts!! It is not right when they can get away and we cannot. You should be able to get out at least once a week if you want. Maybe if he watched her without you there he might understand a little more as well !! My hubby is home all the time but still does not realize how hard it really is at times (I always step in and rescue him if she gets too bad LOL). I have already let my hubby know that since he is unable to work he IS helping out more after our son is born in a few days. I get real mad when he sleeps all day (man I would love the extra rest!!) I get out but always have daughter with me, take baths with her, and she has to be there even when I go to the bathroom!! My only time off is when she sleeps. and with a newborn MOMMY is gonna need some help!!

Heather - posted on 10/10/2011

NO absolutely No. I think all moms need that time. We are always so busy and never have time for US.. moms go through so much seems the kids always want mom... We need the time to ourselves from time to time to keep sane..

Andrea - posted on 10/10/2011

I totally feel your pain. It is hard being 'on' 24/7. Before I had my son I was a nanny for two children. I kept saying it can't be much different to have my own kids. ALL my friends with kids laughed and said that I will learn real quick that I never get to clock out. Now I totally understand. It is exhausting. I actually now also resent my husband for getting to go to work, even to sit in the car by himself for the 20 min to work! I know it sounds petty but my gosh what I would give for that 20 minutes! I now have a home daycare with 5 kids full time! I now become jealous of the parents I see in the grocery store in the evening that look like they are having sooo much fun with their children. Now I not only question when I get time to myself but now I question when do I get to have fun with my child. Sorry to vent but know that you are not alone.

Sara - posted on 10/09/2011

you are noy a bad mother at all for wantin a bit of time to your self i have a son that is very hipper he is gettin tested for ADHD an it is very heard work an i ave a daughter tht dose not listen to do i no the feelin but my husband dose chip in on his days off work so i can get a bath in peace or so i can ave 1 days lie in at the end of the day your husband has to do his bit to so you can get time to your self even if its just to nipp to the shops or a bath evey mother need breathin space you r not a bad mother at all

Sara - posted on 10/09/2011

you are noy a bad mother at all for wantin a bit of time to your self i have a son that is very hipper he is gettin tested for ADHD an it is very heard work an i ave a daughter tht dose not listen to do i no the feelin but my husband dose chip in on his days off work so i can get a bath in peace or so i can ave 1 days lie in at the end of the day your husband has to do his bit to so you can get time to your self even if its just to nipp to the shops or a bath evey mother need breathin space you r not a bad mother at all

Andrea - posted on 10/08/2011

first of all I would ask my husband if he enjoys having time to himself and when he tells you yes, cause he will or he's lying, does that make him a bad father? And in no way does it make you a bad mother to want time to yourself all of us do and if you don't take it your not only going to feel like your at your wits end you will actually be at your wits end, so my advice take a stand and tell him that at least one night a week he stays home with your daughter and you go out and enjoy yourself.

Raina - posted on 10/07/2011

I would lose my mind totally if I did not get some time to myself, and no taking a 5 minute Shower does not constitute as "me" time. Its natural to need some time for you and your needs we should all stop feeling guilty for needing and taking the time and start embracing it. :)

Emily - posted on 10/06/2011

You are definitely not a bad mother for wanting time for yourself! It is completely normal, trust me! I was a stay at home mom, doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and taking my son to all of his appointments! I couldn't even go to the bathroom without my son screaming and crying at the door! I could not seem to get a break! So i told my husband that I can't do this anymore! I have to get at least a part time job to have time for myself plus a little bit of extra money! Luckily, he didn't have a problem with it!

A few months after that, we moved to a different state where I only know his family, and he works with his brother..they are gone for 4-5 days straight and home on the weekends. Well now I have a part time job, a full time mom, and a maid! And whether my husband likes it or not, the weekends will be "me time"!

Anyways, even if it's a part time job, take time for yourself! It is not easy being a full time mom, day after day!

Sara - posted on 10/06/2011

I hear what you are saying luckily my 15 month old takes a nap still and my eight year olds friends keeps him busy when they pop by because other then going to work that is the only free time I have. My hubby and I have gone to counsaling but I don't know. He keeps saying I don't treat him right and for awhile he whent out every sunday to spend time with work mates and I should stop complaing and be helpful or he is sitting at the computer asking me what I want. Sometimes I come home from work and my oldest had to watch the youngest most of the time or he is in the playpen and the high chair had still not been cleaned from breackfast that morning from when I fed the kids befor going to work that was sat when I work 4 hours! I am trying to get the kids into daycare sometimes my friends watch them as well.

Terri - posted on 10/05/2011

Everyone needs time to their self especially after having children. Your husband needs to become a little more considerate of your needs. You two should sit down and set aside the extra time to have "you time" even if it it getting a sitter and the two of you go out together. It's also important to maintain your personal relationship with him. After children it is easy to lose track. Good luck & definitely get some free time!!!

Starfish - posted on 10/03/2011

I don't care how good of a mother you are, everyone wants and DESERVES alone time. Absolutely. I fiercely love my children, I know I'm an excellent mother, and I make sure to get time to myself, because having that me time helps me be a calmer, more giving mother, because I don't feel so resentful.

I'm so thankful my SO gets that, because with 4 kids and one on the way, I'd have lost my mind by now if I didn't have some down time. Your SO needs to understand that and respect you enough to help you have that.

Sarah - posted on 10/03/2011

I'm pregnant with our fourth, the oldest being only four years old, and I have finally put my foot down and said, "I AM going to take some me time. I DO deserve it, and these are your children, too." I reminded him that he gets daily time away, even if it's at work, it's time where he can be an adult, associate with adults, talk like an adult, FEEL like an adult. I spend so much time around toddlers that when our electrician slipped on the ice last winter and nearly fell, I said, "Oopsie daisy! Did you get a boo-boo?" My husband is not thrilled with my declaration, but for now, it doesn't matter. If it's no big deal for me to stay home with the kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, then surely it's no big deal for him to stay home for a few hours once a month.

Geraldine - posted on 10/01/2011

no your not a bad mom we all suffer from wanting time to ourselves one in a while when you have kids

Danielle - posted on 10/01/2011

If that makes you a bad mother than I guess I am one to. My husband has never said that to me but he dosn't have to. I completly understand how you feel, I have two kids 3 and 7 my daughter who is 7 does not listen to me at all she has flat out told me she dosn't like me and wishes I would go to work so Daddy would stay home. She does everything in her power to make me mad. Then there is my 3 year old son he his a typical 3yr old boy TROUBLE! My whole family thinks I am a bad mom because I am tired of being at home,so I get how you feel completly. Right now I feel like a caged animal at the zoo watching everyone else walk out the gate but I am stuck all alone. So I think its normal to feel this way and even if it's not your not alone.

Keri - posted on 10/01/2011

In regards to your husband: smack him (not forcefully or with intent to injure). Any spouse (it could be a female in some cases) who doesn't appreciate the things you do for the family needs some sense knocked into them. It DOESN'T make you a bad mom to want to have time for yourself. You say he goes out with friends and does things outside of the home (besides work)? Doesn't that make him, by his standards for you, a bad dad?
Maybe sometime you just need to LEAVE. When he's there, just say you're going to (wherever) and you'll be back in an hour. Either don't take your cell phone or leave it off/on vibrate. If there's a major issue like someone's headed to the hospital, he'll know where to get in touch with you :-)

Jessica - posted on 10/01/2011

i am a stay at home mom i have 3 boys. I dont think u wanting time to ur self is wrong. I sure would love some me time

Valerie - posted on 09/29/2011

I hear ya. I have two boys and sometimes I just need a break. One thing that has helped me is joining the local chapter of the MOMs club. See if you can find a similar group in your area. We have play dates at the park, museum, library, and each others houses. It's a great help to talk to other moms and get out of the house. And once a month we have moms night out. We go to dinner with out kids, just moms. Believe it or not we dont talk about the kids that much while we are out without them.
You are not a bad mom. Everyone needs a break occasionally. Your husband needs to grow up and step up to the plate. If he won't then find a family member who would be willing to watch her so you can have a couple of hours to yourself at least once a month.

Erika - posted on 09/28/2011

I truly understand. I feel like you should go out by yourself with no baby. Even if its just to the grocery store or to get your nails done. It is so common for guys to get all the time by theirselves. But take time for yourself also and leave him home with the baby. You deserve time as much as he has.

Jenna - posted on 09/28/2011

you're not a bad mum, I'd love time to myself too, I have 2 kids under 3yrs and it's just impossible to get time to myself.

Carolyn - posted on 09/27/2011

you need to turn the tables on him. so he says that it makes you a bad mom to want to be away from your daughter! But wouldn't it make him a bad dad for being away from his daughter when he's with his friends. It's absolutely ridiculous. You're a mom, but a women first. You need time for yourself.

Sarah - posted on 09/27/2011

You have to give yourself a break. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others. I always have to remind myself of this and my husband at times. Think about when a flight attendant is explaining the oxygen mask procedure on a plane...if you don't put yours on first and get oxygen you won't be able to care for your kids. Good luck and you are not alone. :)

Keely - posted on 09/27/2011

I don't think that you are a bad mothr at all! Try this: Explain to him how you are truly feeling. Let him know that you need time to yourself and that staying home with the kid(s) is your job. No one is expected to work 18 hours a day! If he doesn't undestand, put your foot down and tell him that he needs to help.

Jessica - posted on 09/27/2011

it is never rong for u to want to be by ur self it is actuallly better for and ur daughter to have time out i have three year old twin girls and they drive me crazy i have them in day three days a week for six hours i love it i have one day to my self and work the other two it is the best thing for ur family to take time out