Issues with my boyfriend

Christine - posted on 07/18/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend and i have been dating for almost a year now and at first is was great i thought he was wonderful. when i first met him, he introduced him self as a full time student in law inforcement technoligy, having just graduated out of the police academy a couple months prior to our meeting and working a semi loading dock full time. we clicked emotionally and mentally more than anyone i had ever met. and although in my past i would have never dated a cop i thought i would just go out on a limb and attempt to try. the first two to three months where so great and always full of wonderful conversations and dates. and he met my 5 year old daughter and they clicked as well. he played with her so well. even after a hard days worked and doing school he'd come tired but yet ready to play! but after the first couple of months were over i started finding things out here and there. 1st i found out he was enrolled in school but just using the grants and loans for our dates and time together and video games systems, you recreational stuff and failing all his class misserably. like when he said he had done tons of home work online he hadnt even logged on to go to class in months. i found out he has an ex wife with three kids of his i just had to drive him to court because he had his car repoed cuz of nonpayment. his court date was about nonpayment of childsupport and possible jail time so my dad gave him a job.he uses my car to get there and is already getting wrote up because of being late constantly. i also found a message from him to one of his friends from the police academy on my phone (cuz he doesnt have his own)saying that he was seriously thinking of going back in cuz he cant believe he failed out and got kicked out. hes contantly telling me that he doesnt know where his money is going. and has been using my comuter to add hundreds of half naked gils to his facebook. these last two i only know because i do his farmville for him decor wise and send and collect gifts for him. and theres always notices of mail of him telling girls there gorgeous and notices of countless girl accepting his friends requests as of yesterday he has over 600 new girl type friends on there. i cant take it any more and i can only imagine what else hes hiding from me. my daughter is about to start kindergarten and im finally going to get to go to work since i lost my last job because my daughters father was supposed to be watching her while i was at work but called me in the middle of my sift to come get her and said he couldnt watch her anymore because he was having issues with his girl not wanting her there.i havent had much of a support system family wise and daycare cost more than i could make im considering on going back to school and getting a degree but i want to get a good job first so i have a way to provide for my self and my daughter without male support at all. im not exactly sure what to do from here without him tho cuz most of everything i just wrote he doesnt even know that i know. any pointers?

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Samara - posted on 07/18/2011

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Get away from him. he sounds like a total creep. There is no reason for you or your dad to take care of him.

Get your daughter in school. Get a job and go back to school. That is the best thing that you can do. Remember that not all guys are creeps and you DO deserve better! The good guys are there you just have to find them.

I really hope things get better for you!

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Samara - posted on 07/19/2011

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I have to disagree that the good man doesn't exist. Right off the top of my head I can think of 3 single great guys and several other married ones. You know, the ones who do adore their woman. The ones who will let you go to bed early while they stay up with the little one on a work night when they have to be up at 4am. They are out there but you have to look and you have to look in the right places. You probably aren't going to find them in a bar. Not saying it's not possible because my friends go out but not constantly. Of course this all depends on your definition of a good guy.

You know that nerdy guy in high school that wouldn't hit on a girl that was dressed like a ho... That's a good guy (as long as he isn't gay). The one that was always respectful to the women around him.

I graduated in 2003 and I can tell you the 80% of the guys from my class who are still single are good guys (which goes to show how women want that bad boy persona. That is what needs to be broken). They are nice, respectful, and wonderful men. Jessica has it right saying you have to fish for them. Have you been fishing? You sit on the bank or in a boat for possibly hours. Sometimes you get one but have to throw it back cuz it's not good enough so that later you can catch the perfect one. It takes time.

We have to remember to that the men have their own standards and are looking for a good woman as well. We have to be good enough for them. I'm not saying anything against any woman on here. I obviously don't know you, but I do have a friend who is constantly complaining about not being with someone. She had a great guy in her hands and he left because of the way she is. She's insecure, an attention hog, always annoying, very selfish, and maybe even kinda psycho. It's hard for me to deal with her. I couldn't imagine actually living with her.

Jessica - posted on 07/18/2011

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Yes this guy does sound like has problems. A failed marriage, going to school after a marriage, broke. I don't think that I would confront this guy about the girls you found. Men totally lie or freak out on you. It's always the girls fault if she finds something she wasn't suppose to find. Don't let another guy drag you down from becoming the women you want to be. Get out by always staying one step ahead of him, otherwise he will or is already using you as a stepping stone to get where he wants to go!

There are far more fish in the sea. I know the "good man" dosen't exist anymore, but there is decent! Go out there and go fishing for a male support, even if he isn't the one there are plenty of willing fish for the moment:)

√v^√v^√♥ - posted on 07/18/2011

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I'll third the 'douchebag' 'creepo' notions...... if he is adding women on his friends list, he's not truly interested in you nor respecting you, is he? :( Sorry to hear you are in this situation. Run as far as you can is my best advice. You don't need another child in your life to take care of forever. Your a mom to your daughter, not some guy...... Good luck

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