Just out of an abusive relationship...

Jesica - posted on 12/31/2010

Ashlee I don't know if this will be of any help to you. But I spend a long while in Ireland with an ex who is from there. Anyway, once we moved from America to Ireland he became very abusive physically, to the point that he tried to kill me by cutting my neck. I had to go thru 3 months of investigation from CPS in both Ireland and America for the same thing. For me getting away was very hard, 1 because I was in a country where I literally knew no one and I wasn't allowed to make friends there and 2 we lived in the country where our closest neighbour was about 5 min away. So it took me about a year to finally break away from him. While I was in Ireland I did everything I could to comply with their requests. There I really didn't have a choice if I wanted to return to my home country with my daughter. But once I got to America I had a few interviews I had to do and after they felt comfortable that she wasn't going to be around a situation like that again they left me alone. When dealing with CPS I found it was more helpful to comply with as many requests as possible. I had to show phone bills to show I wasn't communicating with my ex and before returning to America my daughter and I were placed in a women's home and we weren't allowed to leave without an escort. Doing the simple things like that will make the process go by a lot easier and faster. Hope this helps even a little.

Jodie - posted on 12/31/2010

thats all u hve to prove to th judge,a abusive realtionship is very to walk away from,but u did,hes just trying to scare u,so you will cave,dnt give him that satisfaction,he just being a fukn egg,a judge puts kids where they are stable,all you hve to do to keep your son,that you make a promise to u,tat you will nt go bk to him,and that u request he sorts his anger out,all they will do is access the if the kids are safe,and you did that,you took thm out of a abusive life,and they will take that in to consideration,they will just ask you some ?.they will wont to know the situation wif your ex too,i think you knw wat u wont,and thats to protect your kids.just see how they deal with it first,just tell thm the truth,it sld pan out for u.k

Brenda - posted on 12/19/2010

Do you live on a shelter? cause if you do until this is over (which is hard) it will keep you safe. Shelters might not be the best options to us, but the Shelters for Batter Woman is the safest to the JUdges, since they know there can be nothing harmfull for the children, I hope you are doing well, as long as you show stability or a plan to the Judge that inlcudes well future for your child, you should be okay, Go to your local Family Justice Center for Free legal advice (and maybe even a representative) or contact your local YWCA for same purposes.

Charlotte - posted on 12/19/2010

Me too, I was in an abusive relationship. I was 22 when I finally got away from my ex-husband by way of a suicide attempt, it really was the only way believe me! I was advised not to press charges for rape, attempted murder and all the rest so as not to have social services on my back. But I still got them coming round and keeping an eye on me for 6 months. i really thought I was going to lose my twin daughters who were 18 months at the time. But the truth prevailed and social services saw that the kids were well and I was doing just fine. In fact I have been a better mother to my daughters since I left my ex. So hang on in there, don't give up hope and don't forget that the truth is on your side.

Jackie - posted on 12/18/2010

I was in the exact same situation as you were in 3 years ago. Most states the investigation is common procedure. Often (as in my case) the father actually turns you in. My sons sperm donor turned me in for abusing and neglecting my son. All suspicions were unsubstantiated and I now have sole custody of my son. His donor never worked and was always blowing the household money (mine).
Hols strong and dont let anybody see you feeling defeated. Its times like this that you find out who your friends are. Its ok to go by yourself in a room and cry if you need to but dont let anybody see you since it can be used as ammo.

Katy - posted on 12/17/2010

I have a friend in a very similar situation...and yes CPS usually gets involved, but if you didn't stay around long, then it shouldn't count against you. My friend stayed for about 6 months after her son was born (the abuse started at the end of her pregnancy) and she was "investigated" but the outcome was temp full custody until the hearing and after that she got full custody until the father went thru rage management classes, continued to stay away from alcohol, and was not allowed any contact with the mother or child. It is a very good idea to get a protection order for yourself and your son. Its not a fun situation, but as long as you're compliant with the courts, you should be fine.

Kara - posted on 12/17/2010

I applaud you for leaving - you must think of yourself and your son, but I can only imagine the stress/anxiety that consumed your life.
My little advice - be mindful of what you say about your son's father to others (whether in public or on the phone). I would hate for your anger/frustration to come and bite you. Also, document everything - any conversations/text messages, etc you have with him. This can possibly help you down the road.
The fact you've been the stable force and soul parent since his birth will work to your advantage. Just continue to do what you're doing. Seek out advice (if you can from a lawyer, etc). I feel certain that everything will be ok. Stay strong!

Katy - posted on 12/17/2010

Good for you for getting out of that relationship and taking your child with you!!!
CPS will understand why you had to stay as long as you don't go back. Sadly you will have to prove yourself because there are so many women who keep going back and letting their child witness the abuse. You are obviously a strong woman so use that when you talk to CPS. you stayed because you were threatened and didn't know what else to do but you got up your strength and you left and I think they should praise you for that. Ask them where their concern was when the abuse was going on? Why now that you've removed yourself and your child do they want to investigate? Don't worry so much, just be strong and honest and do what is best for you and your child!

Alysha - posted on 12/17/2010

Ashlee, I know how you feel. I was in an abusive relationship myself a few years ago. I got out and went a little rebellious and got pregnant by the next bf before leaving me.

But anyways, I'm so sorry to hear about having to have your child go through all of this. First of all, i've never heard of CPS being called on the mother for keeping that child in that inviornemnt if there wasn't a choice. Second of all, if you have pictures of all of the bruises and the dates of what all happened that day you should have a pretty good case against him and how abusive he is/was towards you. I hope that you had called the police to report him. Not saying that they had to come to your house or anything, but just calling the police and saying as an anominous tip that he's been abusive towards his gf (you) and that she has a young child with her.
That way there is a record on him and when it comes time for court that you'll have the proof of everything that has happened to you.
Also, what you can do is say that you want full custody and legal custody over him and that you would like to have him, your ex, pay child support and supervised visits. If that's what you want.

If you ever need to just talk, you can always email me or find me of FB. Wishing you and your son the best of luck!