Last Name?!?! Confused!

Carrie - posted on 06/15/2010

you can give your baby your last name and then you have up to a year to decide if you want to change it or not. this is what i did with my middle child ..... BUT now i wish i hadnt. we married after he was born and 7 months later got divorced bc i guess i wasnt satisfying him enough. just remember .... this is YOUR baby. you put your sweat, blood, and tears to bring him/her into this world ..... name it whatever the hell you want

Alicia - posted on 06/15/2010

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. I gave my daughter my last name. He left me when I was pregnant. I figured if he wanted to my daughter to have his last name he would have stayed with me. BUT he was to busy hooking up with God knows who making more babies..that he just leaves. So I made the right decision.. If you feel that your baby should have your last name then do it!!! If they dont want to have anything to do with the baby just because the last name is yours then they dont need to be around the baby anyway..its not about a name its about the baby...My daughter has only seen her paternal GM 2 times & has never seen her GF or aunt or cousins....I feel that is their choice...you need to do what you need to do for your child they dont like it to bad!! You can do this hun...I am here if ya need me!!!

Jenna - posted on 06/15/2010

I have two kids with my partner and he also has an older daughter she has her mothers and his last name and my two have mine and his. I would always use his last name and when we get married ill change it over to just his.

Ashley - posted on 06/15/2010

You have to ask yourself, A) is he going to be there and B) how do you feel? If you personally don't want to give the baby his last name don't. If he does end up staying and being involved then you CAN change the babys last name. Now if you don't give the fathers last name to the baby and they don't want anything to do with you because of it...I say you don't need people like that in your life. Regardless of whose name this child has it is still their family and if they turn their backs on this baby, you do not need people like that. I would just say go with what your heart tells you not your head.

Sheryn - posted on 06/15/2010

Hi Katharine, to me its a personal choice and ive had a quick look at some of the responses...and all are great
I understand you love this person but I also feel your confused about where you stand...Perhaps the easiest is to give your child your last name it makes things easier with any legal proceedings.In Australia if you want to change your childs surname legally from the fathers surname to your surname you have to get that fathers written permission etc and it can end up in court...However some people feel a child has the right to have the fathers name...I have friends with several children whos last name vary but one friend she said the father could have surname as long as she chose religion...I personally gave my son his fathers surname,but in saying that we are now married :) I hope that you can figure this decision out and all goes well

Paula Annette - posted on 06/15/2010

give your baby your last name an the fathers.that way he has nothing to really say an hopefully it dosent corse an argument between u,your partner an the families...an wen baby z older give him/her the option on wether or not he/she wants to change the last name to yours,the fathers or juz leave it az it is

Elysia - posted on 06/15/2010

im prob a little old fashioned in the whole giving the baby their fathers surname. my partner and i arent married but had been engaged for years and i automatically gave my son his last name and i still would of even if we werent a couple. If your son doesnt like it when hes older he can always change it himself. Or you could compromise and hyphante and give him both. But what ever decision you make ensure your happy with it

Miranda - posted on 06/15/2010

I think that you should give your child both: The father's last name, AND your last name hyphenated!

Shannon - posted on 06/14/2010

i gave my son his fathers last name. and he was at the birth but after that he was not for a year until he had to start paying child support and looking back i wish i didn't give him his name biggest mistake i made that day

Francesca - posted on 06/14/2010

Its far easier to sue for support if the father recognized the baby at birth and signed the birth certificate and has the same last name.

If I were in your shoes, I would offer the child the father's last name. What if you meet Mr. Right one day and change your name. Then what name would your son identify with most? And historically, Its a status thing too.

Of course it looks like you are going to be the one to do the work. But, this is an identity issue as well. And his family may fear they have no claim to a relationship with him. With or without the father without even a namesake. Silly I know.

But if it bothers you, don't do it. You have to live with it for the rest of your life. And you have to be happy with it.

You can always hyphenate. Or suggest that if you two work things out, and eventually get married, then all the names can be adjusted then. But for now, your not going to commit to it. Because you don't want your baby to grow up and not be able to identify with an absent father. They would have to understand.

Amy - posted on 06/14/2010

I think babys should always have there fathers last name.

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2010

I gave my son my last name because i wasnt in a relationship and the "sperm donor" didnt want me to keep the baby. but i met someone when my son turned 1 and we got married and now he is an amazing daddy to my nearly 3yr old boy and we're expecting our second. i was able to legally change my sons surname to the same name as me and my husband so we all have the same name. He got a new birth certificate and all. once we've been married for 2 yrs my husband and i plan on going through step parent adoption so my husband and i have equal legal parenting rights and he will formally be daddy.

My opinion is give your baby your surname and it can always be changed down the track if you get a definite commitment from either babys dad or someone else down the track.

Shelby - posted on 06/14/2010

Your last name, if you give the child his last name he will have a say in how far you can live, out of state/country travel all sorts of stuff. You can hyphen the last name and avoid that all together however

Jodie - posted on 06/14/2010

my mom gave me her last name, which was her maiden name. she had me at 18, and even though she knew who my father was, she even chose to leave his name off the birth certificate. she knew he wouldn't be around, and she also knew she didn't really want him to be around. so, she made it easier on herself and made me "hers" only. when she married my step dad a few years later, I still kept her maiden name and didn't change it until I was married to my husband. when we had our son, i gave him our last name. if you're planning on mostly going this alone with your baby, I think you could make it easier on yourself and give the baby your last name. that way if/when you DO get married (to the babys dad or someone else) you can change both of your names to his, or just change your own.

Brie - posted on 06/14/2010

myt daughter has her daddys last name but only cause he is a great father we are going to get married and we live together but i told him but i dont think if a girl dosnt know or has any doubts if she is going to marry the babys daddy then she should give the baby the dads last name cause u could always change the name later!! i always tell my boyfriend if for some reason this relationship doesnt work out im changing her last name to mine because i gave birth to her so its my choice but hunn its really up to u just dont do any thing u will regreat ok good luck

Shelli - posted on 06/14/2010

I think you should do what you feel is right!! I have 2 kids by the same man & my kids last name are hypenated with my last name first than his & to be honest, I wish I just gave them mine. The reason for me doing that was becasue we were not married & if i was gonna be the one taking care of them, taking them to dr appts, school, etc...I didnt want them to be like oh Mrs. so & so, cause that is not the case. I'm always gonna be in my kids life!! I'm gonna be the one that they can call on for anything. The one they KNOW & TRUST!! So if you have any doubts that this guys is not gonna be around I would give them your last name, but that is just me. hope this helped.

Kimberly - posted on 06/14/2010

If you think he won't be around, don't give the wee one his name. I had this argument with my son's DNA donor, and I'm glad I didn't give my son his name. He said he would be around and be in my son's life and hasn't seen him or called to check on him since my son was 1yr. My son will be 3 in July. My husband on the other hand has bent over backwards to be with my son since he came into my life when my son was 8months old. My husband is going to adopt my son as soon as we can get our ducks in a row and that's the name my son will have unless he changes it when he's older. Until then, my son bears my maiden name. I did compromise and give my son the DNA donor's middle name as a middle name. But that was the only way I would let my son have any part of the DNA donor's name at all. Me and my family have paid for and taken care of everything. It's your baby and your life, make it easier for you, not the ass hat that's weaving back and forth in his decision to take care of his own child.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/14/2010

I had a similar problem.....but if he is going to be a part of your childs life on a daily basis then yes give him his fathers last name but if your not convinced that he'll stick around then give him yours

Harmony - posted on 06/14/2010

i completely agree great advice

Matula - posted on 06/14/2010

i had mine and my hubby's first daughter before we were married and i gave his last name. but i also knew that we were going to be together and get married. had i not been sure of this then i would have given her my maiden name. but now we are married, have two daughters and I havent gotten around to changing my name! slack i know but one day we will all be the same!

Lacye - posted on 06/14/2010

i gave my daughter my bf's last name. and i don't regret it. even if me and him don't last, i won't regret it. to me, it was the right thing to do. it had nothing to do with him, or his family or my family for that matter. it was between me and him.

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2010

give the baby both last names

Jennifer - posted on 06/14/2010

Just remember hun...you are MOMMY and if you want your child to have your last name then you can and if later on you end up staying with this man...then you can change your baby last name to his its not that hard any judge can do it. But it sounds like to me Daddy has so growing up to do first. But ultimatly its your decision and if his family dosen't want anything to do with the baby bc of a last name then THEY ARE THE ONES THAT WILL MISS OUT!

Tiffany - posted on 06/14/2010

I regret not giving my son my last name. My mom tried and tried to convince me into giving him my last name, but I also wanted to avoid the conflict. It's easy to change the babie's last name to his last name if you get married. It's not easy the change the last name back. My son's now in school, and I constantly get letters adderessed to "Mrs. Brashear" which is my sons father's last name. We've been broken up for almost 4 years now.
In the end.. you should really do what you feel is right. If you're ok with him leaving and the child still having his last name then that's up to you. I was in the same position as you, and let my son's father's family pressure me into it. I regret it, and my almost 5 year old son gets very confused as to why he lives with me but has a different last name.
But once again. It's your choice.

Melissa - posted on 06/14/2010

I have my father's last name and he didn't stick around. To be honest me and my bro are ashamed to have it and wished we could've had our mom's last name instead.

Tanya - posted on 06/14/2010

after reading EVEYTHING everyone said i have to tell u i have never met my dad and im 23 married with a son of my own and i had my dads last name because even if he wasnt there for i still had only one thing from him his last name and i thank my mom for that.really it up to u.but i love that i had my dads last name.even if i have still never met him.it was the only thing i had from him.

Lisa - posted on 06/14/2010

Depending on what state you live in... if you plan on getting child support from the babies father then legally they will force you to change the babys last name to the dads last name at the time you are doing the paperwork for the support order.. that being said.. it is a lot easier to give the baby your last name and then change it when they make you IF you're even going to make him take responsibility for his child [which you should, you didn't create this child by yourself] other than that its purely your choice.. at the hospital you are given the paperwork and even if the father objects it doesnt matter whatever you write down is what's filed and becomes the name of the baby so really however you feel at the time if you want the baby to have your name then go ahead and do so you can always change it later if you have to or end up wanting to and if his family doesnt want anything to do with the baby that's their loss slap him with child support and be done with it.

hope this helps.. go with what YOU want to do. you don't HAVE to do anything it's purely your choice. it's your way or the highway go with it =)

Jamie - posted on 06/14/2010

I gave my first daughter my last name cause the bio father wasnt around and still isnt. I have another daughter now with my husband and she has his last name. My husband as been in my 1st daughters life from the time she was a week old and has claimed her from the time we meet. So we are changing her last name as well to my husbands.

Rebecca - posted on 06/14/2010

I was in a similar situation... though we separated before she was born. I gave my daughter my last name but to keep her dad happy she has his last name as a middle name. If you give your child his last name and things go bad and you want to change it later you need to get his permission to do so (ie: he has to sign a paper and if he chooses not to you cant change it)

I say if you're not married give baby your name, if you get married later you can always change it to his then. Good Luck, stay strong and don't listen to anyone who tries to make you feel like you're making the wrong choice. I stuck by my guns (despite his families objections and intense criticism ) and I am very glad I did! x

Shannon - posted on 06/14/2010

My daughter has my last name because I felt strongly that I wanted her to have my name. I know I'm a constant in her life and also I carried her for 9 months. Having a last name is an honor. Her father and I are still together and she is over 2 yrs of age. his family accepts her as his child and there has never been any question of who she belongs too. Hurting others feelings means nothing when it comes to your child in my opinion. I'd hurt everyone's feelings if it meant protecting and loving my child.

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2010

I gave my son his fathers last name only because we were together at that time, I wish I had not done it!!!!! His father and his family have nothing to do with my son, haven't in a long time and although he does pay his weekly support that in my book is not enough to be a "father". Now that I am engaged and my soon to be husband has taken on the role of daddy I wish i would have given my son my own last name, my ex will fight the change, cause he can not because he cares its just another way to be a pain in the butt without having to be a dad...... Dont do it, give the baby your name, and if you end up married in the long run change it but by the way it sounds he will be gone and your little one will be stuck with a name

Allison - posted on 06/14/2010

I'm with Lindsey, I got my mom's last name, and then when she married (not my Bio-dad) I took his last name. He raised me, and I am glad I had his last name. Would have been really weird to have my bio-dad's last name all those years. I personally think that the babe should only have the dad's last name if he is at LEAST a 50% care-giver and provider for the family. Also, it can be tricky to have a different last name than your child, although lots of people do it. And you could always just say that you aren't doing it b/c you're not married. I think a lot of people only put the dad's last name if they are actually married and mom and dad share the same last name. That said, go with your heart tells you, and try not to worry about what other people think :)

Heidie - posted on 06/14/2010

I also agree on Giving the baby your last name.. especially if your not sure your going to stay together or not.. If you do end up getting married and what not you can always change the babies name at a later time... Good Luck!

Sarah - posted on 06/14/2010

I would go with your last name. Just tell him that you need to have some time to see if he's going to be around for the long haul. If in a couple of years you guys are going strong and you know that'll it'll be a more stable relationship you can always change your sons' last name.

Hope things go well for you!

Krys - posted on 06/14/2010

I dont know i mean is it a big deal to let him have his fathers name rather or not he stays or goes its still his baby..i could be wrong but i do know where i live if the baby doesnt have the fathers name that mother can keep the dad away, i guess wht is important to you? I would do wht was best for my baby.

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2010

I gave my son his father's last name and now I am regretting it. He had me convinced that he was going to be there for him so I went ahead and gave my son his last name. Well now I know that he's not going to be around so I'm going to change it to mine. I figure if he's not going to be there then why give a child his name if he's not going to be there? But it's your decision and you have to decide whether or not you're going too. There's always DNA tests to show him just because the baby doesn't have his last name doesn't mean that it's not his.

Happie - posted on 06/14/2010

I dont think it a gud idea to a child his/her fathers last name nt only if u guys r maried..I mean the possibilities of guys being together 4eva are not that high..nd again i think its beta to change names and give them thiers daddies' only after marriage rather than cnagin the names coz of the separation..Hre in Bots its our tradition..i mean i can give my dota her fathers last name whn we not married even if we are in a relationship..

Iselle - posted on 06/14/2010

The decisions completely up, whatever you feel comfortable doing. I gave my son my last name, his fathers not in the picture and my fiance now will be adopting him it will be alot easier to change his last name to my fiance's now. I also took away my sons biological fathers parental rights because again hes not in the picture, and this is soo much easier to deal with.

Kristina - posted on 06/14/2010

ok, if you are not married you should give the child your last night. this is something that can be changed. if you and the baby's dad get married put in for a name change and the issue is taking care of. don't let someone talk you in to something that you know in your heart is not the right move for you and your child...

Toni - posted on 06/14/2010

If I was in your situation I would use a hyphen, I would put his surname first and follow with yours so if he stays in your life your child will have both your surnames and if he goes you can use your partners surname as a middle name and just use your surname (then you and your baby will have the same name).

Katy - posted on 06/14/2010

I agree with alot of people on here, give the baby your last name, it will save alot of hassle and headaches, ive seen it from both sides with my friends and sisters and the ones that gave it their own last name where far better off then the ones that didnt!

Kate - posted on 06/14/2010

My daughters dad denied her till she was 2 weeks old. So when I had her I gave her my last name since I figured he wouldn't be in the picture. I also only put my name on the birth certificate. He never once said anything to me about her last name since he denied her, he thought I made the right decision too. Now he is some what involved with her. He sees her every other weekend and pays $50 a week. I think he should be able to pay more since he can afford to buy a house with his gf and her son. I dont regret once giving her my last name. And if my boyfriend and I get married and we end up moving with him to either hawaii or ga(he is in the military) she will get his last name and he will adopt her. I also dont regret putting only my name on the birth certificate because if I did I wouldnt be able to move her out of state or even travel with her out of state to see my boyfriend and his family. The desicion is up to you but no matter what you will do what best for your baby! Best of luck!

Ashley - posted on 06/14/2010

i just had my son and i was in the same boat as when deciding on who's last name he was going to get! Honestly you have the power of giving him what ever last name you want. His family should understand and still want to be there for there grand baby if you give him your last name. Especially if there son is not there for you and is not going to help you out! Men are so weird but what he needs to do is stop listening to this friend of his and have his mind of his own! good luck just remember that what ever you choose make it the right one for the baby, and you will know that when you fully decide trust me

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

I would give your baby your last name..not his and not worry about him or his family. If they are around and he is there during your delivery and hospital stay, maybe that would influence the decision. It's your choice and it could be very frustrating. you have other things more important to worry about. As long as you decide before you leave the hospital or finish your paperwork..the birth announcement for the paper,papers for the baby's ss#,these things are all equally important.If you are not married to the Father then he can't make these choices for you,you do have rights as long as you are over the age of 18.Don't think you should get married unless you are ready either,Loves will come and go,so will the people you think you can count on or trust sometimes; but the love of your child is unconditional and has NO boundaries. You can't spend so much time worrying about others.Keep your self healthy and safe and then your baby will be ok too. Everyone else will come around or they won't. This is when you find out who your friends really are. Kudos to you for possibly raising this child alone and at your age. Many others would make other choices and not be so brave. don't sell yourself short,Katharine. You are trying to do the best that you can for both of you. Best of Luck!~ Heather

Felisha - posted on 06/14/2010

It's all up to you. I had two other children before my husband and I got married, and they all have their father's last name. It kind of sucks though because now I have three kids who all have different last names, and now it makes me look at myself differently. Granted I was younger then but just think in the long run if you don't marry him.

Natalie - posted on 06/14/2010

I haven't read all the replies so someone might have already mentioned this but I had the same problem. I wanted my name and he wanted his name. we decided to double barrel it so I put the dads name and then mine so it goes childs name middle dad-mum so mine gets used instead of the usual mum-dad name where the dads get used. I told him that when we get married I would drop my name so our child would just use his but until then he will use mine.

Michelle - posted on 06/14/2010

YOU CAN DO BOTH...YOURS & HIS..BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY THATS HIS BABY & YOU WOULDNT WANT YOUR BABY HATING YOU 4 MAKING THE WRONG DICISION...GOOD LUCK!!!

Fiona - posted on 06/14/2010

I had this problem as well, the father didnt understand why i wanted my baby to have just my surname, im like you i remeber saying im the one that carried him for 10 months and gave birth to him so it shoud be my surname, his family were all on his side about it which wasnt very fair. what i did in the end just to keep the peace was to give our son both our surnames - double barrell surname, hope this helps

Karla - posted on 06/14/2010

i believe tht a child should have their dads last name but in your case maybe if you double barrel your childs last name then everyone will be happy :)

Jenni+shane - posted on 06/14/2010

i agree with others if your not sure if he going to stick around give him yours u can always change it. i not married but change my name so now the three of us have same last name the fathers as i didnt want any of us to be different but i knew my boyfriend was going to stay so far i happy with this decision