lonely...

April - posted on 10/18/2010

I don't think your doing anything wrong.....you find out who your true friends are when you have your first child and are a young mom....most split...a couple don't. Don't blame yourself for becoming socially awkward...it happens. My advice to you is find a neighbor girlfriend or someone you sorta know well, and make a point of going out to do something....whether it be a nice walk, playing cards, going for lunch, or w/e and do it once a week with that same girlfriend. Then, get her to introduce you to her girlfriends....weed out the ones you don't approve of and keep the few that you do....through these ppl you may meet a couple others that are also worth the time.....go from there.....keep your chin up and remember that the children are our sunshine now....:) Good luck and if you live anywhere Nanaimo , BC, Canada then we can hang out :)

Charlene - posted on 10/18/2010

Yea, find a job! That would connect you with people outside of just your husband. I go crazy looking at these walls all day with no one but the computer and then my husband when he gets home from work. I've been thinking about finding a job, but then I'm torn when it comes to the thought of finding a babysitter.

Katy - posted on 10/18/2010

i do feel the same too. my husband works almost all day, he leaves in the morning before our oldest wakes up and some days dosnt get home til after shes gone to bed. in one week he'll see her maybe five times for only an hour or so. i'm usually here with the girls and yes my friends have stopped comming around just to say hi and hang out. i realized with my first pregnancy that my friends were curious but afraid of me now that i had someone inside me. once i had Madi i stayed inside a lot the weather had gotten colder and she was still so little. my friends found other people and things to fill the void i once ocupied as a friend. we stil caht every now and again and try to hang out but it dosnt really work when things get awkward (breastfeeding the newborn) and i have felt like i cant do it anymore. family say i might need some help. (a head doctor) its the baby blues i'm sure. just work through the hard times i mean i'm still alive so are they, we have to be doing something right.

Fiona - posted on 10/18/2010

:-( i know how you feel. Have you tried getting a job around your partners hours? xxx

Antoinette - posted on 10/18/2010

Sweetheart. You are not wrong. I believe you should be glad ur husband doesnt go out for temptation is always out there and liming brings drinking and after a couple of cold ones who know what can happen. Kids is not an easy thing and no matter how old they get, ur life will never go back to the same thing. U are not alone in this life but you have to find a groove that works for you to keep ur head above the water and go with it. Remember pregnancy means no stress, u can go out and socialize. Dont let it keep u back just limit who u go with, go with friends who make you feel comfortable with ur condition and those who look out for u/or just go by urself. Dad can look at the baby for just a little while. Dress up and get some "ME TIME"!! U will feel better and u and ur husband dress up and go out...Family night!!! U may be very tired but this will make you feel better and less stress.....

Amy - posted on 10/18/2010

I'm in the same position; I'm only 21 and my friends are almost non-existant.
No one bothers with me since I've had my little girl & I know how lonely it can be :(
I can't really offer any comfort but I think it's nice to know that someone else knows how you feel.
Try and see your family more and maybe join a playgroup with other mums your age x :)

Charlene - posted on 10/18/2010

I hear ya. I'm no where near any big cities, and I'm not about to drive to one with my daughter in tow to a mom group or something. You've got it worse having no license. I don't have a job, but I have a car. My friends aren't moms yet, so I feel burdensome bringing my little girl with me to their houses. Besides, they NEVER come to my place, I always come to theirs, and they expect that of me. Sorry for the selfish rant on your question! I just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

Amanda - posted on 10/18/2010

no i feel the same way you do no one wants to hang out with me anymore some of my friends didnt even show up to my baby shower because they had something better to do i'll be your friend girl add me amanda

Ariel - posted on 10/17/2010

hi i have a 25month old and i am 21 with 2nd on way due in march and i been a solo mum since i had my son and lots my friends come and go i think that i do things wrong but look at as they will understand when they get ur place of bein parent so jus try find friends that have kids round same age so u can relate and help each and give tips and talk to it helps lots aye add me and talk anytime i happy to talk with other mums

Joanna - posted on 10/17/2010

same thing happend to me. i just gave up to be honest. it is a test to find out who your true friends are. its time to find mommy friends! i really have to work at maintaining relationships with the few mommies i talk to, but it is worth it. just hang in there! at least your hubby stays home!

Boni - posted on 10/17/2010

i know almost exactly how you feel my friends have all pretty much disapeared since i had my daughter my partner works full time and we are trying 4 our 2nd baby i dont have a liscence either.. my partner doesnt go out on his days off his choice , maybe your partner is happy to stay home with you rather than going out

Kristina - posted on 10/16/2010

Maybe it's not you! I have pretty much the same problem as you and my roommate showed me that I am picking the WAY wrong friends and it's good that they don't stick around!! I've never really trusted women anyway so the first sign that they aren't a good person I drop them immediately!! I feel lonely just like you! All I have is my male roommate (who, yes I have known since Jr High) BUT he has no kids and likes to get out of the house when he can!! We will both find some good solid friends hopefully......where do you live?? LOL Anyway, best of luck to you!!

Letitia - posted on 10/16/2010

U aint doing nothing wrong its just friends SUCK im nearly 23 and i havent spoke to my so called friend since ive left school 2 of my friends found out i had a little girl (10 months old now) and they came round a total of 6 times aint seen them since life just sucks that way,,, but hey i got my little girl and thats all i need. not some ass holes who want to be friends 1 min and not the next x

Jane - posted on 10/16/2010

oh my god me too. i'm 29, my son's 3 and i'm totally lonely. where are you from. i'd love to be your friend. our boys can play together.

Rebecca - posted on 10/15/2010

I know how you feel. I'm the first of a lot of my friends to have a baby. I just lost my best friend of 12 years because I think the change was a little too drastic. She was going in one direction, and I was going in another. Luckily, I have another friend who has 3 kids and one who had a baby about a month after me. So they are a lot more understanding about whether I NEED a night out or have someone come over. Or whether I'm too busy to do anything but be with the baby. I suggest to try joining a moms group from your local community center, friendships from there would probably last longer and wouldn't be work to keep them easy.

Alysha - posted on 10/15/2010

thanks guys it has really helped to lift my spirits my son does go to day care 1 day a week so he can interact with other children which he loves i dont really have any friends who live close by that have children i think once i have my licence in a few weeks i will b alot happier being able to take my son to the park and beach etc. i have thought about mothers group but where i live the people who are here are not the kind of people i want my son around. but am looking into groups close by i have convinced my husband to go out with friends this weekend to so he can finally get out with friends although he was reluctant lol. i have a great family support my mum takes our son almost every second weekend so thats really good for my husband n i to spend some quality time together thank you all xx

Jaycie - posted on 10/15/2010

You are only 21 you are a different time in your life as most of your friends... they checked out because you became unavailable... same thing happened to most of us... You need to befriend other Moms.. that wont mind you talking about Boogers and the color of your child's last bile movement lol... also, go out with your boyfriend and his friend... one of the guys is bound to have a girlfriend that you can hang with and chat! hope this helps

EMMI - posted on 10/15/2010

Your not doing anything wrong. I know all to well how you feel. Its natural to feel cut off from the world. Your friends are just not mature to understand what it means to have a husband and children. You have to find someone to talk to that you something incommon with. Go to the park with your kids do arts and crafts. Or at nap time get a book or puzzle and just have you time i have found that to be helpful. I never talked to anyone until i got internet. its easier to talk to peeps over the internet cuz there is no strings attached ukn. things will get better. Let a family member watch your oldest and go on a date with your hubby.

Kerrie - posted on 10/15/2010

i know how you feel. all my friends that i classed as good close friends were so over the top when i was pregnant and all there all the time.
as soon as i had my daughter they didnt bother with me anymore (maybe once a month) because i no longer went out drinking and partying.
i too could be stuck in doors all week but i would get very depressed so i make sure i go for a walk at least every day as fresh air is also good for my baby.. i also go to a baby group every monday which is as much for mums as it is for babies.......i do not drive but i will walk or jump on the bus to keep myself sociable and out and about
x

Nicole - posted on 10/15/2010

I wouldn't worry to much, just make new friends with the people you interact with on circle of moms. That way you can keep up with the trends and you can arrange play dates for your son. With the play dates...it will help you and him get out more often and meet with other people in the same situation. Trust me...it works!!! Find a park or a lovely play area to get some of your cirlce of moms friends to hook up. It will work!!!

Dara - posted on 10/14/2010

You're not doing anything wrong. The unfortunate side effect of becoming a mother is the loss of your former life, including friends who aren't in the same place. I think every mother has felt this way at some point or another. I totally understand not being able to go anywhere and being with kids all day long! The thing I have done is found some friends who are in relatively the same place in life. I also think that online communities can be just as beneficial as real life ones, and if you can make some great mom friends in places like this, it may help a little. Always remember that your kids won't be little forever, and your life will change with every stage they go through. I'm glad you have a husband who is sensitive. It really helps.

Liz - posted on 10/14/2010

I know how you feel. I was 20 when I got pregnant with my b/g twins. My friends hardly stayed around afterwards and I barely hear from most of them. They are two now, and I just had our youngest son in July.

Brittany - posted on 10/14/2010

You aren't alone in that... my best friend from High school lives 3 hours away, all of my friends from work quit talking to me once I quit working... most even have kids.

I've finally started talking with other moms who take their kids to swim lessons. I'm getting closer to one of the moms in my daughter's class. I would suggest the same for you... being pregnant might make it hard to get in to swimming lessons but there are other children's programs. Plus then your son will also make friends.

Jaime - posted on 10/14/2010

If I were you, I'd find other moms who have kids around the same age as your son. The kids can play together then and you'll get support from the other moms with your new baby. Your hubby will see you have people to talk to and he'll feel more easy about going out. You and he can also start scheduling your own date nights if you can find a mom friend who won't mind taking care of the kids, if you do the same for her. It sounds to me like the friends you had before just wanted to party and didn't like that you had to devote part of your life to your kids, which isn't very adult of them in my opinion. Every mom should be able to go out once in a while and relax a little with friends, but those friends can't be too demanding since you have kids.

Morgan - posted on 10/14/2010

I'm completely with you on feeling lonely. I'm 26 yrs old and have an 18month old daughter. My husband is in the Navy and is gone 2-3 weeks out to sea every month (most of the time 3 or more...we've had 2 months this year where he's been gone 2) and all of my "friends" from the area never want to get together or do anything. I own my own business and work from home so I rarely ever get out. By the time my husband gets home from being out to sea I'm so starved for adult conversation that I feel like I'm going to burst. So far he's already been gone 1.5 weeks this month and will be gone the rest of it. My daughter is a daddy's girl to the core and wants nothing to do with me when my husband is gone other than feeding and changing. I play with her and interact with her but she surely doesn't cuddle with me like she does her daddy.

Because of that I'm not only starving for adult interaction but also affection in some form. HAHA It's lonely but sometimes, you just gotta pull through it and lift your head high and remind yourself that things WILL get better. They may get worse before they get better, but they always end up turning around. That's what gets me through the days. Just remembering that it will all get better. This is only temporary. I tried play groups to try and get some interaction for the both of us but found it to be nothing more than a bunch of moms either sitting around and gossiping about other members when they weren't present or sitting around and not saying anything to each other while they watched their kids play.

Misty - posted on 10/14/2010

do you have any "mom" groups that you could attend?! maybe a YMCA or some type of gym program for you and your toddler?! i know that the Y has scholarship programs where you can get i think half off membership! i know how you feel, my husband and i moved away to go to school and really dont know anyone around here and it gets lonely! i lvoe my daughter a lot but i just cant have an "adult" conversation with a 15 month old lol! everyone at the school are young and carefree with no responsibilities and all my friends are back home and i miss them dearly. i just get too busy sometimes with school and family time that some people dont understand that i just cant drop my daughter off with family and hang out!! i know its hard especially now that you are pregnant the hormones might make those feelings worse...but try to get involved in something! I dont know if you have a YMCA around but the one by us is very family oriented. they have a preschool program for toddlers 18months and up and i cant wait to start that! we also have around us a SAHM support group that i just found online and requested more info oon!! hopefully this helps and hopefully you can find some true friends!!!

Shelley - posted on 10/14/2010

I know somewhat on how you feel. I'm a single mom with an 18 month old daughter n I can't trust anyone from on how much i've been burned too. It's hard no one wants to hang round anyone who has kids even more trying to find a date. LOL