Looking for advice on how to deal with my baby dad ..

Missy - posted on 08/27/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I'm 19 and I deal with a 25 year old child for a baby dad .. It's mean to say but that's how I feel. Growing up with 3 brothers I was aware that not many guys "grow up" but mine were always taught to take care of their responsibilities. I was 16 when my daughter was born which makes her 3 now and her father wasn't always there from the beginning and it wasn't until his mom FORCED a DNA test to prove she was his (even though I knew she was his, of course he denied) about a year ago was when he decided he wanted to step up and be a "dad" and since than he's been nothing but a poopy dad to be honest .. I still support our daughter and he will ask for her sometimes but he still has NO job and doesn't do much to get one .. he has also been trying to force working on a "family" and personally I moved on and found someone better for me and my daughter but he has a HUGE problem with someone else helping me raise MaKenzie and honestly I don't think he has a say considering I am the who has raised her from the beginning .. He's also never signed her birth certificate considering he wasn't there for her birth and he's been fighting me lately to have him put on there so she can have his last name instead of mine but I don't think I should just yet .. I've tried to deal with this on my own and I've confided in my mom but she hates him and tends to only make things worse .. I'm only looking for advice and not to be judged .. please help ..

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4 Comments

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Missy - posted on 08/27/2010

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well i signed up for child support a couple weeks ago and it's taken awhile to get things going cause we live in 2 different states although their right next to each other the court systems are being extremely difficult but i hope it keeps moving along! my parents, family and friends have been my major support system but at the same time they make it harder when they don't think he deserves this chance (but he's had more than one) .. I recently started dating who I am now and I couldn't be happier and I've noticed Kenzie has taken more to him than her own father but I guess that could be cause he's around more often. but I'm very thankful for everyone's opinion!

April - posted on 08/27/2010

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i feel your frustration, honestly its your choice to move on. first off i'd just go and get signed up for child support that way he has no excusses for not supporting her. And tell him he can not see her until he starts paying and if he has a problem with it tell him to take up visitaion in court. My husband got arested and locked up for 2 years and he was p-ed off when i told him i wanted a divorce. personally i dont want my daughter who was 1 at the time to be labled thanks to her dads addiction to porn and yes the worst kind! needless to say my daughter dont know him and her "dad" is the best man in the world so as long as you have a good guy that loves you and your little on dont let your ex worry you. :) best of luck and no one is gonna judge you sweety theres nothing wrong with what your doing. chin up!

Klarissa - posted on 08/27/2010

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Missy,

I can in a sense relate to your situation I have a 6 month old daughter and her bd is 30 years old and we went through and are still going through some of the things you mentioned, the best thing that I can tell you to do, is do what is best for you and your daughter, and if he feels like he doesn't want someone else to raise his daughter he should have been there from the beginning, and that being a family should not be a forced issue, if this was something that was wanted then it would be, but you are now happy with someone else and i am sure that is hard for him to accept but hopefully he will come around where that is concerned. My support system has come from talking to my mom, or even just talking to friends, in the end you have to do what makes you happy. I am not sure if this is going to help but I wish you the best of luck!

D'Etta - posted on 08/27/2010

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He can't prevent you from moving on with your life any more than you can force him to grow up and get a life. He knew when you both split up that you would eventually get with someone else, just as he will eventually get another girlfriend...

If he wants to step up and be a man and take care of his daughter, then he has those rights (unfortunately) but he needs to do it for his daughter not for his pride.

Try not to harbor any resentment towards him (easier said than done, as I'd like to strangle my children's father still). As long as your daughter is taken care of, that's all that's important. And who knows? Maybe he'll turn out to be a good father and your daughter will be lucky to have 2 men in her life to guide her alongside her mother.