lying boyfriend

Crescent - posted on 04/24/2010

If u have 2 kids together and u just found this out, he may have an addiction....that's why he kept it from u. Internet porn is the number one form of addiction because it is so easily accesible. Do research and find out what ur dealing with before its too late and ruins both ur lives.

Adrianna - posted on 04/24/2010

With my husband if he watches porn he wants me to watch with him, so we can both see new things and maybe sometime try them just talk to him and see what he has to say before u jump to anything

Jennifer - posted on 04/24/2010

Every guy is going to have that natural curiosity. You say it isn't a problem for you so if it's just the fact that he lied to you about it, sit and have a calm talk about communication. Let him know you just want him to be honest about it. Maybe you two could even try incorporating it. (Not all the time mind you but enough where he'll probably prefer you there or just you.)
All I can stress is communication. Talk to him and don't let something as small as that be the destruction of your family. Good luck!

Elizabeth - posted on 04/24/2010

I don't have a problem with my husband looking at porn. The fact is tohugh, he never lied to me about it or PAID for subscriptions by huding money. Those are both different problems. You need to talk to him with an open mind. A lot of women really have a problem with it and he may think it is going to offend you. It sounds like you may have other issues than just the porn if this is a reason to break up and you used to watch it yourself. You should sit down with him and discuss this issue and see if there is anything left unresolved after.

Katie - posted on 04/24/2010

Most men love porn. I have two brothers who dont even hide from their gf's that they watch it. My hubby has watched it in the past but doesnt appreciate it anymore but I wouldnt mind if he did. Men are visual things. The best thing to do would be talk to him about it, ask him your questions and see what he has to say. Tell him that you are concerned and that you are afraid it will affect your relationship. Chances are he will stop, it isnt THAT important to anyone. Its probably that he doesnt know how bad it makes you feel. But I really wouldnt worry too much about it.

Shaunacy - posted on 04/24/2010

Hey girl!
Well I had the same problem as you for the longest time with my fiance. The problem with me is that I HATE PORN! I find it vey demeaning to women everywhere. I think it presents an image of the human body that should be kept to ones self! Honestly I think Pron is a form of cheating. You wouwldn't let your man watch your neighbors doing the nasty now would you? NO, so same concept, if you wouldn't feel comfortable having someone you love watching someone else, then what's the difference if it's on a screen or right in front of your face. Honestly , when he was watching porn it made me feel Fat! I'm not that big a girl, but I know for sure he wasn't watching BBW porn! Also it makes me feel like I'm not needed. I have 3 kids of my own and a step daughter...yes..granted it's not often I find the urge or the time to get into with him and I don't truat mybirthcontrol...but while waiing for my operation, I expect my manto have respect for me and my feelings by being patient even if he only get's it twice a week!

This topic to me is a topic of respect! If he's lying to you, then you need to confront and find out the underlying issues!

It's been 8 months since my hubby las looked at porn! I'm very prod of my man and I'm thankfull he now understands after many tearful nights and many fights that this kind of action hurts me deep down inside.

I know he'll relapse, he's a man, don't get me wrong i understand the visual creatures thing. i really do, but honestly if he needed to visualise it that much, then why not have a way o visualising his wife instead of some other random hottie who's half my size with a nicer bum...

Alex - posted on 04/24/2010

lol it amuses me that people have such an issue with porn, to the chick who was doing "shifts" looking after the baby dude he was probably bored its not that interesting sitting round well the other partner is at work or asleep and you have to stay up
Ok fair enough he should stop being a little baby and lying cause thats stupid especially if you have told him u don't have an issue with porn, if you haven't then he's probably embarrassed. The silly thing is that all girls seem to think that if i guy is looking at girls on the net then u are inadequate in some way have you ever talked to a guy about it? usually they are actually thinking of you when they are doing it they just need the pics to get turned on, they aren't like chicks who often are more emotionally or verbally turned on, they have scientific proof of that. If your still having sex and hes not turning u down when u want it, then dude tell him to stop being a tool and hiding it and WHO CARES!!

Ashley - posted on 04/24/2010

I watch porn with my boyfriend. It turns him on that I watch it too lmao I just think at least porn is better than a strip club where there are temptations.

Bobby - posted on 04/24/2010

I personally dont see anything wrong with porn...at least hes not on those dating sites, texting/calling other women. Just ask him about it, hes probably just embarrased cause hes always said he hated it. Funny thing is guys never think its as bigger deal as the woman does!

Katy - posted on 04/23/2010

To elaborate: I do not thin kthat porn is wrong, there's nothing wrong with porn if you are single or if it is used in the relationship with both persons knowledge to add to the relationship. HOWEVER, when it is one person using it, looking at other people, fantisizing about other people, IT IS CHEATING!!! What if he was going to a strip club? It's no different. He's paying money to look at other naked women and get off!! If you are not okay with it then it should't be happening and there's no excuse for him to lie about it or anything else. If he lies about that then what else is there, how are you supposed to trust that he's honest about other things. A lie is a lie is a lie !!! There is no gray area!!

Katy - posted on 04/23/2010

If he knows that it bothers you and doesn't stop then he's cheating. I defy cheating as doing anything wih another person, even virtually, that you wouldn't do in front of the person you are with. If he knows that it hurts you then he should stop. If he won' sop then you have to deside if it's something that you can deal with or not.

Sonya - posted on 04/23/2010

I don't think the issue is him watching porn the issue is that he has lied to you. If you don't have trust in your relationship you have no relationship.

Lisa - posted on 04/23/2010

I underdstand how youwould feel. After having children your self esteem isnt the best. You safer having a post pregnancy body, your sleep deprived and not always is your sex life thriving. I have recently gone through a seperation and it is hard but now after nearly 12 months I have happy again and feeling great. The main thing is that if your not happy your kids arent. If your kids arent happy you arent, so you need to work out whats best for you and your children. Staying with their dad or in some cases mums for the childrens sake is not always the best option if the relationship with the parents are not good. It effects the children and they notice that their mum and dad are not happy with each other. And yes it is hard finacially and emotionally but you are not with your partner because of money. The first few months being a single parent is hard, yes you stress about money and yes you feel depressed,. But what you have to look at is in the long run are you better off being with your partner or being on your own. Good luck and remember there are always people there to support you no matter what yojur decision is

Shannon - posted on 04/23/2010

First let me say I dont think the porn thing should be a problem unless its excessive. So if this is the only problem I would let it go. But if this isnt the only thing he is lying about you have an issue. Now personally I sit down with him and talk to him. Dont yell dont hollar dont cuss. Just tell him why this hurts your feelings. Tell him there is no reason to lie. And if you mind him looking at porn tell him to stop but explain to him why you dont like. Sometimes with men you have to break everything down like you would with a two year old. I hope the best for ya my girl and hope all works out in your neck of the woods. Good Luck

Crystal - posted on 04/23/2010

girl I have to admit I have had the problems myself and I am STRONGLY against porn I dont feel its right I mean if they have to look at that when they can look at you then theres a problem to me I honestly feel low, not good enough, and let down and probably because i have always felt that way about it and could be because I have no desire to look at it myself if I want to look at it I have my husband (Spouse) to look at I feel it has a huge impact on the relationship especially if there hiding it, lying about it, sneaking around to do it, and not having that respect for there spouse I mean honestly if the other partner doesnt like it then I dont think it should be done theres to many things these days that if your wanting to experience things to do you and your partner can do it together not looking at other woman or men for that matter to me its just another form of cheating theres a reason you took that vow or got serious for the ones that arent married you shouldnt want to look at someone else naked or doing the things they do for that matter. Thats just my point on it but you definetly should set him down and discuss it because that isnt right at all Honestly is a big part of a relationship if you dont have that you dont have a good relationship.

Sheree - posted on 04/23/2010

XXX church sweetie...look it up and get it on your computer so you know what is going on and he is accountable. It is free!

Kandice - posted on 04/23/2010

i understand how u feel. bring it to him first in a mature calm matter...

Tanya - posted on 04/23/2010

im sorry! and i can relate. my hubby used to look at it all the time. when i approached him about it, saying it made me feel so insecure about myself, he told me i shouldnt worry, that it meant nothing to him. well, i gave him the benefit of the doubt. when i saw he was still looking at it, i confronted him, yet again. told him i wasnt happy and that i felt even less secure about myself. told him if he wanted to look at it, then to not be so secretive about it. that it could be something we see together, maybe get ideas.. cuz i have seen what he looks at and have actually used what ive seen on him. well, he said no. that he would stop looking at it. since he has, but one of his coworkers still send s him texts of women that he wont show me. i suggested he keep them to himself, and keep his talk of what women are hot, to himself or when im not around.

however, i would much rather have him looking at it, then actually having an affair!
i have my best friend to talk to about it, and she helped me get through that "lack of trust" phase with him. best of luck!

Naomi - posted on 04/23/2010

u should speak to him and fidn out y he looked at it but if u cant trust him then do whats best for u

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2010

I am going to be completely honest with you. If he lied about something like that then he likely lies about many other, more important things. Before my husband and I got married he lied to me a lot. At first it started with little things like that but then I found out that he was cheating! I mantaged to forgive him, trust him again, and marry him but it took a lot of time and a lot of tears to get through that. Is this guy worth it? I love my husband but even to this day (we have been married 6 yrs now) I sometimes think about how badly he hurt me and how I shouldn't have let him get away with as much as I did.

Stephanie - posted on 04/23/2010

what guy would want there mother of there 2 kids catch them in the middle of relieving stress on his own time ? hes just embarrassed and ashamed just like any other guy would be. .

Laura - posted on 04/23/2010

Um... if it wouldn't normally be a problem for you except for the lying about it, then an apology should suffice. It shouldn't end your relationship. Either you hate porn or you don't. And if you do then it's no wonder he lied to you. (Not that he should have, but most guys i think assume their partner will not approve and so feel it's best just to hide it).

Why don't you discuss it with him, ask him why he likes it, make sure he doesn't view it instead of being intimate with you (which is really where the problems can start). And heck, maybe even try viewing some WITH him.

Between hubby and I, I have watched WAY more porn than he has, and he only tends to watch it with me (as far as i know!! lol) if i've put it on in the first place!

I tend to find that our relationship goes better in general if we go to bed at the same time. More time for catching up, more likely to be intimate etc.

Alecia - posted on 04/23/2010

and Melanie has a good point. i used to check my husbands computer, but i dont anymore. i trust him and there is no need for that. its his pc and if he wants to look at porn i dont let it bother me anymore. as long as it doesnt take away from our relationship its not hurting a thing. and i have to admit that i used to watch it too. its almost like a way of fulling fantasies without actually doing anything. human beings are sexual in nature and there is nothing to be embarrased about (though society makes u feel like u have to be ashamed for it).

Alecia - posted on 04/23/2010

its a man thing.....i dont think theres much you can do. try having sex with him more and being playful and flirty. he might just miss that. but porn has nothing do with how he feels about you. leaving him over interent porn would be a big mistake. try telling him how you feel about in a calm and rational manner. its really not that big of a deal. i used to get upset too, but realised it had nothing to do with me. i just make sure my man gets what he wants and needs from me and he hardly ever looks at porn anymore.

Shaquincia - posted on 04/23/2010

I think you discuss it first and find out why he lied,i hoping the bigger issue is the lie itself and not the porn unless that is affecting your realationship,keep a leveled head and if he doesnt want to talk about then go into why you are hurt about.

Mandy - posted on 04/23/2010

It hurts to be lied to. My advice would be to sit down & talk with him about how you feel about it. Open communication & lay it all out on the table. You shouldn't be lied to. Period! Let him know that you are hurt & that you feel somewhat betrayed by the fact that he lied. Hang in there!

Elyse - posted on 04/23/2010

Well, if him looking at porn isn't an issue for you... Maybe express your concern for his lying. I don't care for being lied to. If he can't be honest with you, then he really isn't worth your time. I think it's important to maintain a healthy relationship with the father of your children if applicable. The biological father of Annabelle will never EVER be a part of her life by nothing but his choice alone and I don't care for him to be based on his actions... Not fair to her. But if your boyfriend is a good father, maybe you can talk to him about how lying effects the children... You don't want your children to grow up lying! Right? Right... So maybe approach the topic calmly with him... "Look, lying really bothers me... We're setting an example for these kids and if they see their father lying they are going to think lying is OK and lying is never OK".

Melanie - posted on 04/23/2010

It sounds as if your boyfriend may just be embarrassed about the subject. There are a couple issues here. First of all - there is a trust issue and secondly, personal space boundaries that need to be addressed.

Why do you look at the history? Do you not trust him or do you think he's cheating? If you truly don't care that he's looking at porn then stop looking at his history and then stop asking him if he's looking at it. And if you just can't help yourself and do ask him then you have to TRUST that he's telling you the truth. If you feel like you don't have the will power to stop checking his history then he should get his own computer and put a password on it. I would be more furious with you for checking the websites I have been on than you should be for him lying if I were him...

Looking at porn and masturbation are extremely personal and sensitive issues. Most people probably are not comfortable talking about this and may deny participating in these activities, no matter what your relationship with that person is. However, he is your boyfriend, and the father of your children...so when asked, your boyfriend should still be honest. Which means you probably need to have a sit down with him so you can tell him you don't mind that he does it but it hurts your feelings when he lies. And tell him you will stop looking at the history and try not to ask about it because of it's personal nature. Bottom line, it's his business and it's not taking away from the relationship with you or the kids or hurting it in any way.

My advice though is stop snooping and stop asking. If you don't mind that he does it I'm not understanding why you check the history. You may really need to think hard about whether him looking at porn really bothers you or not like you say.

Also, think really hard about this because leaving him over this issue doesn't seem like a good enough reason for leaving those two children without a father in the home that wants to be there.

talk it out with him and see what suggestions he has. And be open minded.
Good luck.

Sarah - posted on 04/23/2010

my husband was doin the same but i realise that it was beter then him going to the pub & chatting up some chick , i also realised that you can't stop them so if you can't beat em join em, but if this makes you feel uncomfortable tell him how you feel, i dont belive its something to throw years of a relationship away over as much as it hurts & you obviously love him, i think you need to talk to him, i would often wake up through the night hearing strange sounds lol then had busted him on a few occasions, now its a joke in our house , i hope you are able to work something out, maybe watch it with him?? if your not to embaressed??

Lee Ann - posted on 04/22/2010

First off im sorry he was lying to you about it, that sucks, on the other hand my personal opinion in the matter & to each his own, i don't think porn is that big of a deal, there must have been a bigger reason as to why he was not honest with you about it, I'm not sure your personal views on porn but I'm guessing you don't approve, so maybe in his defense he didn't want to upset you so he didn't tell you, however lying is not approved in my book, but I'm not sure you want to end a relationship with the father of your kids just because of his watching/looking up porn on the net. but no matter what anyone else says just do what you feel is best & maybe try to talk to him about it. Good Luck

Breana - posted on 04/22/2010

They make porn for a reason, it's normal. Just confront him about it...maybe open up with eachother, could just be fantasy related :P
Whatever the reason, only he can tell you why he does it or at least why he wants to hide it from you. Good luck

Barbara - posted on 04/22/2010

Hes just telling you that he doesnt like it because someone makes him feel like its a dirty thing. Talk to him about how you fee, whether you like it or not. Let him know that its ok if he has those feelings. It is human nature to be sexual. Ask him if there is anything that he would like to play out with you. Make it fun, after all you are married and as long as it is between you two there is nothing wrong with watching it together. Breaking up over porn is not the right thing to do. Again he is only lying about it because he feels like hes doing something wrong.

Mary - posted on 04/22/2010

@Stephanie Benick: It may seem like its JUST porn to you, but the fact is they have two kids together then he starts watching it. He lied to her about liking/watching porn, so what's to say he isn't lying about a lot bigger things. It's not JUST porn, it's a lie between two people who have kids together. Also he is using HER computer to look it up. So now he's lying and sucks at covering his butt. His behavior is childish and disrespectful. She should lock him out of the computer.

Minisha - posted on 04/22/2010

if hes looking up porn after u go 2 sleep then just imagine what else he might b doin bhind ur back it might hurt now but find out everything and b relieved later

Stephanie - posted on 04/22/2010

why should u be angry ?? its just porn yea i understand that he lied to you. .but would u rather him lie to you about watching porn or go off & do sumthing no woman with would want there man to do (cheat)? watch it with him. .put n a porn after the kiddos r asleep & have a fun mommy & daddy time

Mary - posted on 04/22/2010

Have you tried setting the parental controls on your computer so he can't look at those sites anymore? Just an idea

Crystal - posted on 04/22/2010

Porn is Porn...Theres porn for guys, woman even old people. Men will being embarassed but there are ways to approach the situation in a resonable matter. I love my hubby been together almost 6 years..woke up to him watching porn meh i could have cared less really, the only thing i gave him shit for was me waking up to other people having sex.....so he turned it off and came to bed haven't herd it since...i asked him if he still watches it he said sometimes....im really not the type to ruin our relationship with a daughter too i might add over it..everyone is gonna have there own opinion about the topic, people will say whats right and whats wrong..only you can make the call about it...you have to follow your heart and tell him how you feel calmly and see where it gets you...it may get you somewhere it may get you nowhere but the point is you have to try and talk and take it one step at a time

Danielle - posted on 04/22/2010

I had the exact same problem with my ex, and it broke my heart that he was lying about it. I also felt like he was cheating on me with it, especially since he felt the need to hide it. He would be hurt if I did that to him. He waited until I went to bed, and then snuck over to my computer while I was sleeping and messed around with it. He didn't even tell me, I was wondering why my computer's history had been deleted, so I searched harder and found the most awful websites. It was so sad to know that he was doing this while I was sleeping... I had thought things were good between us. Also he had told me that he didn't like porn because it was someone else's daughter or sister- but then I caught him on it?? I was shocked to say the least. And he did cheat on me in the past so it was already a super sore subject. I feel bad for anyone who goes through this. It's so sad, and no one deserves it. My heart goes out to you Teri-Lyn. Hang in there sweetie. I hope things improve for you, and that he stops. It's not fair to you. I hope he realizes what is really important... his girlfriend and kids.

Brandy - posted on 04/22/2010

lying about the porn doesn't mean that he knows it is wrong. It can also mean that they are imbarrased about it. I have been with my husband for 5+ years and he had been watching it for a long time before we got married. I do not see how it is a problem. I don't watch it with him, but I also know that I do not have the sex drive that he does. I would rather have him watching those videos than going out and having sex with various other women. Anyone who is comfortable in their relationship has nothing to worry about.

Brandy - posted on 04/22/2010

Have you blocked it off the computer? Or even confronted him about it?

Leeann - posted on 04/22/2010

he prob just said that he hated porn because he didnt want u to freak out! every man has watched porn or read porno magazines and they are dam liars if they say they havent! he might also be slightly embarassed! i agree with danielle as long as they arent going out lookin it somewhere else or with someone else then theres no harm in it!

Angela - posted on 04/22/2010

Once I caught my husband down-loading porn. I am not as open minded about it as many of you are. I don't think that it is healthy and I think lots of men can become addicted. We talked and talked. We cried and cried. In the end we un-hooked our internet for a long time. He was also completely transparent with me about the things that he needed from me to feel satisfied sexually. Sometimes I forget that for him sex is very important. In my mind I feel like he is just one more person who needs me. But at the same time I want him to only need me. I stepped up my game and we discuss weekly how our sex life is. He feels free to be honest. It is the only way that I can feel safe in our relationship and he can feel that he doesn't need to look elsewhere.

Sheree - posted on 04/22/2010

Sweetie~ I am just going to tell you right now that porn right now is destroying more marriages than you can even imagine. It is terrible,.,,,,not just pictures of pretty women in the buff any more and it leads to more and more sin that they can't get away from. Men are visual and they are going to look but where it leads them...what they see, read, and get turned on by gets worse and worse. Be careful because if he is lieing then he knows he is doing things wrong and he is not going to admit it and you are never going to know where these things are leading him. I never thought a thing about it when I was younger but now that I am wiser and have seen some terrible things with my girlfriends boyfriends, my own family, and my friends husbands I realize there is NO place for it in your home or around your children. Be Careful and be wise. God Bless

Sara - posted on 04/22/2010

well look at it this way,it was wrong of him to do so,and that lie can create other thoughts as to what else is he lying about.but at least he isnt out cheating on you,i would rather have my other half look at porn.Hard to say what i would do,but i can relate to what u are feeling because a lie is a lie no matter how u look at it.why hide something .

Michelle - posted on 04/22/2010

Are you mad with him because he lied or because he looks at porn? All men watch porn. I don't know of one who doesn't. You need to talk to him. He may have told you he doesn't like porn because he thinks you don't like it. Yes a lie is still a lie, but maybe he just thought that is what you wanted to hear! Before you do anything rash. Listen to what he has to say and go from there. Its obvious you love him.

Kelly - posted on 04/22/2010

I dont think porn is a big deal really....I even watch it myself and also with him. My boyfriend was doing it like every day and I was offended at first but that as cuz he was looking at it everyday...so then i started watching it everyday and he didnt like it lol.... We talked about it and now i rarely even look at the history because I already know he's looking at it and so am i so it doesnt matter. Yea maybe he lied to you but he probably did that so he didnt hurt your feelings, us women can be very sensitive especially when a lot of the women they are looking at have perfect bodies unlike us with kids and no plastic surgery...... I think that in a relationship there are always little white lies remember if you withhold the truth, its just as bad as lying. I dont think him looking at porn is a reason to leave him especially if everything else he is doing is perfect...at least he's looking at it in home and not going outside the home to get it.

Kelly - posted on 04/22/2010

I dont think pron is a big deal really....I even watch it myself and also with him. My boyfriend was doing it like every day and I was offended at first but that as cuz he was looking at it everyday...so then i started watching it everyday and he didnt like it lol.... We talked about it and now i rarely even look at the history because I already know he's looking at it and so am i so it doesnt matter. Yea maybe he lied to you but he probably did that so he didnt hurt your feelings, us women can be very sensitive especially when a lot of the women they are looking at have perfect bodies unlike us with kids and no plastice surgery...... I think that in a relationship there are always little white lies remember if you withhold the truth, its just as bad as lying. I dont think him looking at pron is a reason to leave him especially if everything else he is doing is perfect...at least he's looking at it in home and not going outside the home to get it.

Sarah - posted on 04/22/2010

I had that problem with my husband (who was just my bf at the time) I had asked him about it lots of times and he denied it! Finally after me asking him about it for months he finally admitted to it! and the thing that ticked me off was it was my comp he was doing it on and had gotton a virus from one of the websites and my whole comp had to be started over and all of my files and programs were lost! I asked him why he was doing it because it was usually when i was at work and he was home alone and that i would have been home eventually and we could have done something together! it just bothered me that he would rather have done something by himself than with me! good luck and know that you aren't the only one that has a bf that lies about porn!

Donna - posted on 04/22/2010

OMG! This just recently happened to me actually. I just had my daughter a little less than 3 months ago. He and I were taking "shifts" with her, so that someone was always around her. He had the evening shift, and I had the day shift. I get on my laptop, and I notice that he's looked at porn. He said the same to me as your significant other said to you. I got upset, cried, told him how it made me feel, he apologized and PROMISED to never look at that again, and I got over it. The worst part about it was, I just had my daughter, and I was NOT comfortable witht the way my body looked. It made me feel 10 times worse when I find out he's looking up this rubbish on the internet. Ok... so... a few weeks later, we get married. I was scared, because we are young, but I knew that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life, and more so after he helped to give us our babygirl. One verse of the vows, stuck out. "forsake any other" Anyways, we get home... and start with our shifts again. I go to bed, and he stays up. I get up the next morning, and decide to look at my cookies... He had been looking up Kate Mara nude. I couldn't believe it!!!!!!!!!! We had just got married, he had just spoke the words of forsaking any other, and he pulls this. I got upset with him, and asked him if he had an addiction. He said no. I didn't want to hear the quote "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" running through my head, so I told him I wanted an anolment...

Shantel - posted on 04/21/2010

I learned my husband watched porn since we started dating 8 years ago. At first I had the same initial reaction as you did, and i would run into article and pieces of information that most males do watch porn, and as long as it doesnt affect you both sexually it shouldnt be a problem. men are a different breed than us women, and i dont think any amount of information will ever make me fully understand why men watch porn, but i just accept the fact they will always have that "dog" in them, whether they say its to learn new things to do with you or whether they just watch it to...just...watch it?? lol