M baby is due in a week, and we have a queen size bed, where should he/she sleep.. middle?

Angela - posted on 10/20/2009 ( 415 moms have responded )

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My bf tosses a lot and throws his arms and legs all over the place and really flops around when he rolls over.. Our bed his quite high as well.. I think he's gonna be fine if we put baby in the middle, and that he'll just know baby is there. Also we have a little wodden bassinet that is ground level.. would that be better for baby for the first week instead of on the bed... ? My concern is i want baby in the bed for bonding and to help with post partom. i dont want to be seperated at all from baby!!

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Mary - posted on 10/30/2009

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i would not keep baby in your bed with you. but a bassinet right beside the bed is great. both of my children slept in my room in the pack n play with a bassinet until they were 6 months old. that way they were right there.

Cheral - posted on 10/29/2009

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One day when your children are grown and gone you will still be with your man. You have to keep that relationship strong now. Putting the baby in bed with you will become a problem. It is best to put the baby in his own bed from the beginning. The baby needs mom and dad both. Keep your relationship strong now, so the baby will be better off later. If you want to sleep with your baby, do it at nap time during the day, when your man id not around, that way, he is not coming between the two of you.

Erin - posted on 10/26/2009

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Some advice I recieved was to buy a small dog bed with raised sides. That way you'll be able to have the baby next to you, both of you will know where the baby is, and it'll be small so the baby will feel secure like it was still in the womb.

[deleted account]

one of my friends from high school had to bury his baby sister b/c he parents rolled over her during the night. they woke up to see the baby dead with its nose bleeding with dried up blood...my advice to you is to put the baby in a bassinet next to your bed.



2nd reason, a baby has "pediatric breathing" which means they don't take breaths as often as we do and sometimes they inhale the same breath they just breathed out...if the baby is breathing in you and your bf's carbon dioxide all night, she may suffocate.

Heather - posted on 10/21/2009

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I would get a bassinet and put it right next to you.
Not to scare you but I work at a police department and a couple both got arrested today on warrants because their baby was in the bed with them and the father rolled over and suffocated the baby. (The reason they were arrested was because the father had been drinking heavily and smoking pot and the mother thought it was a good idea to put the baby in the fathers arms to fall asleep and then was going to move the baby, she fell asleep too). So they both wake up to a baby that had already passed away.
I know that plenty of people sleep with their child in their bed but it doesn't take much to suffocate a baby (even a sheet being within 1 inch of their mouth or nose could do it), and to me the risk of that totally outweighs wanting to be close to your baby.
Good luck, you'll know what's best!

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415 Comments

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Kristin - posted on 10/30/2009

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put baby in bassinet that way they don't get used to sleeping with u plus a newborn sleep all day except maybe 6 hrs so r u gonna stay in bed when the baby is sleeping

Amy - posted on 10/30/2009

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i had my baby in a bassinet the first week. it worked out well for me. i love sleeping with her, just was scared that one of us would roll on her!

Rebecca - posted on 10/30/2009

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i was the same but i start with my baby in the bed the 1st few nights then the bassinet next to my bed i found i slept alot better with room to move as you dont get much sleep its nice to have a good one when you do im glad i did now because he would propably still be in our bed and its nice for my partner and i to have our time aswell because with lack of sleep and a new baby its hard to share time best of luck with your baby sleeping in there own bed teaches them alot as well my son now goes to sleep on his own in his own bed all i do now is put him in bed and shut the door ever since 6mths and he is now 10mths

Tara - posted on 10/30/2009

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If you are having second thoughts about it, I would not do it. Get a bassinet and put it next to the bed if you are wanting the baby close and in arms reach. I would not take the chance of your bf throwing his arm and possibly hitting the baby. Any way almost every doctor will tell you not to co-sleep. It is just way to dangerous. If you want to bond with your child, breastfeed. That will give you many times during the night and day to bond with your child. If you must, take a nap with your baby during the day when your bf is not around.

Kelly - posted on 10/30/2009

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We bought a sleeper thing that goes on the bed and protects the baby. But I did choose to put it on the floor next to me, where baby was in arms reach. At 2 months old we've now put her in a cot in her own room - just across the corridor.

Bessie - posted on 10/29/2009

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get a seperation baby bumper from walmart they are like 20 dollars then place the baby on the outside of the bed on your side not on his you dont want something to happen like his kick him/ her on accadent

NICHOLE - posted on 10/29/2009

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i never put neither one of my kids in the same bed for me. i understand that you want bonding time with your baby, but you also need the bonding time with your mate. i went through the post partom, it'll be there with or without the baby in the bed. it's very dangerous you can suffocate the baby, and i knew a woman that had her child sleep in the same bed and the child did not start sleeping in his own bed until he was 6yrs old.

Betty - posted on 10/29/2009

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You have plenty of time to bond durring the day. just get a crib and keep it next to you bed.

Heather - posted on 10/29/2009

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I would suggest a bassinet beside the bed. Personally I would never sleep with baby in the bed with us unless we weren't sleeping. I would always wake up in terror that after feeding I fell asleep and forgot to put her back in her bed. I woke up every single night for months. It is very dangerous to sleep with a baby in the bed. You will still have plenty of bonding time with your precious bundle when you are not sleeping, hold and cuddle your baby as much as you like and don't forget feeding skin to skin with your baby is great even if you are bottle feeding. Babies love to feel skin to skin contact and sounds odd maybe, but your scent as well. I hope this helps you

Heather - posted on 10/29/2009

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I would suggest a bassinet beside the bed. Personally I would never sleep with baby in the bed with us unless we weren't sleeping. I would always wake up in terror that after feeding I fell asleep and forgot to put her back in her bed. I woke up every single night for months. It is very dangerous to sleep with a baby in the bed. You will still have plenty of bonding time with your precious bundle when you are not sleeping, hold and cuddle your baby as much as you like and don't forget feeding skin to skin with your baby is great even if you are bottle feeding. Babies love to feel skin to skin contact and sounds odd maybe, but your scent as well. I hope this helps you

SHELLY - posted on 10/29/2009

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OK I HAVE 3 KIDS AND ALL 3 HAVE SLEEP IN THE BED WITH US. GET ONE OUT AND ANOTHER GETS IN. ME AND MY HUBBY BOTH MOVE ALOT IN THE BED BUT WHEN WE KNWO THERE IS A BABY N THE BED WE KNWO TO BE CAREFUL IT JUST COMES TO YOU I THINK BUT ALL MOMS ARE DIFRENT SO IDK

Cheryl - posted on 10/29/2009

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I would go with the bassinet next to the bed for a couple reasons rolling over on the baby, the baby getting used to sleeping with you, and so you can get the rest you need cause you are not going to get it worring weather or not your boyfreind witll roll over or jerk and hit the baby they also sell those little beds that go in your bed for the baby if you think you have to have baby in your bed i would get one of those they have them at target

Kristen - posted on 10/28/2009

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Having your baby sleep with you is not only unsafe, but it will kill your love life and your boyfriend will probably resent you for this!

Tamara - posted on 10/27/2009

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My opinion is that your baby needs their own bed. So I would get a crib and for the first three months to help keep an eye on your baby have the crib in your room. Then let the child have their own room after that if possible. If you let a baby sleep with you now, it'll be harder later to break them from having to sleep with you and needing to sleep with mommy and daddy. And plus if you're a heavey sleeper or your bf is a heavey sleeper, you might accidently hurt your new baby in sleep.



My husband had to break his daughter from sleeping with him after him and his ex divorced, she would cry all the time if she was placed into her own bed and refused to go to sleep without someone in the bed or her going to her daddy's bed. It took him about a year or more to break her from sleeping with him and sleep in her own bed all night.



My advice, just do the crib thing so your baby sleeps in their own bed and you don't have to worry about tears later on when your baby gets older and you're ready for them to be in their own bed.

Jenifer - posted on 10/27/2009

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I'm a mother to a 3 month old and he has always slept in his crib from the first night i brought him home and he sleeps all night as well.... but i firmly believe that its what you think is best for the baby..... But i guess my insight would be that i noticed that my boyfriend sleeps really deeply and on the occasion that my son wakes up that by the time i wake him i coulda already had him fed and back to sleep.... Guys just dont have the intution that women have and if he is all over the bed now he will more then likely keep doing that even if he went to bed knowing the baby was there...... As a mother I hear every little thing my son does at night even with the monitor off and i know i don't sleep well because of it but guys just aren't like that... So i would say the safest thing would be to either have a bassinet or the attachment thing the other mothers are talking about...

Elissa - posted on 10/27/2009

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i am a nurse...n i will have to tell u that putting that baby in bed with u i the worst ideal ever who ever does that wiht their child is putting their child in danger. u may not think so but u are...8 out of 10 parents either smother their child or wind up hurting them as u sleep..if ur ding it for bonding dont u will dont with the child dudring the day n at night when u hae to get up wiht him or her to feed them..u need to put the child in either a basinet or crib if u dont have money garagesale have great offers or ask family..but do not put the baby in bed wiht u as a professional its a bad ideal i do not recomend any parent do do that at all its just a bad ideal..and for any parent who has put a baby in bed with them u r very luck u didnt do any damage...now u may when the baby gets about 8 mon start doing the whole in bed thing because they r old enought to b able to let u know if ur hurting them or what ever they can crawl n b able to sit up but u will still need to b so careful but i still dont recomend it they make things our their for babys to sleep in for a reason not to jsut get u to spend money so please jsut dont thats all i have to say dont...

[deleted account]

My son slept with me in my bed for the first 2 months of his life. My husband was deployed and it was just easier for me to have him there. I put pillows on one side of him so he couldn't roll of the bed (even though they don't move), and he was swaddled so he really couldn't go anywhere and I slept on my side facing him. I was always aware of where he was and I never once rolled over him. He transitioned into his crib just fine and now sleeps through the night all on his own. He just thinks my bed is the fun zone now. You do what feels right for you as a mom. Note that things do happen and you do need to be aware of that. In reference to bonding with the baby...sleeping with your newborn is not the only time you will have to bond and you won't need that to bond with them and it won't help if you get post pardem either. A little separation is a good thing.

Elissa - posted on 10/27/2009

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no no no u never put n a new born in bed with u ..im a nurse n u should never so that that is how 8 out of 10 babys die from suffercate...if u dont have money for a crib or basinet garage sale of ask family..but do not have the baby sleep with you its not good for u or the baby..when the baby reaches about 8 mon then u may put the child in bed w u if thats what u really want to do but not before that n most sertanitly not an infant...

Daisy - posted on 10/27/2009

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Personally I would get one of those baby beds that attach to ur bed and put my baby in that. I wouldn't let my child sleep in my bed because you never know what could happen. Good Luck...~Daisy

Christina - posted on 10/27/2009

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Yes..I agree it is easier and you do bond with your baby, But...My daughter is 4 yrs old and still in the bed with us. They have beds that you can attach to your bed and she can sleep in that..When we want nights to ourselves...we can not have them

Tiffany - posted on 10/27/2009

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Well personally i would not put a little newborn baby in the bed with you. I had a friend who had her daughter who was 6 months old in the bed with her and she sufficated her in her sleep (on accident) woke up and she had passed away back in may.. I would stick with the bassinet

Kimberly - posted on 10/27/2009

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my advice to u is to put the baby in his/her own bed. If u let the baby start sleeping with u now then when tehy get older they will not want to sleep in there own bed. Trust me I am going through that now.

Ana - posted on 10/27/2009

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Oo. Do not get the baby used to sleeping in your bed. It will be horrible to teach them to sleep in their own bed. What me and my boyfriend did was place the bassinet right next to our bed. That way when we'd wake up we wouldn't have to go far to check on the baby. I think that it would be easier to teach him to sleep in his own bed in a seperate room, if we take away sharing a bed with us. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have my baby sleep next to me, but they sleep better by themselves, as will you.

Emily - posted on 10/27/2009

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Also one more thing...we transitioned our son to his crib full time with no problems at all. As his mother I knew when he was ready and the first night he slept in his crib he woke one time for 30 seconds. He has been sleeping thru the night ever since! I should add that I believe in attachment parenting and feel that at any moment if my child needs me I should and will be there for him.

Emily - posted on 10/27/2009

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My husband is a very heavy sleeper as well. Our little guy was with us in bed until he was about 15 months old. Most of the time he was on the outside but we had a bed rail that we purchased at Wal-Mart. Depending on how much he nursed he would end up in the middle and we usually pushed my husband out of the bed! I will say that our son was in a bassinet for about a month and then basically on my chest in a rocking chair for a few weeks (nursing issues) before we really started co-sleeping. I would do whatever you feel comfortable with - that is the best thing for *you and your* baby :) Good Luck and congratulations!

Lyndsey - posted on 10/27/2009

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i really wouldnt advise having your baby in bed with you. my son now 3 is really bad at going to sleep by himself and wakes alot all because i slept with him as a baby my daugher 6 months goes to sleep asoon as i go out the room because she was in a moses basket. just becaause yo wont be sleeping in the same bed doesnt mean u wont bond there are other ways like beast feeding baby masage ,to make you bond all the best xx

Jessica - posted on 10/27/2009

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My daughter layed in my arms on my side of the bed, away from her dad because he moves a lot, and did so even with the baby in the bed! She was in the bassinet for naps that way when she was a little older she would make the transition easier and she did, she slept with me for 2 months, then in the bassinet right next to my side of the bed for 2 months then in her crib she went with no problems!

Roxanne - posted on 10/27/2009

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i do not recommend sleeping with baby in bed....i personally know someone who did that and when baby learned to roll she ended up rolling in between the wall and bed and suffocated herself....the best thing is to go out and buy a bassinet that will be level with your bed baby can sleep right there and u can watch or even put your hand on baby while they sleep...but u should not put baby in bed.....

[deleted account]

Never sleep with the baby in your own bed .... its too dangerous espeially when your bf is throwing his arms and legs all over the bed .. and once the baby gets used to sleeping in your bed .. forget about moving him/her to their own crib ... if you have to do that .. put the baby in the crib and sleep next to it to buy one of those bassinets which you can move antime .. the playards are a waste of money ... Good luck ....

Tiffanie - posted on 10/27/2009

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My advicce is to not have the baby sleep w/ you at all unless you both are prepared for the baby to sleep w/ you every night for years to come its exteamly hard to get your child to sleep on his/her own my daughters 3 and I can't get her out of my bed still some friends I have can't get there 5 yr old to sleep all night w/ out them in their bed. I say a rolling bassenet or crib from day 1! youll have plenty of time to cuddle during the day!

Tiffanie - posted on 10/27/2009

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My advicce is to not have the baby sleep w/ you at all unless you both are prepared for the baby to sleep w/ you every night for years to come its exteamly hard to get your child to sleep on his/her own my daughters 3 and I can't get her out of my bed still some friends I have can't get there 5 yr old to sleep all night w/ out them in their bed. I say a rolling bassenet or crib from day 1! youll have plenty of time to cuddle during the day!

Mia - posted on 10/27/2009

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it's really not safe to sleep in bed with your baby, as much as we all love to. i would definately put your baby in the bassinet. I did that with mine, for quite a while, in fears that my husband would smack our little man clear off the bed, lol. With my oldest, he slept on the bed for a while, against the wall, but one night, the bed moved and he fell, and it scared me so much i couldn't do it again. Good luck with your little one! :)

Tina - posted on 10/27/2009

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It's not a good idea to hav your baby in the same bed with you especially when your bf tosses around alot. That is one of the top causes of death in infants. Even if you think it won't happen you could acidentlly roll over on the baby and smother them. putting the baby bed next to your side of the bed will be alright. Plus the more you hav the child in bed with you when they get older, the harder it will be to get them out of your bed.

Jodi - posted on 10/27/2009

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My daughter is 7 months old and we co-sleep! There are a lot of safety guidelines to follow to make it safe though. Such as the firmness of your mattress, how tired you are, if you had anything to drink, if you're sick and what not. My husband also tosses and turns a lot at night and for that reason, he sleeps in the guest bedroom, it's a risk neither of us is willing to take. From the beginning of time and still all across the globe, infants and children have slept with their mothers just fine. Not to mention, research proves that breastfeeding mothers and much more aware of their children in bed than non-breastfeeding mothers. I breastfeed and I constantly know where in bed my daughter is, how she is laying and just by her breathing whether or not she is going to wake up soon to eat or not. In the end, it's a personal choice that only you can make. You know what's right for you and your daughter, this is just my view on things. Good luck!!!

Felicia - posted on 10/27/2009

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i had the same situation with my hubby. but i put our daughter in the middle of our queen size bed and all was fine. she is now 1 yr old and she still sleeps with us from time to time in our queen size bed so i think it will be fine!!!

[deleted account]

Quoting Carly:

I think this is a horrible idea all together!!! I don't mean to sound negative, or bash your desire to have your newborn sleep with you, but it is a poor decision on so many levels! First, there have been SO many deaths of infants due to a parent/guardian rolling over on the infant... all of which could have been prevented if the infant would have been in their own bassinet, or crib. One of my best friends growing up lost her third child this exact way. Her fiance and her decided they would let their newborn sleep with them in the middle of the bed for bonding, and they both felt as if they would be alert enough to sense the baby. They were wrong. It only took a few seconds of my friends fiance rolling over, and the baby was DEAD. My friend tried to move her fiance, screaming as she woke and saw it happening,but it was too late. They were both heartbroken. On a different note, there have been many people who have let their children sleep with them, and the baby never gets rolled over on, but gets "spoiled" in the sense that they will NOT sleep on their own. I have personal experience with this. When my son was a newborn he slept in a bassinet, but was breastfed. I would fall asleep during the middle of the night feedings, and wake up a little later, and decide to just let him sleep with me. It got to the point where he would only sleep through the night if I was sleeping with him. In addition, it got to the point where he wouldn't even nap alone. The moment he was put down while napping, or I got up from the bed, he would wake up! I couldn't get ANYTHING done. (This has been the majority of people's experience as well in this situation! Ask around.) When I went back to school 6 wks later, no one wanted to watch my son because although he was a GREAT baby, he had to be held constantly, or slept with constantly, meaning it was hard for people to get things done. It took me a longggg time to get him sleeping in his own crib, and if I could do it over, I would. I would put the bassinet right next to my bed. You still getting the bonding experience when they wake to feed, but it is so important to get them on a regular schedule, as well as allowing them to sleep on their own. Takes these personal experiences, or don't. Hope this helps.



"There have been sooo many deaths with people rolling over onto their infants."  This is not true.  There have been a lot, but a majority of those people were all either using drugs (legal or illagle) or using alcohol.  Now I'm not saying this doesn't happen with sober people, but it's alot less likley to happen.  There was a whole artical about this on Parents.com.



I was put into a situation where I had to share a bed with my son from 11 months to 2 years.  I don't recomend this (now he's three and he won't sleep unless I lie in bed with him until he falls alseep), but whatever feels right to you.  I like the "family bed" idea where I put my bed on the floor (box spring and mattress) and this put my sons crib mattress between my bed and the wall.  I used the crib liner thingie for padding on the wall and that woked wonderfully from 9 mo to 11 mo.  I just don't really see a sober person rolling over and smothering their baby that easily.



I don't know how to explain it.  My son was choaking in his sleep once and I couldn't hear him, but something told me to wake up.  It's parental insitinct.



BTW I'm a horrable speller.  :)

[deleted account]

I didn't want my son to be away from me either. At first he was between me and his dad in bed. His dad was a tosser too, but he always knew when our son was there and he was still. Then after a few weeks he got jelouse. He said I was, "trying to let the baby come between us" After that our son slept on my side of the bed with me in the middle. I rolled a blanket and put it on the other side of him so he wouldn't roll off the bed...that worked for a few months until he learned how to roll over. Then his dad kicked us both off the bed and our son and I slept on the floor. Needless to say, we're not together anymore.

I guess what I'm trying to get at, is make sure it's okay with both people where he sleeps. People may say it's okay at first, and then it's not okay later.

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2009

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My son is 2 months old. I don't think he slept in his crib once in the first few weeks or even the first month. Someone was always holding him, mostly myself which I didn't mind. He would co-sleep with us at first in his bobby so I would feel better about him not being squished while he was so little. My boyfriend is the same way about his sleeping, he tosses all over the place but if the baby was in the bed and he knew it, he would stop. I take naps with him on the couch during the day with him on my chest, but now I'm having him sleep in a bassinet right next to our bed and he is sleeping at least 8 hours through the night. At this point in his growth he is becoming accustomed to certain things and I didn't want him to rely on others to hold him so he could sleep. Its worked so far! Good luck!

Katie - posted on 10/27/2009

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Its best your baby sleeps in a moses basket or crib right next to your bed, i know you might want to bond etc but you hear so many stories about babies dying while in bed with parents, it only takes one of you to lean on him/her, they are very tiny and fragile. Plus they will learn they have their own bed, as when growing up you will never get them in their own cot. Its still easy to breast feed if they are in a moses basket next to you, thats not a good enough reason to have them in the bed just coz it mite be a liitle easier like some people have sid, thats just lazy. Your gonna have to wake up anyway so getting baby out the moses basket isnt going to be anymore work. Hope that helps.

Stefany - posted on 10/27/2009

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I breasfed my son for a while and never thought of putting him in bed with me. Sounds really dangerous. I put him in our room in a bassinet for the first two weeks til I got used tot he idea- then it was off to his crib where hes been ever since. With the crib the chance of rolling out is eliminated and you cant roll over on them that way slo. It's your decision but I think with research from doctors and pediatricians you'll see that they should be in a crib and not your personal bed with you and your husband. I hope that you find all the information you need to keep you and your baby safe and happy!

Laura - posted on 10/27/2009

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I would put the bassient right nest to the bed on your side. Its a lot safer because my babys dad I thought okay he would know the baby is there and would be okay but one time I found him with his head on her she was fine but still I was scared to death. So the better I would think is to have the baby next to you in the bassinet that way you can still see, hear, and even touch the baby and know that its alright. You will have plenty of bonding time with feeding, changing diapers, and the late night crying. Not only that but having the in their own bed you will be able to work away from having to have them sleep to you all the time because my sister did the bed thing and her son didnt stop sleeping with my sister til he was 5!

Jessica - posted on 10/27/2009

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no way to dangerous, u need a bassinete or a cot, if u want bub to sleep in ur bed u need to go to the baby shop and get a fold up portabele bed thing and u put it in the middle of ur bed so if u roll over u wont squash the bub.

Amanda - posted on 10/27/2009

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Never let your baby sleep in your bed! It increases the risk of SIDS. My kids have always slept in their own cribs even as newborns. Put a baby monitor in your room so you can always hear the baby when he or she needs you.

Stephanie - posted on 10/27/2009

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I did this with all three of my children...my husband flops all around when sleeping as well so I cradle the baby in my arms or lay an arm around them without touching that way if my husband touched my arm I would wake up and tell him to move over lol but it worked. also remember not to pull the covers up too high because you could inadvertently cover the baby's face. just use common sense and do what works for you.

Jessica - posted on 10/27/2009

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I believe it's safest having your baby in bed with you especially for the first little while.... either in the middle or bed against the wall and baby between you and the wall....

when your baby is in the bed with you, you are aware of everything,if there is anything wrong you baby will wake you and because you are so close you can get to you baby to feed before he/she is screaming which helps with latching on. Both of you get more sleep as you don't have to get up to feed.

Like someone else said in communities where all they do is co sleep there is no such thing as SIDS...

I have my baby in our bed in the middle and if he's to hot or hungry etc he lets me know and i love cuddling him...also why should he have to sleep on his own when me and my husband sleep in the same bed... i trust that one day he will want to be more independent "big boy" and he will go into his cot

goodluck

Ashley - posted on 10/27/2009

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Do NOT put the baby in bed with you. I did that with my twins. Then when there baby sister came along we added her to the mix. There were five of us in a queen size bed, it was hell. Now they all sleep in their own beds, but it was hard to get them there.

[deleted account]

I never had my baby sleep in same bed as me. I think it is very unsafe. My daughter was in a moses basket in her cot in my room till she was 6 months old then in her own room in cot. She is now 3 and still i would never let her in my bed as she would get used to it. If you have your child in bed with you it will be hard to get them in their own bed. And why would you have your child in your bed and your partner in another bed!! Fair enough you want your child close. But having them in your bed is not good at all

Katelyn - posted on 10/27/2009

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if you go to any baby furniture store they have a bed type thing that fits between the pillows soo you won't roll on the baby.. but i really suggest a basinet its much safer and the baby won't relie on your body to sleep. trust me that habbit happens very quickly.

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