Married and Divorced people only.

Elizabeth - posted on 05/16/2011

ive been married 3 years now and we been together 10 half years but we argue alot and sometimes he gets so angry he says hes gonna leave and says im serious this time every time but he been saying that for years im not sure to believe him anymore and he always thinks im cheating on him all the time which honestly i never have cheated on him i love him to much he gets where he will ask me be honest you slept with him just tell me the truth and im like no i havent then goes back n fourth for awhile i dont know what to do anymore i love him and i wanna go to marriage counseling but he wont go what do you think i should do i just give up some times where i wanna leave but my heart wont let me do that i know i could do it by myself but i just dont wanna hes my everything

Christy - posted on 03/12/2010

I was raised by my mom from the time I was four. My dad left us so of course that ended in divorce. Please get out if you guys fight in front of the kids I believe that its better to come from a divorce than to have to listen or see your parents fight. It will make it so hard on your daughters and like every one says they will think that is ok to be in a relationship like that. If you do decide to get a divorce please get your daughters counseling! It will help so much. I hope everything works out but don't stay just for the kids. Good luck with everything!

Eva - posted on 03/11/2010

This might sound a little crazy at first, but you two might want to try "forgetting" your problems. (I'll explain)
My "husband" and I have known each other/been together off & on for 10 years. We last separated in March of 08, and our divorce was finalized in Sept 09. We've been working at being "back together" since Nov. 09 and it has become fantastic. During our divorce, we fought like cats and dogs (police calling, custody battles, etc), but what it made us realize is just how much we love our kids, how well we worked together with them, and how much better they were because of it. With that in mind, we gave friendship a try again for their sake. We went on a few "family outings" together, which soon led to "dates" with just the two of us.
What I'm getting at here is that (whether you both "think" you want to work it out right now or not) you need to figure out what it is that you both care about. From there, try to remember/figure out why you ended up together to begin with, and work on building your relationship as friends again. I know I can't speak for everyone, but for us, counseling didn't work. I mean, think about it; you go in and talk about your problems with a stranger for an hour, and in the process, all of the anger/hurt/resentment/etc that go with those problems come back with it. When it's over, you go back home with all those (most likely) unresolved feelings/issues and little gets accomplished until your next session. So, instead of focusing on your problems (right off the bat), try to find a way to enjoy each other's company again. As things progress, you'll both be in a better position (more receptive and level-headed) to discuss issues as they arise. After all, you probably don't remember why you started fighting to begin with, and every fight since has probably building from a continual "game" of "I can hurt you more this time." So, if you can erase the animosity between you, you two can probably get back into a healthy way of communicating in your relationship.
I pray that helps you a bit.
:o)

Michelle - posted on 03/10/2010

I hate to say it but to me it sounds like you have already made your decision and you know what you need to do. You can try marriage counselling as a last resort but by the time people think of that as an option the relationship is usually beyond repair. I went to counselling to try and save my marriage and he was cheating on me during that
time. A lot of good that did! But every relationship is different and it's about the commitment you both put into it. If you are two different people with nothing in common or have changed during your relationship chances are it won't ever work. You can't change a person. Life is too short to be unhappy and it will effect the kids to be around that. For your sake, his and the kids it's best that if you think you would be happier on your own than that is what you should do. A lot of women fear being on their own at first and then realize how strong of a person they really are and that you can handle more than what they thought. It's a hard option when you have kids but it is what is best for everyone involved. And it would be a lot harder to look back and look at all the years you wasted being with someone you didn't love and who made you really unhappy. Here is a true test for both of you. Think about what it would be like without him in your life. And could you picture him with another woman and would it bother you. That is usually a good gut check to see if you still have truly love him and have enough fight left in you to make this work. And ask him the same thing. Because there is no point of you putting in all the effort if he doesn't feel the same way. Good Luck! Sorry for the book I wrote. I have learned a lot and have been through a lot myself!

Tarina - posted on 03/10/2010

As much as marriage does have its ups and downs, the most important part is that you BOTH work at it. My husband and I (of almost 5 yrs) fight... alot more than we should, because we both hate to be the one in the wrong. BUT - when one of us has the courage, or the need, or whatever to really make something change the other will absolutely make a real effort to listen and understand and do their best to work towards a compromise... That being said, sit your husband down, or if that is too difficult, write him a letter. Tell him that you are really beyond the point where you can see a fix, and if he is not willing to work with you (be sure to avoid the blame that he seems to put on you, that wont help in an earnest plea for help) that you cannot in good conscience continue to put yourself or your children through it. Marriage counseling only works if you both take it seriously. If he agrees to go to shut you up, but doesnt listen or participate, it isnt helping anyway. Earlier someone said divorce is bad for kids... but to be honest, if you grew up in a house with parents who fought every single day like I did, those kids spends days and weeks and years wishing you just WOULD get a divorce so you can get some peaceful days and learn to love life again. Noone like seeing their parents unhappy, especially when they are powerless to help. Talk to him, more importantly, talk to your children (depending on their age..) be honest and see how they feel. They may be more supportive than you think. Just dont make them choose sides. and whatever you do, once you make a decision... just do it. It wont be easy to leave OR stay if you arent sure its what you want. If you stay, know it will take time to fix, but be sure he is in it with you or its a dead end. you cant save a marriage by yourself. If you leave, just go. Dont argue over little things, Decide whats best for the kids, take what is needed, and just start over. Arguing over who gets the good sofa just makes things harder and uglier than they need to be.

There was a biblical reference made earlier, about breaking a covenant with god. I understand this view and respect it, but if your husband is treating you this poorly, he has already broken HIS vow to god, and God never intended us to suffer for nothing. He wants families to work through difficulties together and become stronger, but it seems to me this man has already given up and has no intention of honoring his vow... You have already put in the time trying to fix it. One last effort should be more than enough, God doesnt want you or your children suffering for nothing either.

Maria - posted on 03/09/2010

Every marriage has its ups and downs, but there has to be 200% input from both sides to make a marriage work. Compromising is a big thing too, So if there is some more room to try to make it work, then do so. If all else fails then there comes a point where something has to give. Its not fair on eachother or the kids. There's no point trying to salvage something that can't be. Also don't make any drastic plans without thinking it through properly. To divorce or seperate can emotionally effect the kids aswell as yourselves, so try to give them some support also and keep an amicable relationship with the father.

Jessica - posted on 03/09/2010

I've been married for 7 years this July and I can agree with the good times and the bad. Now, there are two ways to look at this...ONE: Just because you are a mother doesn't mean you give up your rights to happiness. You are still a woman with feelings and needs. TWO: Sometimes it's worse to put your children "through" a bad situation (i.e. parent's fighting, yelling, hurt feelings in the house) for fear of hurting them by breaking up the household than to take them out of it for everyones peace of mind in the long term. Either way you want to take it, if you feel you need to do right by you and your feelings and they effect the people around you but not in a harmful way, then you have EVERY right to act on them. Are you going to be a better mom by staying with someone that doesn't appreciate you or are you going to show them by example that everyone deserves respect by not putting up with it yourself? Take it for what you will...hope it helps. Much love-Jess

Ronni - posted on 03/09/2010

I can't speak from a bad marriage point of view, but I can speak as a child of a bad marriage. If it has come to the point where there is no love being shown you have to get out. For the sake of your kids, staying together isn't always the best thing for them. A lot of people say they stay together for the children, but the children don't need to see the arguments and bad vibes toward each other. Even if you don't fight in front of them they can sense the lack of love and disrespect. A child needs to witness their parents being loving toward each other, as well as witness conflict that can be resolved, not that goes on and on. My mother kicked my father out when I was 15 and I can tell you she waited about 7 years too long in my opinion. Be strong and say enough is enough!

Keke - posted on 03/08/2010

I was in a marriage that was not healthy for me or my children. I stayed for awhile thinking things would change but it was apparent that things would not change so I filed for divorce because i didn't want my daughter 2 think this was how a man treats a woman & i didn't want my son thinking this is how he was supposed 2 treat women. I realize just how hard a divorce is on kids & soemtimes I wonder was it really worth it especially with so few families sticking together. I think you should examine your hesrt & decide what is best 4 u & ur relationship & then weight the costs of that decision. If there is any way you can repair the marriage & yes that will take time, healing, commitmtent on both parts & lots of hard work then I say fight for your family. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage so some things will remain in the mariage I think it is picking the right battles.

Carrie - posted on 03/07/2010

me and my husband have gone through some of the same things and we took a class its really good the man that teaches it is a pastor and he teaches men and women why men think and do the things they do and why women think and do the things they do so we can understand why each of us acts a certain way or does certain things. It really helps and the best part is that some people who just won't go to counseling go to this because its not one on one. go to laughyourway.com it is called laugh your way to a better marriage try it. He also has an online radio show where you can ask him questions.

Melissa - posted on 03/07/2010

If he's calling you bad names, your girls are going to start thinking that that's totally acceptable for men to call women those names and will seek those kind of guys. I had to get out of my marriage when my daughter was 9 months old because my ex husband cursed at me every day and we fought constantly. I've never been happier with my decision to divorce him. Our daughter's now 4 1/2 and happy. My advice is to get out. You don't need the stress and your girls don't either.

Stacey-Marie - posted on 03/06/2010

My thoughts are that in my marriage and my mum's 2nd marriage i noticed we have periods of calmness - don't argue much, get along nicely and communicate well then there are periods when it's tough and misunderstandings and hurtful things are said on both parties one period always follows the other - calm, stormy, calm etc. My nan also confided this is how it is with my grandad and we feel it is normal, we just get through the bad times knowing the love is still there regardless of things said etc.

Jennifer - posted on 03/06/2010

if it is not working you have to move on.. it hurts like hell and you feel so sad and lonley but in the end when you get your self together you will feel better about your self and about him. it can hurt your kids to see him in and out all the time, but if you do seperate and you to agree to a schedule and you stick to it it wont be as confusing. listen to your heart girl, and most of all your gut. you want your kids happy but you cant make no one happy unless your happy your self. good luck it will work out one way or another

Metuschelah - posted on 03/06/2010

If; yes which by reading one of your reply here to another; it sounds like you are. The answer is there is never a GOOD reason to get divorced; the marriage covenant is not something you should take lightly. If anybody file for the divorce then let your husbabd do it, because ignorant is bliss. The covenant is not just between you and your husband but between you your husband and God. So your not only divorcing your husband; your also divorcing your GOD. Loving your husband is God's test to you; we have trials in our lives; this is one of them for you. Don't fail it.

Metuschelah - posted on 03/06/2010

Are you a christian; because my advice is biblical.

Amy - posted on 03/06/2010

Hey Stephanie,I know what your going through!Me and my husband have been married for almost 2 yrs now and have gone through a lot of ups and downs but mostly downs...Were completely different people and we thought we really knew each other when we got married but to be honest we didnt know much!I love the crap outta him but he frustrates me soooo much sometimes.He had a really rough up-bringing and is paying for it now,were separated and he is seeing a therapist and going to anger/marriage counceling...To be honest,as of right now he is the one holding on for dear life to save our marriage,I love him and I want to be with him forever but the stress he has put me through is almost to much to handle,although its been really rough im not ready to call it quits.My advice to you is that you should seek marriage counceling before giving up.If you've tried it before try it again.Don't wanna sound old school but marriage is a covenant made by God,something to keep sacred.If you feel there is any hope for your marriage stick with that and realize what you guys have together and try to focus on the positive instead of the negative.I hope this could help even just a little bit!

Pamela - posted on 03/06/2010

If he is not willing to go to councelling with you, go by yourself.
It really should help you to work out what will be the best decision for you.
Good luck with the hard road ahead.

Christina - posted on 03/05/2010

I've been married for 3 years years and i've gone through the stuff as you. My husband and I fight over stupid things and then we don't talk and name calling. But after some time apart and time to cool off we make-up and even though we say sorry about the things we said we shouldn't say them to begin with. But instead of getting a divorce maybe go for marriage councling and see what happens then. We were actually considering that at one point. Sometimes we also fight about not being interested in the intimate way as well. Just know that you're not alone, other couples may be going through the same thing or close to it. But try to work it out first, divorce should be the very last thing to consider.

Haryati - posted on 03/04/2010

I think you should just divorce once and for all..I am not saying this is good or bad but think of your future and your lovely daughter..But if you still love your husband and need each other why not sit together and talk about how u feels and what u need in him in future...Sometimes I and my husband also fighting over some stupid things..and worst still he used to beat me up..But I just feels its part of puzzle in marriage life...Yes people may think I'm stupid still stick with him but Love is Blind afterall...Nobody can force you what should do and shouldn't do...Just think what is the best for you and be happy of your decision...And most importantly...Don't REGRET for what you have done...Tke care and all the best to you n family..*Hugs*

Francesca - posted on 03/04/2010

My Dh and I were at an impass not too long ago. I found out last September he was less than faithful when I was pregnant and the early months of our daughter's life. And I know that following that I have been and still have been very mean. And we are still not sure what we are doing. We did agree that we needed to seek help. Not only did we listen to what the pastor at our church said, but we are trying to see what we can do through marriage counselling. I know I have a lot to filter through, my feelings, and I have to decide my priorities.



I think the most practical thing we have heard was from the pastor's wife. I am not a very religious person. She said that married couples fall in and out of love with eachother all the time. And its very hard work to work through throughs tough times. But you have too look at everything besides love. Is there commitment? Friendship? Respect? Trust? What do we love about the other? What do we hate? Do we want to stay? Is there enough respect for eachother that we are willing to try counselling? And that if we try to work it out, the worse that could happen is that we still feel the same way and we divorce anyways. She also said that even if it doesn't work, counselling is the best solution because we still need to deal with our feelings and rebuild some sort of relationship because either married or divorce we still have to be respectful to eachother for our daughter's sake. And for that last point, she was very right. She gave us some numbers for a few places (I wasn't comfortable doing the counselling through the church...I was a little embarrassed and thought it would be better to go through someone who didn't know us...silly...but glad I did)



At first I wanted nothing to do with him. I packed up his stuff. Made him sleep in the drive way. Filed for custody. I didn't want to set a bad example to my daughter that a man could treat her like that. I was angry. And I had every right to be. But at some point I realized that pride was going to interfere with her relationship with her daddy when my sisters were making inappropiate comments in front of her/to her about him. And I knew this was wrong.



We still have a very long way to go, but I oddly think I am more honest with him now that I have ever been. Although the trust has been broken I am doing so much better identifying why I am hurt, frustrated, etc and communicating them. Which benefits everyone.



Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Trying the same thing over and over hoping to get a different response. I am not saying you're insane, I am just saying you have to try something different, or else you will always be in the same spot. Its a hard impass to be in but you have to do something. Anything, whether that is divorce, counselling, or whatever. Only you will know.



Good luck to you. Its never easy. Only you know what is best for you and your family. And only you can make this decision. I hope you all the best.

Shell - posted on 03/04/2010

listen me and my husband go through this everyday but at the end the day i look at him and my heart skips that beat i know i love him if u dont actually truly truly love him then go but sit down ask your self how would feel a year two years even ten years down the road if i stay or i go then put the kids in it that dont need see there mother hurting the closet person to them is u

Nicole - posted on 03/04/2010

Any kind of relationship that makes you feel hurt, is no relationship to stay in. If you are "staying in it for the kids" only then he needs to be decent to you as well. If he cannot do this, your 3 daughters will think its ok for a man to treat a women like that. Yes it will be tough on your daughters, but they will grow up knowing that respect is something they need to take seriously. I am all for making it work, but when its done, you will know its done. I say think of it this way... Would you like to see a man treat any of your daughters the way he is treating you? Would you want your daughters to stay in a relationship with a man whom you know she has no desire to be with anymore? Do what you feel is best for you and your daughters.

Cookie - posted on 03/04/2010

you know what leah you are absolutely right about this situation I guess us as mothers have to handle these types of situations in different so My parents were broken up by the time I was 1 year old so she left him beacuse he wouldn't do right so basically I was just raised by my mother grandmother and auntie but some of those jestures I will take into consideration myself thanks

Sheryl - posted on 03/04/2010

you could try a chirstain conc. or even maybe talk to a pastor. i think alot of men think when they hear conc.; what i am not carzy. alot of poeple think conc. are for crazy people. but there not! what i told my husbend cause is i'll for my self and you go for self, then we can go togather. if his not really welling to do anything then you may need to go for divc.! i not one really for it but sometime. maybe even just try sep. for a awhile it may help him to realize what he really wants. hope that helps some and good luck. i'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Susan - posted on 03/04/2010

I guess the first question you have to ask yourself is do you want to the marriage to work- the answer to this question is the basis for the way in which you deal with the problem. If the answer is that you are only staying in the marriage for the sake of the children then i am sorry that is the wrong answer in my option. Like many of the people replying to your post i too believe in God and i think you should be asking him for the strength to deal with your marriage problems- in a situation like yours you need all the strength you can get. I have been married 5 years in July and there have been times in my marriage that i have asked myself the previous question but for me my husband is my best friend so i find if we discuss the problem then we normally work things out. From what i have gathered from reading your post your husband is not the talking type (many males arent't) but you need to be open to what little he is saying because although what he is saying is hurting you- sometimes we are so good at pointing out other peoples problems that we fail to realise we too are not perfect ( easier said than done). From my experience these issues pop their head up at times of stress so another thing is to look at what is going on in your lifes at present e.g money issues, stress regarding work and you may have to deal with this first. One vital bit of imformation and this may not apply to your situation but if it gets physical i.e he hits you or the children GET OUT as there is no coming back from this.
Good Luck

Sally - posted on 03/04/2010

I think you'd be better off divorcing him. If you can't even get along, then it's a worse environment for your kids to grow up in. You can find someone who you can get along with who won't hurt your feelings and will make you happy.

Leah - posted on 03/04/2010

Stephanie, as you said, if you are the only one putting forth the effort, that leads you to a brick wall. I can tell you as a mother of 3 daughters myself, and as a child of divorced parents; You are setting the example for them of how relationships are/are not supposed to work. My parents couldn't come to terms either. They thought long and hard about the decision, because being christians as well, they were concerned about the example. In their experience, counseling did not solve anything. Granted, this is one example, not saying it never does.

Not to scare you by that second sentence, just a thinking point. If you deal with being disrespected and constantly finghting, your daughters will subconciously gravitate to that kind of relationship because that is what is hardwired in.

I know there are some alternatives to counseling, just search marriage counseling or marriage troubles. If it were me, I would say "ok, so you are saying the problem is me, right? What do you feel I am doing to cause that?" As much as you disagree with this statement he is putting out there, it would help to know what is going on in his thoughts. This would open the door to a non-defensive answer. It is impossible to come to a conclusion when everyone is defending their feelings and pointing fingers (which is the natural reaction in an argument).

I hope you manage to find a solution that best suits your daughters and yourself.

Cookie - posted on 03/04/2010

let me tell you some good advice first you have to ask yourself in your mind do you really want this where did we go wrong at sit down and really evaluate the situation first beacuse belive me when I tell you I went through this myself in my first marriage and at the time I was only 18 at the time I had 2 children and I married him for the wrong reasons beacuse we had a child together but girl you have to be strong and ask him do you want this do you really want to be here with us your family and really look at him and you can tell by the attitude that he will give you, your answer and if so you know what you have to do you are a strong woman and you want those little preciuos girls of yours to be strong as well believe me you can make it on your own I did it so can you.what hurt you will only make you stronger.Good Bless and hold on God got u believe that

Christin - posted on 03/01/2010

honestly go with what makes you happy and what you feel is best. it's a tough call. with us we were on the virge of a divorce before i found out i was pregnant and when i first found out we agreed that i would move home and he would just take custody of our daughter since hes more stable financially than i am. but then we agreed we would just stay together until shes born and see what happens, if things work we would stay and make it work and if we felt that it would be a mistake just decide at the birth. eventually i think over the 9 months we got closer and we had our ups and downs but i think that whole thing just faded out. we still get stressed with the baby and theres days he wants to leave and i want to leave, but we work thru stuff. sometimes he does hurt my feelings and i tell him and he doesnt mean it, but alot of times i don't think guys realize they are doing it. he doesn't always know he is hurtful.



if you don't think you can make it work then i'd say do what will make you happy. you really shouldnt stay just because of kids. if you do you will just be miserable.



but i say just do what makes you happy. sometimes it is just stress and things get said but things end up working out.

Anna - posted on 03/01/2010

PS, I dont know where you are from, but our pastor gave us a marraige book to work in. Its stored away right now, but Im sure you can find one at any Christian book store. It was perfect. We wrote in it and it asked some really good questions that were difficult to answer sometimes, but your answers came fron the heart.

Anna - posted on 03/01/2010

Im sorry. I've been married for a year and a half and our daughter was born 2 days after our one year anniversary. I must admit that I am extremely lucky. My husband is helpful and we tend to get along great. But I have some friends who are in a relationship much like yours. I know that once you get to a certain point, the anger is so strong that it makes it difficult to see anything other than your own pain. Thats where I suggest a counselor. An outside influence can see eachothers points and won't take sides. It can also teach you how to communicate. I feel that communication is key and being honest with yourself is too. Be real about your own faults, soon you will see maybe why the other person is angry. My hubby and I had pre-marital sessions with the pastor who married us. It really helped us. We got along well but those sessions helped us see different points of view. If your family is important to the both of you, it could be worth the shot. But if you guys have really had it, do whats right for your family. Im sorry and I hope you guys find some helpful advice and make things work. If you need to vent, write me a note.

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

Yeah, I hear ya! It must be hard if he thinks he doesn't have any problems. You would probably have to fight to get him to go. Maybe if you tell him that you know you have things to work on and that if he went with you it would help you be a better person. Then maybe the counselor could inform him that he is also part of the problem. I hope things work out for you. I'll send a prayer up for you!

Ashley - posted on 03/01/2010

My husband and I have been seperated for about 6 months now. During the time we remained friends anyways because of our daughter. Being friends and still being around each other we were able to figure out what the problem was and are now working on it. For us seperation helped things. If you cant fix things through seperation maybe marriage counseling would be best.

Stephanie - posted on 03/01/2010

Ok so i am willing to do everything to fix the problems in my marriage I am a firm believer in Jesus and i pray everyday i asked my husband can we get couseling he said its me and that i need to work on myself i willing to try everything but i dont see how when im the only one putting forth the effort i want couseling but it wont do me any good if he wont come but thanks for the advice.

Melissa - posted on 03/01/2010

Marriage counseling...? I am a firm believer in 'chose your love and love your choice'. I have also been married 4 1/2 years. We have rough times and good times. My husband and I don't have much in common and we also argue. But marriage is work, more work than raising kids. I hope you guys can get back to the love you once had. It isn't right that he verbally abuses you. He needs to see that what he says is damaging. I think a third party (counselor, pastor, therapist) could really help you out. If he can't treat you right after you have tried everything then maybe it is time to split. You just don't want to regret giving up without trying everything. My parents got divorced when I was a kid, it was tough and still is. Divorce is horrible for kids. I hope things work out for you!

Patrice - posted on 03/01/2010

I don't know what to say. I've been married for almost 4 years (April 21) and my husband and I are planning to get back together in two weeks from a separation of amost 6 months. Is he stressed at the job? You could try a marriage couselor while being separated. During the past 6 months, we worked through a lot of trust issues in our marriage and we are hoping that once we move in together, we will be better, but only time can tell that. Hoping for the best for you.

Christi - posted on 03/01/2010

i think you might try marriage counceling, if you really think that you can save your marriage. my husband and i hit a rough patch after our son was born and it got so bad that things got abusvie, physically and verbally. i knew that i loved my husband, but i was not going to put up with what he was doing to me. i didn't really know what to do, so i went to a marriage therapist and after the first session by myself, i went home and asked my husband if he still loved me and wanted to be here with me and his son. we went to therapy and it really helped. it saved our marriage to say the least. we are now stronger than we have ever been. just ask yourself if you still love him and you are still willing to try. if the answer is yes, and his answer is yes, then give it a try. if he is not willing to try or you don't want to try, maybe it is time to go your seperate ways and not look back. you have to remember that your children are seeing all of this, and it not only hurts you, but them.

Jessie - posted on 03/01/2010

Marriage is tough and no marriage is perfect. You guys need to sit down and talk about why things are to this point. Maybe look into getting help and seeing if there is something beyond the hurtful words. My husband and I aren't big fighters but we have had some HUGE ones and it made me think about getting out, but it was just my emotions talking. In the end I realized that I have a wonderful husband and that we both need to work on the things that make us get so angry soetimes. We do so much good for each other and when we argue those things aren't talked about b/c well when your angry and upset nothing seems good. If you love your husband and do want this to work try everything b/c if you do end up getting a divorce this time then you can't say you didn't try and you can move on knowing you did what you could and that your marriage wasn't good for you and your children anymore. Good luck and your in my thoughts.

Stevie - posted on 03/01/2010

i agree with andrea you need to see what you both really want if you want to make it work or if you dont and he shouldn call you names either way neither of you should (not saying you are) but i think if you both do want the same thing being as staying together trying to find why you guys fell in love in the first i think a counsler wouldnt be a bad idea its not a bad thing i dont mind counsling or therapy and then if the both of you are just done to the point you really just cant do it anymore and you dont want to be with him and he you then i guess divorce is what you need but just remember even if its what you both want it might not be givin to you the judge will deside that i strongly suggest trying to make it work with some help but divorce just isnt in my set mind

Andrea - posted on 03/01/2010

You know - recently my husband and I have been sooooo stressed and soooooo busy, that we have been fighting more too - but we would never call each other names - that is is just disrespectful - you both need to want it to work for it to work - and if you do want that then you need to both talk and LISTEN to each other. Don't fret over the thing that upset you that day - because most likely it's not the real problem. Find the bottom line problem and deal with that. For example, my husband was micromanaging me the other day - REALLY bad - and getting annoyed with everything I was doing - we ended up in a big fight - and he kept on coming up with excuses as to why he was saying the things he said - I had to tell him over and over - the issue is not what you said today - it's the fact that when you micromanage me like that it makes me feel belittled - I am an adult, and should be treated as so.



So if you both really want things to work - get to the bottom of the problem, and do it with respect - and you both have to take responsibility for your actions and you both need to say your sorry for one thing or another.



Good luck, i hope things work out for the best.

Andrea - posted on 03/01/2010

You know - recently my husband and I have been sooooo stressed and soooooo busy, that we have been fighting more too - but we would never call each other names - that is is just disrespectful - you both need to want it to work for it to work - and if you do want that then you need to both talk and LISTEN to each other. Don't fret over the thing that upset you that day - because most likely it's not the real problem. Find the bottom line problem and deal with that. For example, my husband was micromanaging me the other day - REALLY bad - and getting annoyed with everything I was doing - we ended up in a big fight - and he kept on coming up with excuses as to why he was saying the things he said - I had to tell him over and over - the issue is not what you said today - it's the fact that when you micromanage me like that it makes me feel belittled - I am an adult, and should be treated as so.



So if you both really want things to work - get to the bottom of the problem, and do it with respect - and you both have to take responsibility for your actions and you both need to say your sorry for one thing or another.



Good luck, i hope things work out for the best.