me and my husband recently seperated should i let him see our son be born?

Kelly - posted on 09/17/2009

This can be kind of a tough situation for everyone. This child was conceived by the two of you and both of your are going to love him/her. I guess the answer would just depend on how your relationship is with him now that you are separated from him. Is he supportive, helpful, and someone that you can depend on during the birth process and afterwards? Is he showing signs of interest in wanting to be there for you during the birth and offering his support and help even though you aren't together at the moment? If the answer to those questions is yes, then you might want to think about allowing him to be there for you and see the baby. If the answer is clearly no, then think about having him not be there because you and the baby don't need someone who will make things hard and uncomfortable during that time.



If you don't trust him or have "gut instincts" that you can't trust him to be around you or the baby, then don't let him. I guess it all just depends on what kind of a person he is. Is he showing interest in trying to save the marriage also or is it just you? If he is, then the best way to try and work on things is open, honest, communication. That's the key. Talk to him and see where he stands on things and what his opinions are and talk about why the marriage is breaking down in the first place and try to get things back on track if the two of you are wanting this not only for your child but for yourselfs too.



If you determine that he's not interested in saving the marriage but is showing that he deeply cares about this pregnancy and wants to be a father figure and it's important to him and he really wants this then you should let him see the baby after he/she is born. Even though it might be hard for you emotionally not being with him romantically, he is still the father and if you know he's going to be a good father to your child, let him do it. A child deserves to have both their parents unless of course one of the parents wouldn't be fit or is abusive and things like that.



He is your husband so you should know him better then anyone else, and if you feel he's not going to be a good father to your child then do your thing girl and go at this by yourself. If you feel that he's going to be a good father with or without you then let him as hard as it can be, but he does deserve that chance if he's a good person. I hope this helps hun.

Sarah - posted on 09/17/2009

i say do what you feel is best but do not replace him with another family member this will start alot off tention that you dont need....if it was me in your possition i would say to him yes you can be there but if i ask you to leave at any stage you have to listen to me no matter what being in labour you really dont want any negitive energy at all so yeah i say do what you feel comphy with but make sure he is def outside the door!!!...

Betty - posted on 09/16/2009

If he wants to be there he should have the option. There will be resentment later on if the two of you get back together.
Get counseling if you can so that the two of you can enjoy this moment together.

Lizzie - posted on 09/16/2009

Quoting Teisha :

me and my husband recently seperated should i let him see our son be born?

In hope of saving our marriage but not sure about the akwardness of him being there since we been seperated for 3months. really need some advice from all aspects

yes if he wnts to see his son being born u should let hime and u never know it might bring u's bck together

Crystal - posted on 09/16/2009

I can imagine that it would seem like now that it would be totally awkward to have him the room, however obviously you two made that little baby and so he won't be viewing things that he's never seen before. I also agree with an earlier post that you won't even notice him and think about it when you are actually in labor and working on delivering your baby. If he isn't a comforting pressence have him stand out of the way but be in the room for the big moment. The moment your baby arrives is such a spiritual and beautiful moment that if he wants to be there for it he really should be given that chance. It is a memory he can hold dear wether you guys stay together or not.

Olivia - posted on 09/16/2009

You should do whatever makes you comfortable. Giving birth is a very emotional time and you MUST take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your baby properly. Making sureyou are happy and in a good place emotionally is more important then making your ex-husband happy. Post partum depression is a very real thing, and you don't want to do anything that will magnify it. Good luck and I'm here for you if you want to talk.

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

I think he should be there... It's his son just as much as yours.. Good Luck and I hope things work out..

Christina - posted on 09/16/2009

A BABY BRINGS ALOT OF LOVE WHEN BEING BORN,,IF HE IS WILLING TOO BE THERE,WANTS TOO BE THERE THEN YES DEFFINETLY I THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT FOR YOUR MARRIGE IF HE IS A CARING SINCERE GUY THAT IS,,,MY HUSBAND IS A GREAT FATHER AND EVEN IF WE WERE SEPERATED HE WOULD NOT MISS HIS CHILD BEING BORN FOR ANYTHING IF YALL ARE TRYIN TOO WORK ON YOUR MARRIG THAN HIS PRESENTS DURING DELIVERY WILL STRENTHIN YOUR REALATIONSHIP IF IT IS TRUE LOVE A BABY WILL BOND YOU BACK TOGATHER A CHILD BRINGS ALOT OF JOY,HAPPINESS, AND PEACE GOOD LUCK HUN YOUR IN MY PRAYERS

Priscilla - posted on 09/16/2009

do you want him to be in there? do he wanna be in there? if u guys are on good terms an u both feel comfortable with it then go for it.. he has obviously seen everythang before so you kno

Diana - posted on 09/16/2009

Ask him first.Just ask him over the phone"Do you want yes or no to see your child being born?"If he says no,well his loss,if he says yes,trust me even if you dont get back with him he will change alot and learn how special that little angel is for both of you.He will make sure the baby grows up in a healthy relationship between you two.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/16/2009

Well. Lets be honest here, it's not like theres anything he hasn't seen before. So it doesn't have to be awkward. I think that a birth can be a very special time for the father too, and even though he may no longer be your husband, he's still the baby's father.

Nicolle - posted on 09/16/2009

i think you should let him be there.....

Nicole - posted on 09/16/2009

well i havent read through all of the other opinions, but as you said, "our" son. So, regardless of you trying to save your marriage, this is also an important time in his life. He should be present if he wants to, as long as you guys can be civil and he can support you throughout your labor.

Kelly - posted on 09/16/2009

YES I THINK YOU SHOULD ASKED HIM, AND LEAVE IT UP TO HIM TO MAKE THE CALL.

Heather - posted on 09/16/2009

if your husband wants to be there, I definately feel you should allow itt. My husband is deployed to Iraq for the 3rd time and we have two boys. Not all that relevant, but I know what he went through not being able to be here for the birth of our second.

Jaimie - posted on 09/16/2009

I think you should ask him to be there. if he chooses not to then thats his choice, but at least you offered.

ANESHA - posted on 09/16/2009

YES U SHLD LET HIM BE THERE,WHAT SLD EVER HAPPEN AFTER THE BIRTH,WITHER U GET BK 2GETHER OR NOT....THAT DAY IS A SPECIAL DAY FOR THE 3 OF U....AFTER ALL HE WAS THERE AT THE BEGINNING SO WHY NOT AT THIS END,WORST IF HE WANT TO....

Peggy - posted on 09/16/2009

I feel that he should so he could see the pain that we as women go through to have a child. See some men don't understand what we go through. Also from my experiences when my 4 children were born their father was right their and he cut the umblical cord and he held our children for the first time and cried with joy and love but most of all the bond that he and our children have is excenllent. But only you can make that choice, but remember it's not about you any more you need to think about what is best for the child. Remember we have the divine animal right to protect our off spring....

Davita - posted on 09/16/2009

I think you should allow him to be there for the delivery of your child because you want tthe child to feel something for his father and maybe just maybe it will bring you two back together.

Jesica - posted on 09/16/2009

yes yes yes!! one of my good friends wasn't even called when his ex was giving birth, she told him after it was all over with, and it hurt him pretty bad. it still makes him sad that he had to miss such an important thing! and she wants him back too, so i don;t know what her thinking was? good luck though mama!

Kristin - posted on 09/16/2009

I say yes, I think that it is a one time moment, that no matter the situation, he has the right and you should give him the privilege of seeing his baby being born. Even if you marriage doesn't work out, this baby deserves a life with both parents, as active participants, who can put aside their differences for the sake of their child, and I think you allowing this to occur would only gain your husband's respect for being able to put aside those differences so that you both could welcome your baby into the world.

Jessica - posted on 09/16/2009

I think that it is very important that he is there, my youngest son's dad have never been married but we are together, at the time of his birth we were not an were having alot of problems. I did let him come in a be there for the birth of our son an I would not have it any other way if I could change it. I think it help not only me but him as well an we are alot closer now because of it.

Felicia - posted on 09/16/2009

In my opinion.....if he wants to come you should let him!!!! Put all differences aside when it comes to the baby because he or she deserves love from the both of you and should not be limited to that because of adult issues.



congrats and take care

Crystal - posted on 09/16/2009

You two may be falling apart, but if he is excited about the baby and really wants to be a part of that childs life, then yes. If you dont let him be there, he will NEVER forgive you.

Keosha - posted on 09/16/2009

ABSOULETLY! You and husband are separated. Not him and his child. Give him that option. A parent should never be denied access to their child. The best part of this is that both of you are adults. And this should be handled as adults. I would bring someone for support (a sister, friend or my mother), both emotional and physical so that my needs are being met during labor and delivery. You want to be focused on bringing your baby into the world. Not past events between you and your husband. Congrats on the pregnancy and a healthy baby! God Bless!

Kathleen - posted on 09/16/2009

If you want to reconcile and he is a good caring father who wouldn't do things to make labor harder for you then let him be there. this is a once in a lifetime event don't make him miss it unless he deserves to.

Jennifer - posted on 09/16/2009

I think so... It is the most important event in anyone's life, witnessing the birth of their child. It really does not have to do with your relationship with him, it is between him and your child, just like your relationship with your child is completely your own. I know it will be hard, especially if there are still hard feelings, but in the long run, it will be better for you. The more support you have on the big day, the better!

Jessica - posted on 09/16/2009

I personally think that u should allow him to be there. Leave that door open for him to make the decision. If he is there, wonderful. If not then he has defined what he wants out of the marriage and out of the relationship with his newborn. I think u two should definitely talk about it. Just so u can know what to expect. So u wont have that added stress during labor from the disappointment of him not showing up.

Shayna - posted on 09/16/2009

I definitely think he should be apart of the birth of his son! That is the most intense memory you can ever have seeing your baby take his/her first breath and open their eyes for the first time in this world!!



Trust me if you have not had children before, you will NOT care who is in that room when your pushing him out, you will be in a totally different zone! You can tell him to stay up towards your head if you don't want him directly watching.

Teisha - posted on 09/16/2009

thanks again moms

Jenny - posted on 09/15/2009

What do YOU want? Would you feel ok with him there? It is not just a matter of does he want to be there, you are the one that is giving birth. Like said you should not put too much hope on it that it will bring you back together but you should see it as a chance that he sees his child born which i think is something very special.

Deane - posted on 09/15/2009

of course u should. especially if he wants to be involved.....it may be hard on you but ure baby deserves to have that experience and so does his/her dad....the drama is between the two of you hun!! hope that helps a lil

Tina - posted on 09/15/2009

i think u should let him be there when the baby is born. he helped make it he can help on that day, its only right

Doralis - posted on 09/15/2009

Yes please let him see his son be born if he asked...that is a very touching moment and you never know how much he will appreciate it and what might happen after that. Maybe it will bring you guys closer, maybe he will realize what he has A FAMILY and that he needs to get it together so that he won't loose his family.

Sam - posted on 09/15/2009

that really depends on how you feel and how he feels. if he is a good man and you think a good father to be then i would encourage him to be as much apart of your childs life as possible, including the birth, because your child needs a normal healthy relationship with both of you.

Candis - posted on 09/15/2009

YES!! whether you guys get back together or not he will always be that childs father, if the roles were reversed would you want to miss it?

LeeAnn - posted on 09/15/2009

I would say yes, judging by the fact that you said the two of you are trying to work it out. If he wants to take an active role in his child's life, regardless of the outcome of the marriage, then I say "Good Job" to him. So many times the children suffer from thier parents relationship with each other. In the end, it is your decision, obviously, but I can't help but think that if you didn't allow him to be there, and you two did work it out, that might cause problems later on in your relationship. It is a very tough question to answer, and I wish you and him the best of luck in saving the marraige. God Bless!

Jennifer - posted on 09/15/2009

I'll be honest..there are SO many women out here who are raising children by themselves and have no help from the father, that if your ex wants to be there when his child is born and wants to be a part of his childs life, you should allow him as much time and as much exposure to his child as possible. You'll appreciate it in the long run if you build a relationship now. It'll be easier when you need help if both you and your ex are on good terms.

Adoryna - posted on 09/15/2009

LEt him in the room. Give him the option so that you knw that you did your part. He cant hang it over your head that you didnt let him

Jessica - posted on 09/15/2009

If he wants to be there, I would let him. Even if your marraige does not work, he will always be involved in your and your child's lives. If he is a willing and loving parent, let him be... Your child will be better, and happier for it! Plus, it would be nice for the child looking back to have photos of his/her mom AND dad being there at his/ her birth....

Mimi - posted on 09/15/2009

my son's father was not there for the birth, but that was on him. he quit speaking to me when i was 5 months pregnant and was in his own little world. it hurt me like nothing else had ever hurt me before, but then i moved on. i needed someone who was going to support me and keep me calm. he chose to miss it and that's his regret, not mine. i got to be there for the birth of my first born, he didn't! that being said, it would have been nice to have the father there. my son was his first child as well and it was a boy! what man doesn't want a boy to be his first??!! you said you two are arguing....you need to figure it all out before your due date. arguing about your marriage is about the 2 adults, birth is about this baby. try to put all the marriage issues aside. once you're in the moment of having the baby, we all know that is what the focus is. i hated my son's father for how he treated me, but the moment my son was born, all i wanted to do was have him there for that miracle occassion!

Amy - posted on 09/15/2009

i think u should thats a moment in ur childs life that he will never get back if he misses it and u dont want to be the blame

April - posted on 09/15/2009

I've been in a similar situation like you. When I had my first son I was no longer with the guy and wanted nothing to do with him. But I did let him in the room to watch the birth of his first child. I did have others in the room to comfort me and keep me calm it helped alot and I really didn't even notice he was in there. Just remember when your in labor all your going to think about is getting that baby out to make sure everything is ok. But you should definetly have him in there but also have some one else like a close friend or parent to ease your mind and keep you focused on that baby. Good Luck!

Katherine - posted on 09/15/2009

uh yeah duh no matter what happens between yall u guys need to be the bigger person for the chld involved

Stephanie - posted on 09/15/2009

Only you can decide your own comfort level of him being there... Definitley let him be there (it is an important day for him too) but if he is more of the type that will antagonise and not be a good support he can always wait in the waiting room until your son is born and then he can be there from then on out. You could even ask a nurse to set up a private room for them to bond after birth while you are recovering if that makes you feel more comfortable? As for it being of any help to your marriage, don't soley count on it. My daughters dad and I had a rough relationship through my pregnancy and I think both of us banked on the idea that a baby would bring us closer when actually the stress of a newborn pulled us farther a part. The best advice I can give is to let him be there but at your comofrt level. This is an experience your going to want to cherish for the rest of your life too, so don't do anything that would bring on any negativity to the experience. And don't push the baby as an idea of getting back together. Let him fight for you guys and you just focus on you and the little one. Then if he does insist on being more active in your lives you will know he is there for the right reasons. Hope this helps and good luck to all three of you!

Teisha - posted on 09/14/2009

keeping coming moms and dads if its any of you , my due date is fast approaching! thanks and god bless

Jessica - posted on 09/14/2009

maybe you all should try conselling to help with issues or have a friend that can mediate for the both of you. pushing him away will get you no where fast. talking is the best way to fix issues.

Francesca - posted on 09/14/2009

If he wants to be there, I say you should let him, but only if you are 100% comfortable with it. While you are going thru labor, you need to be relaxed and calm, not nervous or uncomfortable. The whole experience of childbirth is stressful enough. On another note, it may bring the two of you closer, considering you will see what a beautiful being the two of you made. I say the two of you need to talk about it, and most importantly, you need to be comfortable and think of yourself and your baby.

Teisha - posted on 09/13/2009

you mom's are such a big help for me and 80% of you guys vote to let him be there. He wants to be there but we been arguing and disagreeing a lot. Now i love him and want it to work but its a big struggle and kind of undecided about looking at him while in pain and he walked out on our family we already have a little girl and thats why i kind of feel this way like he abandoded us. And he tries to be supportive and i push him away cause of the issues.

Traci - posted on 09/13/2009

If he wants to be there to be a support for you then i think so....but it really depends on whether or not he truly wants to be there for you and the baby.But you're going to want someone there that is going to help you relax not make matters worse. If he really wants to see his son born then yeah let him it may give you two a more stable grounds for communication!!!