men that play video games.....

Becky - posted on 11/02/2010 ( 55 moms have responded )

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okay so let me ask and it just might be me hmm don't know..... the man walks in gets right on his video game and dose not even offer to help with the kids nor dinner nor well even conversation... but on the game i hear him in his ear peace talking to some random chick... and its all GAME conversation but why do i get mad or would you get mad.... i guess its not like there talking about anything important but he is not talking to me either!

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Liz - posted on 11/02/2010

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i agree with brittany not only does my husband play games religiously but hes going to school to be a video game programmer guy in the beginning of our relationship it use to drive me nuts he would not pay me any attention. He would spend all day talking to his gamer friends while i took care of our daughter. It wasnt until i started to show a slight interest in what hes doing that it got a little better. I have absolutely no interest in video games but i chose one that i wanted to play so that we could do it together. In turn he also has to choose an interest of mine to do with me. Its a win win situation you cant fight fire with fire im still working on the kid thing he is a lot more active now than he use to be but i still end up doing all the work i hope this helps

Brittany - posted on 11/02/2010

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In my house it's my husband who complains about my video games and not talking to him enough. lol

Well as a gamer myself, it's really easy to get hooked into a game or a mission or whatever and it's always in your head. When you're at work, you're working on game strategies in your mind and you can't wait to get home and complete a mission or level.

When my husband yells at me that I'm always playing games and calls them stupid and a waste of time and says that I never spend time with him or talk to him anymore, I get really mad and I really don't want to spend time with him if he thinks my interests are stupid. It's important in a relationship to respect each other and respect each other's interests.

I go through phases where I stop playing completely for a few months and then I play night and day for about a month and stop again. I can't do just an hour a day. Doesn't work for me.

I once told my husband during an argument that I supported every one of his interests and all he did was complain about mine so he started asking about my games, what I was doing, how do you play and what controls do you use, who my game friends were and what they were like. That meant so much to me and it was so exciting that he was taking an interest in something that I loved just because he loves me. It brought us a lot closer as a couple. It also helped me to keep track of time and not get so deep into the game where I couldn't stop.

You could also talk to him about picking an hour or two a day where he played video games and then when time was up, he would shut down and spend the rest of the time with you and the kids. If you let him pick a time and then towards the end, start saying 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 1 minute, and then time! It will work better than letting him play for an hour and then telling him to shut down right away. He probably has a hard time keeping track of time and if you give warnings, he will have time to end his mission, level, stage, whatever, say his goodbyes and shut down instead of trying to tell him to shut down when he's in the middle of something which would NOT go over well, I would assume lol

Anyway, good luck

September - posted on 11/02/2010

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I would be more upset that he's spending more time with the video games then with you and his children...forget being mad about the chick he's talkin to!

Becky - posted on 11/09/2010

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yeah i dont think anyone should give up sometimg they love doing or a hobby or change who they are and def not for anyone elce but do strongley belive that after i work all day and my hubby works all day its team work when we get home to the kido's! if i hav the day at home with the babies and it can be stressfull mamma's you know..... when he comes in you need a few min to just breath, but when he heads right to the game NOT OKAY.... to me or the babies i mean come on after bein home all day with my sweet 5 month old boy im ready for come adult conversation! lol!

Sandra - posted on 11/04/2010

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my husband is exactly the same we dont have xbox live but we look after my mums dog when she's away and she has it and as soon as we arrive he sets it up and from then on he doesnt even acknoledge us, if tyler walks in front of him he just pushes him out the way but i have found a soloution it may only work for a while, but then just try it again, take the cable and the plug from his xbox/ps2/3 and hide it an then just tell him how much it p**s you off and that you need more help. do you ever feel that you may as well be a single mum from the amount of attention you get from him, i sure do hope this helps

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Jennifer - posted on 12/11/2011

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im in the same situation but i have learned through counseling that he doesnt ignore you and not help out on purpose...besides...atleast hes not at the bar or strip club....

Stifler's - posted on 11/09/2010

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It isn't a double standard. While tv is on I'm stacking the dishwasher and he is on facebook and we're talking about our days. I don't care to have him dominate the tv while I do housework, playing games and ignoring me. I'm not interested. If he wants to play games do it later after you've had a decent conversation with me.

Karlita - posted on 11/09/2010

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my husband plays video games alot too, but then i had a long talk with him, and said he needed to help out more, and now he only plays them when the kids are sleeping:)

Alecia - posted on 11/09/2010

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sorry, rebeca, i wasnt talking about u. i thought ur post was fine. some guys do have prblms balancing things, but most guys can and will if u just approach them right. i was really talking about some comments like emma's where she said that she doesnt want to watch her man play games, but she wants him to sit next to her while she watches her tv show....hmmm...sounds like a double standard to me! :p and i def agree that the games should be put aside for family first. if i can do it, so can my man! but i just get upset when i hear ppl bashing something i love to do (with or without hubby) just bcuz they dnt wanna give it a try, or just want their man to do what THEY want to do....its selfish in my opnion. relationships take work and compromises on both sides. i hope, rebeca, that u and ur man can find a good balance that works for u guys!!

Janice - posted on 11/09/2010

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My husband is a gamer too. There have been times when his games were a problem but thankfully we have found a balance. I think completely ignoring you and his children all the time is not acceptable! I think it is reasonable to ask your husband to spend time with you and the children everynight for at least an hour. I hope you can resolve the issue soon it is completely unfair to you and your children that he doesn't spend time with them.

Rebecca - posted on 11/09/2010

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I didn't see any double standards in my post and I definitely didn't say that I wanted him to give up playing games. Just that he should try to only play them when our son is asleep so that the time that we are all awake is spent as a family. When I said cut back I meant cut back playing during the day. Also, I do play video games with and without him, it is an interest of mine and we get excited to talk about the new games coming out and what he thinks I will like and what I think he will like.

Bethany - posted on 11/08/2010

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Okay, I don't have the same situation, but my man loves his video games and rarely talks to me when he's playing them. He will always talk to whoever he is playing the game with, but hardly me. Also, he does have a couple chick friends that like video games and they will all sit and talk about it and it bothers me too! I'm in the same boat, talking might not fix it but it might help. So, my suggestion would be to talk to him.

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2010

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well um how am i meant to see him if he's glued to the tv like a stunned mullet? is that fair to me? no

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2010

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HA. I'm not giving up time with my husband so he can play games. He's home like 2 hours a day then goes to bed, he sure as hell isn't going to spend it playing games.

Alecia - posted on 11/08/2010

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playing games doesnt make anyone lazy...thats just kinda rude to say. after working all day BOTH ppl in the relationship need to unwind and have time to decompress. if its playing games (moderately) there isnt a prblm. i would never "expect' my hubby to give up his hobby and part of who is, cuz i sure as hell wouldnt like it if he wanted it from me. its not all about what the wife wants......COMPROMISE is key! both ppl deserve to be happy a few games here are there is really ok. " I don't care to sit there watching him play anything after all that I want to watch Home and Away." sry, but to me that is very selfish.....u want what u want and too bad for everyone else, inclding hubby???? glad i dnt live there :p

Stifler's - posted on 11/08/2010

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I don't have a husband that plays games but if I did I'd expect him to give it up since he gets home at 6 and we eat dinner and he is expected to either stack the dishwasher after dinner OR put baby to bed and then we both sit down together and watch tv. I'm not doing both, I've been doing it all day I can't tolerate lazy men. I don't care to sit there watching him play anything after all that I want to watch Home and Away.

Alecia - posted on 11/08/2010

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im not sure why there are double standards on here...dnt women usually hate that? if u want him to compromise and play less or not at all, what are u gonna do or give up? y not try the game? WoW is lots of fun and can be played many different ways. or just feign an interest and ur hubby will want to spend more time talking/ with u. its not all about what he needs to give up, so much as what u need to do as a couple to be happy.

Rebecca - posted on 11/08/2010

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I think this issue is definitely big in a lot of relationships today. My fiance used to play all the time, and I didn't really mind watching him play, I would also join him sometimes. But now that we have our son, I told him he needs t cut back. On very few occasions he will play when he gets home from work for a an hour or so and I do not mind because it is helping him destress. Ever since our son was born he tries to only play when my son is asleep (he doesn't need to see the gore of CoD or other games at the age of 2). He definitely understands this. I will usually hang out with him when our son goes to bed and fall asleep with my legs on him while he is playing or have a conversation with him, even though i 'mess him up'. And, sometimes if I sigh a lot he thinks I want him to get off and he will. Guys just need to get their priorities straight and see what is important. They have to be willing to make a compromise, even if it is only playing while the kids are asleep. The new call of duty blacks ops is coming out tonight so he will get a little leeway and will be able to play for a lot longer and even when our son is awake while he is being distracted. When he buys me a video game for my nintendo DS he will let me play for as long as I want while he watches our son, so I feel it is only fair. I don't want to take away his interests as long as he is involved with me and our son.

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My boyfriend and I were both big gamers before we had our baby. I've pretty much quit.. although I do get a chance to play when Kiri's sleeping and sometimes I play when she's content playing by herself.

My boyfriend still plays a lot but has cut down a bit. I just ask him to help with the baby/dinner/whatever when I need a break. I wouldn't get mad at him for playing his game and not helping me if I didn't even ask for help. He works 10 hour shifts and the game is a way for him to relax.. but he's always willing to help when I need it.

Ashley - posted on 11/07/2010

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omgosh i have the same issues. im ready for divorce LOL! i hate games and it NEVER STOPS!!

Lauren - posted on 11/07/2010

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My husband is the same way haha and I just hand him our son and he has to stop playing, he subsequently gets up and does other things and doesn't go back to the game haha

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2010

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I can't blame you. I would get upset too. But let him know how you feel and hopefully he will understand. He needs to show attention to you and your family and not worry so much about playing the video games.

Rita - posted on 11/07/2010

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My husband had stopped playing video game when we got married. I didn't know why until I heard him in a conversation with his friends. He said when you get married and have children you should be selfless and give your 100 percent of yourself to you family. We've been married for 2 years now and have a 18 months old daughter and another one on the way. He help out with laundries, cooking, cleaning and we both work different shift so he watches our daughter as I go to work. He can't live without watching TV so he wait for our daughter to go to bed then he watches his shows. We have our differences, but Communication has been # 1 thing in our relationship. Don't stop telling your husband how you feel about his video game. You guys can compromise and set a time to spend with you and the children and some times to play his video games.

Nicole - posted on 11/06/2010

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Upset yes.. but you may need to unplug the system and talk.. my husband has games he comes home and play.. but we have over time worked out a system

Krystle - posted on 11/06/2010

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It's kinda the same thing in my house the video games drive me nuts. Every so often we have to sit down together and work out whats with all the game time. If you just talk to your man and let him know how you feel maybe he will cut back on the games, but keep in mind it could take a few discussions before things get to a point where you want them to be.

Nikkole - posted on 11/05/2010

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Yea my husband used to stay up and play WOW from 5pm to 6am then sleep get up and play again granted this was BEFORE kids but he did play it ALOT after we had our son and a few months ago he quit that game CAN comsume your life because to get things such as gear for your player you have to do things like raids as they call them with other people and it can take a WHILE lol i hated that game with a passion!

Alecia - posted on 11/05/2010

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um, i like to play WoW with my husband. i have always loved video games so its not a prblm for me. even though im a SAHM he will help out so we both can play together. but WoW is a game for everyone. first person shooters....well, id prbly get upset like u!! LOL

Kristi - posted on 11/05/2010

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I would be offended if it were me. You should talk to him about it. My hubby loves is WOW, he plays every chance he gets, as a matter of fact, he's playing right now lol. But he also makes time for me and the family. He helps me out around the house when I need him to and some nights he even cooks dinner for me. I finally broke down and checked the game out, and turns out, I fell in love with it, as crazy as it may sound. Now, we play together almost every night for a couple of hours after my son is asleep. I'm not telling you to try the game, some people like them and some don't, but you should talk to him. Let him know you're feeling a little under appreciated, he should understand.

Amber - posted on 11/05/2010

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My bf plays wow he use to be the same way. We finally sat down and I told him (and was very serious) he could pick his game every night and be single OR he could play 3 nights a week and only after dinner is done and cleaned up and both kids are asleep.

Lyndsay - posted on 11/05/2010

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Personally, I would have been pissed before the conversation even started. To me, that is unacceptable. Save the games for when the kids are in bed, be a parent while they're up.

Kristin Nicole - posted on 11/05/2010

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Haa, my boyfriend loves his games, hes gotten better after I spelled it out how it bothers me that he plays any chance he got. guys need to hear that we want/need help.. they dont assume it!

Becky - posted on 11/04/2010

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ashley i get mad as well sfter we talk its gets better and just the last few days he has been so good with the kids. i leep telling my slef at least he is not a man to go to bars or out and run around but i would still like his attions i so understand you!

Aurora H. - posted on 11/04/2010

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Okay i can really relate to that but the whole talking to other people lucky my husband isn't a talker. My husband does almost the same thing and its annoying. You're not really mad, but more annoyed with him. I usually drop the baby with my husband while he's playing a game on the computer and when she fusses, he has to stop doing what he was doing and entertain her for a good 10-20 minutes.
You could try this, when he walks in through the door tell him that you need his 'help' on either taking the trash out, watching the baby, or unloading the dishwasher. If he does it, try to have a conversation with him while he's doing whatever you "needed" him to do. Its a nice trick, I usually do this alot when I really need someone to talk to. I barely go out much as is.

Belinda - posted on 11/03/2010

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I would get mad. He is meant to help not sit on his ass and play video games.

Mellisa - posted on 11/03/2010

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I've got the exact same problem at home to. I simply sat him down and told him whats what. it took a little while but now when he comes home he will talk to me and go see his daughter and spend time with her. He used to be really bad when he got on then all his friends would turn up and trash my house that i spent all day cleaning and making so much noise that they wake up my daughter. i cracked one day and told him to take his ps3 and get out. he didnt and now he even askes to play his games. i dnt know if this was of any help.

Ashley - posted on 11/03/2010

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My husband has the same issue. Video Games are his life. It's the reason we fight almost daily. I've nearly left a couple times because he's proven to me that he's chosen his games over his wife and son. It really bothers me. Because I don't understand how you can get so hooked. It's like the world around him doesn't exist. I understand that Video Games are his outlet. However, I don't understand how he can go days on end without any interaction with his son. It really really bothers me. Granted he's only 24 and a child himself still really. But it's no excuse to put your family last. Cause rather than worrying about how much time he's going to get to spend with us, he worries about how much time he's got to play. I get so mad!!! I've threatened to have the internet shut off and he told me once that he'd leave me. What a stupid reason!!!

Joanna - posted on 11/03/2010

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i've been struggling with this too. xbox all the time. morning noon and night. and as soon as i get him it gets turned on and its a battle to get even an hour of tv time in for myself or even to sit down and have dinner for more than 10 minutes! i get irritated but then again when he does help with dinner/cleaning/baby i get frustrated cuz he does not do it the way i like haha. we have a time set now that he can play while i'm making dinner and after 10 pm. it helps a lot and the fighting has stopped.

Becky - posted on 11/03/2010

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we have a major undersatnding as of now after all the advise on here and my own feelings things are about to be wayyy diff but thanks ladies..... :)

Emma Lea - posted on 11/03/2010

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Thats bad. Tell him to wake to wake up to himself, i have a friend who left a man with 2 kids after 6 years for the same reason.. Not saying you should, but get up him!

Jessica - posted on 11/03/2010

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i think he will change if you tell him how you feel. ive been married almost 5 years. he used to do it to me too, but after awhile he changed . just give it time and choose your battles wisely.

Liz - posted on 11/03/2010

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hold on im not telling you to deal i fought with my husband every day all day it got to the point where i made him sell all of his games and systems so that we can have food it was at that point that he saw his family and came back to the real world so now i have made the effort to enjoy what he loves to do. My problem isnt gone but its better maybe you just need to give your husband a dose of his own medicine

Betty - posted on 11/03/2010

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My husband loves his World of Warcraft account but he's a very good dad and husband. It's less time consuming than hunting or fishing and at least he's home while he does it. If anyone needs him for something he usually gets right off and helps out but sometimes he's in the middle of a five person mission or something(with his real freinds) so it takes a bit longer.
Most of the time he waits until his daughter has gone to bed, plays a while, then the two of us have grown up bonding, and then sometimes he will wait till I fall asleep and get back on. HAHA!
I love him!

Valerie - posted on 11/03/2010

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i have a gamer. were not live so its not that bad. but he is a madden addict. the way we work things is when he comes home we have family time or if he has yard work hell do that. then he can play while i cook dinner and all that. after the girls go to bed he will play for a bit while i clean up or go on here or read. whatever it is that i want for my self. and that is usually you get one game or 2 games (it could be missions or levels or whatever) he tells me when he is done and then its our time. if i pass out before he does he can always play more. we also found god of war. i like games but im not coordinated enough to play them. this one is good cuz he does the physical playing and i do the stratigizing(sp) and informing. im like his co-pilot. the wii is good to cuz its interactive and most of those games are really simple and fun so we can do that together too. its a lot of fun and its quality us time. i think that you should let him know how you feel and propose a schedule knowing he will probably fight it. but try to come to an agreement that satisfies both your needs, or find something you like together. good luck.

Sara - posted on 11/03/2010

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I think after work he should offer to help you out with the kids and dinner and whatever else still needs done.Then when he has spare time hop on the video game.I would be upset myself if that was me I dont blame you one bit.Its not fair to you that he does that or th kids.Good luck

Jodi - posted on 11/03/2010

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Nope. My husband would get his arse kicked. When he gets home from work, he washes up, then comes and helps me with dinner, we have dinner, then helps getting kids off to bed, we have a glass of wine together, hang out for a little, and then do whatever else needs to be done. Tonight, as an example, he washed up after dinner while I was on the phone with my mother and then while I was organising school uniforms for tomorrow. Absolutely NO video games in this house until all the chores are done.



Weekends or days off it is different. Sometimes hubby will be playing video games WITH the kids while I prepare dinner, but I know if I ask for his help, he will be there in the blink of an eye. I just generally leave him to it though because it is nice to see him spending time with the kids, no matter what. They all enjoy a little Wii together.



I agree with some others. I think it is time to set some boundaries on the video games. The phone calls while he is playing those games is secondary.

Kerrie - posted on 11/03/2010

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its rude!!! mine doesnt go live on his so doesnt talk to others but he will come in grunt hi then take over the tv and sit glued for ages
it would be nice for them to interact for more than 3 seconds with their babies let alone you
i get angry too so am guessing its the fact that they are straight on it

Stifler's - posted on 11/02/2010

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HA. No partner of mine would walk in and get right on video games... we have a kid he hasn't seen all day.

Aimee - posted on 11/02/2010

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i hear ya my man comes home hugs our daughter puts on the playstation and calls his mate to tell him he is on then gets on the earpeice and chats to him all night i now stand infront of him and hand our daughter over when she is crying

Medic - posted on 11/02/2010

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I am not that understanding. My husband does not play games while the kids are up. It was a bit of a disagreement at first but I really don't care if he plays after the kids are in bed because I can just sit next to him and work on the laptop doing school or whatever. Now that it has been like this for a while he tells his friends that they shouldn't play around their kids because its not the image we want our kids to remember of us.

Becky - posted on 11/02/2010

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thanks i agree i should try harder but when, after i put the babies to bed after i cook and clean up dinner and get everything wlce done my self, its not until i bitch that he gets off and brittnty i know games can be fun, he plays games from the min he walks in until well after i go to bed and on weekends wow dont even get me started lol i mean i have told him he needs an intervention its so bad :).... and i have told him how i feel so many times its gotten to the point that i just pick up and leave with the babies to go somewhear for just wile... but in no way at all do i think he is doing anything with another woman no wayy.. but i guess i just get jelouse(sp) because he has more time for his game buddies then his family at times it at least seems that way

about the kids i get sooo mad at him when he is on the game he sets sucked in and our 6 yearold has to say dad dad dad over and over before he finaly hears me say SHE IS TALKING TO YOU.... but all in all i guess i should respect that it is al just honest fun and deal if he can find the time for his family then i can respect his games and friends

Tyrae - posted on 11/02/2010

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Just sit him down and have a serious conversation with him about how he is treating you and how you feel about the situation. If you haven't said anything he may think that you just don't care at all. He truly may not know that you need help with these types of things. It's just the way some guys are.

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