Mother In-Law Problems SERIOUSLY!

Kimberly - posted on 06/04/2010

He is defintly under weight and it sounds like shes not feeding him. If i were u i would call the police and get some help for the poor thing. there is no qustion that baby needs help NOW.

Christina Marie - posted on 06/04/2010

I have so many MIL issues lol. Its a hard spot to be in because they are family. As hard as it is, try and be the bigger person.
The only thing I can say is your son is gorgeous! Very sweet little guy.
I have a 18lb baby girl, if anyone ever said something negitive about her I would react the same way.
Time to bite your tounge! :) Good luck.

Derika - posted on 06/04/2010

maybe if you let her know again that he is meeting his milestones, is happy, and doctor is not concerned....then let her know that you would like to raise him in an encouraging enviroment so if she continues to be negative for the sake of your son/her grandson you will no longer allow your son to be around that enviroment/her. and you could always mention that some states being a grandparent is not a right and is a priviledge.

Sarah - posted on 06/04/2010

I would sit down with her and tell her how it made me feel when she said that. My mother in law isn't the greatest, she never says anything about my daughter, but she does say things, and usually after I discuss those things with her, she apologizes. as hard as it may seem at times, some people don't realize it when they are being hurtful. I have grown to love and accept my mother in law and she has me as well. We are both very opinionated and look at things very differently, but there is always a solution to everything.

Linda - posted on 06/04/2010

Yea, Just let it go! Let all of it go. The best thing to do if you are upset is to just vent it on here. lol. I have the same problems and arguing will not solve anything..."you can't teach an OLD DOG new tricks!" lol. Just know you are the better for it and be polite, you will feel better about that in the end.

Rhea - posted on 06/04/2010

what i've found with horrible MILs is if you don't put them in their place early then they will always try to pick at you or things you do
i know i'mm in the same position only thing is mine is always telling me i'm putting on weight even though i'm losing weight ....and if you could just limit the time you spend with her

Stephanie - posted on 06/04/2010

maybe she just doesn't like boys or you. i hate to say it but she doesn't say anything bad but your hubbys daughter and says nothing about your sister in laws daughter so either she doesn't like boys or she doesn't like you. but i would tell her to go fly a kite :)

Brandy - posted on 06/04/2010

MILs sometimes say things that are pure ignorance. I promise this will not be the last insensitive thing she says to you. I would put a stop to it now before it starts to effect your relationship with your husband. I would simply tell her that advice is okay when asked for but neither of you needs someone to tell you how to be a mom. Or you could make a joke of it and ignore it ( Let's get him on baby slimfast..oh yeah they don't make it! Hahaha), it could possibly be her own feelings of inadaquicy. You could also 'kill it with kindness' Warning though this may piss her off. Just tell her Thankyou for your concern...This is what his doctor says....I'm soooo glad he has a grandma who is so concerned. Hang in there I'm sure you will do whats right.

Georgia - posted on 06/04/2010

When i went to WIC they told me my child was over weight..yes he has his little belly but what kid doesn't have it? he's not two and 60 lbs. lol, i don't think that children that are toddlers should be told they are over weight or under weight because they all develop at different speeds. Keep doing what you are doing, and if the dr. feels like you are heading to some sort of obesity with your child then they will tell you. As for your mother in law, tell her its a shame she has nothing good to say about her grandchild. I agree, that that is totally something rude to say.

Philomena - posted on 06/04/2010

its called babys father mama drama, she probally will never have anything nice to say about what you do with the baby, they think they know it all but things are so different now thats what i try to tell my mother in law,they forget they were once like us, girl dont waste your breathe or energy being mad because it will only bring you down and thats whats she wants.

Shauna - posted on 06/04/2010

ok- 4 months old and 8 lbs sounds REALLY off. My son was premature and weighed 8 lbs by like a month old. They should have that baby checked- if anything you should say that she looks like she is too small- do her drs say anything about that baby's weight?!

Onto MIL- i say bite your tongue- your response that his pedi thinks he is going great is the right one IMO- Judging by your pic he looks PERFECTLY fine to me- not too chubby not too skinny- just right :-) Hang in there- MIL's can SUCK!

Rebecca - posted on 06/04/2010

Ahh, Mother-in-laws. We all got them, we all have to deal with them, we all will have an issue at one point or another.

First off, unlike a lot are saying, don't have hubby say something unless the comment was directed at him. THen he needs to speak up for you or his son or whichever. I've put my husband between me and his mom too many times and now (too late) I've learned how to handle it on my own, which is better.

Since the comment was made at you, you should address it. Since it seems like a completely absent minded comment (and she probably didn't mean it to come off as mean, I hope) just stick with what you said, "His doctors say he is perfect." and if it continues take it up a notch and get 'rude' back - "You know that is kinda rude and hurts my feelings." Try not to "attack" until things have gotten ridiculous. And this isn't it. There are worse! I've been here, it can get worse!

She will respect you more if you calmly and rationally speak up, only elevating to aggressive if necessary (which I know is a lot harder done than said - try breathing deep or stepping away before replying).

It is about a little resentment that she isnt the main woman in her sons life, and regret or reminisence about her kids' baby days.

And keep this day (and the others) in mind for when you become a mother-in-law!!!!!!

Good luck!

Lizzet - posted on 06/04/2010

Oh dont worry about her she just jealous that ur son is in shape. most mother-in-laws are that way now these days. look at my case: My mother-in-law never helped me with my son even when we lived under the same roof. maybe once did she carry him and from there on she hasnt. i dont understand what ive done to her but this about your mother in law is crazy. just let it go. all babies are a little chubby which is called baby fat and goes away. as long as you feel good and doc says its good forget what other ppl say. ♥

Kacee - posted on 06/04/2010

I get it. Just last week my father told me the same thing about my daughter. The thing is she is in the 95% of height and only 30% of weight. She is long and thin. So I told him the same thing you said, only probably in much more of what my mother would call "a tone." Look, you know your kid and you know what's right for him. How you handle it is your choice, but I would let it go until she says something again (they always do) and then sternly tell her "I am raising this baby and I am doing a helluva job and the doctor sees nothing wrong with him. I'm sorry what medical school did you attend?" I'd make it plain and clear that her job is to love your son unconditionally, maybe to spoil him a little more than you'd like her to, and to enjoy her time with him. That's what a grandmother does. If these are obligations she can't fulfill than she can b relieved of them VERY easily. I'll tell you right now, not trying to be mean but trying to open your eyes, if you don't nip this in the bud it WILL continue. Good luck

Rachel - posted on 06/04/2010

Honey, I hate to break it to you.. but one day you're going to be her. You see.. one day you will be the Mother In Law who just wants to feel involved too. And you would want your daughter in law to humor you too. At least that is what I keep trying to tell myself when my MIL favors my stepson to my daughter.

Ashley - posted on 06/04/2010

I know you didn't make a conversation but I think that it is not okay for you to let your MIL run over you like that girl. You need to stand up to her one good time and let her know that that is your house your kids and now your husband!! If it does start problems between you and your husband maybe he doesn't understand how hurtful and annoying it is that he would take up for his mother and not you esp. when she is in the wrong!

Sam - posted on 06/04/2010

dont let her put you and your baby down like that. if it were me i would have been " " this close to SLAPPING her! Wow, that was reallllly rude. I would have spoke up and said "no, actually he's right on target for his height and weight" and walked away...with the baby.

Ashley - posted on 06/04/2010

I think the next time your MIL has something to say about your parenting or your childs development you should say, OH (name here} I didn't realize you were a pediatrician! That's what I said to me not mil when I had me 2nd child which is a long story. I would not worry about what she thinks and I would let her know that. She doesn't come with you to the doctor with you and she doesn't know what his curve is. Therefore I would just shrug her input off of you shoulders and not let her affect you. Hope that helps!

Angie - posted on 06/04/2010

I love people that don't know how to keep some of their unwelcomed opinions to themselves! I've had the priviledge of getting it from both the MIL and the grandmother-in-law. Yay for me! ;) Anyway...try to not let it bother you. I know it's frustrating. Sometimes, just a little comment from you, maybe in a more joking matter, and then walking away will make them stop & think a little more. I have noticed the unwelcomed "advice" has lessoned since I've started doing that.
I've got to agree with Ashley in that you get the "oh she's so tiny!" comments as well. My oldest has always been 95% + for height and usually around 50% for weight and we'd constantly get people saying she was so tiny. It gets annoying, but I just took comfort in knowing that my baby girl was eating like she should and growing and was healthy! And, the doctor wasn't concerned about it either because my husband & I are tall and slender. I always wanted a chubby baby, but I just had the "tiny" ones! lol :)

Brittney - posted on 06/04/2010

I have almost the same problem with my MIL. She make snide comments about me and my husbands parenting. She had the gall to tell me that the name I pick out her my daughter was bad (Dani) and that she wont amount to anything with that name. I tried to tell my husband to talk to her but i guess he's afraid of her. I told him if he wants her in dani's life then she needs to respect us as adults and parents

Dubravka - posted on 06/04/2010

Hi Cristal!!
Dont be angry!!! Your mother In-Law Is stupid!!! My child was litle underweight comparin with other babys bath doctor hellp me to anderstand that all babys are diferent!! I was small child to!!! If your baby is big, that's fine, doctor tell you that's fine, dodn think about what she saying!! In time she will understand she was vrong!!

Camille - posted on 06/04/2010

A baby can't be overweight... You had the perfect reply. Just leave it at that and let it go. I know it's hard but mother in laws seem to have a need to say mean things sometimes. They're probably mad that we stole their sons, lol.

Tammee - posted on 06/04/2010

I am on the same boat.. I can totally relate! Only my mother in law only lives 5mins down the road and also has to drive past to go to work every day. All I can say is if you say something it will just agitate the problem and make problems with your husband as well. My mother in law always knows best and cant be wrong. She tells me I am parenting wrong with her step grandson, my husband is over weight and I spend too much of his money that is why he is so tired all the time and my seven month old... well you would think she is her mother! I feel my blood boiling. I also got told off at my daughters baptism for not giving her enough attention even though I hadn't even got round to saying hi to any of my friends yet! Anyway my point is as much as you would like to hit the woman just take a deep breath try and be as nice as pie, in one ear and out the other, and just remember when your son has a child how you feel towards her.

Miranda - posted on 06/03/2010

Because it is your husbands mom, I would ask him to speak with her. I would have him explain that your son is absolutely right where he needs to be according to his pediatrician. I would also have him explain to her that the comments she makes to you about your child (his wife) also need to be directed towards him as well. If your niece is really that tiny, I would consider getting someone involved if you feel that is necessary??? I wouldn't worry about what she has to say, because you know that your son is healthy and growing just fine! Good luck, I know things can be hard with in-laws ( I have my own problems with my husband's grandma!) :)

Selma - posted on 06/03/2010

I come from a family of large babies we were all just over 9pounds (including my 6month old son). In my mother's eyes my son is 'of an average weight' because a big baby is nothing new to her after having four of her own. However, my mother-in-law had small babies and when she looks at my son he's 'HUGE' to her.. we don't have any issues and she loves her grandson she spoils him too much actually.. I think there's just a difference in perspective given they both had different experiences so it's only natural for them both to react differently to my son's weight. He is 21 pounds now at 6 months which is perfectly healthy for a baby born 9.5 pounds and is exclusively breastfed so he cannot be overweight. She's probably just used to smaller babies.

Chantelle - posted on 06/03/2010

Oh my goodness, i would split her in two! Especially something like that happening more the once! I cant STAND blood family being flippin' nut bags on their own blood! Correct her snot bag face so she knows she CANT do that, and nevermind her bs, and continue doing what you are doing, and be happy with your life and your baby, and keep positive things in your bubble. YOURE his mother, YOU know everything about him. Some people never grow up though.. but good luck with it all!

Lee Ann - posted on 06/03/2010

I'm not sure if she honestly said it to be mean or because that's how she really feels.....I understand how difficult in laws can be, my mother in law hates me, she cant get over the fact i married her baby, another story, anyway....u know your baby is fine & on target with his weight, i wouldn't think twice about it honestly, a lot of people told me that about my daughter but she happens to be as tall as a 3 year old and shes only 2.....if your dr.s not worried about it dont worry about what anyone else has to say, its not worth getting upset over, you have more important things to worry about hun.....and as far as getting a good job or your a great mom thing, i never even got that from my own mother, usually the world thinks they can always raise your child better than you can, so i wouldnt take that to heart either, u know your a good mom & so dose your little boy.

Mary - posted on 06/03/2010

Step back and breath. You are doing a good job. To have a baby be a little under or over weight is okay. If the pedeatrican says that you baby is fine then he is. She may think that the other little one is what is normal. Just remember that as long as you feel that you are doing what is right that is all that matters. Tell her thanks for her opinon, but try not let it bother you to much.Good luck and congrats with the baby.

Melony - posted on 06/03/2010

I have always had probs with my mother in law she has even said thing about my boys size ( my 1st boy was 20 lbs 8 oz at 6 months and the 2nd was 22lbs 8 oz at 6 months) i know how you feel but you need to know its better to have a healthy baby then a sickly one. As for you mother in law i always talked to my husban fist and i have even had to tell her he is fine i go by what the dr is telling me not you he went to school and knows best. dont let it get to you im sure your doing a good job

Kathlene - posted on 06/03/2010

okay let me start off by saying...even if your child is overweight *which he isn't" it isn't her business...she is just the grandmother and her chance of having totally fit and healthy children is over...we hope anyway!lol....next it's the little things said here and their that build up into this total crazy hostile anger attitude toward her...i would say "look the comment you made about MY sons weight was uncalled for.this is how it made me feel "tell her how you felt" and i would appreciate in the future you refrain from harsh comments about MY son..girl you have to let them know what you will and want put up with from the start...believe me i know (i have out~laws not in~laws and i wished i would have stood up before our relationship got to far out of hand)

Lacye - posted on 06/03/2010

i just went and looked at your son's pictures. he is not overweight! and don't feel to bad about the mother in law. my bf's mother doesn't have any respect for me either. i wouldn't worry about her. if that is the way she feels then you need to talk to your husband about it. he needs to let her know that it's completely inappropriate for her to talk about her own grandchild like that. it's horrible.

Catherine - posted on 06/03/2010

I looked at your sons photos and I don't think he is overweight. He looks healthy. My son looked a lot fatter than that and the doctors never considered him to be overweight. If your mother in law is constantly putting you down I would definately talk to your husband and ask him if he could let her know that some of the things she says hurts you. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you :-)

Sarah - posted on 06/03/2010

Just looked at your sons pics and he's gorgeous and looks healthy, not overweight. dont worry, MIL's thinks they know everything. just ignore it and remember your doctor is the expert not her.

Jessica - posted on 06/03/2010

he is far from over weight!!! my daughter was born in august last yr and my niece in november and the were two lbs dif at birth and sara is tall and slinder at 10 mnth 21.5 lbs almost 40 in long payge my niece is at 28 in long ant 22 lbs... and they always say a healthy baby is a chubby baby and besides once he walks that is all gone bc they eat less and more active any mom or in your case mil should know this

Christina - posted on 06/03/2010

I have MIL probs, too. They're a different kind, tho. My MIL is always concentrating on the negative things, telling my daughter she's gonna fall, she's gonna get hurt, just anything bad that can happen to her will happen, no matter what. It drives me crazy that she's always being negative. The woman always has to have something to worry about. The thing that bothers me the most is she will probably be the one watching my daughter if my hubby and I both get jobs. I don't want that!

I can definitely understand how her comment irked you. I've felt like strangling my MIL a few times, especially when she doesn't think she's said anyhting wrong. If you told her your baby is on target with the growth chart, and that he's as healthy as he can be, there's not much more you can do. The only option, besides beating her, is to have your hubby tak to her about what she said. If after that she still insists on being hateful, tell your hubby you don't want to be around her much anymore.

I probably would have sassed something about the other baby back to her, mostly cuz I have a hard time biting my tongue when someone really gets to me. I'm personally glad my daughter isn't as small as she should be. I don't want her to look sick, or even get sick more than she does. She's had two colds since she's been born, and they didn't even show up with her shots. Counting fevers, she's been sick maybe four times in two years. I've seen several babies who are underweight and they do not look healthy. I'd be proud and remember what I have: a healthy, happy baby boy. If she thinks he has a problem, let her sit and stew. That's what my MIL does, so yours can join that club, too. :D

Rachelle - posted on 06/03/2010

i`ve come to learn that blood means nothing to some people! Dont worry about her...Your a great mommy and just remember your son is healthy and perfict!

i read on someone elses post a couple of days ago about a baby weight issue she told the op to have a sassy remark right back to the person say your mil says he`s over weight again just say something stupid like ``oh i know i started giving him slim fast i hope its going to help`` catch her off gard (i dont mean to actually give it too him) babies are sapose to be cubby my daughter has so many rolls i think its adorable i worry about all the skinny babies i see. Just hold your head up high and be proud of your handsom baby !!!!

Melissa - posted on 06/03/2010

I know what you mean, MIL can be harsh as will as FIL and SIL, i separated from my ex partner (my sons father) so for a whole year and half, we had a huge custody battle, with MIL and FIL getting involed, saying there 2 cents in. I just got it wil a grain of salt.
To make a long horrilbe story short. I am on good terms again with my ex's sister and brother, like nothing happened. Ex MIL and FIL don't want nothing to do with me, and haven't seen there grandson in months. So there lose.
Your son is fine, nothing to worry about. All babies develop differently, take more food or less food then others of there age or similar in age. If your son was overweight (which he is not) you as is mother would know or feel something is not right etc etc.
So tell your MIL to back off, I am the Mother, and you are Grandmother, NOT the mother read my lips G-R-A-N-D-M-O-T-H-E-R, you had your turn at being a mother, and I'm sure you got comments and not so nice comments also, so if you want to support me and help out where needs be, great, if not. Keep you comments to yourself. Or you will miss out on the years of your grandchild.

Ashley - posted on 06/03/2010

My MIL told me when my son was 10 weeks old that he had cellulite on his stomach already. And she just recently called her own niece fat and her niece is 9 months pregnant.

I had twins. Carried them to 37 weeks, and I tipped the scale at 220 when I gave birth, can't imagine what my MIL said about me behind my back. Must be a MIL thing! Sorry that happened to you tho!

PS. I LOVE CHUBBY BABIES!! :)

Melanie - posted on 06/03/2010

i have to say is dont listen to her, mommies intuition is the best, my mother in law is a ( i cant say the word) little ears around! i have a 20 mos who on the charts is in the low 5% for her height, but is on the plump side but looks fine. EVERY baby is different and one baby cannot be compared to another. go by the charts and if the dr is not worried i wouldnt be, my family is worried all the time about my daughter, and if the dr isnt worried then they back off my case.

Maureen - posted on 06/03/2010

Don't let her get you down. I didn't get a chance to see your sons pictures, but I will say this, if you doctor isn't concerned about your son weight (too little or too much), then don't worry about it. You can't control what your MIL or anyone else will say to you about your child so let it roll off your back. IF in fact it does get to be to much in the future then you should explain to your husband how her comments hurt you and ask him to speak with her about it.

Charlene - posted on 06/03/2010

First off your son is not over weight! is your hubby her only son? if he is she might always find fault with you or she might just be feeling like she lost him to you, you said this isn't the first time shes said something mean that sounds like insecurity to me. you can handle it lots of ways depending on what you want to happen, if you start to bitch back your son will grow up in a strained atmostphere around you both but you cant be a push over. have you tried getting your hubby to explain that she hurt you or telling her yourself? the only other option is grin and bear it till she stops it and dont let it under your skin cause it will come between you and you hubby. And if all else fails just keep reminding yourself you live 60 miles away lol that has to be a plus. good luck keep your temper cause once you lose it shes won.

Jamie - posted on 06/03/2010

oh p.s. just somethin to get a laugh. if you re-arrange the letters in MOTHER IN LAW... you get WOMAN HITLER

Jamie - posted on 06/03/2010

yea, the in laws tend to be hateful, weather or not they mean to is a different story. just stand up to the woman and tell her to back off, your son is perfectly healthy and she shouldn't be bad mouthing her grandchild or the mother of her grandchild. im in a situation where i can't really stand up to mine but once we get our own place and she says im doing something wrong again i have the right to tell her how it's gonna be.

Joelle - posted on 06/03/2010

I swear, restraining orders should come free with every marrige licence. My daughter was "well rounded" and I got the same comments. I ignored them (as is a blank "I can't believe how rude you are" ,then turn and talk to someone with some with common sence). My Dr. wasn't worried, so neither was I. Lots of MIL comments have to roll off your sholder because other wise, it would get ugly. Be thankfull they live further away. Mine are 5 min. away and we HAVE to go visit them all the time!! Good luck! (Maybe a drink or two before the visit next time ;)

Leslie - posted on 06/03/2010

Welcome to the club!
Mother-in-laws are sent from hell... You didn't notice it when it was just you and her son, but AS SOON as that baby was born it's her job to do a 180 and become this over baring person, who has the stupidest comments.
My son was sick two weeks ago, all he wanted was milk and bananas, so his poop was harder than usual, they wanted me to take him to my pedi. I told them I knew the reason they were like this... Well what did they do??? They called my husband and told him they made an appointment for my son to go see his pedi. Because I don't want to put my husband in the middle, I told them no thank you, you can cancle it and please never make an appointment for my children again. You are the last people that should be call his pedi.
Everytime one of my kids cries she wants me to give them tempra, I'm not a fan of drugging my children, she tries to sneak my husband into doing it.
The stories could go on and on... Let me tell you something, you will never get 'you are doing a good job' from her. So I would like to say
"YOU ARE DOING A WONDERFUL JOB WITH YOUR BABY". If they are on track wha more can you ask for. Congrats!

Liz - posted on 06/03/2010

Remember that your mother-in-law will be a part of your life forever. Let the little things go. Like others have said your going to get it from all sides, he's too this or that. As long as the docs are saying everything is good just let it go. No one has the right to judge another, if they are ignorant enough to judge let em. Be the bigger better person and let it slide right off. Remember your MIL will be around for the rest of her life make the best of it.

Jackie - posted on 06/03/2010

Let it go, it probably isn't the first time and it won't be the last time your mother in law says something awful. I have an awful mother in law and I'm telling you, when it comes to your child, if you don't start picking your battles, you'll go nuts.

EMMA - posted on 06/03/2010

crystal ive got 1 of the worst mum in laws u could ask for my youngest is my 3rd baby my mother in law was never there for my husband when he was growing up then she walked out on him at 12 shes forever telling how to look after my daughter and i have snapped with her but i always bite my tounge when it comes to that i do feel like saying u weren't much of mother to your son but i just grim and bear it my youngest is a bit chubby but she is also on target so my advice would be to you tell her mind her own buisness tell her hes your son not hers thats what ive said to mine but i know how u feel hun

Christina - posted on 06/03/2010

It is up to your husband to say something to her. I have had this in my family, mother in law favors my husbands sister there for she favors his sister's kids more than our child. Why I do not know??? I hope it doesn't continue. Good Luck!

Claudia - posted on 06/03/2010

Mother in laws that have nothing to do than to complain..you know your child and thats all you need..even is she says the world will end..let it go and keep being proud of your baby..