MOTHER_IN_LAWS

Danielle - posted on 03/18/2009 ( 83 moms have responded )

24

0

0

why is it that some mother in laws cant just mind their own bussiness and relize that their sons are adults??

why do some mother in laws feel that their daughter in laws need baby sitters. they feel they constantly have to watch us and make sure we do nothing wrong!!!

erg mother in lawas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

They have forgotten what it was like to be the daughter-in-law.  My MIL and I have a very solid relationship, but I honestly feel that this is a result of my efforts more than hers. 



We both have VERY strong personalities and I recently realized that she competes with me.  I then realized that she competes with everyone and that I've been feeding into it.



So, I decided to change my approach to our communication.  I now say things like "I didn't realize you knew so much about -----(whatever topic)" 



To my suprise, it doesn't feed her ego...it stops her dead in her tracks because she's used to me expressing my points so she can debate them. 



I now give her nothing and instead acknowledge all of her infinite wisdom (forgive my sarcasm).



But all this aside, if she can receive feedback, you may have to buckle down and have the "heart-to-heart, I need you to respect my role as I do yours" discussion. 



I know this sucks, but it's unlikely that she's self-assessing her behavior.  Therefore, if you don't let her know, she won't know and doesn't have the opportunity to fix it.



If she's defensive, remind her how hard it was for you to even approach the subject, but it hurts that much and it's that important to you, because you want to be close to her.



I pray this helps!



God bless



 

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

83 Comments

View replies by

Shawnn - posted on 06/13/2014

8,519

21

1997

My MIL is my best friend. Much more mom than my biological mother ever dreamed of being :) I absolutely adore her!

Marianne - posted on 06/13/2014

21

0

4

Lol...I can simply just laugh. My MIL is awesome! My FIL is a old sick perverted puppy. We lived with them for almost three years, now my husband has a good paying job, we moved out, and I don't have to put on a fake smile or hold my bad hard feelings back. All we needed is to move out. Best advice for everyone living with parents in law or not liking them, try to not destroy yourself, be always respectful but direct. Do not let them destroy you. If there is something you don't like them doing or saying to you, tell them. Best thing, don't care and IGNORE. :)

Olivia - posted on 05/28/2013

4

0

0

I have to vent about mine... I know this is an old post... but I need to say somethings.. I love my husband and I love my stepchildren... I want nothing but the best for all parties involved... but my mother in law drives me completely insane... she is constantly on my husband's case about how to raise his children (my step children)... We have them 90% of the time, their mother walked out... Now my mother in law got pregnant with my husband's half brother when she was 17... got married and divorced by 19... met my awesome father in law and father to my awesome husband when she was 23 had my husband two years later... not to mention she is a strong, devout religious woman... When we got engaged she constantly would ask my husband my intentions... what do I want from him? Over and over... why was I trying to take him from the kids... Oh please, I wouldn't do that... infact I planned events for all of us to do... the kids really like me and I love them... but she drives me insane... when she comes over it's "You all need to do this, you all need to do that, you all shouldn't do that... you need to put those kids first... you all don't care about those kids... those kids have no toys... those kids are always told "no" and so on..." Then she goes on to complain that they are spoilt, have no respect, have no social skills and so on... My step children are half black, to which she complains about... talks poorly about their bio mother in front of them, is very racist when it comes to their mother (to a point that I am even offended, which isn't easy to do)... then before my husband and I got married she made sure to ask him if I was racist, then asked him a handful of times in front of me and I stood there dumbfounded... I didn't know it was an issue who the bio mom was or how the kids looked... they are kids, they didn't ask for certain parents they had parents who had sex with no protection and then were surprised when they got pregnant before they were married, they were only dating a couple months... I don't even care, they are flipping kids for all that is holy she drives me nuts... Finally I stood up to her the other day... She was going on and on about how the kids are always second to everything... whatever that means! They are provided for, but they do not get everything they want... but they have all they need... and more.. Then she had the gual to tell me "You better stay on your birth control because there is no way I am ever taking care of another grandchild..." I had had it... I flew off the handle ripping her a new one... telling her she couldn't criticize me or my husband because she went off and got pregnant as a teenager... has been divorced (which she doesn't believe in...wtf?) and married again.. has two different son's by two different men, is nothing but a blame pusher... needless to say, she hasn't spoken to me in a couple weeks but I refuse to say I am sorry until she is also sorry... Cheers to crazy mother in laws... I love my step kids... but at the same time I can't wait til they are all out of high school so my husband and I can move far away from HER!

Aam - posted on 01/14/2013

1

0

0

thats very true mother in law sucks! mine is worst she keeps calling me everyday just to ask non sense questions,, i feel like she is just monitoring me, if im in my house,,and everytime she called me and no one answered she texted me and ask where im,,she always saw me and my kids..im tired of answering her repeated questions as in shes interogating me,im a plain housewife and my husband works abroad my house is 1 block away from my MIL's house,,she already accused me that i have other man,thas why i hate her so much!i want to stay away from her!!

Kathleen - posted on 07/07/2012

1

0

0

My MIL has finally revealed her true colors in the last couple of months. My husband has been deployed since January and I agreed to visit my parents and my hubby's parents, you know so that everyone gets to see my son. We live in Hawaii and both our families live on the east coast. My son was just turning 10 months and I flew with him by myself for the first time. Talk about my stress levels being at an all time high. I spent a month at each household. When I got back home. I found out that she sent a mass email to my entire family bashing my mothering skills, lied about things that when on during our visit, and insisted that I go get my hormones checked. Thankfully my family did not take her accusations seriously because they had also seen me with my son and they all agree that he is a well adjusted, healthy, and happy little boy who has made all his developmental milestones in a timely manner. His pediatrician tells me that he is doing well also. So I can't be doing that bad of a job. My husband, being deployed he did not want to get into it. However, he saw the letter as a helpful note of little concerns. He obviously is in denial that his mom was attempting to paint me as an incompetent, neglectful mom who is incapable of caring for her son. I have not spoken to my MIL since the email and will not visit her without my husband being present. She is not use to someone not taking her methods as law and so that is why she is being a manipulative little hag. This incident happened within the last three weeks and I am still very angry and hurt. Before this happened I had a lot of respect for her because I viewed her as a strong army wife. After the email, I do not see how I can bring myself to fully forgive her. I certainly do not trust her coming near me or my son. I have not attempted to speak to her because I cant trust myself to be civil to her. She is very passive aggressive, I am not. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I know that it is not going to be a pleasant day when I have to see her again. Thankfully I am living 5000 miles away am I right?

Dana - posted on 03/24/2009

54

7

6

Go to www.ihatemyinlaws.com and you will see how many people you are in the same boat with. It helps alot to know other people have the same problems and can give WONDERFUL advice about it. If you ever feel the need to vent, you can and no one will judge! LOVE IT!!!!  :)

Megan - posted on 03/24/2009

32

15

10

I have to say my mother-in-law is very hands off when it comes to her grandkids. I hear my friends talk about their mother-in-laws and how they will watch the kids or just plain come and visit. When we ask my mother-in-law to watch the kids, she makes out like its such a big deal, and heaven forbid we ask her to watch both of them for more than an hour!! I understand she is a little unsure about things cause she is really my husbands stepmom so she herself never had babies. We have been married four years and she has come to visit us two times! We live a stone throw away...I mean I can throw a stone from their house to mine! My parents live about 2 1/2 hours away and come to visit more than my in-laws....I at times wish I had the pushy in-laws that came to visit and took the kids!!! The whole timeI was offon marternity leave with my youngest, she never once called or said let me come get Gavin to give you a break! I understand how annoying it would be to have one that is constenly examining everything you do....but, on the other hand its just as frustrating when you have one that is so hands off like mine!!!

Kandice - posted on 03/24/2009

4

30

0

Oh I hear you! My family lives a little over 3000 km away and his parents live about 28 minutes away.

Kandice - posted on 03/24/2009

4

30

0

LOL! This made me laugh. My mothe rin law has so much potential to be awesome.... but she doesn't feel the need to hold anything back. I HATE that she ALWAYS agree's with my husband (sorry, common law boyfriend) she is just frigging annoying! We actually got into a HUGE fight (arguement) about a year and a half ago and it's never been the same since. She was giving me parenting advice and I lost it on her. Phil (my boyfriend) treats his parents with so much respect and told me that when he was younger if he back talked he got a back hand in the face. Today his younger brother and sister (they are 14 and 16) moth off to their mom and swaer at her and they'll say "mom I need some fucking money! So can you please not be a bitch and give me some" her "thatnks for asking sweetie. Go in my purse and get some."

I saw the way they used to dress my Phil and he's told me how much he hated living there and his brother and sister are treated like a king and queen and she tries to give ME parenting advice.... no way! I even took her to go see Dirty Dancing with me last week and it was so akward but I am trying to be nice to her for Phil's sake but she just has to get her little "digs" in where ever she can! We used to have a wonderful relationship, then things got kinda stressed between Phil and I (he calles his mom every time he's pissed at me) and then she started it. What the hell is up with mothers always thinking son's will be little boys FOREVER?!?! And son's still calling their mommy's with the first hint of adult drama coming on?!?!

I am really not a bitch, it just sucks that every time I go over to their house I feel so uncomfortable and I have to have this fake smile on my face the whole time.

Taneeka - posted on 03/24/2009

19

46

1

i got one for you...my MIL is 100% egyptian...all the time she asks me if my 4 month old should be trying to stand or makes comments about the fact that i am no longer breastfeeding because my milk dried up...she even went as far as to make sure that some breastfeeding show was on when i got here if i wasn't feeling guilt enough as it is...she questions everything and ever little time he cries is a catastrophe..."why he does this?" "maybe the formula hurts his stomach" i then had to tell her that he has had a bottle of formula everyday since we brought him  home from the hospital...then it was well i nursed my sons til they were 13 monthes-16 monthes depending on the child...it gets to the point where i dont even want to go visit her because i dont want to be lectured i have to tell her i do the things i do because the doc says its best....then she questioned me about the doc because she isnt old...she thinks the baby needs an old pediatrician...we live 3 hours away and she calls me everyday to "chat" i told her i wasn't going to feed him everytime he cries becuase hes not always hungry and she looked at my husband and said i nursed you everytime you cried...UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH there is so much more but it makes me agitated just to think about it.!!!!

Arwen - posted on 03/24/2009

350

12

30

I love my mother-in-law dearly, but like many others, she can overstep sometimes, and she worries about the weirdest things! Like her son's, my husband's, poop. My husband has always had this bad habbit--I thought--of going to the bathroom before we left on a date and automatically going when we go to our destination. It clicked when I was over at her house and she started checking on me in the bathroom. My poor husband is now used to someone badgering him so he automatically doesn't stay in there to finish! I thought when you were adults your mom didn't worry about what your poop was doing anymore? I had to tell her that as an adult, I've known how to poop solo for many years now.

She also checks what you're doing around the house. I snapped at her and my husband once and told them I didn't like being checked up on in my own house. I can do anything I please. I don't need someone to know every move I make.

And the thing that bothered me most is that my sister-in-law had a baby about 2.5 months before I did so every time my mother-in-law had advice...."My daughter is doing this with him, you should try that. She's had him in a crib since the day he was born, I want you to put your daughter in her's. He is given this much to eat, she buys these toys for him, she went back to work...."

I became angry at my sister-in-law, and I know it wasn't her fault. We have the last laugh about this, though. Guess whose baby said a word first? Crawled, pulled up, cruised, and walked first? Guess which looks better in a dress =D Whose baby doesn't need a binky to sleep through the night? I wonder if my sister-in-law is told "This is what my daughter-in-law did to encourage walking. This is what she did to get her baby to sleep...." I'd hope so, but I doubt it.

Marie - posted on 03/24/2009

28

19

3

Loved reading everyones comments about mother-in-laws.  I struggle with mine as well. It is difficult b/c my family lives 1,000 miles away and his parents live twenty minutes away.  It's complicated b/c my husband works with his parents in a family business.  My MIL loves her "little boy" and sometimes she blurs the line between business and family.  She is constantly wanting him to do things for them (rake the yard, fix the computer etc) some of it he should do b/c its family but other times I want to scream. They will only call his cell phone to invite us out, never mine and rarely the house phone.  Recently my MIL and husband had to leave on his birthday to travel for business and she was so slick about getting her baby on his bday. At his work they always celebrate birthdays with cake, i'm not working now as I'm home with the baby and she didn't invite me...well, I called her up and asked if they were doing a suprise cake for my husband and she said "Of course" so I said , well Caroline (my daughter) and I will be there.  I had to invite myself..she was speechless.  She also makes snide remarks about the way I do things.  I keep a blog since my family is far away and she reads it. We were out to lunch with them Sunday and she said so Caroline isn't sleeping through the night...I said yeah she has started growing. Then I went on to tell her  other things the baby was doing and she said "Oh I know I read the blog."  Ok lady, you live twenty minutes away why don't you visit (although I realize that could be bad too) every once in a while instead of reading about her on the blog.  My daughter and I only see them if we make the effort. and of course when we do we get told how to do things.  Another thing is she will buy things for Caroline but not even close the right size or season.  For example, she bought her a santa outfit when she was born..9 months size, like she was ever going to wear that, but it was on sale so she bought it.  My mom  just says remind her casually what size Caroline is in and hit at where you found neat things.  Hasn't worked yet.  But it is so frustrating.  i"m actually on my way to eat lunch with my hubby at work today.  I purposely make myself known so they can't forget about me.  Its a good reminder to my mother in law that her boy is a man and a daddy at that!  Thanks for letting me vent.  So nice to know others have issues with their MIL.

Rachael - posted on 03/23/2009

6

37

0

I understand, my mother in law is one of a kind I am sure of it....or maybe I really pray she is!!lol However she hasn't been criticcal of how I look after my son etc. She does think tho that her opinion in what my husband does and doesnot do is more important than what I think.

Kimberly - posted on 03/23/2009

2

11

0

When my MIL found out we were pregnant she said didn't you learn from the first one. this one is going to do the same thing the last one did. since my husband already had a son at the time with someone else and she decided that she didn't want to be with him, my MIL decided that I was going to be just like her and leave him too after the baby was born. but we are still together almost 6 years later. She means well but i still wish she would mind her own business and let us raise both kids on our own.

Kimberly - posted on 03/23/2009

2

11

0

yea try living next door to your in-laws. it really isn't fun. i have a step-son that treats me terribly and my mother-in-law seems to think that its just him being a kid but i don't think so. he won't listen to discipline and when you make him he treats you even worse. my mother-in-law tries to spy on how we discipline him and she thinks that i'm the bad person b/c the kid is swapped from place to place so we shouldn't be so hard on him. he is 10 years old you would think he would know right from wrong by now. my 4 year old son knows better than he does. i just don't get it she steps in on the step-son being disciplined but not on my own sons discipline. i hate living across from them where they can spy on us.

Nicole - posted on 03/23/2009

10

4

0

I guess i'm on the opposite side of the spectrum. My husband and I have been living with my parents for 9 months( since the day I can home from the hospital) . Our condo was to small for a baby and my parents have a huge house with plenty of room for us. But he constantly complains that my parents give him foods like ice cream, jello, and cheese, all of which my husband doesn't want him to have yet. Then he yells at me about it. Then if I say anything to my mother she starts complaining about everything he does wrong and says a little bit won't hurt him " I used to give you the same thing when you were little and you turned out fine"... my point is that In-laws can put a huge strain on a marriage, make sure if you do say anything to your spouse about their parents try to take it easy on them. Their in a tough spot too.

Alyn - posted on 03/23/2009

40

9

8

My inlaws have never said anything like that. My husband will never hear the end of it if his parents ever said anything like that to me. Instead, my FIL once told us that we should give them our son to raise because them raising him is like us raising him. Which to me is total BS because they're a really traditional Asian family whereas I'm what they would call more Americanized.

Tabatha - posted on 03/23/2009

340

50

60

Quoting Danielle:

MOTHER_IN_LAWS

why is it that some mother in laws cant just mind their own bussiness and relize that their sons are adults??
why do some mother in laws feel that their daughter in laws need baby sitters. they feel they constantly have to watch us and make sure we do nothing wrong!!!
erg mother in lawas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



i agree sometimes she chringes when i hold my boy upside down by his feet! she wont just let him eat on his own and holds his bottle and moves my boys hand when he holds it by himself. i love her but it drives me crazy sometimes!! shes very over protective, more so then me!! the last thing that my inlaws did that pissed me off was i got called into work because a co-worker was sick so i called to ask if they would babysit for 4 hrs and they said no. so i call a friend and asked her if she would babysit for me.  so she did.... later that night i talked to them and they asked how work went i told them it went great, i made enought tips to pay my sitter. my father inlaw said "well if we knew it was a paying job we would have been out". like WTF..... i know when my boy gets older and has kids of his own there is NO WAY i would take money from him to spend time with his kid!! has anyone else had their inlaws say something like that???

Krystal - posted on 03/22/2009

54

8

5

Quoting Rachel:

omg so im not the only one with an annoying MIL well shes not actually my in law shes my partners mum and yes he is the father of both my kids we have been together for 7 yrs and i still remember when he told her i was pregnant... she told him to make me get a letter from a doc to prove that i wasnt lying to trap him into being stuck with me. then after that when i was pregnant we had no where to stay and she gave us a blanket and sent us across to the oval near her house to sleep cos she apparently didnt want us to corrupt her younger children. then i got a 2 hr lecture for not wanting to breast feed. she has always judged me for not haveing a perfect home, and when i was in hospital with our still after having our daughter i got a 2 or 3 hr lecture about what i wanted to name her and what MIL thought she should be named and when my partner told his mum she was in our lil girls middle name she told him not to put her name in our girls name unless its the first name... my MIL is also very money hungry and only calls or comes over to ask to borrow money off her son and him being the still mamas boy he is give in to her every time and it drives me insane. my MIL drives me mental and i personally cant stand her she doesnt care about anyone but herself and it really ticks me off that she judges me on the way i raise my kids when she isnt even a good mum herself for eg her older daughters have pretty much raised her 3 youger kids because she wants to have a full social life without her kids!! ARGGGGGGGGGG man i truely can say i dont like her at all!!


I feel ya on the money hungary part. My MIL is very money hungary. She is constantly asking me and my hubby for money when we are living off his unemployment and she has 2 jobs. Plus she and my FIL are divorced and she gets child support for her youngest son who is 17. Well here the support stops when you turn 18. He's still going to be in high school when he turns 18 and she had the nerve to tell me and my hubby that she is going to make sure that she gets all the child support when he turns 18.  I understand that he is entitled to it, BUT she shouldnt demand it. Their dad is still very much a part of their lives even though she has tried to keep him out cause of his new wife. She absulutely hates his new wife. She tells everyone how much she hates her and yet when they are in the same room she is buddy buddy with her. I remember last labor day she told my sister in law when she was standing right next to the step mom in law that she wasnt invited to the cook out that is was for her and her boys and their families not her. Trust me on one thing though. Me and my MIL are nothing alike. I promise my kids that I will not act like how she treats me.

Tara - posted on 03/22/2009

5

7

0

lol.... I have no idea y they do this.... but if you figure it out you should totally let me know and while we uncover that one we should come up with a plan on how to stop it:)

Alyn - posted on 03/22/2009

40

9

8

Yes, it feels great to vent! I need to do some too or I just might burst from keeping it all bottled in.

My MIL is a sweet woman and I love her a lot, I couldn't have asked for a better one. My son is her first biological grandson and she adores him. Like Krystle said though, there is always a but...

My MIL wants my son to be the best of all babies. She's always comparing him to his baby cousins. Her favorite baby to compare my son to is her niece's daughter who is 3 months older. My son is not 1 yet, he will be very soon, but she's always asking why he doesn't know how to talk. She will say things like, "May's baby knows how to say this and this, how come Valin doesn't know how to say anything?" I don't contradict her because I don't want her to think that I'm disrespecting her. My husband has told her though that 3 months (the other baby is 3mths older) makes a big difference when you're babies but she doesn't understand. She just goes and compares my son to my husband when he was a baby. Saying that he knew how to say a few words when he was 1. I just want to scream at her because my son is NOT 1 and ALL babies develop differently! I have recently started my son on whole milk, and when he wouldn't take it, she said "perhaps he doesn't like it like May's daughter." I told her that he took it the day before and that he probably doesn't want it at the moment because it's cold and not room temp. She just brushed my comment to the side and kept saying that he doesn't like whole milk just like his cousin and that we should continue to buy him formula. I took the bottle and left it on the table for 30 min and then gave it to my son. He started eating it and my MIL said, "Oh, perhaps he didn't like it before because it was too cold, you guys should leave it out for a while before giving it to him." I just sighed inwardly and thought to myself, I told you so.

Rachel - posted on 03/22/2009

5

32

0

omg so im not the only one with an annoying MIL well shes not actually my in law shes my partners mum and yes he is the father of both my kids we have been together for 7 yrs and i still remember when he told her i was pregnant... she told him to make me get a letter from a doc to prove that i wasnt lying to trap him into being stuck with me. then after that when i was pregnant we had no where to stay and she gave us a blanket and sent us across to the oval near her house to sleep cos she apparently didnt want us to corrupt her younger children. then i got a 2 hr lecture for not wanting to breast feed. she has always judged me for not haveing a perfect home, and when i was in hospital with our still after having our daughter i got a 2 or 3 hr lecture about what i wanted to name her and what MIL thought she should be named and when my partner told his mum she was in our lil girls middle name she told him not to put her name in our girls name unless its the first name... my MIL is also very money hungry and only calls or comes over to ask to borrow money off her son and him being the still mamas boy he is give in to her every time and it drives me insane. my MIL drives me mental and i personally cant stand her she doesnt care about anyone but herself and it really ticks me off that she judges me on the way i raise my kids when she isnt even a good mum herself for eg her older daughters have pretty much raised her 3 youger kids because she wants to have a full social life without her kids!! ARGGGGGGGGGG man i truely can say i dont like her at all!!

Cheryl- Chris - posted on 03/22/2009

134

22

10

Amie, I am so sorry~ yeah I totally agree!! I have to admit, that I have been blessed with not only a husband who takes my side, but my FIL has agreed with me too~ the relationsip with my MIL is slowly getting better (after 4.5 years of marriage)....



I think that that is great that you can see that you and your mom are so much alike~ :)

Danielle - posted on 03/22/2009

24

0

0

oh his window is totaly shut all the time now and we even but a tower in front of it he couldnt get out now at all i child proofed everything and oh yes i totaly learned from that!

Amie - posted on 03/22/2009

6,596

20

408

Quoting Cheryl- Chris:

One other side note!!!!! Make sure everything you complain about your MIL about, that when your children marry, you don't make the same "mistakes, blunders, etc." I swore that I would not treat my children the way my parents did my siblings and I, but have found that is exactly what I do!!!!! Yeah, you all can shoot me now, but I just thought I would throw that out......because chances are good that you don't get along mainly because you both are too much alike. Granted there are the special cases, but......What you don't like about your mil, check your own self......chances are good you will find that you are like her in even a little way~ I know from personal experience~

Well, ladies, I need to get back to my housework....so I will sign off now....and let the shooting begin!!!!!!!!!!!


 



 I have issues with my MIL that have nothing to do with the fact that we're alike, in any way. =) I made sure to think about that before I replied. Not all cases are the same and I know it wasn't a blanket observation you were making. Just adding to your special cases comment. Some reasons people butt heads is because they are so much alike. My god you should hear the rows my mom and I have. We are identical. LOL!



 As for my MIL.. it's a special case. She's an alcoholic, she's freaking nosy beyond belief and has no boundaries. My FIL is the same way.  Some in-laws are great (I've heard haha) while others just need to be taken far far away and left there until they screw their heads on straight. =) Mine have actually tried to convince my hubby at one point to hide our assets from me, they've stumbled over drunk, they are constantly "gifting" us with things then demanding money for it at a later date. esh.... well I should say were not are. They've gotten better since my hubby said something to them. They do need reminders now and then to back off but are much better than they were.

Krystal - posted on 03/21/2009

54

8

5

LOL. I totaly agree. Idont know if my relationship can take much more. We have been fighting almost everyday because Im so depressed and he cant figure out why and when I tell him why its always me being over dramatical or its all my fault.

[deleted account]

yes i understand where your coming from my relationship ended manly cause of my mother inlaw. she need to let her son be a man and cut the umbilicelcord mum!!!

Krystal - posted on 03/21/2009

54

8

5

sorry in that I meant to say they said  the baby wasnt my hubby's Sorry about that. I also appoligize for it being so long.

Krystal - posted on 03/21/2009

54

8

5

you know my MIL and I got along great until I found out I was pregnant. Then I lost that baby and thing went back to were they were. Then 1 month later I found out I was pregnant again. I got so sick I was throwing up all the time and couldnt eat. I was eventually hospitalized and she tried to say that I was faking it and that I was being a cry baby about it. Then when I was 5 monthes along me and my hubby desided to get married. Well I planned my wedding all by myself and it comes to the night we have to set up and she wants to tell me how to do it. Well I didnt do what she said.  I noticed a week later at my hubby's brothers wedding that she didnt pull anything like that with them. Then I found out from my at the time, 4 year old neice that she heard my MIL and SIL say they thought the baby I was carrying was my hubby's because it was a boy and supposedly non of her boys can have boys. Well shes forgetting that 1 other son has 2 boys and they look just like their dad. But she tried to tell me when I first got involved with my hubby that she didnt think those were his. Needless to say now 6 years later she thinks their his. Anyway when my son was born  he took after my side and Im part mexican so he looked like me.  When they saw him you could see the doubt on their faces. Then a few monthes pass and he looks just like my hubby. And now you can see that they believe that hes my hubby's especially when they start breaking out the pictures and saying oh dont he look like..... Then second child was born and she looked like me. Then she got older and now she has blonde hair blue eyes and is a spitting image of her daddy. Now my youngest looks just like me. But all my kids favor each other and you can tell they are brother and sisters. I never confronted them about what I was told, but come on I know that kids that age (4) dont make something like that up they dont even think of those kind of thing. So I just kept it to my self and figured I would let them figure it out on their own.

Christian - posted on 03/21/2009

63

4

8

Wow! I am so sorry u are going through this. My relationship with my MIL is great, she thinks I'm "real smart" :) But I was married before and my ex MIL was an alcoholic and abusive woman. That was awful. The only advise I can give you is don't buy into her hype and don't try to defend yourself to her. Being defensive is a show of weekness to these women.



BTW-we have all made mistakes or had close calls with our kids. It happens. you probably do not leave him alone in his room with the windows open anymore, right? Motherhood is a learning experiance. As long as we keep learning and do what we think is best for our kids that's all we should be worried about. Good luck! Stay strong! And when your little boy is grown with a wife of his own don't judge too harshly the woman your baby loves.

Roxanne - posted on 03/21/2009

30

123

1

My MIL and I got into it once. It was pretty ugly. But I refused to let someone who drinks from the time she wakes till the time she goes to bed to tell me how to raise my child...Um No Thanks!! LOL I put her in her place and went she went back home to a diff state I avoided her for 6 months. Now she knows better then to mess with me. I dont take crap from anybody including her. Now she is as sweet as pie to me cuz she knows I will not keep quiet I will tell her how it is and how its going to be in My House!! =)



 



Dont take crap from anyone girl!! My moto you give respect you get respect. She needs to respect the way you raise Your own children and just keep her opinions to herself and play the grandma role.



 



Good Luck

Kathleen - posted on 03/21/2009

33

37

2

my mother in law claims to love me but unfortunatly were stuck living with her and shes constantly tring to be my mother and my sons mother i swear shes manic one second she going off about the littleest thing one moment she happy i need out of here or i might kill her lol j/k

Veronica - posted on 03/21/2009

5

23

2

Your not alone, my mother in law probably has divorce papers all drawn up and ready to be signed if it was her way. She has mingled so badly in our lives that she even went as far as saying MY family wasn't good enough (or rich enough) to spend time with. I was ready to walk out right then and there but I bit my touge and nodded and since then I no longer speak to her and when my in laws come up to visit (8 hrs away) I leave the house and visit my own family. It drives her crazy and pisses her off even more! oh well she brought in onto herself and she can live in her own self pitty!

What really pisses me off about the whole situation is that she tells everyone that she doesn't understand why I will not speak to her or want to be around them when they are visiting and everytime she is reminded by my husband about what she said and then she denies it. She told my grandparents on my sons 2nd birthday they were not good enough to visit the next day! Come on lady, open your eyes!

WOW that felt great! Thanks for posting this headline! :)

[deleted account]

Quoting Christy:



my soon to be mother in law said after meeting me for the first time that i was a good girl to screw but not to get serious with. nice. now that i had their first grand child she magically likes me. completely fake. 






That is SO very awful and painful to hear.  It sucks that you'll have to live with that.  Just focus on the beautiful little baby you shared in the photo!  :0)  Best to you and your family.

Christy - posted on 03/21/2009

1

2

0

my soon to be mother in law said after meeting me for the first time that i was a good girl to screw but not to get serious with. nice. now that i had their first grand child she magically likes me. completely fake. 

Sherilyn - posted on 03/21/2009

40

9

4

The saying goes Daddy's Little Girl and then theres "The Momma's Boy" I don't know what it is but I still get it from my father and my fiancees mother has a hold on him and will do anything for him.
I don't know what to tell you except it could be a bit of a jelousy thing with mothers and losing their little boys ?? Like I said I feel that way with my dad sometimes (I am 25 and everytime I talk to him he tells me he loves me) It just the way some parents were raised?? My Grandmother is the same way with my dad Maybe it is just a old fasion thing??

Hope it helps!!

Cheryl- Chris - posted on 03/21/2009

134

22

10

One other side note!!!!! Make sure everything you complain about your MIL about, that when your children marry, you don't make the same "mistakes, blunders, etc." I swore that I would not treat my children the way my parents did my siblings and I, but have found that is exactly what I do!!!!! Yeah, you all can shoot me now, but I just thought I would throw that out......because chances are good that you don't get along mainly because you both are too much alike. Granted there are the special cases, but......What you don't like about your mil, check your own self......chances are good you will find that you are like her in even a little way~ I know from personal experience~



Well, ladies, I need to get back to my housework....so I will sign off now....and let the shooting begin!!!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl- Chris - posted on 03/21/2009

134

22

10

If in response to Simone~ "They have forgooten waht it was like to be the daugther in law"..........I sometimes feel that my mil did what she did because of what her mil did to her. For example: we go visit my fil's mother. "Do you want something to eat?" "No, Gram. I am fine." She keeps insisting~ I am one of the few people in that family to tell her no. I don't know if that is because she likes her own way, or what, but I have noticed that my mil was doing the same thing. Such is life!!!!!!!!

How often do we learn to late that it is not just the "perfect man" we marry~ but that we also marry his very unperfect family.

I have to say that if your mil is not respecting (Alysa) your choice of personal belief, she is doing more harm than good!



Thanks, Simone for the reminder that if we don't react, then it does in fact burst the bubble!!!!!!!

This all has been very helpful......



I do have to say, I am very careful about what stories I tell my MIL......for example..... We live in town, about 2.5 miles from the local library. My husband was sleeping, I had laid the boys down for their naps (it was one of those days that if I hadn't left, I would have done something I would have regretted). I waited until it was all quiet before I left. Including driving time, I was gone only 45 minutes. When I got back, both the boys were awake~ still in their room. Well, my oldest had changed his little brother's diaper......considering that he was 2 and Donovan was around 6 months or so, Seth did a great job.....no mess at all (and the diaper was a messy one). Well, I thought it was great~ funny and all. I told my MIL that and she acted like I had committed a serious crime. Well, needless to say, I don't tell her everything any more!!!!!!!!!!



That was also the last time I left the boys "alone" like that! I make sure that they are out for the count before I dare leave~ otherwise, where Mom goes, they go!.



I apologize for how long this is, but I figured some laughs were needed!!!! Hang in there ladies. If you don't like something your husband does, blame the in-laws!!!!!!

Danielle - posted on 03/21/2009

24

0

0

man oh man look at all the stories:)



well i have one.



my son had just rened 2 years old i was playing with him in is bedroom i had all the windows open because it was a nic day. so i went to the kitchen for like 5 seconds i came back to his room and he was gone. i didnt freak out just yet i looked everyplace in the house. he was no ware. i went back in his room and he had pushed the screen out and crawled out. i was sarting to freack out now just alittle. i called my husband and told him what was going on. my husband was down at my sister in laws about 4 blocks away. notw keep in mind my son is 2 and he cant talk or even get home he doesnt now the way. long story short i called 911 they came well by now everyone was out looking my neighbor comes up and he found him he was two blcoks away. anyway my husband was telling my MIL what happend. and at this time she was living in Michigan and she tells him that oh if i were down ther none of that would have happend! oh man i was ticked that she basicaly was telling me tha tit was my fault and if she were here she could do a better job...erg! so now that she lives like two blocks away. she thinks she constatly has to check up on us! i hate it my husband and i lived in florida 3 years before my MIL moved here, ya now my kids are all still alive we are all healthy and we have made it without them that lone. she thincks her poor little boy wouldnt make it without her!  well now he is 3 and a couple of months ago i let him play out side with his cousins i could see him from the window know big deal i let him do it all the time. so anyway my MIL tels her husband that i was letting him play outside by him self with out any one, making me look bad again.  she drives me nuts and this is only haf of it.

Danielle - posted on 03/21/2009

24

0

0

man oh man look at all the stories:)



well i have one.



my son had just rened 2 years old i was playing with him in is bedroom i had all the windows open because it was a nic day. so i went to the kitchen for like 5 seconds i came back to his room and he was gone. i didnt freak out just yet i looked everyplace in the house. he was no ware. i went back in his room and he had pushed the screen out and crawled out. i was sarting to freack out now just alittle. i called my husband and told him what was going on. my husband was down at my sister in laws about 4 blocks away. notw keep in mind my son is 2 and he cant talk or even get home he doesnt now the way. long story short i called 911 they came well by now everyone was out looking my neighbor comes up and he found him he was two blcoks away. anyway my husband was telling my MIL what happend. and at this time she was living in Michigan and she tells him that oh if i were down ther none of that would have happend! oh man i was ticked that she basicaly was telling me tha tit was my fault and if she were here she could do a better job...erg! so now that she lives like two blocks away. she thinks she constatly has to check up on us! i hate it my husband and i lived in florida 3 years before my MIL moved here, ya now my kids are all still alive we are all healthy and we have made it without them that lone. she thincks her poor little boy wouldnt make it without her!  well now he is 3 and a couple of months ago i let him play out side with his cousins i could see him from the window know big deal i let him do it all the time. so anyway my MIL tels her husband that i was letting him play outside by him self with out any one, making me look bad again.  she drives me nuts and this is only haf of it.

Alysa - posted on 03/20/2009

6

4

0

Try having a mother-in-law who's a super religious Mormon when you are agnostic. It's not like I don't believe in a higher power...I just don't believe in "God". When I met her son she was a few thousand miles away and it was easier to ignore her phoned in comments. Now that we live just twenty minutes away it's been a roller coaster. She asked if she could bring my boys to church...and I agreed even though I don't think they need to be force fed someone else's faith. Then it was "can I have them put on the church registry" which I totally said no to but she went ahead and did it anyway. Then my oldest told me he didn't want to go anymore because the other kyds aren't nice to hym. So the fighting begins because I said they don't have to go. It's not like I don't try, two years ago she asked if we'd help her move...but then she was on vacation during the move. She hadn't even boxed up her own things! But we went ahead and made the move, only to get completely reemed when she returned because we didn't "put everything away like she wanted them". Because I'm psychic and knew exactly where she'd put her things. To this day she hasn't even thanked me for doing all the work, only complains because she can't fynd some obscure item that she probably hasn't wanted or looked for for the last ten years. Gotta tell you that being "that Godless whore" was enough to seal the deal years ago...but getting blamed for everything that isn't perfect in her life is getting real old. You are all wrong, most mother-in-laws don't mean the best...they are pure evil and aging gracefully isn't one of their qualities...if it was then they'd have no problem with another women taking the role of most important in their son's lives.

Amy - posted on 03/20/2009

34

61

1

Haha I love this!! I have a step-mother-in law from Hell!! She is going around telling people that our son isn't my husbands!!!! I love it!! But I've been dealing with it for 5 years now so I know how to handle her!!

Krystal - posted on 03/20/2009

54

8

5

lol I agree it does feel like the movie Monster in law. I keep looking for cameras and I dont find them. Now I feel like I keep looking for a way to deal with her. She hasnt stopped even though I have taken some of the advice given on here. Like to talk to her. Today after talking to her about it she had the nerve to tell me how to potty train my daughter that just turned 3. Ok I have  a 4 year old son and hes potty trained and as for my daughter shes half way potty trained, so I must be doing something right. She even has underminded me I told my son he had to wait til dinner to eat well what does she do when I turn my back she goes and gives him a doughnut even though dinner was getting ready to be served.

Amanda - posted on 03/20/2009

52

13

3

i hear you sweetheart. my mother in law is an aquired taste.. and now that i have had her first biological grandson i feel like she questions everything i do, like i am feeding him too much, or i let him have a binky and she didn't blah blah, well i'd like to tell her to shove it.. i had one kid before this one, and he has survived 6 years, and i am a daycare provider, others trust me with there children,and they hardly know me as well... god it's more like a monster in law... lol

Brandi - posted on 03/20/2009

14

7

2

oh my gosh...sounds like ur mother in law could do with a good door slammed in the face. oh i would flip my lid. i wouldnt care who's mother she was it would be on!!!!! if it were me i would distance myslef from her as mucha s possible even if i had to move. i wouldnt take her calls, if she showed up i would slam the door in her face. this lady needs to learn some boundaries and she would be takena crash course from me lol

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms