Mother-In-Laws....

Star - posted on 11/01/2009

I don't have any in-laws, his mother died the first year we were dating & I've never met his dad...he calls once every 2-3yrs to say hi.

I get calls from everybody asking my advice though...apparently I'm very insightful. Guess those 6 1/2 year working in customer service & credit card fraud makes me a good detective & problem solver...in a very polite way. Definitely talk to your other half first, let him know what's going on. BUT, if he's like most...he'll try to go straight to your MIL & "talk" to her w/out you. You need to figure out how you're going to put it & go together, casually...not as the defense lawyer attacking a witness! Like others have said, you have to nip it in the butt. I don't suggest the silent treatment, ignoring, rolling eyes, yelling or anything like that. Most often they say it just to get a rise out of you. As awful as it sounds, they take the "make you look smaller to make me feel bigger" to a whole new level. Keep in mind though that David kicked Galieth's butt! You have to be the bigger WOmen even though they are older and SHOULD be more mature. Kill them with kindness. Being 21, you're a prime example. My oldest sister was 21 when he had her oldest. She used to cry or scream at them when they did that to her & let me tell you...she's now 29 w/a 7 & 5yr old, graduated from college, works a full time & part time job & is married. They STILL do it to her today just because she feeds into them & proves them RIGHT. Prove them wrong, get your husband to back you up, confront her nicely. As odd as it sounds, in 6 1/2 year of customer service I had 3 supervisor calls. Two positives to every negative help, really it works. "We really appreciate all that you do for us and can't thank you enough for raising your son to be such a wonderful parent. We really need you to back BOTH of us on the decisions we make regarding OUR children & if you DO have a problem we ask that you express it appropriately; to both of us. We do value your opinions as _____'s mother and as their GRANDPARENTS, so we are definetely open to suggestion. We just ask that you express them with us & NOT in front of the kids, no matter their age. We'll listen to your advice, but please allow us to make the decision that WE feel is best for our children and respect it."

Marie - posted on 11/01/2009

I understand honey, it is a test of patience for some of us. My MIL has tons of those sneaky little comments, but yet wanted to pick up my daughter for a visit, but didn't feel like getting the carseat! I just try to see her as little as possible. I don't think we can change our MIL's, but at least we have a wonderful opportunity to teach our children about patience and self-control! Good luck.

Katherine - posted on 11/01/2009

If you're feeling undermined as a parent, then there is a problem. First you need to look at the overall situation - is this constant? Is there anyplace that you could bend so she feels like she can participate without having to trample over you? I know it's tough to compromise about your kids, but if it's something that's not harmful to them, it may help to keep the peace. When she makes snarky comments, you should answer matter-of-factly and politely. But the best thing you can do is to talk to your husband - he should be backing you up. She's his mother, so it's most appropriate for him to talk to her. Tell him how you feel, and have him talk to his mom about it. She probably isn't doing it to purposely hurt your feelings, so hopefully you can find a middle ground on some things to make your relationship less strained. If nothing helps, then you'll just have to grit your teeth, stick to your guns as much as you can, and see her as little as possible. But having an all out confrontation with her will likely just make things worse, not better.

Leanna - posted on 11/01/2009

I have the same problem! with both my in-laws and my own mom.. You are their mother! and let it be known! I do not let my mom even tho se is my mom tell me how i feel things shoulg be.. its over the little most ignorant things. One thing i use against them both is the doc says its ok.. like the peds doc i have. then they begin to back off! my son is huge. 25 1/2 lbs at 8 months. my inlaws are always making comments. and i'm gonna say i'm not always nice to them about it. a babies weight cant be well controlled just as well as your own. THE SILENT TREATMENT WORKS WONDERS! i dont call them or go there Unless i have too and then i dont socialize then they finally asked my husband why and he told them. they leave me alone now! for the most part!

Jessica - posted on 11/01/2009

If you don't tell her straight it will continue, you need to tell her that they are your kids so you will raise them as you see fit! If she has helpful suggestions then by all means state them! But When you say NO, it means NO! When you say she is fine then she is FINE! If she wants to keep undermining you then take yourself away from her and that situation!

Brittany - posted on 11/01/2009

I know what you mean, I cant stand my mother-in-law. I wont take my baby there because shes got 2 small dogs and a big dog inside and they poop everywhere but when she comes here ( which is like once every 2 months) she tried to take over. if im feeding her, she nags and nags until i let her do it, same with a bath. and heaven forbid she tried to take a nap, she demands to hold her or she'll get in the floor and lay with her, shes on all kinds of pills and pass's out and bitches because i dont let brooke stay with her.

Christina - posted on 11/01/2009

I went throught the same thing with my in laws! It is hard they know everything and we do everything wrong. Just stay strong and ignore her she is trying to get to you!!



Keep your head up

Christina

Stevie - posted on 11/01/2009

no sounds like she is my mother in law drives me nuts too with my son i am his mom and i know what is best i dont care how many kids she has had before she isnt the brightest person in the world but yeah we butt heads and i have no problem telling any one her or anyone who has the guts to say something to me like that or whatever cuz they are not my childs parent and they dont know anything about them or me dont listen to her and chew her ass out she isnt your childs mom you are and there is nothing wrong with giving your 8month a craker or a gram cracker if he/she can eat it well and not choke or anything its ok babies are suppose to have fat legs and tummys and everything else if your mils kids didnt then she probably didnt give them the amount of food they might have needed unless naturally skinny or something

Rebecca - posted on 11/01/2009

tell her straight that your the parent put it in a nice way like " i apreciate ur advice but im their mother and i decide whats best for them " and end it like that n remember its not what u say its how u say it

Brandi - posted on 11/01/2009

DO NOT TOLERATE IT!!! if you dont stop her now it'll only get worse as your kids get older and they will learn to undermind you. my mother-in-law knows not to tell me how to parent my child and i love it that way.

Andrea - posted on 11/01/2009

talk to your husband about it and let him know that you would like for the three of you to sit down and talk about it, if he is there she may take it a little better, and let her know that you do not appreciate that she is doing those things and if it continues she will have to come to your house were you make the rules if she wants to see them.

Crystal - posted on 11/01/2009

my mother in law drives me crazy she likes to say i was fine for my kids they turned out good didn't they its like she is trying to be there mother and i can't stand it i'm the mom what I say go not her.she had her turn now its mine. it sounds mean doesen't it but she needs to back off just because i do things differnt than they did in the stone age doesen't mean i'm a bad mom and doing things wrong . i love my little ones and do what ever i can for them