my 3 year old girl is mean to my 1 year old

Abby - posted on 01/21/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )

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i understand that before my son Parker was born she was the little princess around here but my son is almost a year now and everything is "HERS" she pushes him, kicks him, says she hates him, and screams at him as soon as i turn my back every chance she gets. has anybody else delt with this and what do you do? i've tried talking to her and i remind her all the time parker isn't going anywhere, we need to share, be nice, parkers my baby too, i've tried time out, sending her to her room, spankings. seems like everything :-(

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Liz - posted on 01/21/2011

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My b/g twins were 25 months when my son was born. My daughter went through a phase like that where she would act out and try and take her aggression out on the baby. We had to watch her like a hawk.



They are gradually getting better with it though, and getting used to the idea that he's here to stay. I don't know if it's because there was already two of them around, or if they were younger than your daughter.



If you can try doing special activities with just your daughter while your son is napping or maybe have someone watch him for an hour or two if possible. Maybe she is feeling jealous and this is here way of trying to get attention. I know it's hard trying to balance attention between kids, but that worked great with my kids.



My twins will be three this June and my son will be one in July. I also agree with trying to encourage her to get the idea that he is HER brother. Perhaps that will be the difference, because maybe she feels like with him being your baby then she doesn't know where her place is anymore. if you get her used to the idea of him being her brother and not your baby then maybe the relationship would change a bit.

Rebekah - posted on 01/21/2011

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Just saw your question about milestones: My daughter did walk a little later than my son had, but she was still walking by 10 months. I worked with her on walking and other physical milestones during my sons nap time, so she still got some individual time.

Rebekah - posted on 01/21/2011

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I have a 3.5 yr old, boy, and a 1.5 yr old, daughter. We have had the same struggle. When my youngest was an infant he would step on her, when she learned to sit up, he'd push her over, when she started walking, he'd run into her and knock her down, etc... He's always been pretty aggressive, so, for a while, I felt like I could never leave them alone in fear that he'd hurt her.



I tried to be very consistent with time-outs. He was sent to time-out absolutely anytime he hurt his sister or (if I wasn't there to see it) made her cry. In the evenings, when he was tired and hungry, I'd just try to separate them (one in highchair, one in playroom) b/c it was always worse.



We also talked a lot about how special it was to be brother and sister: How you belong to each other. You will take care of each other and help each other your whole life. I'd really encourage you to tell her it's HER brother and try to limit telling her that he's YOUR baby.



It seemed like it climaxed a few months after she learned to walk and has gotten better as she's grown up (and learned how to stick up for herself). Honestly, I'm not sure of one thing that really helps other than time. As they get older they'll learn how to communicate better and will likely become pretty good friends. My two play together now all the time and rarely have major aggressive moments anymore. I do occasionally have to send one of them to timeout for being a bully, but for the most part they play together pretty well.



Good luck to you!

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Melissa - posted on 09/27/2011

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and wow I only now just saw how long ago this was posted. Not sure why it popped up in my e-mail as recent. LOL. I'm sure you have things situated by now : ) hehe

Melissa - posted on 09/27/2011

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My son is 3.5 and I am currently pregnant w/ my 2nd son who is due in January and I've been trying to prep my first by constantly saying it's HIS baby, it's HIS baby brother. I rarely say he's going to be MY other baby. He seems to be happy with that so far, but we'll see. I haven't been in your situation yet, but I would recommend making her feel like he belongs to her. That she needs to be his protector, and tell her often that he Loves her. Hearing that repeatedly may want to make her reciprocate that love. Also, a nurse recommended for me that when my 2nd baby is born to go buy 2 presents. 1 from the new baby, to my 1st son. And one to give to the new baby, from my son. That way it can symbolize a positive bond from the get-go. I don't know if you've done that already, but if not it's worth a try : ) Maybe she would like recieving a present "from" the new baby. Also, when she acts up and pushes,kicks, and screams at him, when you discipline her for those actions don't say it's "for being mean to her brother" or "for being mean to him". Let her know that it's never okay to push, kick, or scream at ANYBODY. It's not just him you're worried about, but that that isn't appropriate behavior anywhere towards anyone. Maybe then the animosity towards HIM specifically will simmer slightly, and she'll see it's not HIM "getting her in trouble" it's her actions in general. Hope this helps you a bit : ) GL

Amber - posted on 01/25/2011

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I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to you! Yes I do think my oldest has an impact on my daughters milestones, for a few different reasons. I don't have as much time to work with my youngest the way I did with my oldest, I'm not in as much of a rush for her to grow up so I don't push her as hard as I pushed my son. And my son is always giving her a toy to play with (usually because he steals the toy she wants) so she did not have to walk, or crawl to get what she wanted. My daughter is just starting to walk now, but my son LOVES it! He cheers for her everytime she walks (im sure it will be short lived lol)

Kristy - posted on 01/25/2011

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Hrmm this is a hard one. Maybe try and teach your daughter more independance, like going to the toilet on her own so you don't have to take her. Does she dress herself, put her shoes on, get her breakfast cereal out of the cupboard for brekkie? things like that, that will in turn teach her independance and keep you from having to do everything for her? (she might be already doing these things, i just dont know) My daughter is 3 and my boy is one and she has started having tantrums and has a big ATTITUDE!! so be patient, as hard as this is (I told my SO to stop take a breath and count till he is calm, he told me some times there are not enough numbers in the world to count, lol) be consistent with what ever punishment you use. Have you tried taking toys away from her? have you tried going to time out for everything, small or big and being really consistent with it? have you tried just picking her up and putting her in another room and leaving her so she can not interrupt what you or Parker are doing? Have you tried a rewards chart, if you can go one day without say kicking parker then you get a sticker and then when you get two you can have an ice block?have you told her she can play with her toys and her toys only in her room, dining room, some other area that is away from Parker, and when she can be nice to him she can come back and play with him? first sign of trouble put her back on her own to play. Have you tried if you cant share your toys then this is mine and this is mine and those toys i bought you for christmas are mine so i am now taking them back? I know this sounds childish but they are not as silly as they look. I did this with my daughter made her play with her toys and my boy could play with everything else and i took away toys when she had a tantrum and it didnt take her to long to snap out of it. My only other suggestion is have you done the behaviour back to her that she has done to Parker. i.e she hits him in the back, so you hit her in the back (not hard though) just to show her how nasty it is and how she can hurt parker as obviously she doesnt like being hit as it hurts etc. Sorry if this doesnt make sense, i hope you find a solution to your problem soon. Good Luck :)

Abby - posted on 01/21/2011

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Amber-your daughter is a little bit older then my son do you think her older brother made a difference on her milestones? Parker isn't walking yet and i can't help but wonder if he's scared to let go because of getting pushed down or something he LOVES to walk pushing something or holding your hand, but we've been trying to let go with one hand and getting him to try to keep walking and he sits down immediatly and starts throwing a temper tantrum.
Rosie- i already feel like Natalie gets majority of my attention, if parker gets any at all Natalies all over that saying she has to go to the bathroom or something so she can get me away from him eventhough we will sit in the bathroom for like 15 minutes and she won't go.

Rosie - posted on 01/21/2011

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Maybe if you give your daughter more attention, she'll be less inclined to harrass the younger sibling.

Amber - posted on 01/21/2011

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I wish I had advice for you, but I have the exact same question lol. My son is almost 4 my daughter is 16 months and your post sounds exactly like my life.

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