My boyfriend barely helps me with his son. what am i suppose to do?

Pam - posted on 11/07/2009

Quoting Pam:

I had the same problem and still do actually . Ask for his help it is all you can do. But do not give up. I realy regret the way things were with my first son and deep down have some hatred towards his father. And they grow up so quickly. Hope things get better. Also men can be so 1960's tell him you are not his Mum.

Sakeena - posted on 11/07/2009

One day when he comes in from work...leave!! Give him just a few hours of one on one time and let him have to tend to everything for the baby...he'll get the gist...I hope

Kate - posted on 11/07/2009

MEN! Lol. I don't have this problem thankfully with my husband. He helps when he gets home and makes dinner every night. We talked about all that kind of stuff when I was pregnant so there weren't any surprises and arguments. I don't know why some men think they have a choice whether to help or not, I can't believe they don't want to be involved either.

Lydia - posted on 11/07/2009

LOL - I think that is a common problem. I negotiated it with my fiance. He is expected to spend at least an hour with us when he gets home from work - this includes helping care for bub as well as playing with her - THEN he can go and spend the rest of the evening with his mistress (computer). If that doesnt work - hand the bub to him once hes had a few minutes and changed out of his work clothes and tell him you are going to have a bath/long shower/a walk and disappear to do just that ;)

Grace - posted on 11/07/2009

have a word with him tell him how you feel and of he still does not help,stop cooking and cleaning his mess,make him do it himself,he's a big man after all,big enough to make a baby,if your a family unit its all about team work.

Lisa - posted on 11/07/2009

i have the same problem my partner works and wen he comes home goes straight onto the computer, beleive me i have tried talking to him and explaining how difficult it is to be expected to do everything and not have a day off but the only answer i ever get is that he works he just assumes i do nothing all day he doesnt understand how hard it is, but on the other hand he has got better as my son has got older, iv just realised that im better doing it by myself then having to cope with arguments every night aswel

Pam - posted on 11/07/2009

I had the same problem and still do actually . Ask for his help it is all you can do. But do not give up. I realy regret the way things were with my first son and deep down have some hatred towards his father. And they grow up so quickly. Hope things get better.

Nicole - posted on 11/07/2009

It seems as though things are working out for you and Simon. Best of all is you still have some 'ME TIME'

Lottie - posted on 11/07/2009

I now how hard it is mine is exactly the same. I assume you ask for his help but he just complains that "he's worked all day?!" then just sits on his backside....You could ask him why he doesn't want to help. Orginally with Simon he was afraid of hurting him now he can hold his head up he will play with him! I still have to prompt him to spend time with his son. I always make sure that Simon gives him he night time feed, regardless of anything else THAT is his job. I also try and leave things like shopping or errands for when Simon gets home that way I can leave our son with him and go alone, I get time to myself and Simon has to be hands on, he doesn't have a choice?!

Nicole - posted on 11/07/2009

It must be hard for you, being at home whole day with your son and still having to do all those stuff in the evening too. I was in that same boat this year but I got through it. I wasn't working, so I stayed with my son whole day. When my boyfriend got home in the evening, he would just shower then relax in front of the TV. I then noticed the routine and started talking to him about it. You just have to sit down with him and tell him how you feel. It's going to be hard...he is going to tell you of how tired he is and how he promises to help you out from time to time. It's not health for you to be spending to much time on your own with your son, I know that you too would like to have your 'ALONE' time. You feel that there is just not enough hours in the day to do all the stuff you would like to do. A word of advice...Take time out for yourself as well. If it means that you have to send your son to your mom for the day, just so that you can have your hair done or nap...do it. After I spoke to my boyfriend about the situation, things started changing. He would take my son with him to watch TV or the two of the would shower together or they would be playing wrestling, all while I would make supper. That way he gets to spend time with his son, I could get done with the small things and my son would get his last energy out before going to bed. Chat to your boyfriend. Good Luck!!!

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2009

try getting him to take care of yall's son one day of the weekend by himself for atleast 6 hours. alot of times the men folk really dont understand how hard it is. with a little experience in the field, they understand better and are more likely to help. also maybe a compromise of one hour for him to chill out and then one hour for you to chill out might be in order.

Brittany - posted on 11/06/2009

my husband did the same thing...and we have 2 boys! but now when he comes home we all eat dinner and then him and our oldest (19 months) play and wrestle and then he puts his pajamas on him and puts him in bed and then he comes in to the bedroom and has his time with our youngest (4 months) and they get to lay in bed and talk and play til he goes to sleep. our boys love it! and now neither will go to sleep without their "daddy time"!

Verda - posted on 11/06/2009

This happens to alot of moms. Have you cosidered getting a part time job in the evening. This will give them alone time to bond

Jamie - posted on 11/06/2009

Welcome to motherhood! I won't say all men are like that but some are. I jump on my husbands case when he doesn't help me. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing this all alone but as our girls get older he gets better. Have you ever asked him why he doesn't help? Maybe he feels unsure of himself?

Lindsay - posted on 11/06/2009

explain to him that its HARD having a baby, go do something on a Saturday, let him stay with the baby, when you get home and he hands the baby off, point proven. Yes he works, but motherhood is just as hard, his boss complains, ours cut teeth,poop on themselves and you never know what kind of mood our little bosses are in.

Jessica - posted on 11/06/2009

You need to tell him how you feel because that is not right that he doesn't help you. It is his child to so he should be helping care and interacting with him