my boyfriend died, and im 23 weeks pregnant with his baby what do i do?

Ashlee - posted on 07/27/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Sunday July 15, 2012 my boyfriend, the love of my life and the father to our unborn child past away... im 23 weeks pregnant also... im trying so hard not to stress out but i just cant help it. i dont feel like myself and i hate that. i feel like part of me is missing and i dont know how to act any more with out him. i break down everyday. i wonder sometimes if it was my fault that he died at such a young age he was only 20 years old. i miss him so much already. he was going to be a great dad. im just so heart broken that i dont even know how to react to anything. what do i do?

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Dove - posted on 07/27/2012

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I'm so sorry for your loss!! :( ♥

Please try not to blame yourself. Take care of yourself and that precious little baby growing inside of you. Your OB should have the name and number of a good counselor that can help you through this time. Call them. You keep getting up every morning and you just do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and get through the day. Then you do it again tomorrow. Eventually you start to heal, but it's a definite process.

Chaya - posted on 07/27/2012

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Give yourself time to grieve, and use it, but take care of yourself too. Get up, get out of the house, go for a walk, whatever you need to do. Wear makeup if that's your habit, do it for you, not someone else.
Find someone to speak to, there are mental health professionals in every community, sliding fee scales aren't uncommon you'd be mentally ill if you weren't sad. You should act the way you act, unless it's inappropriate. If you're an animal lover, go to a dog park to pet puppies, nobody in their right mind will have a problem with you being kind to an animal. The point is, be busy.
Chances are that you had nothing to do with his death. When my husband and son were killed, I blamed myself for years. I should have taken both of the boys to school, ect. It was an act of terrorism, I didn't know about it beforehand, therefore could not have prevented it.
Take care of yourself, and the baby, eat, take the vitamins, if you're hungry, the baby is too

Alecia - posted on 08/01/2012

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I am so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine what your are going through, but it will get better...and then sometimes it will be worse. just make sure you take care of yourself so your precious baby can thrive. you may feel so lost right now, but you have been blessed with a permant reminder of your and your bf's love for each other. good luck, and God Bless, hun. thinking of you in this difficult time

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Bonita - posted on 09/10/2013

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I know exactly what your going through. On August 21st 2013 I came home from my night shift to find that my 23 year old boyfriend passed in his sleep from unknown causes. Im 16 weeks pregnant with his first child. He was my best friend and I also feel completely alone. I know this post is old so id like to know how you got through it. I tried everything from leaning on family to church to trying to do stuff I enjoy and NOTHING is working! Im so heart broken and still in disbelief I just wanna be alone and cry all day! I really hope things got better for you!

Loise - posted on 10/20/2012

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Ashlee...



I am sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost my boyfriend earlier this year and was about 4 weeks pregnant.

Seek friends and family that love you and will uplift your spirits. Talk as much as you need about your pains and thoughts. Do not shut down. Talk to your boyfriend even.

It may help to seek support groups locally thru a non-for-profit organization or a church.



I had my son last month and he's doing fine considering the stress and grief I went through.



I know it's hard but try to stay positive and let the shared memories bring a smile to your face.



I do not know if your boyfriend worked at all but you may be entitled to survivor's benefits through Social Security. Get with your state attorney's office to see if they can get a DNA test that is court ordered. You cannot get benefits from Social security without your child's fathers name being on the birth certificate and the hospital will not allow his name to be put down without him physically being there to say, yes this is my child. I am going through the vigorous process now of having my sons father added and believe me, it’s a headache. I just wish someone would have told me before money was spent.

Wishing you all the best because you do have a road ahead of you but there is light at the end of this tunnel.



Take care of yourself.

Amrit - posted on 07/31/2012

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See if maybe you can stay with family for a while, just so that you are not alone and you have emotional/physical support. What is really important now is the beautiful life that he helped you create. He literally lives on inside of you. You have been blessed with a child that will always be a part of both of you. Turn your focus inward and give all of your love to this new being and count your blessings. It is important for the health of your baby for you to take good care of yourself. I am so sorry for your loss- there is no one who will fill the spot he left, but you can honor him by keeping your head high, feeding your baby well, and when your beautiful baby is born, showering all of your love upon him/her. It is a long road, but with time things will heal. Accept help if it is offered, let people cook for you if they offer, and surround yourself with loving friends.
I wish you all of the best in life, and I know that you will raise a wonderful little one.

Cassie - posted on 07/30/2012

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It's okay to be hurt and feel alone. If your up to it try to collect pictures and Items of your Boyfriend and put them together into a book or chest so that when your little one is old enough you can give it to them. You can also write letter to him explaining your feelings or even simple thing like milestones in your day.

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2012

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remember that you both created this child so he lives on through your child

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