My boyfriend doesnt want me or our son around during the holidays

Ricky - posted on 12/11/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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Im 22 and my bf is 25. He would rather me stay at my moms during the holidays (Christmas to new years) so he can go out drinking. We agreed that I'd visit my mom every other weekend so he can go out and be a "25 year old male", but the holidays is different. This is going to be our sons 1st christmas and I dont know what to do. I was going to spend Christmas eve with my mom and family than come back Christmas day to be with him, but Im wondering if I should since he doesnt want us around (I just didnt want him to miss his sons 1st christmas). Ive happily given up my drinking/partying days to be with our son but it hurts me that he is still stuck in our pre-baby life.

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Ricky - posted on 12/12/2009

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thank you all for the advice. I talked to him and told him how I felt. We agreed that we will stick to our original plans (me going to my moms for christmas eve then coming back for Christmas day). He was never one for the holidays so he thought that we would both be happier if I just stayed at my moms. As for needing to being a "25 year old male", fatherhood was never in his life plan so it is still effecting him that his life has changed. The last couple nights I made sure me and our son where in bed asleep before he came home, this made my bf realize how much he misses our company and he came home early last night to spend time with us. his going it is him staying after work and drink with coworkers (he is a sous chef in a restaurant). He also knows that if he cheats I will leave him and take our son with me.

Kara - posted on 12/12/2009

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What exactly is he doing when he's going out??? Sorry but he had just as much of a hand in making that baby as you did and he needs to take some responsibility. But at the same time you can't force him to care, and you have to consider what is best for your son, for his dad to not be around or for his dad to be there but not be happy about it. My best friend is going through something similar with her husband. I know its hard espeacially when you aren't on the same page. My advice, and do with it what you will, is you need to give him an ultimatum. He can't pick and choose when he has a family. I have told my friend the same thing.

Amber - posted on 12/12/2009

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I agree with Jamie, you tell him to leave and you stay. My baby's father is 32 and still acting like he is 23 so I totally understand. What you have to do is, is take care of your child and your responsibilities and let him go since he obviously doesn't understand all that parenting entails.

Kari - posted on 12/12/2009

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i agree with kristine it's very hard to transition into parenthood being so young try to compromise.

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Some males do have a hard time transforming into fatherhood. But, that is no excuse that you should have to spend the WHOLE holiday season with family while he spends it with his family(his friends and partying)

Like the other ladies said, talk with him. If he still wants to go out maybe you all can work something out.. so maybe spend christmas morning together but he goes out that night.

Kari - posted on 12/12/2009

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sit down and talk to him about it, if he cares then he'll listen to what you have to say and hopefully grow up and be a good dad otherwise i would kick him out for awile and that will probably make him realize how much of an ass he's being

Hailey - posted on 12/12/2009

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omg slap him that is bloody ridiculous he helped make this child and its not like hes nineteen or a kid even he is a grown man honey if you give in to this one your mad if he wants to party the let him go party but dont go stay somewhere else because he asks you to , id be a bit sus on this guy what kind of man asks this of his partner i think hes up to no good

Ilse Sabrina - posted on 12/12/2009

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FIRSTLY, GIVE HIM A BITCH SLAP. SECONDLY PARENTHOOD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH OUR OWN CONVENIENCE, THIRDLY MOST(NOT ALL MEN) ARE DOGS SO PROTECT YOURSELF AND YOUR SON FROM A MESSED UP SITUATION AND BE FRANK WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. iTS SO EASY TO SAY I KNOW,AS YOU SEE YOUR SON IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN ANYTHING AND IF HE DOESNT WANT TO REALISE THAT ,ITS A PROBLEM. WONDER WHAT HIS REACTION WOULD BE IF YOU SAID 'OK THATS COOL, MY MOMS TAKING CARE OF BABY LETS GO AND PARTY'...i UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, LIVING IT.

Belinda - posted on 12/12/2009

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if he was my bf i would say yeah thats fine go out and have fun coz when u get home its a party for 1 when u relise im now living at mums or u could allways do some under cover work and find out what he is realy doing thats how i court my ex who turned out 2 b married with kids sorry if im harsh but i can't stand men stuck in the pre 1900s

Jamie - posted on 12/11/2009

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You seriously leave so that he can go out. Why? Its your house too. Whether he likes it or no hes a dad and he can either man up or move out. Tell him he can leave for the holidays. You deserve way better then this. Are you sure hes not cheating? I mean hes getting you to leave so he can party. Id like to punchhim.

Sophia - posted on 12/11/2009

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omg u know i think all this is telling me about him is he is not ready to be a family or let alone a dad i would think 25 is the age that men start thinking about family but i guess not um i think that u shouldnt let him have his way but at the same time just keep doin your part as a good mother because at the end of the day that child isnt the problem and that child still needs to be loved more so the mother than the father. but if i was u i would reconsider who i am dating or mayb bag off alittle to give him a reality check because that is not fair to you i hope this helped..

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