Ashley - posted on 08/28/2010 ( 56 moms have responded )
Okay here's the scoop. I am 23 years old with 2 children, a 6 year old son and a 2 year old daughter. Me and their father are separated and both me and the children father have remarried. He currently has a 6 month old son with his wife and take our 2 children overnight on the weekends and I have no children with my husband.
My problem is that when my ex's wife came and picked up my children my daughter ran to her yelling "Mommyyy!" And it honestly bothered me a lot to hear her call another woman Mommy. Now when I heard this I didn't say anything I just kissed them good bye and called their father to talk to him about it.
When I spoke to him I told him how I felt and he told me that both my son and daughter call her mommy and they do it when they are with him and they didn't force them to do it. I asked him if he could correct them especially my 2 year old daughter. He responded with No! that he didn't care, wasn't going to do anything about it and that I was acting childish. He also said that my son says to him "My other daddy Raph" when speaking about my husband to his father but I told him that he only says that when referring to him and that when the kids are home they call my husband by his first name and nothing else.
Well I don't know what to think, I am very hurt by this and pissed off by the fact that my ex don't care at all. I asked him nicely to just correct our children when they call his wife mommy and he won't. Whats even more troubling about this is that quite a few times my daughter has came home from her fathers house calling me by my first name which both me and my ex's wife both share, Ashley (but she spells it Ashlee).
Why would she be calling his wife Mommy and calling me Ashley? I find it strange and I also feel like its confusing to my daughter. I need someone Else's opinion about this because I don't know what to do. I feel like he is doing it on purpose and its either I let it go on or doing something about it.
I just wanted to update my progress:
I usually just ask my son about the things he does and who he visits while he is with his father, never asking my son details about how his father treats him and his sister or what goes on at his house but with my son telling me that him and his sister are being forced to call his wife mommy I started prying a little into what goes on at his father's house and my son has told me some disturbing things that go on there, he also told me other things about how his father and his wife treat my children. I once again confronted my ex about it and of coarse he denied all of it and said my son was making it all up. I have to say that I do believe my son because I am sad to say his father does have domestic violence record towards me but that was also 4 years ago.
But I looked into the local laws in my area and the one statement out on child custody laws that does apply to me is "If there is no court order, you should use your judgment about allowing visits, as knowingly putting a child in the care of a person who presents physical danger to the child could be considered neglect" I don't have a custody order with my ex and I am currently trying to find a play therapy councilor in my area but I am currently having no luck. I am trying to figure out what to do, I don't want to out right tell the kids father you can't see the kids because of what my son tells me, just in case he is possibly making it up but I don't want him to take them until i can get my son into therapy so he can speak to someone else about what is going on. I am also worried that if I stop him from seeing the kids that he or his mother (who hates me) tries take me to court for custody or visitation. How would I prove to people and courts that my children shouldn't see their father without traumatizing my children in the process? I know his mother and his whole side of the family wouldn't believe me thinking I am trying to "brainwash" my kids, In all honesty it sounds selfish but I like it when they see their father because it's like a mini vacation for me and I get to relax for the weekend.