My daughter is 2 years old, is she to young for

Anna - posted on 01/29/2011

You've got to be consistent. Your daughter has learned that she will get her way eventually, so she will cry and carry on for as long as it takes, knowing you'll cave in. If you want to change her behavior, you HAVE to stick to your guns. If that's a time-out, taking away privileges, etc., then you stick to that and do not back down. It will be painful for a few days, maybe even a few weeks, but if you want to see results you will have to put up with her tantrums long enough to let the process work. Also, when she has calmed down, have a discussion with her about why her behavior is inappropriate and what she can do to better express herself. And remember to praise the good behavior; any child would rather have positive reinforcement over punishment any day.

Jascinta - posted on 01/29/2011

i've found when my 2y.o boy gets upset about not getting his way for example and starts throwing things, etc, that the best way to calm him and help him know that its not appropriate behaviour is to first of all acknowledge what it is hes upset about ( oh i know, you want the ice cream- even repeat until they look at you), then acknowledge the feeling (your very upset/frustrated/etc) then redirect ( i know you want the ice cream, we can't have an ice cream right now, you can have time with mummy/ cuddles/ toy*/ movie/etc . if hes really upset i let him know that its ok to feel what ever he's feeling and just keep going with whatever i'm doing or i might offer a hug. when it comes to hitting his little brother or throwing things when hes angry, i say for example ' i know your angry and thats fine- if you want to hit something, you can hit your pillows or the couch,etc, but we don't hit people. at one stage recently he started to trial head banging when he got upset. so i said to him while placing a cushion under his head calmly 'i can see your upset, if you want to bang your head, you can do it on this cushion' then walked away. he got over it pretty quick (thank god) lol. i've tried most things mentioned in this conversation over time, but what i've just explained has created a calm atmosphere in my home on a daily basis. i hope you find something that works for you :)

Kimi - posted on 01/28/2011

When time outs are done right they are like pushing a reset button. Time outs should be for two minutes(one minute per year). Whenever she gets up without you telling her the time out is through put her right back and start the time over again.
Always explain why she is getting the time out before and after the time out but not during it. Time outs are meant to be spent alone so give her a little space. You can love on her all you want after her tearful time out is over(:
If she's not fully reset after the time out than I would suggest a nap or some quiet time watching a movie together.
I like to try to think of something I can do with the child after the time out is over that will encourage positive behavior. I have been a nanny for some time now and I have a 5 year old stepdaughter.

Ashley - posted on 01/28/2011

Time out all the way! If she gets up, put her back right away. She is old enough to understand exactly what she is doing, and she continues because you give in. So just put her in time out, explain to her what she did was wrong and tell her she has to sit there for 2 minutes (its 1 minute for every year old they are) It will take some some time to get her to stay there and it will be exhausting but it will work if you are consistant. I am a mother of a 1 year old, and I am also a nanny for 3 young boys and the disipline I can do for them is time out or sending the oldest to his room. It has always worked for me because they know I mean buisness, although their parents struggle with it because they give in because they can't stand the crying and the fits, but really, they behave better for me than they do for them because they know what is expected of them and know what will happen when they break the rules. Of course they are still going to misbehave, but they do stay in timeout when I send them. Then you explain to them why they were there and give them a hug and then have them go play. It will take time and it will more than likely be a battle, but if you outlast her and be consistant it will be all good. She will learn to sit in timeout for her 2 minutes and it wouldnt be a big issue anymore. So good luck! You are the parent, she is the child, you can handle it and outlast her, I have faith in ya!

Abbey - posted on 01/28/2011

As stupid as it sounds but I watch super nanny a lot! And I believe time out does work, it is ALL about persistence, when u out her in time out n she get ups 2,3,4,5 etc times and u keep putting her back, eventually (and I say that lightly because it does take time) shell understand that your boss, and if u out her in a time out it means she's having a time out!
Time out time should be a minute for each year of her age so 2mins with your daughter. Time out are for exactly what she's doing, when she hits her father automatic time out because hitting is wrong. For things such as tantrums, warn her, just the once an if she carries on, let her throw the tantrum in the time out spot. But please remember, persistence!!! She'll soon understand u mean business. :) x

Kassia - posted on 01/23/2009

they say  1 minute for the age of the child so, i keep my seven yr old in time out for 7 minutes and my 3 yr old for 3. thsi is what my family doctor has told me!!!!!  so if shes two, two minutes!!! i no it seems so short,!!! lol

Kassia - posted on 01/23/2009

they say  1 minute for the age of the child so, i keep my seven yr old in time out for 7 minutes and my 3 yr old for 3. thsi is what my family doctor has told me!!!!!  so if shes two, two minutes!!! i no it seems so short,!!! lol

Desiree - posted on 01/23/2009

When my daughter was that age she used to throw fits just like that. What I eventually did was take her for time out. We would both go to a seperate room (I usually carried her there kicking and screaming). I would sit in there with her, usually in front of the door so she couldn't escape. If she was hitting I would hold her bear hug style so she couldn't hit. I would just sit and let her have her tantrum. I didn't let her play or leave until she calmed down. It took quite a few times before the tantrums got shorter, but I stuck with it, and she learned that her behavior would not be tolerated. If she had a tantrum in a store I dropped everything and we left. As she became calm at the end of the tantrum I spoke softly to her about why we were in there and how she needed to stop screaming and hitting in order to go out and play again, or go back into the store or church. Speaking softly made her quiet down to listen. I also helped her learn words for her feelings so that she would better tell me when she was angry instead of just hitting. Now she's 6 and we still have tantrums, but not screaming hitting tantrums, and she knows that a time-out isn't punishment, it's time for her to be alone and calm down.

Nicole - posted on 01/23/2009

Quoting Ionny:

first of all i would like to mention that this is my official first question since i am a new member and i am just so happy i joined this community. i would like to thank evryone for taking the time to try and help me out. all of the advice was very helpful.. thank you guys so much!

No problem!! I love helping Mommys!! Im sure you will be alot of help to many other moms as well!! Welcome to the community!!!

Ionny - posted on 01/23/2009

first of all i would like to mention that this is my official first question since i am a new member and i am just so happy i joined this community. i would like to thank evryone for taking the time to try and help me out. all of the advice was very helpful.. thank you guys so much!

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2009

Your daughter is strong, determined, and relentless. These are great qualities! Think of how successful she will be as an adult if she pursues all of her wants with such focused determination! The tricky part about being a parent is fostering these wonderful traits while teaching that what mommy says goes. Period. Every child is different, so what works for one most likely won't work for yours. Heck, what worked for me as a child doesn't work on my child! As a mom, what we have to do is CONSISTANTLY be stronger and more determined than our child. When you say no, mean it. Let her scream, throw her tantrum. Just don't give in before she does. That just teaches her how to get what she wants. That's the first step. The second step is to give her lots of positive attention when she is behaving well. Daily one-on-one time is so critical with mom and dad. I can tell with my daughter when I've been too engrossed in my email, or grad school work because she starts acting out just to get me to pay attention to her. Finally, it is soooo important that both mom and dad are on the same page. Talk to you husband and come to an agreement about how you are going to handle the next outburst. You have to have a handle on this before your toddler becomes a child, or, Lord help us, a teenager! If you think a bratty two year old is difficult, you don't even want to see what a bratty 8 year old, or 16 year old looks like! Just remember that what looks like stubbornness now will turn into focused determination in the years to come! She will go so far!

User - posted on 01/23/2009

Hi, I've got a 2 year old boy and he is really into the tamtrum age!  His whinging and crying drives me crazy and I often find myself giving in just to get him to stop.  I do tr to stay strong though and whenever I have said no about something, if I just stick with it he eventually gives up and I figure that next time I say no he will realise that there's no point having a tamtrum because I won't give in.  I use a system of counting to 3 where I say "that's a one", then if they do it again that's a 2, then finally that's a three, take 5.  take 5 means time out and it should be 2 mins for him.  I find the naughty chair too exhausting for me so I put him in his cot but leave the door open.  He hates it and it is way more effective then spanking! whan his times up I explain why he was there and then get him to say sorry and have kisses and cuddles.

Faye - posted on 01/23/2009

its one min for every year she is old i no its hard work but just keep putting her back there till she stays explain why she is there and that her behaviour is unaceptable and the more she gets up the longer she has to stay there its very effective i used this with my  son and it worked wonders

Lisa - posted on 01/23/2009

I have found that ignoring and walking into a different room really works. When they dont get the response that they are looking for then they will eventually stop. Dont feel like your a bad mother, every 2 year old goes through this! TERRIBLE 2's!!! they didnt make that saying for no reason you know...haha! Hang in there, it does get better!

Sommer - posted on 01/23/2009

I don't know if this is the right advice for you since your daughter is younger than mine (mine is 4 1/2), but I honestly think ignoring a child is not always the best option.  When there is a tantrum I always try to calm her down first, meaning that I hold onto her arms firmly but not squeezing too hard, then speak to her calmly and in a relatively quiet but firm voice.  I tell her outright that she needs to calm down and tell me why she's angry.  Then when she tells me what's wrong I explain to her that we don't always get/can't always do whatever we want, but I'm sorry that she's upset and I understand why she's upset.  If talking to a 2-year-old in this way won't help, I think holding her firmly but without anger or much force will help her calm down, that and a soothing voice and eye contact.  If a child is being ignored, the tantrum will eventually stop, but I personally think it's better to calm the child down and acknowledge their emotions without giving in to what they want just to stop the crying.  As far as time out, I would say no more than 5 minutes for a 2 year old--if she gets up during time out, put her back in and re-start the time (explain that time restarts each time she gets up).  One other piece of advice that may help:  our daughter has been difficult to handle since she was very young, and my husband and I have found that a reward system has been helpful.  We use poker chips (good size, like money--maybe try something else if you're afraid of choking) as a reward for when our daughter behaves.  For instance, she gets one poker chip each time she helps me do a chore, or picks up her toys after playing with them, or when she behaves well in the store.  We have a list of rewards on the refrigerator: 1 poker chip is a piece of candy, one book read, arts and crafts time (things that interest our daughter); 2 poker chips is an extra tv show, extra play time in the bathtub, etc; 3 poker chips is a trip to the park, a small toy at the store, etc.  Whenever our daughter misbehaves--throws a tantrum, talks back, hits, etc. then we take a chip away (or 2 or 3 depending).  I hope my advice helps! 

Nicole - posted on 01/23/2009

My little girl is 2 and definitly lashes out when she doesnt get what she wants! Its that terrible twos thing! I would stick with the time outs, and when she gets out of the naughty chair I would pick her up and put her back until she fulfills her time out. When she does something you dont want her to do be sure to give her a warning, and  when you take her out of time out explain to her specifically what she did wrong and give her a kiss tell her you love her. They say that time out should be 1 minute per year of age! hope this helps!!

Dakotah - posted on 01/23/2009

i found that when my now 4 yr old used to really act out, when tired or when she didnt get what she wanted, the time out chair was great. i based the time on they age(2 yrs=2min, etc) b/c their perception of time really is different. when she got off the chair, she was put back on. over and over..and everytime i said now youre back on for 2 min until she behaved. eventually she got tired of fighting, and then tired of sitting. also the times that she acted out were whenever we had company over, and i suppose she didnt like missing out on the action. i had to remind her that she wasnt going back into the social setting until she was done on the chair. good behaviour = rewards, bad behaviour = punishment and consequences. just hang in there and sit with her...if u have to hold her hand even...she can try to move but she'll get that she HAS to sit no matter what, until the times up. i used to use a stopwatch and make a game (countdown) of it so she accepted the fact. my husband was the same way! oOo daddys little princess gets away with murder. id say remind him as nicely as possible that he needs to STEP UP..she will NEVER learn, keep taking all she can take from him, and he will NEVER have her respect. after all...it takes 2 to make a baby.....2 should be raising it.

Dakotah - posted on 01/23/2009

i found that when my now 4 yr old used to really act out, when tired or when she didnt get what she wanted, the time out chair was great. i based the time on they age(2 yrs=2min, etc) b/c their perception of time really is different. when she got off the chair, she was put back on. over and over..and everytime i said now youre back on for 2 min until she behaved. eventually she got tired of fighting, and then tired of sitting. also the times that she acted out were whenever we had company over, and i suppose she didnt like missing out on the action. i had to remind her that she wasnt going back into the social setting until she was done on the chair. good behaviour = rewards, bad behaviour = punishment and consequences. just hang in there and sit with her...if u have to hold her hand even...she can try to move but she'll get that she HAS to sit no matter what, until the times up. i used to use a stopwatch and make a game (countdown) of it so she accepted the fact. my husband was the same way! oOo daddys little princess gets away with murder. id say remind him as nicely as possible that he needs to STEP UP..she will NEVER learn, keep taking all she can take from him, and he will NEVER have her respect. after all...it takes 2 to make a baby.....2 should be raising it.

Krystal - posted on 01/23/2009

My 4 1/2 y/o twins find themselve doing every now and then. I think that they might just feel if it works than I will keep doing it. I have done the walk thing at that is working. I don't know what else to try when you get an answer please let me know

Jennifer - posted on 01/23/2009

I've learned that ignoring is pretty effective.  I know you said that you've tried it, but you have to outlast her in that battle.  If you just continue to ignore her, eventually she'll stop.  I know it's tough and the crying and screaming will drive you crazy.  Hope this helps and good luck : )

Amanda - posted on 01/23/2009

my little girl 2 doese the same does the same not so much lashing out at me and her dad its other children when she has done it thow she nows and says sorry straight away she has been going this for about a year now im finding the noghty chair is working it diant at first but i just cept on doing it and she is i hel of a lot better i used to give in to her now i have lernt that it just makes them worce good luck amanda

Beth - posted on 01/23/2009

Ps- For the husband thing-- you have to help your husband understand that you can't just be the discplinary. He needs to be one too - you are not friends with your daughter - you are parents.. it's easier said than done.. because if your husband is ANYTHING like mine.. they don't take critizim well... :P

Beth - posted on 01/23/2009

Hey Ionny Gracia,

         You have to remember that kids prespective of time is different than ours. To us Twenty minutes is nothing, but to them it is a pretty long time. They have a world of trouble to keep still. If she is good for ten minutes talk to her and tell her why she was in the tme out chair, if she continues to miss behave put her in there for longer.... until she understands what she did was wrong. That would be my suggestion.... all kids are diff. though.