my daughter never listens to me

Tash - posted on 09/15/2011

im a student nurse and had to do shift work and worked as many if not more hours as what your saying you work as my last placement, my son went exactly like this. I found with him it was due to not seeing me as much so when he did see me he would play up just to get my attention and it was almost as if he was trying to stop me from going back as everytime i had to leave it was so hard as for 6 weeks id lost my lovely, well mannered child and hed turned into a nightmare. Since that has stopped and ive been able to spend more time with him hes mellowed out back to his old self.

I would say her playing up for you like this is to try and get your attention so youll stay, shes only young and doenst understand why your away so much and doesnt see you like she wants to.

Chanti - posted on 09/14/2011

I work with children who act like this all the time. Its so popular. She graves attention from you. The only way she can do this is my acting up. She spends to much time with eevryone else but her mother. The onlytime she does seems that all she gets is told off. Make sacrifices for your daughter. Change it while she's young because the older she gets shell act worse and be harder to control and she will become attached to your mother instead of you

Rebecca - posted on 09/14/2011

Again a classic childs mind 'I AM THE ONE AND ONLY' CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME'... children wont listen because they are the boss if you let them be...As supper nanny would say!

Your Daughter wouldn't be doing this if she didn't love you...this is a classic way of trying to get your attention for something maybe your Mum would have given her or the baby sitter...You need to set clear boundaries...sit down with ur babysitter and mum...ask for examples of what they do and set rules that you would like to put in place...Put them up on the wall...so the same rules apply in the house to when your babysitter, mum or anybody else is looking after your baby... grandmas tend to give their grandchildren anything and everything they want...YOU NEED TO HAVE A RULE BOARD! Supper nanny would tell you the same! xx

Jenni - posted on 09/14/2011

I agree with everything Jessica said.



Children don't care what kind of attention they receive as long as they are receiving attention.



So you get home from work, you're tired... in a poor mood. She hasn't seen you barely at all for a week. You're not as eager to play, you want to rest.... she wants to see her mom, she wants her mom's attention.



She acts out negatively to get it. She's learned this is the way to get your attention. Which if it is not nipped in the bud now, will cause a ton of problems as she ages.



You're going to have to give her plenty of attention on the weekends. Do crafts with her, play games, take her to the park, etc.



Ignore negative behaviours that aren't causing damage to others or property. If her behaviour becomes harmful then remove her to timeout. Telling her what behaviour she exhibited that's unacceptable and that she needs to calm herself down. Once she is calm, return and say: "Good job calming yourself down. I know you're angry and that's ok but we don't (unacceptable behaviour) we use our words and say: "I'm really mad."

When she does use her words to express herself. Praise her for expressing herself appropriately and try to help her or talk to her about why she is mad, frustrated, upset.



While praising positive behaviours. Pay special attention when she is behaving and give her the attention for that.



You want to train her that doing positive things and behaving gets her your attention. But acting negatively does not.



If she acts out in public. Take her out of the store or to a quiet location. Say simply: "We have to leave until you calm yourself down." Go to the car, or outside the store and then say: "I will talk to you again once you calm yourself down." and ignore her. Once she is calm, say: "Good job, you calmed yourself down! Now we can continue shopping."



She will eventually learn what is appropriate and inappropriate behaviour by using systematic ignoring for attention-seeking behaviours.



Preventative measures are important as well. I must stress that keeping a child busy, staying positive yourself is very important in encouraging good behaviour.



Get down to her level, make eye contact and speak in a whisper. For some reason children pay more attention to you and your words when you use this technique.



Use 123. When she's not listening count to 3. At the end of 3 ask her once more. You can either listen or you will (go in time out or some other logical consequence).



Give her choices. Children need to feel control and a lot of bad behaviour comes from a desire for independence. Or power struggles. Sometimes it's all in the language we use. If you don't want a power struggle over getting dressed say: "It's time to get dressed. (Not up for debate). Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the red one? (the choice)"



When she is acting out. Give her the choice again: "You can either stop screaming and we will continue shopping *or* you can continue and we will go sit in the car. Which one? It's your choice."



You are the adult, so model how adults act in certain situations. If you respond by yelling or smacking she will mirror your loss of control. Teach her calmness when dealing with our frustration by modelling it yourself.

Jessica - posted on 09/13/2011

Honestly are you really suprised you are working hard and long hrs but that also means she doesnt see you as her mum to a point , she is only 2 she is use to your mum and a babysitter why should she listen to you when she only gets weekend its the harsh reality my boys think they can muck up for dad much more than me she doesnt knwo your limits yet because she isnt with you enough and it seems punishment isnt working and i certaintly wouldnt be smacking her .... try and make your time more qulity picincs outings. when she gets odlder and understands that your mumma and its just your at work... but she could also just hate it its the price you have too pay in a way but in the long run when she is older she will understand why you where goen and why you had to do it

Brooke - posted on 09/13/2011

yes the punishement is consistent. course i guess i don't know what goes on when i'm not home. but they tell me that what's they do. and i know she knows what's right and wrong. she just pushes my limits and i guess i'm not reacting right. i just don't know what i should do...
she is 2 and i'm afraid if i can't control her now, i'm not going to be able to control her at 15! ah i don't even want to think about it...

Antoinette - posted on 09/12/2011

Is the routine and punishment you give her consistent with what she gets from your mother & babysitter? And for the same variety of reasons? Or does she simply not act the same around them as with you? How old is your daughter?
I have a similar complaint as to the behaviour of my niece (7yo) and little sister (5yo) they can be right little terrors at home making messes, throwing tantrums and back chatting but the school has nothing but praise for their manners, attitude and behaviour.
My 2yrs 8mos daughter will throw tantrum/screaming fits with me that can go on for over an hour and I was worried how daycare would cope with this, they haven't had to deal with it once in the 8 months she's been going!
My son has taken almost 8 months to go to bed first time I put him down - he used to get up about 10-20 times before finally falling asleep or me having to hold him to sleep but he would always go first time for my dad!
I think ALOT of it is an attention thing not that she's out to get you :) but that she REALLY wants to spend time with you so wants to make sure she has your attention whether or not its good attention. If that makes sense?? So it might just be a matter of making sure that mother daughter time is obvious, special and focussed on her. By obvious I mean that it might not be enough for her to be in the same room as you, she might need to be doing an activity with you (reading, baking, watching a movie, going for a walk, playing a game .. anything that requires interaction - and let her pick if she can).
As for embarassing public tantrums I put a stop to that with my 7yo niece by throwing one right back at her LOL in the middle of the supermarket "I want this .., I want this .. " I threw myself on the floor kicking and screaming and wailing for about a minute. The look of absolute horror on her face was priceless as if she actually clicked that this was what she was doing and it was crazy! She hasn't done it since.
With my daughter I have to try and distract her. But don't make the mistake of distracting with sweets because then she thinks tears gets her treats *sigh* its a tough one but when you get down to most things it's about routine and consistency to give them that sense of security - so that they know what to expect in any given day from any given behaviour/situation/action & what's expected of them etc
Man I can blather! GOOD LUCK!