My husband cheated on me should I confront the other women?

Emmy - posted on 11/04/2009 ( 333 moms have responded )

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we were having problems this summer and he cheated on me. This girl has slept with many married men and knowingly sleeps with married men. He is just as guilty as she is. I found out and he told me the truth about everything he ended it on his own before I found out. But she contacted him agian and thats when I found out. When I wrote her she lied about everything.

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Dayna - posted on 11/04/2009

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I've been in your shoes, sort of. (bit different situation, but the cheating was the same) the girl in question was actually a co-worker of mine. I never confronted her directly, and to be honest I don't know what I would have said. She knew we were together (he was a co-worker as well) and she made her choice. To be honest, I wanted to blame her for everything. I wanted to be able to pile all my anger and hurt on someone who was nothing to me, because it would be easier than dealing with my feelings towards him. When I realized why I was so angry with her, I had to just let it go. She was nothing, I would never see her again (she got fired), and my anger towards her wasn't hurting her, just me. I had to concentrate on my life, my relationship, my family. It took a long time (its been almost three years and I still get "twinges" of past feelings everyonce in a while) to be "ok" again, and we are still together. After these many years, I can tell you that she doesn't really matter. All of your feelings are raw and intense right now and you probably feel like striking out and hurting her, forcing her to feel remorse or even a fraction of the pain she helped cause you. You want to know everything they said, did, felt, and where, when, how, why. Your mind is constantly coming up with images and scenarios to fill in the blanks, and you probably think that if they just told you Everything, you might be able to get over it, or deal with it somehow. But you'll never know everything, which is probably best.

The main thing for you is to decide what you are going to do now. She is no longer a part of your life. If she keeps on calling, file harrasment charges with the police. Focus on your family. Once you begin to heal (with our without your husband) you'll begin to see how unimportant she is to you and how much of a waste of time, energy, and emotional termoil engaging in any sort of dialogue with her would be.

Good luck and stay strong. This wil be hard, but you can get through it.

Cheryl- Chris - posted on 11/11/2009

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First off, I am sorry! Second, my husband and I were having trouble for a while (his was with porn- still a form of cheating in my book). I don't know your "religious" views, but what made me reach the "breaking" point was that I had finally reached the limit of forgiving him. I left him for three days- giving my message of "Choose between it or your family" loud and clear!!!! He chose his family. What does this have to do with your situation? Quite a bit: are you willing to stay married to him? Only you can decide that. Will you have trouble trusting him? Yes, you will. Granted, we don't know the whole situation, but I do have one question for you. Do you know that you have met all of his needs to the best of your ability? (you said you were having problems. I don't need to know more, but I have found that when I wasn't meeting my husband's needs, is when he would be looking more (again, doesn't excuse it, but is something to think about). It sounds that confronting her will not really solve anything- she has done this before, and I am sure feels no guilt over this. Something else to do: instead of confronting her, Pray for her (if that is along your beliefs- I am not trying to preach. Just trying to share what has helped me.) CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND- just be careful with how much you ask for details. You don't want to know so much if you have decided to fight for your marriage that it ends up doing more damage- this time beyond repair. I am not trying to minmize your pain. I understand; it hurts. (As a sidenote, my husband and I have this simple rule: you cheat on me, you aren't making it to the stop sign alive. [the stop sign is maybe 50' away.]) One book that I do recommend is Love and Respect by Dr. Emmerson Eggerichs- it has really helped my marriage. I will be praying for you and your family

Erica - posted on 11/11/2009

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Being someone who knows what it is like to be on the cheating end of the deal, I would suggest PERSONAL counciling for him. I would also recommend couples therapy. It sounds like he has some deep seeded issues with self esteem. I know because I have been the bad guy and I know why I have been. Believe me we don't feel good about it but it's almost uncontrollable for us unless we get help. Sorry to be so blunt and honest but I want you to get the best and most honest advise from someone who can relate. This other person involved sounds like she really needs some mental guidance but that is not your concern to save her from herself. If you need some cost efficient counciling I would recommend seeking help at a church. If he isn't willing to cooperate then he is either in denial that he has a problem or is just unwilling to change at this time which may mean that it's time to make a very hard descision. That descision would be a. To tollerate his negative behavior and just accept that that is what he does. OR b. to end the relationship because it is poisioning your life. I hope this helps and doesn't offend anyone. I have good intentions and wish you the best of luck durring this hard time.

Chrissie - posted on 06/03/2011

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Forget her she's not worth your time. The blame needs to stay with your husband. He's married to you, and should be loyal and faithful, not her. She's obviously a skank and has no morals.

Nancy - posted on 11/04/2009

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One more thing... does any of your family and friends know? If not, then I would try and keep it between you and your husband. Less complicated that way. By confronting the lady may escelate the issue. Be a lady!

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Chrissie - posted on 06/03/2011

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Forget her she's not worth your time. The blame needs to stay with your husband. He's married to you, and should be loyal and faithful, not her. She's obviously a skank and has no morals.

Kataline - posted on 11/10/2009

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the other woman is that, the other woman, the issue is with your husband. I hope things work out with him, you energy needs to go into fixing your marriage not on her.

[deleted account]

You already contacted her and she lied, plus she likes to sleep with married men so she doesnt care about anyone. I would advice to talk with your husband, ask why he did it,find out where those problems you guys were having were coming from. You can also go to a marriage counselor and see if that helps. But no matter what, do what you think is best for you, not for the appearance of having a great marriage and not for the sake of your kid(s). Believe me, your kids will live happy lives if they see you and your husband happy, be it together or apart. Good luck with everything

Mendee - posted on 11/10/2009

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Everyone makes mistake and if you choose to stay with him thats between you two. But confronting her isnt your place its his! If he doesnt want anything to do with her he can make that very clear to her. But if she still is trying to commicate with him after you know for a fact he has made it clear to her he doesnt want to have anything to do with her the by all means you should stand up and tell her what u think!!!!!!!!! GOOD LUCK!



Mendee

Dallas - posted on 11/10/2009

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contacting her and getting 411 just makes her feel good, if he's told you i would just go through him than... she's trash so why would you want info from her... i would definately leave cause he cheated doesnt mean he wont do it again.

Tonya - posted on 11/10/2009

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I think something is still goin on between them. Jus keep keep your eyes open.

Sara - posted on 11/10/2009

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You are obviously the bigger woman in this situation. I cannot give any advice on wether I would confront her again or not, just becuase she seems naieve. All my prayers and love go to you and yours! best of luck!

Callinda - posted on 11/10/2009

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So many replies already, have not read through all of them but I think that confronting her would not really achieve anything.

I would concentrate on working things out with your husband and put her out of your lives & move on. Hope you are work through everything.

Wenonalani - posted on 11/10/2009

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Confronting her won't do much, unfortunately it may make you feel better but she seems acustomed to that way of life. LOL once a hoe always a hoe. What you need to do is go to counseling and get to the root of the problem, like why he felt the need to cheat. He should love and respect you enough to work on fixing himself before you attempt to fix the marriage he has the issues not you.

Denise - posted on 11/10/2009

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First good luck to you. This is a very difficult thing to go through. You would be wasting your time, breath and energy going to this girl that apparently enjoys being the "other women". Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she caused you pain...she will feed into it and add more to it than what it really was. If you believe your husband has told you "everything" there is to tell then move on from there. Make it clear to him that trust is something that is earned and not given. It is going to take time to heal. But I can't stress to you enough to leave the girl alone.

Elizabeth - posted on 11/10/2009

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Your relationship is with the husband, not the bimbo. I wouldn't contact her, but I'd hold him accountable.

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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i hate men there such pigs yet they are need to make babies they see an a** in there face and go for it weather or not there bound by marrage id personnally drop him mind you i find it easier to parent on my own sometimes but when hard times come good friends help

men pffft

Kashlany - posted on 11/10/2009

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YES! CONFRONT THAT BITCH..LOL EXCUSE MY LANGO .. BUT IF SHES WOMAN ENOUGH TO DO THIS.. THEN SHE SHOULD BE WOMAN ENOUGH TO TALK!

RACHAEL - posted on 11/10/2009

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I AGREE WITH ANDI MILLER'S POST...IM JUST THAT TYPE OF PERSON THAT I WILL FEEL BETTER IF I TAKE MY STRESS OUT ON THE PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE BLAMED!!! LOL..WHY SHOULD JUST YOU HAVE TO SUFFER? MAKE HER SUFFER AS WELL, EVEN IF IT'S ONLY FOR A SECOND...AND IM SAYIN TO KICK HER...U KNO WHAT!!!!!I KNO IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!!! MAY SOUND CHILDISH BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS!!!! GOOD LUCK

Kara - posted on 11/10/2009

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i had the same problem only the girl was my best friend and staying with us until she found a place to live i didnt find out about the whole thing until his best friends wife called me and told and i kicked her out as soon as i found out and i forgave him and we are still together to this day but i know he will never do it again and i beleve it was only a once in a life time think so if u beleve him stay but it'll take a lot to trust him again

Edna - posted on 11/10/2009

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I really wouldn't bother it won't make you feel better and will just make you think more about it. The important thing now is too decide where you and your husband go from here. If this woman is a serial cheater then it doesn't matter what you say, she'll continue in her own way because she can just walk away. I hope it all works out for you!

Becky - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Emmy:

My husband cheated on me should I confront the other women?

we were having problems this summer and he cheated on me. This girl has slept with many married men and knowingly sleeps with married men. He is just as guilty as she is. I found out and he told me the truth about everything he ended it on his own before I found out. But she contacted him agian and thats when I found out. When I wrote her she lied about everything.



 



 



Emmy,



    I think that if it makes you feel better you should confront her. He is your man and he is home to stay with you and your chil(ren), She obviously has not one shred of respect for marriages or for her self. You are a better woman to have confronted your hubby and him be honest with you. You and your husband have a lot to over come from this and that is aooo much more important. I hope I don't offend you by saying this, I pray that God will bless your marriage and make it stronger. God bless you as a woman and mother as well.



                                                               Becky





 

[deleted account]

You should never interact with the female because it all comes back to the man. My fiance' has cheated on me but whenever i find out i go straight to him because he should have known better and if he really loved me than he wouldnt have done it.

Aracelia - posted on 11/10/2009

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HELLO THERE IM NEW TO THE GROUP BUT I CAN SAY THAT I HAD A SIMILAR SITUATION AND IT WASNT HER FAULT IT WAS HIS HE WAS THE ONE THAT CHEATED AND NEW WHAT HE WAS DOING AT THE TIME ( HOUSE KIDS FAMILY JOB LOVE TRUST AND HIS ACTION) AND HE TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO STILL CHEAT..HE KNEW WAT THE OUT COME OF HIS CHEATING COULD BE AND STILL TOOK DA CHANCE SO I THEREFORE BELIEVE THAT NO CONFRONTING HER WOYLD BE A WASTE OF TIME BECAUSE SHE DOESNT REALY OWE U ANYTHING UNLIKE HIM>

Lily - posted on 11/10/2009

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I think you should just move on, what would be the point of confronting her ?? but if this is the way to get closure then why not ?

Kellee - posted on 11/10/2009

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Don't confront her... it's hard, I know, but don't. You're just giving her power. You're giving her the knowledge that she has hurt you and that she can continue to hurt you.

Lindsay - posted on 11/10/2009

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Gosh why would a woman want to do that to another woman!?! Well atleast your husband ended things and she knows you guys are togehter..maybe she will leave him alone..

Ms - posted on 11/10/2009

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Never and I mean never confront the female you are in a relationship with your husband. He cheated because whatever it was and she was just the person he chose to cheat with. It's his fault NOT hers

Courtney - posted on 11/10/2009

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Its not worth it, Ive been there those type of woman.........should I call them woman. But anyway arent worth anything and those type are always going to be around. Be the bigger person and know you are way more woman than her. Now I would tell him to make sure he takes care of the issue and make it clear that he needs to handle her and make sure she doesnt call anymore since he is the reason she is calling in the first place

Claire - posted on 11/10/2009

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Don't even bother confronting her because it won't really accomplish anything. If she sleeps with married men then obviously it doesn't mean anything to her. I would say throw your husband out but that's just me :-)

Rebecca - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Andi :

I disagree with some of the other post on here. You have every right to confront her. How are you going to know all the facts if you don't? He going to tell you? probable not, he may have told you somethings but he most likely won't tell you all. PLUS if you don't confront her and sweep it under the rug, he is going to say well she didn't make a big deal out of it and will be more likely to cheat again.

You also need to keep a better watch on your hubby at least till or if you are able to trust him again (if that is possible).


Do not listen to this girl!!!!



I agree with everyone else. There is no point at all to confront the other women. It does not make you any less of a person. It is much the opposite actually. You need to be the bigger person. Your husband made a huge mistake and that is painful enough. If you have made the decision to forgive then forgive and forget. That does not mean get hurt again if he does it again but choose to be happy with the decision you make. If you confront her you will probably just be disapointed and not get all the answers you want anyway and it will be much more more painful for you. I'm so sorry that happend to you.

Chez - posted on 11/10/2009

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I'm sorry but i can't lie about what i think. I think you should confront them together coz then they can't lie, alos you want to see how he act's around her. She need to see the hurt and pain that she put on peoples family. (even tho i would be holding back KICKING her ass) anyway you want to see if your husband changes around her too. If your going to make it work then you need to know what they had. My husband know how i feel about cheating and if he did cheat on me then, i would not even think twice he would be out, it would kill me coz i love him to death and i would hate to do it to the kids but CHEATING is the lowest thing you can do it's yelling to the world ' i don't respect my wife or care if i hurt her" I'm sorry i really hope you can work this our for YOURSELF and only if YOU can live with it. Good luck hun and i'm sorry for your pain

Anna - posted on 11/10/2009

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Well i would confront her. and Knowing me I prob would kick her A** . But I would just take ur husbands word and if you really love him than try to work things out for the best. Wish you good luck on this!

[deleted account]

If it were me, I would not "confront" her, but beat the living crap out of her. She is a horrible person and needs to be taught a lesson :]

Jennifer - posted on 11/10/2009

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if your still gonna be with him then there is no need to confront her i know it pisses u off but somethings u have to leave in gods hands good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Melissa - posted on 11/10/2009

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Quoting Andi :

How do you know he isn't happy? He can be happy and STILL decide to step put on her . It is about what decision he choose to make.
Counceling (sp) may help and be great for them but it will always be in the back her mind he cheated. my husband agrees also



if he was happy why would he cheat?? that makes no sence!! It may always be in the back of her mind, yes but its up to HER if she can forgive or not. You stated your opinion MANY times now stop bashing others for theirs.. its annoying.

Brandi - posted on 11/10/2009

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You know that it is truely up to u on what u choose to do about this. But as a woman you need to stay strong. I wouldn't stay with him if i was you. I'm a single mother have been for 2 years. REMEMBER- HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCOR NED. i have just recently gotten into a relationship and if he did that to me i would leave.. You do not need the stress and heartache of trying to figure out that if he says that he is going to the store is he really going to go see someone.. do u have an email addy i have this really funny email about cheating husbands and what the woman of them did. not saying after u see this go do it lol. But it might brighten your day..Your not alone there has been many woman that have been cheated on it is just all about how u deal with it. But just like my first post i would post it all around town that she is doing this to woman.. i hope that i have helped.. keep in touch my facebook addy is Bjo78497@yahoo.com add me if u want...

Jade - posted on 11/10/2009

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wow, it seems that all of you are better than i. i love my husband dearly but if he ever cheated on me i would leave him in a heart beat. i have been cheated on by boyfriends and such many times and ive learned that by staying with them and trying to fix it only makes it worse. if you stick around that tells them that they can do whatever they want and you will still be there. if he really loved and respected you, he wouldnt have cheated on you no matter how rocky your relationship was at the time. i mean, would you have done that to him just because yall werent getting along? NO, beacuse men dont love like women love, at least 98% of them dont. And as for the girl, forget her. i know its hard and you want answers, but she didnt make your husband do anything he didnt want to do. it doesnt matter how, with who, or how often he cheated, the point is he cheated and you deserve more respect than that. good luck hunni =]

Connie - posted on 11/10/2009

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My ex-husband cheated on my when i found out I left I didnt waste my time trying to figure things out. The women he was sleeping with was a very good friend of mine. I decided not to even confront her or do anything about it was not worth my time to make sure she knew because she already did. Women like that are never going to stop they find it extremely attractive to be with married men and they are the ones that are going to live in misery and not be able to settled down and find what what loves is or even feels like all they know is what obsession feels like. I would not waste your time confronting her it will not make a difference. She will continue to keep doing what she does best.

Aimee - posted on 11/10/2009

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Okay, me and my husband have had lots of problems in the past four years we have been married. I guess the question is do you love him that much to try to stay with him? I know when he cheats, if you are like me, its hard for your trust to be gained back. In sept. me and my husband found out we were prego. with our second child, nov. 25th he sent another woman a naked pict. of himself! I found it, it started out that he wanted facebook, so I helped him with his page becauce I had it and I thought it would be nice if he had it too so that I could put who I was in a relationship with. Well he wanted to contact his old school buddies so I saiid fine, thats great and then this woman came up that use to be his ex when they were like 15, I said is she married he said yes since she got out of school , and she has like 3 kids so I said okay, thats cool. They were texting each other like crazy, and I started asking questions and she was putting some pretty in sight comments on his facebook so she knew what she was doing! I confronted him and it ended, but I know it he didn't actually go out and sleep with her but he might as well have. This wasn't the beginning though, he use to be a bad porn freak! I hate it but I love him, who's to say he hasn't really cheated on me he worked a weak at a time out of town bc of the oilfield, he had posted his profile on an adult web site! Furious?Yes, hurt? very much so, but this was the last draw bc after so many times, I started getting pissed off instead of hurt and he knows that this last time just about ended our marriage! This woman was ugly and fat, I am not (not just saying that), but it is true. I confronted her, she lied and asked me to leave her alone bc her kids read facebook, and I replied " Leave my husband alone, I don't care if your kids do read facebook, you almost broke up our family. If you don't leave hime alone I will make sure your kids find out what a whore their mother is and I am very capable of breaking up your family because I do know where you live!" Yes, I was extreme, I contacted her husband and did find out where she lived and worked! But in the end my husband knew he was in trouble with me and this is something we are going to have to work through for a long time! My trust hasn't even began to heal and being pregnant at the same time doesn't help at all. So it doesn't matter what the woman looks like, if she is married or not, and you can say or do whatever but it is his fault. But if you really love him your the only one that can decide what to do, me and my husband went to a psychologist and he has a major problem. You need to get down to the bottom of this with your man, don't let him think its okay, find out why he did it and if he would do it again, ask him if its worth losing you and the kids. If he has a problem like my husband, you can look at it this way, If he was dying from a form of disease would you leave him or stay? Because if he cheated on you bc he is sick like an addiction or something, it is the same. He may not be dying but he does have a problem. My husband is a sex addict, that is worse than an alchoholic or drug addict. So where do you draw the line? Make some boundaries, if it doesn't work-you can't go through your life unhappy. Good Luck.

Tiffany - posted on 11/10/2009

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I have been in this situation, If she is contacting him I would insist he changes his phone number, or whatever it is that she has to contact him. Let her know you are aware of the situation and to stay away from your family. I wouldn't try to pump her for information, trust your husband told you everything. You DONT want to know details if you are chosing to stay married.... TRUST ME!!! I made the mistake and got details.... NOW I have to live with those thoughts. I wish you and your family luck!

Angel - posted on 11/10/2009

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It's all completely up to you.. do what you feel is right.. when my now ex cheated on me..he did it while I was pregnant and bedridden..meaning definitely no sex!!!! So he went and got it everyday from the girl that worked at the factory we both worked at till I couldn't work there anymore..She was actually known as the factory whore! I knew what went on for over a year.. he only did it for 2 months but I kept my mouth shut then one day i couldn't do it anymore and i blew up.. I confronted her and she told me.. "oh angel, stop being such a baby and grow up.. you're acting so stupid" then walked away.. leaving me there like wtf???? So I went back and talked it out or more like had a bitch fest with my hubs and eventually we stayed together.. i was preggo with our second son. but i never trusted him again.. I couldn't. Now we are no longer together.. I couldn't get that trust back..but some women can.. so just follow your heart and you mind.. You'll know what the best thing to do

Tabitha - posted on 11/10/2009

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i have had this happen to me recently and i thought you know the woman knew he was married by all means he needed his a** stomped to but i thought confronting her would help me start to heal so we could get on with working on our relationship. My husband said I could do whatever i thought i needed to do to make it easier to accept him back into my heart so i wanted to see her to smack her to tell her off well i took him to work one day and there she sat in the parking lot and i will be honest with you it was very hard to see her to confront her my heart broke to see her it raced cause it was her and it made him and i fight for the next couple days. I say leave it be someone like that will get what she deserves trust me. a woman like that deserves a whole lot by any means. But if you want your heart to stop wondering and begin to stop hurting then work on you and him if yall are working it out leave her out of the equation besides she is what made the answer wrong in the first place!

Kelsey - posted on 11/09/2009

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I just went throug the same thing, it's very sad how many things im reading that say this. My "husband cheated on me frm the time I was 8 months till the baby was 4 months old. Confronting her wont help, she just threw it in my face, acting like she was better then me. Don't get me wrong, she was the only one who told the truth, but then she rubbed it in my face. She was also five months preg. So it's really up to how much you love and trust you husband to know if he is telling you the truth. You know if it's right in your heart. My "husband" and I are working things out, but it's very hard for me because im 3 months preg. and Im scared he will do it again. I hope it all works out for you. Sorry a bit off your topic. lol

Mary - posted on 11/09/2009

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Well If I was you which I'm not I would go confront her and then go tell your Husband off. But that's me! But, yes go confront her and tell her your husband told you everything so she doesn't have to lie and to be honest. And I would ask her why she did it.

Brandi - posted on 11/09/2009

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This might not be what u or anybody else would do but if this home wrecker would have sleep with my man. i would get a picture of her blow it up and put homewrecker on the bottom of the page and stick it to every tree in town. i would tell my man to hit the road.. if that is what he wants to do then let him do while he is single and find u a man that wants to be with u....

Sian - posted on 11/09/2009

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You know exactly what to do. She has security issues and little respect for herself or anyone elses relations. Confronting her will do no good. If your husnabd loves you which i am sure he does ( but unfortunately they have dicks, and do stupid shit!) it's now up to you two to works things out. and he is probably very aware of her antics. The reality, while these people are great for sex, they are on the ideals, the realtiy at the end of the day is very differrent. people want to be with someone who is reliable and trustworthy. which clearly she is not

Angela - posted on 11/09/2009

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You're missing the point. Who cares about her? Don't give her the satisfaction of causing the drama she obviously thrives on. Your problem is with your husband. Why would you want to be with someone that steps out on you when things get rough? My husband cheated on me and I kicked his sorry butt out! Though it was tough at first, it is now the best thing that ever happened to me. His infidelity gave me the opportunity to find true happiness. Good luck.

Laurie - posted on 11/09/2009

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yes and yes!!!!!!!!!!! and get a divorce!! when the trust is broken it will never be the same... Im going through it now.

Laurie - posted on 11/09/2009

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yes and yes!!!!!!!!!!! and get a divorce!! when the trust is broken it will never be the same... Im going through it now.

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