My husband only wants one child, I want two..what do i do?

Tara - posted on 06/26/2010 ( 7 moms have responded )

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So have you mothers had this arguement? My husband and I had many converstations before we had our daughter and we were in agreement that we would have two. Now we have our daughter who is 14 months old, she was a great baby slept through the night since 1 month old and now he says that it was so hard for him during her infant stage that now he only wants one. I dont know what to do. I absolutely want another child. I want to wait another year but I dont know what to do with my husband! I just want to say you cant take it back we agreed. Any help moms?

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Melly - posted on 04/12/2011

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I told my partner from the very start that I wanted Children, and if he didnt then he better tell me now because there would be no point taking our relationship further if we wanted different things. I know I would have been very hurt and upset if later down the track he changed his mind. You guys had that conversation, and it was agreed you both wanted kids, and even agreed on two....Now hes taken it back. You dont just take things back without a good reason, you discuss them, and explain exactly why you are taking it back. Has he told you why he feels that the infant stage was too hard for him? If so are his reasons valid? like if its something stupid like having to change too many nappies, that isnt really valid, so there is something to work on. But if it was something like you were struggling to pay bills or put food in your mouths and clothes on your back because you are only on one income, then that is fair enough, but maybe you could come up with a solution to that problem. I know people can change their minds about things, and you cant change peoples minds or force them in to having another child (like someone said about not taking birth control) if he doesnt want another child. I wanted 4 kids, we have a 14 month old, and #2 due in November, and I have changed my mind on the 4 thing. Not long after our son was born, I had changed my mind and only wanted one more. Our son has not been difficult at all, it's just that financially we can provide better for two kids. If we had more, we'd need to move in to a bigger house, get a bigger car (three baby seats wouldnt fit in the back) etc. Who knows I may change my mind again after the next one is born, and want another. You cant both have your own way, so something needs to be sorted out, how you are going to sort it out or come up with a compromise is up to you both, maybe seeing a counselor who is not on either side can help you work through this. I hope everyone here who are finding themselves in similar situations can sort things out, so that everyone is happy.

[deleted account]

I am in exactly the same boat Tara. My husband and I agreed, way before marriage that we were going to have 2 kids. Our 1st came a bit earlier than expected but she has been a blessing (now 19 months, slept through night since 3 months, etc.). We also joked before we had her that he'd be the stay at home dad & i'd be the sugar mama (his words not mine) - lo and behold, that is the case. He has been a wonderful stay at home dad with her. She is daddy's girl. I love that. But I have had a place in my heart for #2 kiddo and when he told me the other day he didn't want anymore - seriously...well, it absolutely broke my heart. Our conversations go no where. I am thinking we need to talk to a counselor. Any help or input?

[deleted account]

I am in exactly the same boat Tara. My husband and I agreed, way before marriage that we were going to have 2 kids. Our 1st came a bit earlier than expected but she has been a blessing (now 19 months, slept through night since 3 months, etc.). We also joked before we had her that he'd be the stay at home dad & i'd be the sugar mama (his words not mine) - lo and behold, that is the case. He has been a wonderful stay at home dad with her. She is daddy's girl. I love that. But I have had a place in my heart for #2 kiddo and when he told me the other day he didn't want anymore - seriously...well, it absolutely broke my heart. Our conversations go no where. I am thinking we need to talk to a counselor. Any help or input?

Mell - posted on 06/26/2010

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I am going thru the samething with my hubby. He says he only wants one I want my daughter to have the experience of having a sibling. He says we will talk about number 2 in 5 years I am not gonna get my body back & feelin good to go back to being prego. My daughter will be 2 in November Im still in baby stage I can do it again right now not later. He tells me in 5 years or he is going to get fix. I honestly thought of stealing another kid from him by not taking birth control is that wrong lol?

Stephanie - posted on 06/26/2010

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lol, this might sound awful, but tell him you ARE going to have two kids eventually... whether he father's the baby or not. I know that sounds harsh, but if my huband pulled that on me I would tell him that... and I would be 50% serious (but let him think I'm 100% serious.)

Sara - posted on 06/26/2010

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I would just keep talking to him about it for another year he might change his mind and miss his little one being small and decided to want another one just dont force the idea on him to soon because it can scare a man, I remember having the same conversation with my man he was the same way I wanted to wait another year and then we could address another baby and now we are expect baby number 2, lucky me anyway just dont force him in to having another baby right now likle u said u wanted to wait at least another year so when it comes to that time then address it with him like I said he might change his mind. hope this helps and good luck

Alesha - posted on 06/26/2010

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the infant stage is so short compared to how many more stages there is...and when you have another he will love it just as much, and if hes like most guys im sure he wants a boy so maybe that will help a mind change lol...also moms usually get stuck doing most things, so most of the time he can help with your older child while you take care of the new baby...i think itll all work out and he will come around tho :)

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