My husband told me i should give my one year old up

Aatifa - posted on 06/09/2009

Is he on drugs??...no give his ass up,thats crazy I WOULD LEAVE HIS ASS

Jamie - posted on 06/09/2009

What kind of man knowingly has a child with his wife and then tells her to get rid of it because its the wrong gender?! Please see that you and your children do not need someone like that in your life. It may be hard to be a single mother but as a daughter of one I know it is possible. There are plenty of resources for single mothers out there. You just have to make the effort to find them. Please make the right choice for your child and yourself.

Melanie - posted on 06/09/2009

Quoting Jennifer:

You know what I'm sorry to tell ya this but I would tell him to start excepting the child or you will take all the kids and leave. Maybe he will look at it differently then. It's not like you can predict what sex your kids will be.

When the girls act up their dad always looks at me and says "You just had to have girls didn't ya?!" I know that he is joking but I always reply with " NO, I JUST HAD TO CARRY THEM!!"

Jennifer - posted on 06/09/2009

You know what I'm sorry to tell ya this but I would tell him to start excepting the child or you will take all the kids and leave. Maybe he will look at it differently then. It's not like you can predict what sex your kids will be.

Heather - posted on 06/09/2009

My baby girl just turned one. Her father has't seen her since she was two months old

and he doesn't bother to! No phone calls to see how she is or anything. On the same

note I have a son who will be 5 in october and he has a different dad. Well my little girls father will inquire from time to time about my son that isn't biologically his but never about his own flesh n' blood. I think it is because she wasn't a boy! I thank God everyday for my 2 wounderful kids! I could't imagine life with either of them! There is nothing or noone that could ever take them away from me. They are what I live for! I can't exactly tell you how to handle your situation but if you husband doesnt except your son now he probably never will! Maybe you need to consider what you truley want before things get out of hand. I am a single mom of two and it is hard but I do it for my kids. Good luck to you and God bless you. You will be in my prayers.

Melanie - posted on 06/09/2009

It won't get any better. My husband didn't think that our middle daughter was his and didn't really bond with her. After 5yrs he finally got his paternity test he wanted and DUH she was his. Things have not changed though he still favors the first. Girl, the man can take care of himself the kids can't. If he can't handle that then TOO BAD, tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out!!

Holly - posted on 06/09/2009

i would tell him to get the HEll out of our house ,he does not talk to me in that way nor does he ever request such a stuped remark ...you should tell him that sorry buddy but you ,should know this my kids come first you come last thats how it works & by the way those babys are gifts from GOD ,there ANGLES on earth .YOU need to tell him how you feel and that it hurts you that he dont want the other child ,and if he gets upset you say thats fine i have my answer now get out ill see ur but in court .....and dont give in keep what you say ,that is abuse to u and those kids ,do you have any were to go ,friends ,family ,u keep sticking up for those babys ,NO one tells a mom that ...........................like i said if he says it again ,u tell him no im giving up our marriage or relation ship and leave

Jamie - posted on 06/09/2009

leave him your one year old is too young to understand now but soon he will my husband had a lot of problems with his father and the whole does he love me or not and it messed him up emtionaly. if this wasnt your husband would you let him treat your kids that way????

Tammy - posted on 06/09/2009

You need to make him your ex-husband....... Thats a load of crap!!!!

Holly - posted on 06/09/2009

I wold tell him to get his a** out of my house ,my kids are first .and if he cant treat all kids the same way then he is messed up .you keep being the good mom that you are and stick up for those kids those kids are gifts from GOD .if he says it one more time about giving that baby boy up i would sseriouly tell him to get lost ,ur kids are every thing to u ..................

Katherine - posted on 06/09/2009

I have 2 kids, the first isn't my partners, but he has been there through the whole pregnancy and adorse him as much as our second son. the boys are 2yrs and 12weeks, if my partner said the about my kids i would be showing him the door. if he wouldn't leave i would take the kids when he wasn't home and leave a note stating that when he desides to grow up then i would come home, no one should have to give up there kids.

my mother was told to give up me and my 2 brothers and he told my dad where to go. my dad left but i believe she did the right thing, me and my brothers had a great time growing up, my mother did a good job, my older brother is now a builder, has 2 kids and is married with his own house, my younger brother works for the goverment and is engaged, i'm getting married and have 2 boys and we are going to buy our own house, i use to work for the goverment but i stop to be a mum instead. so i think my mother did the right thing, go with your mothering instincts do what you think is right.

Holly - posted on 06/09/2009

I WOULD TELL HIM HE IS NUTS ,YES I LOVE MY HUSBAND VERRY MUCH AND WOULD PROUBLY DO ANYTHING FOR HIM BUT SORRY BUCKO ,MY BABYS COME FIRST ,IF MY HUSBAND EVER TOLD ME THAT ,I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT HE WAS JOKING ,IF HE KEPT SAYING IT OR IS STILL SAYING IT I WOULD TELL HIM THERE IS THE DOOR BUDDY ,THATS CRAZY HE WANTS YOU TO GIVE UP UR CHILD THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WITH FOR OVER 10 MONTHE OF CARRING HIM ,HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WITH HIM ?CAUSE MAY BE YOU SHOULD SAY OH I HAVE BEEN WITH YOU FOR ----------------------- AMOUNT OF TIME MAY BE I SHOULD TRADE YOU IN ...............U STIVK UP FOR UR KIDS ,LIKE YOU SHOULD POOHIE ON HIM ...WHAT DOES UR MOM OR HIS MOM THINK ?YOU ALSO NEED TO TELL HIM TO TREAT ALL EQUAL OR LEAVE ....HERE IS A QUESTION FOR YOU IF YOU DO GIVE UP UR 1 YR OLD WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO TELL HIM WHEN HE IS 18 AND WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU GAVE HIM UP AND NOT THE OTHER ?IF YOU HAVE A GIRL AND YOU KEEP HER THEN WHAT WILL HE THINK ?LIKE I SAID TELL THAT MAN TO YOU KNOW WHAT ...

Amber - posted on 06/09/2009

This sounds really sad! I am not going to tell you what to do but I would LEAVE your husband! It sounds like he doesn't even love your one year old! If you stay with him, your child will be scarred for life! It is NOT healthy for a child to grow up with a father who doesn't love him! It would be better to have no dad at all! I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am really appalled by your husband's behavior!

TIFFANY - posted on 06/09/2009

I WOULD TELL HIM TO GROW UP!!!!!!!!!! THATS CRAZY IF HE CANT LOVE YOUR ONE YEAR OLD WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HE WOULD LOVE "A GIRL" AND ANY HUSHAND AND FATHER SHOULD THANK GOD THAT THERE WIFE THE MOTHER OF THERE CHILDEN LOVE'S THERE KIDS TO PUT THERE FIRST

Ange - posted on 06/09/2009

tell him to get stuffed

Ange - posted on 06/09/2009

tell him to get stuffed

Jennifer - posted on 06/09/2009

Get the hell out of there!

Nicole - posted on 06/09/2009

What he is doing is a form of abuse not only to your mental well being but the children's. What an SOB

Nicole - posted on 06/09/2009

What he is doing is a form of abuse not only to your mental well being but the children's. What an SOB

Samantha - posted on 06/09/2009

Quoting Janie:

I want to tell you from my own personal experience what I have gone through. When I had my first born son I was not married to his father. His biligical father and I split up when I was 7 months pregnant because He Was Not Ready to be a Father. His words not mine. Anways he told me that if I would give up OUR son for adoption that we could get back together. And our relationship was not a fling we were together for over two years before I became pregnant. Anyhow I never EVER considered giving my son up. I had no reason to especially for a MAN. What else is he going to ask you to do next. I could not imagine not having my son in my life. So now I am married to a wonderful man who COMPLATELY treats my son as his own and we die for my son. My ex has no contact with my son and it's wonderful! I'm not dealing with a selfish man set in his selfish ways asking me to do IMPOSSIBLE things. I think that you really need to evalute your marriage because no man is EVER worth giving up your child. Good luck and msg. if you need to talk to someone who has been in the same situation. But let me assure you life will continue without a man and you should ALWAYS put your children first you own them that you brought them into this!

i am sorry but who is ever really ready to have kids. i think its more of a shock to us women, because every time is different and feels like something new all over again. and i am soo happy to hear that everything is working out sooo well for you know.

Samantha - posted on 06/09/2009

oh no. i am sooo sorry but i would kick your husband for every having any right to try and say that to you. you had to carry him for 9 months and his older brother me love having a little one to play and share things with one day. and you can put it back at him by saying that you can not make up the sex of the baby, cause its said that the male is the one to pick the sex. but the women that picks to care carry and love them. and if he does not feel that way he will one day.

Brandy - posted on 06/09/2009

Your husband is an asshole. But you already know this by the gazillion responses you got...hope they gave you some strong points to bring up to him the next time he says something so demeaning and disrespectful...keep your baby close, who knows how he'll treat him in the years to come...Best of luck...and oh yea...being a single parent is GREAT.....

Jessica - posted on 06/09/2009

No matter what sex your baby is you share an emotional connection with that child. I think that it was absolutely the wrong thing to say!! The only person that he is going to hurt is that baby, when he grows up hes going to see how the older child gets treated and thats not right. Your husband needs to get over the fact that right now wasent the time for a girl and maybe there will be another opportunity but until then needs to bond with that little boy just like he does with the older one

Janie - posted on 06/09/2009

I want to tell you from my own personal experience what I have gone through. When I had my first born son I was not married to his father. His biligical father and I split up when I was 7 months pregnant because He Was Not Ready to be a Father. His words not mine. Anways he told me that if I would give up OUR son for adoption that we could get back together. And our relationship was not a fling we were together for over two years before I became pregnant. Anyhow I never EVER considered giving my son up. I had no reason to especially for a MAN. What else is he going to ask you to do next. I could not imagine not having my son in my life. So now I am married to a wonderful man who COMPLATELY treats my son as his own and we die for my son. My ex has no contact with my son and it's wonderful! I'm not dealing with a selfish man set in his selfish ways asking me to do IMPOSSIBLE things. I think that you really need to evalute your marriage because no man is EVER worth giving up your child. Good luck and msg. if you need to talk to someone who has been in the same situation. But let me assure you life will continue without a man and you should ALWAYS put your children first you own them that you brought them into this!

Lindsay - posted on 06/09/2009

Wow, are you sure you don't have three kids? I would never give up my kids for any man. Regardless if he is the father or not. Those are your flesh and your blood. And honestly you aren't the one who carries the either its a boy or its a girl genes. I think that He needs to grow up and face facts you have more chances to get your little girl but little boys are just as fun. He wants his perfect family but giving up a member would be impossible.

Elisabeth - posted on 06/09/2009

Sounds like a new husband may be in order. Those children are your life. You know what is most important to you. You all deserve better.

Catherine - posted on 06/09/2009

leave his ass

Colleen - posted on 06/09/2009

This sounds like a situation ripe for abuse, verbal or emotional. Read the book "A Child Called It". This can really cause problems for your baby boy later in life. Please think carefully about what is your best option.

Nicole - posted on 06/09/2009

I'm so sorry to be reading this. I don't understand how people can even think about treating children like they're some toy you can put back on the shelf. They're lovely human beings who change your world with a little smile. I'd be lost without my son and I can't wait to have more kids. I'll be praying for you, and especially your husband. This is in Gods hands and he'll protect you and your beautiful boys. Keep your head up and keep you and your kids happy. That's what matters most :)

Melissia - posted on 06/09/2009

When I was pregnant with my third child her father told me to get an abortion and I told him to get out. He thought I was kidding until I packed his things, put them on the porch and called the police to remove him from the house. I have not heard from him since and I think my daughter and I are way better off without him. He may not have wanted her but I love her more than the world. Good luck with the whole thing. I hope you do the right thing.

Amanda - posted on 06/09/2009

I have to agree with the woman on here. No man is going to tell me to give up my child. My child will always come first. You need to tell him goodbye.

Katie - posted on 06/09/2009

Tell him bub bye!!

Hanna - posted on 06/09/2009

I am terribly sorry to hear that. I can imagine how much it hurts and upsets you and rightfully so.

As far as him being number one -- well he won't be. However, you do need to make sure that he still has space and time in your life where he doesn't feel left out or jealous of the attention and the bond you have with your babies because he doesn't have it with you or them. it could be the reason why he treats one like a king and the other one like he's not even his son. i have a 3 month old son and he definitely takes up a lot of my time and energy and he is the center of both our universe however, i do make sure that i also give time and attention to my husband so that we are a full functioning family and not me with the baby vs. him with the baby. you need to do stuff that involves all 4 of you and then you also need to figure out how to schedule in the time for just the two of you.

as far as giving up your baby -- he really needs to grow up. it's not a supermarket on special or a department store where he gets to pick and choose which t-shirt he wants and in what color and if he doesn't like it, he can return it for store credit. it doesn't work this way when it comes to kids -- they are both his children and he needs to figure out how to love them both or at least treat them both fairly and equally. besides, technically, it's his "fault" that both your kids are boys :) you only produce the XX chromosomes, he's the one with the XY :) you might want to remind him that or joke around how maybe you should put him "for sale/adoption/charity" stuff that hints that maybe you should replace him instead of the baby :)

i would definitely sit him down (when things are calm) and have an adult discussion as to what is going on and why is he acting like he's 5. and if he cannot deal with the way the family is and the 2 kids that he has, then maybe it's not the right family for him. if he'll be happier living somewhere else and paying child support, then so be it. i know it would be hard on you, but your children will not grow up traumatized that daddy doesn't love them or loves one but not the other.

personally, i think it might be just him throwing a fit about not getting enough attention from you. because it sounds like oh, ever since the second one was born, you no longer pay attention to me, i could deal with it if it was a girl because then i would compensate for it by making her my little princess, but when it's another boy, i want the attention for me. so that would be the first thing i'd tackle and see if it changes anything in terms of the way he is with the youngest. my guess is, it will :)

and also, ask him for help with the youngest and explain to him that if you didn't have to do everything by yourself and had help from him, then it would free up some time and energy to do stuff with him and you won't be exhausted by the time kids are in bed or so swamped during the day to make an effort to do something special for him/with him (e.g. make a romantic dinner or cuddle up on the couch or wear a nice lingerie for him, etc.) instead of barely scraping by and crawling into bed and passing out the second your head hits the pillow :) anyway, good luck to you and keep us posted on the situation!

Carla - posted on 06/09/2009

Girl he is stupid and you can do better!

Daisha - posted on 06/09/2009

DO NOT give your baby up!!! I cannot stress that enough. i was married to a jerk who tried to make me give up both of my grlz because they were a "financial burden". the guy was also physically abusive and i left a long time ago. trust me your kids are way more important than some guy who obviously doesn't care.

Meagan - posted on 06/09/2009

If any man asked me to give up my child, his ass would be out the door. Send him packing.

Sarah - posted on 06/09/2009

Tracy, Im so sorry that you are going through this. So many people can make so many snap judgements on what you should or shouldn't do. In the end its your decision on what you will do. I agree with the moms that say you both should seek marital counseling. It sounds like he doesn't feel like you view him in a very good light, and that may be valid. Every one of us has gone through marital issues and miscommunications and hardships. In the end, your son is the one who is going to feel it the most. I also agree with the moms that say your husband should be number one and your kids second, but also take note that your kids are depending on BOTH of you to take care of them and their well-being. That includes their mental well-being and helping them to grow in a loving and strong environment where they can become who they were meant to be.



I have to admit I am a little saddened by how many women would "just kick him to the curb!" when they have, 1. never been in your situation, and 2. would just throw out their marriage at any sign of trouble. Then people wonder why our society is so messed up. Stick it out and stand up for what you believe. If there is physical abuse or anything of that nature, get out and get help. Otherwise, do what you can to get this resolved. Its not fair to any of you to be living with so much tension and resentment. Find the strength to stand and fight for your marriage and your son. Good luck and keep us posted!!!

Karen - posted on 06/09/2009

wow!!! honestly your husband needs to some help. he sounds very selfish. personally i wouldnt even entertain the thought. if it comes down to picking one over the other i would say good bye sucker!!!

Tina - posted on 06/09/2009

hi tracy,
no you shouldnt give up your baby. i have 4 kids and they will always come first before anyone even my own family (even though i love them to bits), he dont deserve to have you or your boys. he should treat both of them the same. and if he dont like it they if it was me then i would tell him to except them both and treat them the same or get out off your life, i now it would could be hard but it has got to be better then what you are going though at the moment hun. no man should make you choose between you kids and them. i hope you get things sorted

Crystal - posted on 06/09/2009

it's just not even right for him to say something like that! You need to be a mom to your kids and that's that. If he can't deal with it, then he needs to leave.

Melissa - posted on 06/09/2009

oh hunny

you need to get rid of him. im so glad that you are putting your kids first there are some women out there that would and have drop their kids for a man. and if his ways dont change your child is going to see this as he gets older and see that his brother is treated different and wich could result in him not liking his brother thinking its his fault or blaming himself alot of issues can come from it by the sounds u sound like a strong women you can do it on your own

Trixy - posted on 06/09/2009

I am so sorry that you are going thru something like this. I would leave if it were me. He doesn't deserve to have you or the kids. My children are and will always be #1 in my life and I really wanted a baby boy with my last one and I got a girl, but that doesn't mean i don't love her just the same and I would never in the world get rid of her. He needs to grow up.

Abby - posted on 06/09/2009

what type of father is he? im sure u love him, but what right has he got to ask u to do something like that?? forget him, i'd either get him to leave or leave myself!!!! i, sorry i understand u probably love him! but this is wrong!!!

Lacey - posted on 06/09/2009

Im sorry if Im out of the way on this, but I would tell him to kiss your a** and that you want a divorce. Any person that wants to give a baby up for adoption soley based on God gave you a gender that you didnt want, has something wrong with them. He DOES not deserve to be a father. You should ask him if he can guess how many people in this world, would LOVE to have a child regardless of the sex! What happens if you give him up and you have another boy?? Will he tell you to give him up too?? Then they both can just bounce from being wards of the state to foster home to foster home and never have a family that loves them like they deserve. I WOULD NEVER GIVE MY SON TO ANYONE!! I have been with my husband for 6 years, like since we were 15 and I know him better than anyone and love him very much but if he told me that he wanted to give up our son, Id tell him to get lost! This really hurts me to think you would actually ask for advice on this and not make a solid and sound decision for yourself and your child. Think about it honey. If he doesnt like it, I have one word for him DIVORCE.

Mschelseamac - posted on 06/09/2009

I agree with a WHOLE lot of names used to describe the S.O.B.! I wouldn't bother with him anymore! Personally he sounds like a threat to your youngest Son! The last thing you want is for him to neglect him or say something soo horrible to him when he's old enough to understand! What little boy wants to hear his Daddy say, "Your Mother should have given you away!" while he's treating his older brother like a God?!

Show him to the door with a baseball bat and make sure the door hits him on the way out! What a useless excuse for a Human Being let alone a Father!!

Becky - posted on 06/09/2009

OH, they're HIS, too?!! Oh my word. Privately get him on tape, or have a witness proving that he said that he doesn't want the little one, divorce the evil monster, and make sure the court hears how he feels about his child when determining custody and visitation.

Becky - posted on 06/09/2009

Get rid of the man, not your baby. What an absolutely HORRIBLE person he must be! I'm sorry you're attached to such a jerk, but, honey, you don't need him! You need your babies!

Claire - posted on 06/09/2009

i think he's a bit insecure but he treats your oldest as a king as you put it coz he can reason with him dont give the youngest 1 up perserver and things will get better x

~Tarrah~ - posted on 06/09/2009

sorry to sound blunt and what not.. but if my husband ever told me that i should give up my daughter i would have divorce papers waiting on him the very next day! That is just wrong and completely uncalled for he is a selfish prick and maybe he should have thought about wanting to be number 1 before he desided to start a family with you. You dont deserve to hear him say things like that and your little one DEFINATLY doesnt deserve to be treated badly or different!

Brandi - posted on 06/09/2009

What CAN you do?! You can kick him in the nuts before you tell him to pack his sh*t and get the eff' out!



Supposebly men can also have post partum. If he's not willing to seek professional help, then you don't need him or anyone else in yours or your children's lives. It's not your youngest's fault for being born a boy. My Husband and I were quite lucky that we became pregnant with one of each and in the order that we wanted, but life doesn't always work out that way. It's not like either of us would have thrown out either of our children if we'd wanted one of the opposite sex. It takes a sick man to treat a small baby like crap because of what is or isn't between his or her legs.