My husbands sister and mother treat me like dirt

Chelebee - posted on 05/10/2013

Omg wow our stories are so much alike. I have been with my husband for over 5 years and his sister still doesn't talk to me at all. Well she's the 2nd oldest and the oldest (his brother) had the first grandchild so since we unexpectedly had the 2nd she had nothing to do with me my pregnancy. She would never touch my belly or speak to me or ask me questions. She is secretly mad we had the 2nd kid cause she "thinks" It should be in order. She has made me seem like a bad person to her family so none of my inlaws interact with me or my son. It hurts our feelings bad. My mother in law shows more attention to my SILs dog calling it her "grandchild" she gets so jealous on holidays if my husband and I and his brother and wife send out pictures of the grandkids so she will make comments like "I need to get a picture of our *dog* for you."
His sister is always use to being the center of attention. I am to the point where I am done with them all. It's been 2 years and they live within 5 miles of us and they never see my kid except holidays and still barely show him any attention then. I don't see how you can take anger or a grudge out on a child. But if they can't accept me after 5 years then I am moving on. They will get a taste of their own medicine when they miss out even more on my son growing up. He barely knows who they are. We have even tried to visit with them and invite them to dinner and its always a big slap in the face. We even planned a family night and his sister left within 15 min cause she would rather go to a club and see jewel sing. Anyways she doesn't care and neither do they so why should I anymore? I've done all I can do to show them I am trying to get along and closer to them but they won't give me a chance.

Hannah - posted on 03/22/2013

what you need to do, is give them a good taste of there own medicine. i know exactly what your going through because i was there once as a matter of fact i just had a fall out with my sister inlaw last month and i'm currently an outcast of my husband's family. but do i regret it? HELL NO!! it's like you said, a person can only take so much. my son is going to be 4yrs old in 3 more months and thats how long it's been since i've had to put up with my inlaw's crap. I'm not one to hold my tongue but the only thing that kept me from saying something and fk'n my sister inlaw up is the fact that i love my husband and my son. but after all these yrs i thought it was time for him to think of me and my son. so after my fall out with the sister, his family including his mother made him choose: WIFE & SON or them FAMILY...who do you think he chose? now i'm the happiest b*tch alive. no more fk'n INLAW's to deal with. i never knew i was so good at ignoring ignorant people til now. LOL i think i'd rather focus my time and energy into my own little family then wasting it on NOBODY's like them.

Chels - posted on 08/29/2012

I am in the same boat you are with a sister inlaw!!! She can't do anything wrong and its always about her and wanting full attention. I get close to anyone and she gets so jealous and pissed off, then she ignores the person i was talking to for afew weeks and then blows up at them about it. She has made it clear that she doesn't like me and she only cares about herself. Best advice i can give you is to tell her how you feel to her face and if she still reacts like whoa! is me, and doesn't confess or apologize then say goodbye! Sister inlaw who?? She is not worth your time and definitely not worth stressing over! You have a beautiful family and a husband that loves you~ Thats all you need!!! :)

Nat - posted on 08/12/2012

U right that's the best way though it's hard to...

Jeanette - posted on 08/11/2012

dont even talk about em lol just forget they exist!

Jeanette - posted on 08/11/2012

Best advice i can give u? Ignore them, ignore it all babes. They can obviously see that it affects you and u get riled up and upset, which is fair enough! As long as ur husband is on your side, just forget about them, if ur happy, fuck em!
Itll be a hard road, but u will learn that ignorance is BLISS!!

Amie - posted on 08/07/2012

Cut them off! Seriously you don't need to have to deal with this. Talk to your husband tell him no more. You have your own family now so that's all that matters. That negativity from them will get rubbed off onto your daughter. You don't need them and all that drama in your life. Stop inviting them, stop attending and stop being the polite one. Give them the silent treatment, slowly they will realize how rude they've been....... After they bitch more behind your back. Invite only loving caring people into your home and if they question what is going on, keep it short and assertive........ Like.... They have made me feel very uncomfortable and I think it's best for us to keep our distance at the moment. The sister is jealous and sounds like an adult brat. The last thing you need as a mum is to be critized by family on how you raise your child. Choose your words and actions wisely and you will be the bigger person. If your husband doesn't agree then get him to defend you in front of everyone or to go to these family things alone, with out you and your daughter. No one should put up with this and he can't expect you to. They are bullies and you and your family deserve better. Let them gossip, bitch and moan, just don't be apart of it. Sad sad people act like them. Just dismiss them like they are nothing and stay away from it all. Good luck x

Nat - posted on 08/07/2012

They are cows very stupid indeed they need a wake up call.

Nat - posted on 08/06/2012

Some inlaws can be stupid , forgetting that they are women and one day the same could happen to them.

Bobbie - posted on 08/05/2012

Hi Christa,
I have been with my husband for 20 years. We have our 2 children 13, 9. I have one of the meanest MIL's. I just recently fell out with his sister that the mother has pretty much made her into a mini her. It has been pretty much hell, excuse my language. She is considered a sneaky woman. She does'nt really like our kids and will pick on them when no one is looking. She does the same with me. The worst part about it is that husband has only taken up for us that I know of 1 time. It only took 1 to 1 1/2 months for him to be okay with them. It is so hard because we have kids and MIS has kids. They want to see each other. My kids have seen them. I want see my niece and nephew but I don't think it is in the cards. There a is so much more but, I can'wantt write a book. I understand what your going through. Hopefully, your situition gets better.

Melissa - posted on 08/02/2012

Why in Gods name don't you say this to them, see what happens. If they start to yell walk out and ignore them & what they say to other people if the other people believe them who cares. You cant fix crazy! So walk away honey no runnnnnnn! These are not people you want to have a hand in raising your kid! So for you and your family run if you see these people at the store run away if you see them walking down the street go the other way!!!! Do not let them treat you like this, your a grown woman if you are kind enough to let them be around your kid you set the rules if your at there house and they act like this LEAVE and if for some reason they are at your house then don't let them treat you like this in your house! Your baby shower you should have told your sister in law that if she didn't want to be there then she was free to leave, and she would not have come back without apologizing. I do think that if you really did do something wrong then yes you should say I was wrong and let it go. But do not let these people or anyone treat you like this, walk away if you need to as soon as your in-laws start behaving badly leave don't say any thing to anyone just get your kid and go. If your sister in law can't stand that you have a baby and she doesn't then tell her to put on her "big girl panties" and get over it! If you don't like they way they are treating you sweetie you also need to pull up those big girl panties and make it clear YOU WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS AND IF THEY CAN'T OR WONT BEHAVE CUT THEM OUT OF YOUR LIFE. I don't want to be mean but you and your husband need to stand up for you and your kid.

Amanda - posted on 05/19/2012

Our problem was actually MY family treating my husband like crap. They wanted to use MY house for Thanksgiving and I said you need to ask my husband. Well we came home from being at his parents house for Thanksgiving and there were dishes all over the place. UGH!! He was so mad. My mother stayed with us because she wanted to help us out so I could stay home with my daughter and my husband wouldn't have to worry so much about the bills. WELL that just made things worse because my sisters and brother felt like it was their place. Even though we lived right across the parking lot from one of my sisters, she NEVER came over to see my daughter. The only time she came over was to boast about herself and talk to my mom. It was the last straw that I was feeding all their kids which with my daughter was 8 kids. My brother's wife only gave her kids cookies, chip and 1 soda to drink for the WHOLE day. I ended up having to feed 3 kids during the day and the rest because they just hung out at my place until their parents came to get them. One night I see that I had 2 boxes of Mac-N-Cheese left so I told my husband don't worry about getting more because it will last us a couple of days. That was a Thursday. I woke up Friday and about to make the Mac-N-cheese and they are gone. I was pissed because my mom was gone for the weekend to watch my other sister's kids and took them. I left a message "If you didn't buy it or bring it DON'T EAT IT!!" We came home that night and my "LOVELY" mother was DRUNK and raided the refrigerator and threw EVERYTHING on the kitchen floor. There was our leftovers from our 1st date night since our daughter was born (3 years) and spaghetti sauce splattered all over the cabinets and dishwasher. She dropped one of my glass pans (one of my favorite ones) and it shattered. Poured my husband's beer out (which she also drank) and my daughter saw this and she turned around and said "o.k.? what happened mommy". I was in such a rage I could have killed her that night. My family terrorized me and said she should live with us for FREE when she KNEW we had a deal to help out a little. We needed to ask more from her because the electric bill ALONE was $350 and we were going to move out and let her live with my sisters or brother BUT no one wanted her to stay with them. She PROMISED she would get a job. We only wanted her to work because we wanted her to be able to save money and move on her own again. So we signed the lease for another year. BIG MISTAKE. Well after she did all the throwing the food everywhere, she left and stayed with my sister. She took our t.v. we let her borrow while she was there, she left her room a MESS. Cockroaches EVERYWHERE, he coffee pot FILLED with mold and clothes and shoes and food everywhere. We threw everything away because we were moving. Oh well. It's been 4 years and I have not spoken to them. They tell me to "get over myself". No freaking way, they went way over the top of treating us like crap, I am tired of being a doormat to them. Once I stood up and started defending myself and family they had nothing else to say. It felt great, I think you should call them or meet with them and tell them EXACTLY how you feel and if they don't like how you are and your daughter then to hell with them. Let the sister know she's a witch with a B and she needs to stop treating you like crap because you are not going to take it any longer. Ever since I did this with my family, I have had a wonderful, happy life with no stress. Good luck and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2012

My FH and I just finished talking about the in laws earlier. It was the best to make the decision to stay away. Anyay if they really want to see our son they would make an effort but honestly I feel like his family think they are better than mine. None really had an interest of my family nor my son's bday. So they are the one missing out. The day we get married none are invited I think only the parents. Believe me if it was up to me they wouldn't even be invited but cause they are the parents like I myself am a parent I would love to see the da my son gets married.

My FH and I want TTC in nov and throughout my preg he knows I do't want his family around (not like they around) nor even to know I am. None are invited to the baby shower or know our future baby. No contact what so ever. I don't want them at all around or even in hospital and I'm making sure of that.

Rhea - posted on 05/18/2012

i hear you some family members are like that they can be really rude.I know how in-laws could be. All the advice i can give you is to stay away from them seriously talk to your husband and see what he thinks although he should understand what you are going through.Girlfriend you need to stay away from them and live your own lives. Don't even go there on occassions or holidays you have your own family make your own little traditions special for your daughter.I know it is probably not pleasant to say but just stay away your lives might be better off without them and i don't think that your daughter is missing anything at all. Wishing you lots of luck.

Jessica - posted on 05/18/2012

You know it hurts but there's really nothing we could do with the in laws. I didn't want to come off like I'm the bitch but my fsil told me I was so I am acting like one now. If I do see them I ould treat them like dirt. No one trets me and my kid like crap.

Pamela - posted on 05/18/2012

YOUR NOT ALONE!!!! I know it sucks my ex mother-in-law has never bothered to get to know me nor my son her own blood and I hate it. I mean I could care less about me but this is your grandson. I've had it out with her and told her I'm not a bitch I dont keep my son from you or your son even though I dont get a dime I dont see why you have a problem with me. She made a comment on facebook to my ex's daughter because she posted yayyy im with my stepmom and she said well if shes your step mom what does that make jlynns mom which is some girl that my sons father cheated on me on got pregnant and then they found out a year later it wasnt his. BOOYYYY did that set me off i told her excuse me i was there for these kids for 8+ years what did you do for them.. Lets just put it this way she had no comments at all.. And need less to say she got what she deserved she looked sooo stupid doing stuff for this girl and her daughter and the girl knew it wasnt his she made them look stupid. I told her you can do all this with a stranger but not your own grandchild..

Adina - posted on 05/02/2012

Christa, I am very sorry to hear that your going threw all of that. I am having, and have been going threw some of the things you have been. My boyfriend of 7 years, and the father of my two childern, isn't really close to his mom's side of the family, but he goes to his grandparents house for holidays, and cooks outs things like that. Well, when I would go first is was without childern his grandma wouldn't really talk to me, or anything. Well then when we told his family I was pregant, they didn't say anything. His mom and dad was great tho, I have problems with his grandma and his sister. Which his sister moved out to her grandparents when she was like 16. Well, his mom already had two grandsons (his sister's kids) so she wanted a granddaughter. Well, come to find out his sister got pregant after not having or even talking about kids for 7 to 8 years, thats how old at the time was her youngest. Well, I found out we was having a girl, and then she found out she was having a girl. Our daughters are like a couple months apart. His grandma, and sister never came to my baby shower, they didn't come to the hospital nor to my house to meet her. And this was his sister's first neice. Well, what all starts everything is a year ago this May, his mom becomes sick with cancer. And it was a fast....his parents don't have money for the hospital bills, or their personal bills, so his mom and dad was talking about having a benifit. Well his sister was like why would we have a benifit and get free money when dad could go out and work. Well he had to take care of his wife 24/7 because by this time she was very sick. I couldn't help much I had a baby. So my boyfriend and I took it apon ourselfs and started planning and talking about a benifit. Well, my family I mean my whole family (moms side) helped with the benifit. My mom got the bar to host it....well once his sister found out my family was helping and that we wasnt going to listen to her and we was going to have one she wanted to help. We said fine but you listen to us not the other way around. So, she went out and got donations, and my mom and I went out also. Make a long story short his sister and grandma was really horrible to me and my family for no reason. Well while planning this benifit, their mom did pass away. We went ahead with the benifit but put the money to the funerial bill. At the benifit his family which is his mom's mom, and family they didn't help what so ever. They didn't buy anything...oh and before she passed my boyfriend and I was paying the funerial bill, and then once she passed we needed the whole amount up front. Well they didnt buy nothing, didnt talk to anyone. My family which has a well known band they came and played for free, they complained that they was playing too loud, they was really horrible. My two cousins with is 12 and 13, had money probably about 100.00 put together, they spent every bit of their own money on raffle tickets, food, and the bake sale. Then one of them even won 50/50 and gave the money back!!! His family actually had the nerve to ask my boyfriend if we was rigging the raffles and whatever because my family was winning everything yet they bought all the tickets. I told them if I wanted to steal anything, why wouldnt i just keep the gift cards and whatever else we got donated because i had them the whole time....well after the funerial, we have not talked to his family what so ever. We only went to Christmas for about an hour then left. So I know what your going threw...we just dont talk to them it makes our lives alot better and drama free....oh and now im pregant with our second daughter they havent even called!!!

Charity - posted on 04/30/2012

I've been there! Except it's my husband's step-mom that's jealous of my kids & my relationship with my husband. My husband's Dad doesn't think his wife does anything wrong & thinks a lot of it's 'funny' when it really isn't! To add to all this, my husband's brother can't do anything wrong either in their Dad's eyes. My husband has a good job, goes to school, doesn't do drugs, rarely drinks (Like maybe 3-4 beers in a years time), is supportive of me & our children, etc. While his brother does drugs & drinks quite excessively (We have left family functions because of this on more than one occasion; His brother just turned 22, he's been drinking since he was 16). Granted his brother did finish school & has a decent job. My husband's Dad can find fault in everything my husband does, but his brother never seems to do anything wrong, even if it's illegal! To make an extremely long story short, We don't talk to them anymore. I've been with my husband for over 7 years now & the last 2-3 years I've had no contact with his Dad, step-mom & brother. My husband quit talking to his brother 2 years ago, his step-mom over a year ago & he has finally excepted things aren't going to change with his Dad & hasn't spoken to his since Christmas. It's been hard, especially on my Husband. He wants to have a relationship with his Dad, but he has finally realized his Dad isn't going to change & it's not worth the stress to continue trying to have a relationship that's SO toxic! Although the distance does make it a little easier. They live across country! My husband's open to trying to have a relationship with his Dad; but his Dad has to be willing to accept responsibility for his part in everything that's happened. I seriously doubt his Dad will, but for my husband's sake I really hope his Dad comes around.....

Michelle - posted on 04/29/2012

I know of how you feel...Your stories you told, well, I'd imagine that there's more to tell...or shall I say...there's not enough pages to tell everything. At least more there wouldn't be. I can tell you a couple of things that had happened with me since I've been married to my husband. My own parents didn't want a thing to do with my husband.. well I told them if they couldn't have respect for him, they can stay away from me. My husband's parents, well they didn' t like it at first, but had to accept it. My family didn' t like that I was having my 1st child. My mother in law didn't agree on alot of things. But they way I felt was that if they didn't like me..they didn't need to have anything to do with me or my child and futher children. This included my family as well. I spoke my mind and noone liked that.
Recently my husband's father had died and my husband's mom wanted my husband to have his father's tools and things. After it was all said and done, she called the cops saying he stole everything. I told her that she wasn't no mother at all. Till this day, we don't even speak to her. If you are having trouble with family...speak your mind to them wether they like it or not. You said that you couldn't take your baby to a wedding thing and there were other children there. I wouldn't have went without my child, If I couldn't go with my child, I wouldn't even go.
So, when your so called family members treats you like shit...I'd tell them where to stick and hell with them after that. If your husband gets mad...oh well. If he loves you, he wouldn't want noone to treat you like shit! He should be taking up for you. My father said one time to me that he was going to hit me, because my mom got into it. My mom said something and I repeated what she said and then said she didn't say it and I told her she did, then she called me a liar and then my father said that if I called my mom a liar again (which I didn't call her a thing ) that he was going to hit me. My husband looked at him when he said that and told him that if I get hit for anything that I wouldn't be the only one. My husband takes up for me. He don't care if it's his family or not. When you get married, your family just started, your parents aren't to come first.. Not even your sisters or brothers. You make a committment to your spouse,..to love, honor and cherish.. This comes with the idea as well of family members treating you like shit. Your husband shouldn't allow any of it. Still tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine. You don't need people like that in your life. I don't deal with people like that..that cuts you down.
I don't care if it's family or not. If you don't do something now, it'll keep going on and on. Because they know you aren't going to do anything about it. so, good luck.

Melinda - posted on 04/26/2012

I think u should stay away from his side of the family it's that bad,I wouldn't let my
Daughter around them either.

Ellie Richardson - posted on 04/26/2012

I used to hate my mother in law but now we're civil. My sister in law used to be my best friend since we were teenagers but ever since I had My two daughters she distanced herself. I just let it be where its at. We had a big fallen out cause she told some private things to her boyfriend and Once I called him out for cheating on my sister in law He told my personal business his mistress. I think sometimes things are better off being the way they are because she always starts confusion and trama an arguements. I squashed the issue but things will never be the same between me and her. She is a selfish human an is miserable. Your in laws may or may not be the same but all u can do is be you. Be kind and civil to your mans family and keep a safe distance from people that are miserable and jealous like your sister inlaw.

Jen - posted on 04/26/2012

Wow just reading this pissed me off for what they doing to u... Be strong mainly u got your husband and child, thats all it matter. I just ignore them

Jessica - posted on 04/25/2012

My FH and I have sat down and talked about this issue last night. We aren't married but we are in the process of being engaged, My engagement ring is still on lay away anyway before I get married with him I bought this book"1000 questions to ask before you get married" Is questions to look into before marriage. Yesterday's topic was parents and in laws. We establish why I am upset with his parents. He also recognizes that my parents treat him better than his his parents treat me. I am looking into ways to resolve this before we get married. I don't want to commit to being married then to divorce. He knows exactly how I feel and honestly the way we talked yesterday our relationship is stronger than ever. We have a better understanding it. He even knows our relationship is better NOW then it was before. His family made it difficult for us and even made us argue so much to cause me to want to break up with him. Our son is completely happy without them. If they were truly an influence than my son would be crying for them which he doesn't.

We TTC #2 in Nov and this one I would love to be a secret them not finding out at all and even if they did I don't want them apart of our lives. They are toxic. It's not my fault the way they are. I tried my best. My family knows the way I am and I could say my personality is a little strong when I get hurt but either way they think I should be the bigger person and resolve it. Which I refuse because I tried that already. Also that's not my family to resolve anything. If my FH is not doing anything why should I.

I think the best thing to do is separate. If your husband refuse then treat your in laws like crap so he can get involve.

Miranda - posted on 04/25/2012

I have been married for almost 9 years and I have issues with my mother-in-law, a brother-in-law and a sister-in-law. They always take each others side. They even started stuff when my husband was in Iraq. His mother said we were mean to his brother and sister-in-law when we hadn't talked to them. Like he has time to deal with them when he's deployed. Anyway, things have never changed. My husband talks to his mother when she treats us wrong and she will apologize, but then she goes right back to treating us like crap again which makes the apology not even matter. My kids don't matter if his brothers kids are around. I hate to say it never gets better, but it probably won't. I would just stay away from them. They will probably talk bad about you, but they already do that if you don't see them at least they can't treat you bad anymore.

Sam - posted on 04/24/2012

I'm so sorry you and your daughter have to go thru all that neglect from his family, but I know how tramatising it can be to a child when their grandparents treat them like crap so I will have to agree with others to not take your daughter there anymore. It will cause her more damage in the long run if you continue to take her around them. I speak from personal experience on this subject. My dad's family did the same thing to my mum and us kids (I'm the oldest of 4 girls) and we now hate them more growing up being treated like that by my dads family while my dad's sister's kids were spoiled and treated like gold! It sucks from either end but I do agree to not only remove yourself from the situation but your daughter as well, its in both of your best interest and well-being!

Gaby - posted on 04/24/2012

My husbands family treats me and my kids about the same way. Im sure you've heard of misery seeking company. Your inlaws sound like they're so unhappy therefore they hate seeing when anyone else is happy. I know its hard to contain anger, and feeing hurt but dont show it in front of them, and trust me this is going to annoy them specially that sister in law. Smile and be happy for you have a great family. My inlaws hate me so much and have said so many horrible things about me and my kids. Thy even wanted a paternity test for my daughter. After that i stayed away, we only see them maybe 3 or 4 times a year. In the end they're the ones missing out. trust me i know its hard because you act strong and as if it doesnt bother you but deep insidr we want acceptance. I wish the best for you and your family and stay strong. Either cut these people from your life or continue to stay around but remember, always with a smile and sarcasm helps too =)

Kirsten - posted on 04/23/2012

I am sorry for the problems you are having. My advice would be to not visit them, not allow your child and future children to see or visit them, and not allow them to come to your house to visit. Basically eliminate the relationship. If your husband still wants a relationship with them fine, but he can have it without you and your children. When your daughter gets older, what will she learn by seeing them treat you like that? That it's ok?

I have a similar situation where I don't speak to any of my maternal family because they are selfish, hateful people and would treat me awful. I stopped talking to my mother before I even got pregnant and through my sister (who I still talked to at the time) she knew we were expecting a child and has not once ever made a genuine attempt to talk to me to try to make things right- even just for the sake of having the opportunity to know her granddaughter. (Note: my exact words to her were "I can't suffer our relationship anymore because I don't trust you and you don't respect me" at the end of a 3 page letter explaining why).` It makes me sick to be treated such a way by people who are supposed to be family and be a support system but even some families aren't meant to stay together forever. I think in today's world, it's often easier to divorce husbands and separate families in that way than "divorce" the family you grew up with even if they treat you badly.

Don't sacrifice your integrity and self-respect just to put up with people you think you are supposed to keep in your life. Remember your daughter will learn how to be a woman from your example so it is up to you to make the right decision based on what you are trying to teach her.

Good luck!

Tasha - posted on 04/23/2012

Small town or not cut them off! I came from a small town so I'm saying this because I know! Basically forget what the towns people will say or the rumors everyone is spreading. Dont go to their house, dont take your daughter there, dont call them. If you can not be treated with respect then you dont need to be there. Do NOT start any rumors about them or talk to anyone in the town about them. More then likely if they are the only ones saying crap then the people will understand and start to ignore them. Drama gets boring even in a small town when it is one sided. As far as what has happened in the past let it go. It's not good for you or your small family.

Who knows in a few yrs things may change. It did with my inlaws. Now we get along alot better, we get together for birthdays and my SIL even tells me she misses my kids when she hasnt seen them in a week. Her being jealous is not your problem its hers so dont let it bother you because that does make it your problem. Good luck!

Alexia - posted on 04/22/2012

I totally know what you mean, i have also had issues with my in laws. One such issue was a safety one, for my daughter. She was 4 years old and left to watch tv with a pot of hot water boiling on the stove while her Grandmother slept in bed. I decided to pick her up early without ringing ahead, and my daughter answered the door by herself and that is what I found. I was so angry I stormed in, grabbed her stuff, didn't talk much at all and left in a hurry. I was so upset, my daughter has not and will not stay there again. She also gave her popcorn with milk for breakfast, WTF!? Plan ahead when you know you will have kids in the house, or ask and I will pack her food, but don't starve my child!! When asked to explain what was going on, the Grandmother said she was tired as my daughter woke up early, 7am is not early for a 4 year old, and it was not my daughter's fault that her grandmother chose to be up til 3am the night before, and the popcorn for breakfast was not her idea apparently, but final decision was still hers.
I also had issues with my sister in law, but luckily we have managed to sit down and sort through them with each other. We have agreed to put the past in the past and start fresh.
It is hard, and things do happen sometimes that still annoy me, but I try to ignore them as much as possible. I too have an awesome family, so not bothered if I don't see the other side as much.
I can see your situation is kind of out of control, but maybe sitting down with your husband, discussing what you want to happen, then together (so his family know you have his support) you both approach the family and tell them how it has to be. What you like, don't like etc and acceptable behaviour around your daughter. Tell them this is how it has to be, you want them to know their grand daughter/niece and her to know them, but not with how things are. If things don't change, you won't see them anymore. I think that is fair. If they don't want to change for you or your daughter, or your husband, then they are not worth having in your life.

Christa - posted on 04/22/2012

Thanks sooo much everyone im learning not to be stressed and also im happy when i saw his mother today that i ignored her it actually felt great .his family will never change and i know i needed to accept it. I shouldnt get worked up over something that will only get worse. It hurts that his moms so winey and tried to play my husband but i need to get over it and he needs to make a decision . He can see his family i just dont want any part of it and my daughter certainlly doesnt need it especially if they cant even make a simple apology to me for being rude infront of my daughter.

Jennifer - posted on 04/22/2012

I say dont trust ur daughter with his side the family at all. its obviously not safe. ignore his family till they change their attitudes about ur little girl. thatd be the safest and best thing to do.

Christa - posted on 04/22/2012

Thanks do much girl that helps alot :)

Christina - posted on 04/22/2012

If you take your daughter around them a couple more times, hide a tape recorder in your diaper bag. Record what they are saying and doing so when you stop going around and letting them see her, they can't try to take it to court for you infringing upon their rights to see their granddaughter. It sounds like something they would do for attention. You will have verifiable proof that they act like that around a small child and with you voicing objections to it. They won't have a leg to stand upon and it will ruin them in the eyes of the community if they do it. Just saying to watch your back with proof since they are spreading rooms and crap. I know you don't want to be around them, and I am sorry if this advice sucks, but i'd rather you have a way to protect yourself if it came down to it.

Cody - posted on 04/22/2012

Personally I would move you and your family don't need this stress. Your baby doesn't need to feel like second class citizens. I would also inform his family via letter so you don't have to listen to their nonsense that you don't want any contact with them until they can respect your family and stop stealing from their own grand daughter for an immaginary grandchild. I would also stipulate what conditions have to fulfilled like counseling, apologies from all family members involved etc

Deanna - posted on 04/22/2012

My thought. Don't go. Tell your husband you can't subject yourself or your daughter to such hatred anymore. You may seem like the bitch, but at least you don't have to listen or see it. And that way you can focus on your daughter and give her the love she deserves.
Since they obviously won't even visit, you can have the peace of not listening to them. Of course, you might have to do the Christmas visit once a year. When you know you see them once a year, it does make it easier to handle. And while your daughter will learn how to be an unspoiled brat, she will have the spoiled step kids who will be little monsters.
But, you can't keep putting yourself and your family in this situation. At this point in your life, do they really matter?

Jessica - posted on 04/22/2012

I'm so sorry to hear that. Now this is up to you. When my FH didn't defend me with his family. I felt like I was second plate. To me he didn't care about my feelings or what his sister said about my son. I know in my heart I love him but my happiness comes first. I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life arguing. I know my decision was going to be hard if he didn't agree but I was truly ready to walk out and start my own life.

I was the one that told him he had a choice to make and to chose wisely. Is either WE stop any contact with his family or if he don't agree then I am ready to move on with my life and keep it going without him in it. I couldn't deal with no more stress and if he was a chicken to step in and correct his family then I can't be his second plate. Never will be. I told him clearly if I move on with my life he will lose me and still have his family cause that's his family and they aren't going anywhere but with us he will lose me and will break our family and home that we created. I said it with a serious face. I told him clearly that means no holidays, no birthdays, no nothing. They don't step foot in our home like us in their home. When he saw I saw serious and we were in the car in front of the house. I told him if he decides to still communicate with his family then I have to go upstairs and pack my stuff.

He told me like this "you and our son means everything to me. If that means to stop seeing my family I will. It's not like I have see them through out the summer." Then I told him summer to then was about 4 months I told him years and it wasn't the 2 yr gap then talk like it happen with his sister. To me I could go years and not care. He agreed. I don't mind communication via phone calls but them around our home or us around their home is not happening. Not even family gatherings. NOTHING.

He knows if I see his bug tooth ugly face sister that I would prob send her in a coma. If his ever see his mom I would curse the crap out of her to stay away and to move to the other direction as if we don't exist. I haven't seen his family for 1 year and 7 months and I hope I don't see them again. The only one that has completely access to our home and son is his brother which he is Godfather to our son. He haven't done nothing so far to lose my trust but my FH knows one step and he's out the door as well. Don't play that crap with me. I'm 25 years old like for real drop the drama. No one wants to live with stress. Is not even his friends come over. I had a friend of his disrespect me in my home so not even his friends are welcome. I told him to keep his friends to himself and nowhere near me. Ever since we made this big decision our relationship got so much better. Before I really didn't want to be with him or even to sleep with him. I was more with him cause we had a son and like I grew up in a broken home I didn't want my son to see what I want through having 2 separate homes. Now that we haven't seen or hang out with his family honestly now I see my future with him and NOW we are talking about vacation and TTC#2 in Nov. Marriage we holding it off.

I don't understand why your husband told his family to talk care of your puppy. Are yous going somewhere that you can't bring your dog? That's the reason why I don't want pets. I just prefer my baby and take him with me. If you go on vacation you have to find a sitter to take care of your pet while you're gone. Sit down with him quietly after like dinner and discuss how his family have mistreated you with such disrespect that you don't even want to be around them. You are not wrong and you don't have to apologize nothing. His sister was the one that disrespected you and you can not tolerate no more. You are done with them and don't want to be a part of their drama. See what happens from there.

Christa - posted on 04/22/2012

Well ladies ... Apparently me staying away from
His family isnt panning out so well , my hisband asked is they could watch our puppie for a hour and they said yes which i was in the car stuck going . His mother put a show on that she was upset she hasnt seen her granddaughter in a week yet she has a phone and never called . So then my husband starts to yell at me like wth he changes his mind every 2 minutes he wants me to talk to her but she wants an appoligie for something her daughter started but now im in the wronge. I dont get it i dont need this stress in my life his parents allways get what they want and i dont want to give it to them . I understand that my husbands in the middle but he keeps going back And forth taking sides i dont know how to handle this anymore i cant keep being stressed. Im trying to bigger person and stay away i even tried to avoid his momBut apparently i was in the wrong i should have talked to her . No one wants to hear what they have done to me they just keep defending them
Selfs saying im wronge its my fault like ughhhh . I dont know what to
Do im sick of them
Winning and getting me and my husband stressed its like they treat him
Like a postman hear tell her this and that like they need to grow up .

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2012

All i have to say is dont back down. i know how it is when your mans family hates you. my b/f family well mom and sister dont like me or my son who i had with my X. they dont like the idea of him taking on some one else child. but he treats him like his own. one of them went so far and said where i could hear them that i cant handle my son. thats when he was a baby and for the past 3 years they have not seen me. they have said not so nice stuff to people in town and to my b/f (there son/brother). so when i was prego with his baby last year things went from nothing to do with me to trying to be my bff and i wanted nothing to do with them. i told them y i want them to say sorry to me but they think im in the wrong when i did nothing to them but take him out of the house. i ask them to come over to our house so they can see there grandchild but they wont come over and i wont go there. i think they seen her 3 time in a year and see is only 1. but i ask and ask but nothing and then they bitch they dont see her. so know what its there loss and dont let it get to u. because you still have ur family and when she is older she will see for her self how they r. but dont back down. oh and for my baby shower they went around saying $h!t to people and no one but my true friends came and my mom sent out like 50 invits and like 15 people came most of them were family. so dont worry people just suck and dont let it get to u.

Jessica - posted on 04/21/2012

When I decided to seperate from my in laws that includes seeing me in the streets and making pretend the don't exist. I know I did that 4 yrs ago cause I broke up with my FH when I found out the ex slept over and his mom knew how I felt. So to me it was disrespectful that she still had the nerve to look at me. So I didn't spoke to her for a few months and I was at the park with my friend and son and she saw me then asked to see him and I told her no and that she has some nerves.

It makes me when esp cause my son is the first grandson to either side of the family. Now that my sil is pregnant she would think I would care which I don't cause my son is going to be a cousin. My sister is pregnant and due in Sept. My son and I don't need to socialize with people like that.

I have a mom in my son's school that she haven't talk to her in laws for 7 yrs. I think that's where I'm going lol. It's been 1 r and 7 months so imagine.

Maria - posted on 04/21/2012

Sorry! Distracted by the boys lol! These people are sad bullies and are more to be pitied than scorned, take no notice (hard as it is when it comes to your kids) and just remember, your sister in law is jealous of a toddler- very, very sad! Take care x

Maria - posted on 04/21/2012

You poor thing, i know exactly where your coming from because my in laws are exactly the same! Weve had some very simular instances, mainly because my sister in law couldnt get pregnant for years and we manage without even trying, dont get me wrong it cant be nice when your struggling to conceive but thats really not my fault. Weve had the in laws go out of their way to be nasty and leave me out of things and even had the aunty come round to my house to shout at me infront of my toddler while i was pregnant with my second baby because i wouldnt play ball and let them take my son away leaving me in the house on my own while they all went off for a nice day together. Theres been lots and lots of instances, really too many to go into but they havent seen my two year old for over a year now and have never seen my 7 month old and couldnt have cared less when he arrived. My sister in law has now has a baby boy and called him a very, very simular name to my eldest son with the same second name as my second son lol, and its been made very obvious that they much prefer this baby.
Anyway, Ive found that there is no beating people like this, its really hard but try and take no notice of them, they dont deserve you or your daughters time. They are sad bullies who ob

Ebere - posted on 04/21/2012

Wow!! I'm so sorry you are passing through that kind of rubbish..please. Don't go around them anymore..you guys should spend more time with your own family if they are close by so your man can be around family that behaves well and shows love to everyone.. Its also unhealthy for your daughter to grow up around all that bad energy.. Stay away from them.. You deserve a lot better..
Cheers ♥

Missie - posted on 04/20/2012

It's just depressing how family members would rather have their heads up their butts than get to know an amazing child that only has one childhood and they only get a little chance to be a part of the experience.

Christa - posted on 04/20/2012

Thanks everyone that has commented im so greatful i joined this site . All of these comments have helped greatly i feel sooo much better knowing im not the only unfortunate person that has gone through this . Im going to stay away and see what happens i dont want to waste my life being stressed over people that are enjoying me being unhappy . I will be happy and enjoy them hating it . I dont ever want my daughter to go through this with his parents again so unless they are willing to change there selfish ways they have no need to be in my daughters life especially when they treat her second best to a dog.

Kati - posted on 04/20/2012

I am really sorry you are going through this. I have similar experiences. Feel free to PM me.



Honestly sweetie, cut your losses. It hurts. It sucks. It is hard. But stop caring. This phrase normally sounds rude, but I really don't mean it like that - just get over it. I hate *HATE* that in laws think they can treat people a certain way. Normally it is HIS side. It took me years to 'get over it' and stop caring. I became to angry and resentful, so irritated with myself, and stressed! Not to mention the affects on my marriage. It will be such a relief when you stop trying. I wouldn't both to go over there, holidays, birthdays, just distance yourself. It's all you can do sweetie. I will pray for you that it gets better. Just breathe and let go. They aren't important. Marriage and blood doesn't make you a family!!

Sara - posted on 04/20/2012

i really feel for you i would just stop making the effort and dont call round to them at all anymore and whenever you do see them be overly nice to them and if they say anything sly or have a dig at you just say "thats nice" that way they have nothing they can say about you and shows their true colours, never let them see that they are getting to you dont give them the satisfaction and just distance yourself from them, if your partner wants to see them thats totally his business dont let it get between you, you are not obliged to go see them espech if you are treated like that.. hope it works out for you, stay strong and def dont stoop to their level take the high road girl

Claire - posted on 04/20/2012

Wow. I say cut contact for the next year, dont bring your daughter around them AT ALL. And see what happens. Dont return phone calls, answer the door, talk to them on Facebook. or anything!! You poor thing. That is just horrible. Sounds like theres a lot of issues in his family. Hopefully he's the normal one. lol

Julie - posted on 04/20/2012

I know it sounds drastic, but if I were in your situation, I'd seriously consider moving away. Honestly, out of sight, out of mind. I think you and your family wouldn't believe the difference with that lack of a major stressor in your life. As for your partner, it sounds a little like he's been so used to being second fiddle to your SIL, the Golden Child, that he doesn't even realise that what's happening is not okay. But I think maybe if he spent enough time away, seeing how others interact with their families, the equal respect and love... maybe the penny would drop with him too... I dunno, that's just an impression I'm getting from what you wrote, I might be way off base here. I hope everything works out for you, but I agree what some of the ladies here have said: the more distance between your family and his, the better. Best of luck to you!

Jessica - posted on 04/19/2012

Lynn is right. Believe me when I found out my sil was having a baby I got so pissed off cause to me she don't deserve an ounce of happiness cause what she put me through BUT then I started thinking why should this bother me. It's her fault we don't talk and she is the one who decided to play a fake role of being an aunt to someone else. My main focus should be about my family I created that's it. I know how you feel cause I am or felt like you.

I still get pissed off about what she put me through when I think about it but I know life works in mysterious way and everything happens for a reason. The only people that should be around my son is those who loves and cares for him. Anyway I have a sister so it wasn't like my sil was the only aunt. My sister plays a huge part of his life. She loves and adores him. In fact we went out to eat and she decided to take him to her house. So they having their fun today. My parents are still alive so he still have another set of grandparents Like my fh say thery;re the ones missing out.

Lynn - posted on 04/19/2012

I have a little bit of that in my family, too. My parents got divorced when I was 15 and my twin sisters were 13. My mom got re-married (to the guy she left my dad for) pretty soon after that, and my dad got re-married a couple of years later to a lady who had an 11 year old son. My sisters and I were never close to my dad growing up. He worked odd hours, and was never home.

When I was 30, I married my husband, and we now have a ten year old son and an eight year old daughter. My dad and step mom have only seen them a couple of times in their lives, and that was when we drove 7 hours to see them, and that was several years ago. They're retired, but refuse to come here and see them, even though they've driven through AZ to go to CA. My sister has a twelve year old son, but the only grandchild my dad will have anything to do with is my step-brother's two year old son. He's seen him more since he was born, than he's seen the three older kids! In fact, when he was born, my dad called me, so proud, to tell me that my step brother's girlfriend had her baby. He asked me how it felt to be an aunt. I said "I've been an aunt for ten years now, remember?" I swear, I think he forgot that he already had three grandkids who are actually RELATED to him!

He told me once that the reason he's so happy to have that grandson, is that my step-brother changed his last name to my dad's a few years ago, so his son has my dad's last name. WTH? When you have three daughters, does it occur to you that maybe their kids won't have your last name? My kids have my husband's last name! It doesn't matter that the three older grandkids are his biological grandchildren. He sends gift cards at Christmas, but no note, or anything at all. My kids don't even remember him. My daughter's birthday is Christmas Day, but he doesn't even send a birthday card.

It used to bother me a lot, but my mom and step dad live an hour from here, and we see them every other month or two. My mom's oldest brother and his wife are my kids' second set of grandparents, and they live an hour away, too. My MIL lives in Minn., but I talk to her every week. She's great, but she's so far away that my kids don' t know her, either.

My point is that you need to focus on raising your wonderful daughter, helping her to have a good relationship with whoever will be a positive influence in her life. You can't choose your relatives, but you can choose whether you want to be around them or not. I know it's hard, and you live in a small town, but you don't need to be around people like that. Your family is your priority now, and don't let anyone take away the joy you feel in being with your daughter. The loss truly is theirs, because they won't see her grow up.