My mom hates my kids, what do I do?

Christina - posted on 06/23/2011 ( 109 moms have responded )

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My mom has never really been my mom b/c my grandparents raised me but when they died in 2002 she became the only person I had. My dad isn't really in my life and I have no extended family so Im kinda stuck with her or nothing. My kids are 7, 5, & 4. They are the most well behaved kids you could ever ask for! They are kids and so they sometimes do stuff that is wrong but they are by no means bad kids. In the seven years I have had children (thats 2,555 days) she has watched my kids maybe (and this is pushing it) ten times, and those are not all day fun fun times. I mean like I need to run to the grocery store type stuff. She always yells at them and puts me down in front of them. She says they are out of control and she always says things like, "You ar a looser and your kids are going to be loosers too. Go ahead and have a few more kids and ruin their lives too." She never has anything nice to say and b/c we live so close (duplex) we share a yard and my kids cant even go outside with out her yelling "God cant I come outside without your damn kids coming outside. When I ask her to help me she says "I didn't tell you to have kids, did you ask me before you made me a grandma?...no so dont expect me to be one." My kids have no family (my husbands family sucks too) and I want so badly to make our relationship work but I dont know what to do. Im very close to moving away just to get away from her, sad thing is she probally wouldnt care. Even worse I have two sisters who are 16 and 14 and she is the best mother ever to them... I dont know whats wrong with me or my kids but she despises us. Any suggestions? UPDATE: My husband and I can not move right now b/c of money :( We cant get a loan till we pay off a few thousand dollars in hospital bills so looks like Im stuck here so how do I live peacefully here beside her? HELP I'm going crazy!!!! Not to mention it hurts me so bad to even see the discust in her face when she sees me or my kids :(

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Ruth - posted on 06/24/2011

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I read this a cried for you because i know how this goes only too well. I am the 2nd of four children 7 my mother is exactly the same. I have no family either (their choice). I would like to ask yo this though...If you saw that happening to your best friend what advice would you give her. Do you want your children to grow up in that atmosphere...your children are your family now not her, think about the kind of family you want and make it with your kids if this means moving and having a life without that person so be it. Your parents...(the people who loved you and raised you) have unfortunately died leaving a void that can never be filled however I have found that there are many lonely older people in the community who are more than happy to (adopt) a family and be surrogate grandparents & usually they have so much more to offer. Of course the kids mental health is more important than putting up with an abusive person around...the choice is yours but you already know what you need to do for everyones sake & sanity.

Tina - posted on 06/23/2011

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Move. If you stay you'll only end up hating her and the kids will be the ones that suffer. If I were in your position I would move. The further away the better. The ball is in your mothers court now if she doesn't want to have a relationship with your kids then don't put them in a situation where they have to be near her. Move and don't contact her. Let her make the first move. If you need babysitters local colleges and high schools may have students willing to babysit.

[deleted account]

My suggestion? Move. You and your kids are better off w/out someone that treats you and them like that.

You can not control the words/actions of another person.... only your reaction to them and your reaction to that kind of treatment should be to get as far away from it as possible.

Jessica - posted on 06/24/2011

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Your mother somewhat sounds like mine. I realized that it's not healthy for me to keep trying to beat a dead horse. Your kids have a wonderful mom and dad and they don't need a negative grandma in their life. If you need to move so you and your family can be happy and live in peace, I'd say move then. Maybe some day your mother will realize what a great daughter she has and reach out to you. But until then, you need to focus on you and your children.

Daria - posted on 07/30/2011

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Keep them away from her... You might go in the bathroom and come back to a problem where you have to see her as a random female off the streets cause she did something to them.... Just cause she's "grandma" doesn't mean they need to know her and definetly doesn't mean they need to be around her...

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Martha - posted on 11/05/2012

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I could give you a long story but I want the answer is you LOVE THEM.......YOU

Patricia - posted on 11/04/2012

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privately take her aside and get to the bottom of it and get some answers and while your at it let her know who you are ,the mother of those children ....let her know if you have a problem with me thats fine but you will not treat my children with disrespect os say disrespectful things to them anymore.....if there is an issue it wont be dealt with in the precence of the children and let her know why...also I would let her know i pay to live here and I pay for my yard included and if your so unhappy here why dont you move ,keep your ugly comments to your self...ask her if she needs some counciling or mental help....dont ask her to take care of your kids since you know how she feels then you will find another way because its best ....tell the kids grandma isnt feeling well so as to cover for why grandma is acting so nasty....i would sell everything that I could sell that I owned just to get away.......im so sorry you and your children are being treated so badly its not right....

Tracie - posted on 11/04/2012

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Since you are stuck living near her for now, it is essential that you STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN! Do not allow her to speak to you or them this way. It is unacceptable!! (she could really do damage to your kids' self esteem)



She clearly has some sort of issue with you (do you have a different dad than your siblings? does seeing you remind her of what a failure of a mother she was?) and she gets off on abusing you all. Don't let her do it! Next time she pops off with something hateful, shut her right down. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she IS NEVER to speak to you or your children that way. EVER. Draw a firm line and STICK TO IT! You and your children do not deserve to be treated this way.



Separately, I suggest you go to counseling to help you deal with your irrational mother. Your family (meaning you, your children & your husband) need to come first. If she can't/won't be a positive part of your life, then she can't be a part of your life at all.



Best of luck to you!!

Ashley - posted on 11/04/2012

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Christina, I have a similar situation. My Mom and I have never gotten along either. She raised me and I am the only child, but my Dad and I are not very close and my other family lives out of my area. Although, I only have 2 children, which I am with my 2nd child's father, I am technically a single mother. I raise both boys and support them financially. I'd say move. I struggle everyday to pay my bills, but at the end of the day, peace of mind is not an option, it's a reality. I have distanced my Mother and she spends time with my kids on my time and my terms. There were times when my mother would only take my kids if I provided money or food and this was for days when school was out and I had to work. She'd also say things like I didn't tell you to have kids or you rely didn't think before you decided to have kids did you. It hurts coming from my mother, especially when I try so hard and have so many positive responses from other people telling me what an excellent job I do with my boys. My first son's father and family are not involved and my second son's family only responds to their blood grandson. In a matter of years, I have distanced them as well and they only spend time with my children on my time and terms. You don't want to scar your kids. You can start by praying, doesn't matter who or what you believe in, pray and then order the steps in your life. It's not fair for you and most importantly your children to be uncomfortable and unhappy. Stay strong and get out of there!!!!!

Laura - posted on 10/31/2012

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For whatever reason, your mom resents you and your family. Was she quite young when you were born? She may feel you stole her youth and have compounded it by having your own children, making her feel older that she'd like. She's entitled to her feelings, but she is not entitled to take out her guilt, anger or frustration on you or your children....put a stop to that immediately. Nurture your relationship with your sisters if at all possible, but don't push they'll figure it all out in time.



I'd start saving money to move as soon as possible. I don't think this is a healthy environment for your kids. Some of us just have to create our own extended family. My relationship with my mom is quite strained; her relationship with her grandkids and greatgrandkids is frustrating and vague at best. My husband, sister, kids, g/kids, uncle/godfather and a slew of cousins make me feel loved and appreciated. My mom is the one who's lost out.

Cyn - posted on 01/06/2012

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I see the issue here, your mom doesnt have the tolerance or patience when it comes to children. Maybe she couldnt handle you thats why your grandma was raising you and she wasnt ready to be a mom yet. I dont know how you feel because my mom loves my kids too. However, maybe you should speak your mind to her thats the only way things will be broken or fixed between you. I would say First of all, my kids arent loser and your just jealous because thats the way you turn out. Maybe you should stop insulting everyone because your life isnt so perfect either. Their is a thing called karma how you treat others it will come back to you. I hate people who need drama and mistreat other people

Caroline - posted on 01/03/2012

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Christina,
I too have one crazy as hell mother. But as a mom to a mom I would say there is nothing wrong with you or your children. It seems to me that maybe in some way your mother is a tad bit jealous of you. Maybe the anger is there to protect her from the guilt that she has about not being a good mom to you. Let me be clear, I am in no way shape or form trying to condone your mother's behavior. Maybe your living the life she felt that she should have with you, and so it is easier to push you away rather than to admit her truth which is she sucked at motherhood and she made mistakes. I hope that you don't carry these feelings around with you, if you do that take it from me, it WILL haunt you everyday of your life until you face it or her. Tell your mother before you move that you forgive her. Not for her but for you. You will need to move on and be the mother your kids deserve. Let me share a little of my story with you. I am a bi-racial black woman. My mother is white and my biological dad is black. My mother marries a white man and tells me when I was young that she had to get pregnant with me because no one wants to see a white woman with a black kid. SO I grew up feeling like I was never loved. I was physically abused for most of my life. My step dad would beat me with leather belts til they broke and then he would laugh at me crying. My mother stood there and watched and did nothing as usual. Then my grandmother and the rest of the family that happened to be white told me everyday that they hated me and I was not allowed to play with my cousins or go inside during the summer because no one wanted to have their kid play with a black kid. I call my step dad "Dad" because he is the only dad I ever knew, and his mother my grandmother told me at an early age not to call him my dad because we don't have n-----s in this family. and she went on to say hopefully you will die soon and we won't have to worry about it any longer. SO there is just a little bit of my growing up. And I am still in therapy. I am married and I have a daughter. My mother was horrible to me and I had to forgive and learn to move past it. SO if you get the chance don't carry this guilt or worry what anyone thinks of your kids. You just be the mother you wish you had for your kids and you will be just fine I promise. Keep you head up ok?
Bye for now Caroline

Amanda - posted on 12/30/2011

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I think I would stay away from her as much as possible. It would be better for you, and your kids to have no relationship with her than to be exposed to a toxic relationship. Nobody needs to be exposed to an abusive person like that. They have you and your husband, and that is more than enough, much more than some kids have. As long as they get the love they need from you, they have all they need. Move when you can, but avoid her as much as possible until then. Be there for your sisters if they need you. And who knows, Once she sees that you stand up to her abuse (verbal/emotional) maybe she will get a clue what she is losing. If not, it's her loss, not yours.

Dusty - posted on 12/30/2011

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NOTHING is wrong with you or your children, but I feel there is something TERRIBLY wrong with your mother. Shame on her for acting the way she does. She will realize what she has missed out on once she is alone (which she will be). As for getting a new place, I would look into housing assistance. Most states have it. As for your children's relationship with their grandmother, well, I would say it would be better for them to not be around her at all. It will just hurt them more hearing her comments.

Carlie - posted on 10/26/2011

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One more thing: It sounds like your children aren't really the issue. Shame on her, because from your post, I believe that YOU are the real issue. Her problem is with YOU-but even worse, she is using your children as the scapegoat for whatever she feels concerning you. I would find out why. Regardless, she must NEVER be allowed to speak or treat your children in this manner, AGAIN. EVER. IT''S NEVER TOO LATE. Your children should also be spoken to regarding grandma's inappropriate attitude and behaviour towards them. Ensure your children that it's not ABOUT THEM. Even if it turns out it is. You can always protect your children, without resorting to lying. You just have to figure out how. You already know what you should do....or you wouldn't have posted. Do it. Your children deserve the best from you. God bless. :)

Carlie - posted on 10/26/2011

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I don't have the answer for you. No one does. Search deep inside yourself, and the answer is there. CONFRONT IT. YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO. Do it for your children. Having mentioned that.....LIVE FOR YOURSELF. Meaning.....people cannot live for other people, until they have lived for themselves. Your mother doesn't like your children? SO BE IT. HER LOSS. And yes, your children's as well. If you push the issue with your mother, you push her farther away from you. If you have stated your feelings to your mother, and she is still unwilling, then CUT YOUR LOSSES WITH HER. Explain to your mother, that SHE will have to come to you, should she wish to have any kind of relationship with your children. I would not tell your children that "Grandma doesn't want to be your grandma right now" either. They will not understand. You may be hurting, but don't allow your feelings to pass along to your children. You want to prevent that. You can tell them something like, " Hey Grandma and I aren't getting along at this time, and because of this, we aren't speaking or seeing much of each other. Grandma and I agreed though, that when she was ready to talk or see me again, she would let me know. Your grandmother cares (or loves) about you all very much, but she is going through a tough time, and needs to spend some time alone (or away) for awhile." Something along those lines. Good luck with "making your decision." You can do it. You can. It will be one of the hardest decisions-to let go-if it comes to that-but it is NECESSARY, if she is harmful to your children. Harmful can be defined as mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. Sounds like your mother is being emotionally damaging to you and your children as well. Whatever issues you and she have, should NEVER cross over to your children. And she is allowing that to happen. As are you, if you continue to allow her to treat you and your family this way. You don't deserve it. Nor do your children. Especially your children. She has lived her life. You live yours. :)

Bretanie - posted on 10/21/2011

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My question is what do your sisters think of how your mom treats you and your children? Also, how do they (your sisters) treat you and your children? Your husband should know better than to listen to anything she says. I agree with everyone else that you should cut her out of your life until she can treat you and your family with respect.

Terrie - posted on 08/08/2011

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there is nothing wrong with you! you know wat i would say to her? screw you, dont got anything nice to say, get f*** out! u shouldnt have to move becuz of one person, honestly there's something wrong with her... shes the one thats making everyone miserable (if she is) so shes the one that has to go, you dont need her, i dont have my parents so i can live w/o them just fine, u got ur kids and ur husband. some people are better off with out there family, not all, like i have 2 sisters, theyre no good to me, i cant even look at them, then theres the old fashioned people who think they know better than you, think they know wats right or wrong for kids, and try to make you look like a bad mom in front of everyone! ya dont need family like that. ya know wat you need? friends. if you cant rely on family, and if you got friends, go to them for support until you pay off stuff and have extra money to move if thats wats gonna take to get away from ur mom, no one should bash you in front of your own kids, its one thing to do that in front of other adults but another with kids, i dont get why ur mom stays if she thinks ur kids are so horrible when theyre not.

Kenley - posted on 08/07/2011

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i know how you feel. i am a newly single mother of 2 and just moved back and am living with my mom and she cant stand my kids and tells me what a worthless parent i am. my childern are good kids. the best thing to do is find a babysitter you trust ven if its so you can go to the store. i have a sitter watch my kids even though my mom is home cause she wont watch them. try to avoid her if possible and if she does give you looks or say something just take a deep breath and tell you self that you kids will never go through this because you are a better person. you are doing what you have to in hard time for your family. when your sad or upset give the kids akiss and a hug and with will power you will get through these times and come out on top and she will still have her miserable feelings and one day when you have moved on she will realize what she had and lost.

Josephine - posted on 08/07/2011

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I'm sorry! But not to hurt your feelings but if she couldn't be a mom to you how could she be grandma to your babies?! I say distance yourself from her & ALWAYS stand up for your kids nomatter who it is! And she will probably despise you but your kids will respect you & trust you for it. Your job as their mother is to protect them...even if it from their own grandmother. But most of all you're worthy of better! Know your worth & that whatever her problem is with you that its HER problem that shouldn't be made yours. Love yourself and value your worth!

Katy - posted on 08/06/2011

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it is not what your mum thinks of them if you and your husband love them that is all that matters

Vicky - posted on 08/05/2011

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I am a Realtor and your hospital bills do not have to be paid off for you to purchase a home. Try to get a loan officer to pull your credit and see if you can qualify for a home loan the rates are very low at this time.

On a different note YOU AND YOUR KIDS ARE NOT LOSERS YOU MOTHER IS A LOSER!!!!!!

I also was in the same situation you were when my daughter was young, i however did not live so close to my mother. She did enough damage living far away i can not imagine if she had lived close. i use to cry all the time because i was so hurt. My husband is very wise and one day said to me "If our daughter has a loving father and mother she does not need anything more" after he said this i had a break thru and changed my thinking.

MOVE away from her she will not change. Do not tell your kids about how you feel they in time will let you know about how she made them feel. My daughter is now 14 and the other day she said she was very sad and disappointed when grandma picked her up from school when she was in primary school she disliked getting in her vehicle. The last time i asked my mother to pickc her up from school my daughter was in fifth grade and i needed to work i am a realtor and do not work everyday. My mother used the f word in front of my daughter because she was so angry about having to pick her up. When my daughter told me this i got on my knees and promised god she would never ever pick my daughter up from school no matter what the situation was.
i am very sorry you mother is the way she is. She will probably never change (i hope she does but the odds are not in her favor). Good luck!!! Your kids are very lucky to have you as a mom.

Samantha - posted on 08/05/2011

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im sorry your mom treats you like that. She does not diserve you or your kids. I would say that yes you do need to move but as that is not always possible i would at least put up a fence so your kids can play and just try and keep your kids away from her when your not around

Melissa - posted on 08/04/2011

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That's terrible!!! I was always incredibly close with my grandparents - spent weekends with them, sometimes entire summers. You're family, family should be close and spend time together, and you should be able to rely on one another to help if you need it! You shouldn't have to ask her if she wants to be a grandmother, she didn't ask you if you wanted a crappy mother!! I understand she's the only family you have, and I fully understand your desire to create a relationship, but it has to be a 2-way street. If she wanted to be a part of your life, she'd make more effort. It REALLY upset me to hear that she's cruel in front of your children. I don't think I'd stand for that one little bit. When you send your kids outside and she makes comments like that I'd really turn to her and say something like "can't my children enjoy their childhoods without you being a raging bitch at every turn??" I don't cope well with mean people, and I don't keep quiet about it. My mother and I have a good relationship, but she's nothing like my grandparents. She, too, yells a lot, and she tries to act like she has the right to over-rule my parenting with my own son. I let it be known every time that that is not the case; he is my child, I birthed him, and just as it was her responsibility to raise me, it is mine to raise him, and what I say goes, not her. You need to put your foot down with your mother, and I highly recommend finding a way to move as soon as possible. Until then, I'd stop asking her to watch the children ever if possible, and I'd start being very stern with her and laying out guidelines she MUST follow. No yelling in front of the children, no belittling you at ALL but ESPECIALLY in front of the children, your children have the right to play in YOUR yard without her negative comments. Your mother has issues that she needs to deal with and obviously is not, but that shouldn't hinder your happiness or the happiness of your children!

Mary - posted on 08/04/2011

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No disrespect, but honestly, you and your kids do not need to be treated like that. Being in the military, we move around a lot, so family support is rarely there. However, we make good friends and neighbors who are just as supportive as family.

Kiley - posted on 08/03/2011

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Avoid her as much as possible. Dont leave your kids with her. It sounds like she is emotionally abusive to both you and them :( For a healthy relationship, she would need to care and try-doesnt sound like that's the case. She will likely effect your own & your CHILDREN's self image and confidence if you allow her to treat you & your family like that. I understand how difficult it is to cut family out of your lives-but sometimes they don't give you much of a choice. Choose you and your family's health and happieness and get as far away from her as possible as soon as possible. She sounds cruel and selfish, you don't need that in your life, or your children's lives. Try to get out of the house and away from her while you're stuch there-go to the park, library, local farmers market, fair whatever-just get the kids out so they xn have fun an be free of her hurtful negativity. If you don't have access to a car, walk or take the bus, or try to get together with kid-friendly friends/other families you can hang out with..

Tiana - posted on 08/03/2011

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I'm sorry you have to go through that. We all want to have a good mom and provide loving grandparents. But to be perfectly honest, it seems like she has some issues where YOU are concerned and she's projecting those issues onto you and your children.

Maybe she was in a bad place in her life when you were born, maybe she resents the fact that your grandparents raised you; who knows.

What I do know is: it's wrong for her to treat you, a grown woman, a mother, her DAUGHTER!) that way. And it's wrong that she's treating your children so poorly. If you want total honesty, she's verbally abusing them and lowering their self respect calling them such names. What if they start to believe "grandma" and think that they're losers? You have to stop this before it gets to that point.

If I were in this situation: I would not be around her. I would not ask her to do anything. You've reached out. She doesn't want to reach out. I think you just have to accept that for the health of your family.

If it were me, I would cease talking with her. I wouldn't go to her house or ask her for anything. I would ignore her. She is NOT all you have in the world. You have your husband and your children and yourself. Focus on that. Make them your family/your community. Yes, it sucks that your mom is awful. But not every woman is a good mother to all her children. It's just life unfortunately.

If your kids want to go outside to play, take them to a park. If you can't afford to move, buy them little headphones to listen to while you walk to the car so they don't have to hear their grandmother's abusive words.

If you have to go grocery shopping, take them with you.

In all honesty, I had a really rough time with my own mother. For awhile I did not speak with her. Things did get better, but I know that I will never live close to her and I know my boundaries. You need so set some boundaries and then just let go. If she wants to be a mother to you and a grandmother to your babies, that's her decision. If not, let it go girl. It hurts, but move on, for you babies.

Daniela - posted on 08/03/2011

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my mother in law is the same way but towards my husband, she never has anything nice to say to him and it was getting to the point where we stormed out one time at a family dinner and i refused to see her till my daughter was born 5 weeks ago (she also told my husband to get a DNA test and a prenup which didnt help) anyway shes a very negative person and i told her and my husband that if it doesnt stop she will not see my daughter because i dont want her near all this negativity. sometimes you just have to do what you have to do for your children, no matter how much it sucks...

Daniela - posted on 08/03/2011

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my mother in law is the same way but towards my husband, she never has anything nice to say to him and it was getting to the point where we stormed out one time at a family dinner and i refused to see her till my daughter was born 5 weeks ago (she also told my husband to get a DNA test and a prenup which didnt help) anyway shes a very negative person and i told her and my husband that if it doesnt stop she will not see my daughter because i dont want her near all this negativity. sometimes you just have to do what you have to do for your children, no matter how much it sucks...

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2011

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Shopping with kids in tow is harder but it's sure better than worrying about how badly she's treating them while you're away......

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2011

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Shopping with kids in tow is harder but it's sure better than worrying about how badly she's treating them while you're away......

Melissa - posted on 08/01/2011

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Shopping with kids in tow is harder but it's sure better than worrying about how badly she's treating them while you're away......

Tiffany - posted on 07/30/2011

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Try and go stay somewhere until you guys can pay off your hospital bills. Trust me on this one, she's going to scar your kids from hearing these things. I STILL remember all the awful things my grandma said to my mom when I was probably no older than 3 or 4, I'm going on 21 now.
She sounds like she doesn't want a relationship with you or your kids, you can't push something that's just not there. I'm sorry your going through this mama

Rachel - posted on 07/29/2011

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well as you said in your story movinf is not an option at the moment,you have bills.So for the time being,stay away from her dont call her or ask her for help being she doesent want to give it to you anyway its sad and i cant really say i know what you are going through,my mom has always been there for me,but right now you need to think about your children,theres no way those kids feel anything but resentment from your mom and children are so very suceptable

Rachel - posted on 07/29/2011

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well as you said in your story movinf is not an option at the moment,you have bills.So for the time being,stay away from her dont call her or ask her for help being she doesent want to give it to you anyway its sad and i cant really say i know what you are going through,my mom has always been there for me,but right now you need to think about your children,theres no way those kids feel anything but resentment from your mom and children are so very suceptable

Lacieann - posted on 07/27/2011

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I would have to agree with Kiara, or at least talk to your landlord about his other tenants behavior. She is no mother to you nor is she a grandma to your kids. As much pain as it might cause you to remove her from your life it will be saving your kids heartbreak, I can't imagine they like being yelled at or watching their mom get treated poorly. You need to cut her out to show them that no one can walk over them OR you. Bring ear plugs out with you and make a show of putting them in if she starts being mean. If you can start filming her yelling at your kids, this might get her to stop and it can help you with a restraining order. Don't talk to her, if you do have to speak to her remember to remain calm, act like your babies are watching you and they learn to behave based on what you do. Most importantly be strong. Don't let this woman control your actions.

Kiara - posted on 07/25/2011

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Take out a restraining order on her. That's verbal abuse and harrasment. Don't try to make her a part of their lives because she DOES NOT LOVE THEM! You have to teach your children to love themselves and not allow anyone to treat them badly. Live like she does not exist. Because that's what it seems like she deserves.

Sharon - posted on 07/24/2011

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OMG, I am sorry, there is nothing wrong with you or your kids, it's your mother should get help. Your mother has aid so many things to you, one thing that pisses me off is, she said "I didn't tell you to have kids, did you ask me before you made me a grandma?...no so don't expect me to be one."Well you can tell her, I didn't ask you to have kids, you are not fit to be a mother or a grandmother. Tell her, you didn't choose her to be your mother, you have no choice, so deal with it, or she should go & seek some help, because not only she is damage you & your kids emotionally, she seriously got some big issues under her scalp.
Try not to ask your mother for any help, let her see you can do anything without her, & don't worry about letting the kids out in the yard, if your mother can't handle it, tell her to suck it up, she doesn't have to come out at the same time as the kids, stop being a grumpy bitch!

Ginger - posted on 07/21/2011

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Wow.... I'm just so mad about this right now I can barely think! I'm just floored by your bio mom's attitude- her hateful, spiteful, rude, mean, gawd awful persona!
HUGS you really really tight! I am so sorry! Sorry for what you have gone through, the loss of your parental grand parents, and this mean spirited hateful person that is connected to you by blood. And blood only! She is NOT your Mom honey. A Mom would NEVER do that to her child or her grandchildren!
I have 5 sons so I KNOW how hard it is to try to go grocery shopping with all hands on deck! It's near impossible to do and keep your sanity...sighs...

Know this- You nor your children and nor you husband deserve to be treated the way she has been doing. All children misbehave for goodness sake! It's how they learn to behave! LOL
First honey- breath.... and know for 'truth' that her hatred and disgust have nothing to do with you or your family... it has everything to do with herself. And frankly you need nothing from her. There are things, reactions that you dream of having- like her acceptance and her love...but she is too inside herself to ever grant that... not unless she completely turns herself inside out. You cannot make her behave...or be loving... as painful as that is...

You do need to get away from there. Away from her. And get your children to safety. They are not safe with her. Imagine what she says to them when you're NOT around?! OMG!
And to your children? When she behaves like she does? Look them in the eye with sincerity and say, "This is not how it should be. Family loves you no matter what. This is not the grandmother you deserve. And when you grow up? And you have your own children? I WILL be the grandmother they deserve!"
Ignore her. Don't speak to her. As hard as it will be don't, don't, don't ask her for anything. It will only fuel her fire and her ire and disrespect of you and yours.

Shopping with 3 kids in tow will suck but you can do it. You're much stronger than you realize honey....

And your husband should know better than to get reeled in by her 'bait'...... smacks him on the hand with a rolled up newspaper saying , "No! NO! NO! We do NOT listen to that crazy lady next door!! "

As for moving away.... you can figure that out too... if you're wanting to buy a home it will be hard to get a loan until the hospital bills are paid. Try for owner financing. Or lease to own... rent somewhere else until you can get the loan..but what ever you do get the hell out of there and out from under her scrutinizing, vindictive, peevish petty reach!

And one more thing? There is NOTHING wrong with you or your children honey. You want 'family' which is perfectly normal. You want stability and love and acceptance for yourself- all the things you readily give and grant your own babies... Once you are out of her reach you will be free honey. Free to let your children be children and play, free to breath when you walk out of your door, free to feel the happiness you have with your own children and your husband.

Melissa - posted on 07/21/2011

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In my honest opinion, it sounds like you need to cut your mother out of your life, for you and your family's health! What she is doing to you and your kids is horrible and you don't need all this drama when your trying to bring up a family! I really feel for your kids, being treated the way they are by someone that is supposed to love them and made to feel like their nothing but a nuisence! My mother is the same, she never offers to have my kids over for a day or wants to spend any time with them, and she's often made little comments to put my kids down any chance she could. I eventually got sick of the drama myself and now barely speak to my mother, only if I really need to. If you can't in any way sort everything out with your mum, or even get her to listen to you, maybe you just need to move on. I know she's your mum and as hard as it sounds, you need to put yourself and your family first and think about what's best for all of you!

Christina - posted on 07/17/2011

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7-16-11 we had another fuss b/c I had been gont till 8pm and came home and went outside to shuck some corn I got from a friend and she was yelling and screaming at my kids to go away and to me.... when i stood up to her she said, "Tell your husband how you cheat on him" which is of course (A LIE!!!) I love my husband and my family and would never do that. So b/c of her words my husband and I fought all night and it was horrable... I wish I could move so bad b/c She is getting worse!!!!!

[deleted account]

Im so sorry for this, and while my circumstances.are not as bad I do understand. I dont think moving is the solution. I think that having a heart to heart talk with your mom would help. Maybe not for her, but for you. Sounds like she resents you, and see herself in you. I would let her know you are thankful for everything she has done, and although things might not have gone the way that either of you wanted in the past, you want to begin building a relationship. It will be her choice on how she wants to handle things, but dont.regret trying to have a relationship with her. Establish boundaries with her and let her know how you feel. Dont bring ip everything thing she has done and put her down, just let her know how y po u would like the future to be. She wont always meet your expectations so dont criticize her for that. I hope you two can put the past behind and build a wonderful relationship. Even hard times teach us and we have to be thankful for that. Dont let the resentment build in u like it has your mother.

[deleted account]

Im so sorry for this, and while my circumstances.are not as bad I do understand. I dont think moving is the solution. I think that having a heart to heart talk with your mom would help. Maybe not for her, but for you. Sounds like she resents you, and see herself in you. I would let her know you are thankful for everything she has done, and although things might not have gone the way that either of you wanted in the past, you want to begin building a relationship. It will be her choice on how she wants to handle things, but dont.regret trying to have a relationship with her. Establish boundaries with her and let her know how you feel. Dont bring ip everything thing she has done and put her down, just let her know how y po u would like the future to be. She wont always meet your expectations so dont criticize her for that. I hope you two can put the past behind and build a wonderful relationship. Even hard times teach us and we have to be thankful for that. Dont let the resentment build in u like it has your mother.

Savona - posted on 07/16/2011

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Maybe shes jealous cuz she sees how well you are with them and she feels like she was inadequate at something when she was raising you, eithercase, no reason! I feel there is ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR HER TO TREAT YOU LIKE THAT >=O thats appauling and disrespectful. The only thing that she has that Ive read from what you posted is that she has the nerve and guts to tell you what she thinks to your face, rather then to her friends or your friends and you hear it from them. Thats BS. as;dfihjna;oicna;isdfh;kawjef;kashdfjka Dont talk to her, when she yells at your kids (since you are the momma bear now) Yell back at her, [I understand shes your mom, but theres a line, and thats crossing it from the way youre making it sound] be ferocious! Make her know you are not a force that should be reckoned with! You love your kids, you love yourself, dont take her shit and I think you should mouth off to her even! Cuz hey, MAYBE {Could be a possibility} She doesnt have any respect like that for you because she thinks you dont deserve it? Show her you DESERVE IT, cuz you do. =) YOURE A MOM! You dont want your children having self esteem issues cuz they hear their grandmother hear that sort of stuff being said about how you raise them! Bite back! I think its about time >=D
-----{@ Rose for you. =) goodluck and if ya wanna message me you can take care momma bear!

Steffanie - posted on 07/09/2011

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Sweetie, you need to move on! Your mother's negativity, and disrespect for you and your children not only causes you grief, but also your children. She couldn't be bothered to raise you, so, what right has she to tell you if you were a good mother or not, when she wasn't to you.

I would tell your mother that if she cannot respect you, your children, and husband, that she isn't welcome at your house any longer. If she puts you down, leave, and tell her that you refuse to be talked to like that. Or the next time she complains about what a looser you are, tell her "well, at least I am raising my own children, with me, you couldn't bother to do that, it seems to me your the looser not me." Nothing is going to change your mother, she is obviously a nasty, mean spirited, guilt ridden, and has some major psychological issues. Family, is whom you make it! Find supportive people in your local churches, child activity classes, and make a new support system. Stand up for yourself and your children. If your mom complains about your kids playing outside or acting like normal kids, tell her that if she doesn't like listen to your children play outside, she can go inside. Stuck up for yourself and stop being your birth mother's punching bag! There is no excuse for treating your child and grandchildren in such a horrible way! Pay your bills off, and then move away from your mom, and cut her off. She isn't really your mom, your grandmother and grandfather were. Hold on to the fact that your grandparents love you very much, and they are in heaven watching over you and your children. Know that you are a better person then your mother, and are a wonderful mother. Don't let her negativity control your life any longer, and cut her off. She isn't acting like a mother should, and why should you put up with it. I hope everything works out for you and your family, and I am sorry your grandparents passed away. I am sure they are saddened by how their daughter chooses to treat you. I have no doubt they are proud of the strong women you have become.

Tina - posted on 07/08/2011

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i understand your NEED for family but honey, I think that no family is better than a mother who puts you down like that and even worse, does it in front of your kids. That type of behavior is not good for them to hear, or you either. I would stay as far away from her as possible. Take the kids to the local parks instead of playing in the yard if she is out there. If she despises them and treats them that way, you should not have them around her in the first place. As much as you feel you need her as you have no other family, it is obvious she is not good for you. You have your husband and your children. they are family enough. Surround yourself with those who love and care about you and hope for a better relationship in the future with mom.

[deleted account]

All you can do is pray for her. If you have tried to do the right thing and she is refusing to get along, then all you have is to pray that God will soften her heart,and show her that her anger at you...for whatever reason, real or imaginary...is not how she needs to be. it's damaging to you and your kids, but all it is going to do is eat her up worse that drinking acid! I pray that you will have the strength and grace to continue to be a wonderful mother, despite what she has to say, and I pray that y'all will have the $ to move away from her as well. (I am in the same way needing $to move, but ours is because of a BAD area) I truly hope everything will work out for you!

Ruth - posted on 07/02/2011

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Christina, your children are growing up with love...your love & that is so much more important than the love of a grandparent who is taking out her own issues on children. Children need and respond so much better to the love of their primary carer (for you it was your grandparents). Your are (from what i have read) a wonderful, caring mother who id trying extremely hard not to let the abandoment of her own mother interfere with you life, this takes great inner strength on you r part ( i know from personal experience) however with each interaction with your mother your hopes are dashed when she repeatedly abandons you and your children & you are instantly carried emotionally back to the first time it happend as a child...your children are experiencing this too and learning that it is okay to be treated this way because mum is showing us this...(no i am not trying to be hurtful here this is scientifically proven) there are two course of action you can take MOVE and have nothing to do with her or find someway of dealing with this constant abandoment. I have chosen the 1st option and for me & my children it has worked, i also let me children voice their feelings about their (nanna) most of which is negative. No matter what promises you made to your grandparents they will forgive you for walking away...YOU HAVE DONE YOUR BEST. It is time to forgive yourself, love yourself and show your children the right way to be treated...with love and respect. You are not the cause of your mothers life only another victum, she is unable to take responsibilty for her choices but you were not born take those responibilites on either. As you are unable to move away at this time perhaps it is best to just have nothing to do with her...do not look at her or acknowledge her in any way, if you feel the need to then perhaps you can write her a letter explaining how and why this has come about and tell her that unless she is willing to go through therapy and properly resolve this situation she is to stay away from you and your children. Also you can explain to her that if she verbally abuses them for playing and being happy healthy children then you will have to take legal action against her...yes it is heavy handed but it may be the only way to go...Good luck.

Katy - posted on 07/01/2011

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Sweetie keep your kids away from her!!!
As bad as you feel by her words, they will feel that too! Do not let her do that to your babies. Find someone willing to watch them for you other then her. Keep them inside until she goes back in. I would do whatever it takes to not let her make them feel as though there is somethign wrong with them when she is the problem. If she continues to verbally abuse them, then you need to stand up for them and tell her to knock it off. She is NOT going to be the mother you want or the grandmother that they deserve. That's unfortunate but it's reality don't make them suffer trying to get her to be a good person, clearly she's not. If it continues or gets worse you may want to consider getting a restraining order. It's harsh but so is what she's doing to your children. They need to come before her!

Dorothy - posted on 06/30/2011

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Honestly if i were you i would have to say to her(since your grandparents raised you) Did they tell you to have a child!! Cause thats just Mean that she won't help you out. But If it were me i would probably cut her out of my life. Nobody needs someone in there life that constently puts them down and hurts them! And your kids Do Not need to grow up around someone like that! Surround yourself with kind, caring people that love you and your children. It doesn't have to be family. But i would Not put up with that emotional abuse. And when you do have the money saved up I would deffinetly move!!! Sorry :(

Lisa - posted on 06/30/2011

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I also do not think you should have to move. Your mother needs to realize that that is your children's home as well and they have a right to enjoy being outdoors without being yelled at and criticized. If she doesn't like it she can be the one to move. If she gets too bad maybe you can talk to your landlord and see what he/she suggests. You might also look into having your family start volunteering at a local nursing home. Maybe your kids can "adopt" a grandparent that got stuck in a nursing home by their families and have been "forgotten." The older folks will appreciate visits from your children and often enjoy reading to or being read to. Also, maybe start going to a local park with your kids. They still get their outside play, but are not dealing with all that drama. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

Emily - posted on 06/30/2011

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Everyone has said really everything that needs to be said. I just wanted to say that your biological mother sounds like she is pure poison. You guys don't need that in your life. Let her be miserable by herself.

Jessyca - posted on 06/29/2011

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she isnt worthy of you or your kids love. Move away and get her out of your life, you and your kids dont need to be put down like that.

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