My Mom, His Mom, Aunties, Grandparents Everyone telling me what to do...

Jessica - posted on 05/12/2011

My fiance, baby and I lived with my mom for the first year of her life (older daughter) and sometimes I felt the help was helpful and sometimes it was just invasive. Really, aside from talking to your family about it, I dont think theres much you can do. When babies cry, people want to help. If youre living with other people, that's what's going to happen. It's not always a good thing, but you have to remember that it's not always a bad thing either. good luck!

Tara - posted on 05/12/2011

Should have mentioned, we do not live with either set of parents either.

Tara - posted on 05/12/2011

I've had that problem since our daughter was born (7 and a half years ago) with my mother, but she will actually tell us what we are doing is wrong or stupid. The best thing to do is to tell them you appreciate the advice, but you need to do this on your own (be very nice about it, or it will backfire). You need to tell them that you know you aren't going to do everything perfect or right, right away, but you need to be allowed to make the same mistakes EVERY parent makes (including those trying to give advice), so that you can learn what works for YOUR baby. What works for one, may not (and often doesn't) work for another. Maybe also mention that you appreciate the help, but you feel overwhelmed and would rather ask for the help when you need it. But again, anything you do or say, do it in a nice, respectful manner or you may find they refuse to have anything to do with you or the baby. Good luck!

Lindsy - posted on 05/12/2011

my moms the worse i just moved back home not to long ago to save some money and my god shes the worse i dont discipline him properly i dont do this and that everything i do isnt right so over goes what i say to my son it drives me nuts

Christina - posted on 05/13/2010

Oh, honey, I know how u feel. My little family unit and I live w my inlaws and it's a nightmare. My daughter is almost 2 and they still don't think I'm doing it right.

I remember after we brought her home, they were telling me what I need to do, how often to change her (every time she pees? hell no), when she's hungry, when she's tired, when she's gassy. UGGHHHHH! It never ended. Until one day when I got so mad about everyone all but telling me I wasn't doing anything right that I went off on them. I told them I was so tired of getting advice from everyone, my family was just as bad, and I didn't want to hear it anymore. I was getting the hang of the parenting thing and listening to her, so I didn't need useless advice anymore.

They still butt-in constantly, but about different stuff. Now they're mostly against her doing new things, like leaning over the arm of the couch cuz she WILL fall and hurt herself. They don't like her running thru the kitchen w socks on cuz she IS going to fall and hurt herself. All kinds of petty crap, like I don't care about her safety. They're so pessimistic and it drives me crazy. And no matter when or how much she ate, she's always hungry or needs to eat again. That one really gets to me. She eats when she's hungry, tho she is getting pickier about her food.

The best u can do is stand up for what u think us right. If ur baby is happy, healthy, and not getting hurt every time u turn around, ur doing a great job. It's hard to keep getting unwanted advice, but it'll eventually slow down. Remind everyone u still want them in babys life, but u have enuf to deal with without getting fifteen different opinions on what u should do.

and don't forget to.........SMILE!!!!!!! :D

Tyneisha - posted on 05/13/2010

I don't live at home with my mother and she is very opinionated about my son. It really doesn't bother me too much because she had 3 and this is my first one. The advise and sometimes scowldings have helped me to be a better mother. The only conflict i have is that i choose to raise my child differently than she did. You have to be firm and continue to stress that you want things to be done just so. At the end of the day, it s your baby and you have to stand up for what is right for her. It's what you'll be doing for the next 18 yrs. Just as well start now.

Ashley - posted on 05/13/2010

I had this problem with my first child exactly , My parents and family were wonderful but the opposite side was overwhelming me the only difference is I had my son's father pushing me as well to listen and I had my own opinions , so finally I had to say to them I appreciate the advice and leave it at that , I did not live with them though , but I would just say that I will try that ,and if you disagree just say over and over til they understand that you have a mind of your own I would like to do things the way that is convienant for myself and best for MY baby . It worked for me but it took a long time to get them to catch on . I wish you luck cause I remember the feeling and was stressed out and second guessing myself always

Nicole - posted on 05/13/2010

I totally understand how annoying this can be. All you can do is ignor what they say and do what you think is best. Unfortunatly people will never stop giving you their opinion, but as he gets older they should see you are doing a good job and hopefully back off a little.
If it is really bothering you, talk to them about it. tell them you are confident in being a mother and wish they would only give you advice when you ask for it.

Shaunna - posted on 05/13/2010

I think you have done all you can do by talking to her, you could talk more...but they will probably do the same thing. I think the only solution to this problem is to try to get out of there whenever you can get enough money!

Sarah - posted on 05/13/2010

i've lost all suddlety (sp) to situations like this lol tell them to shut up :) because if you keep all this pent up inside you will explode and say something you may, or may not regret.

Sarah - posted on 04/29/2010

I get this too and I don't live with mine. If my son even shows a sign of unhappiness it's either He must be hungry or tired. Even though he just ate an hour ago and slept the whole 40 minute ride to their house. It's a "mother knows best" situation. All you can do is take it with a grain of salt, calmly keep telling them that it's your turn, and always remember that even though it is annoying they are doing you a huge favor. Good luck!

Sandra - posted on 04/29/2010

i dont live with parents or in laws and they ALL do this to me.

I have no idea how to handle it because I have a loud mouth and reply "when I see your parenting awards i will take your advice. you had your chance to raise kids, and just because you guys fucked up, doesnt give you the right to try and fix it by raising my baby"

Deureka - posted on 04/29/2010

my mom does the same thing i recently moved back in with my mom and i feel more like my sons sister than his mother... the only time she really understands is when i lash out but i should not have to do that... i am his mother so let me be his mother... it does not work that way im dealing with it by tuning he and everyone else out