My mother in law is trying to ruin my marriage?

Jazmin - posted on 07/13/2012 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I have been with my husband for 6 years now married for 1 year. We have a beautiful daughter that's 9 months and he has 2 daughters 8 and 10 for 2 different relationships. I don't know why she hates me but recently every time my 2 step daughters go to her house my mother in law and her husband are basically interrogating the kids about me. And saying tons of bad thing about me to the kids. Just last week they made the 10 year old cry by kicking her out of their house cause they didn't like her answers to the question. They think I have some kind of brain control and that I am brain washing the kids against them. I have never had a problem with the kids seeing herbut every time they do my mother in law says off the wall things that were never even said or done. She has seen my9 month daughter only about 10 times since she was born. Just today my mother in law ans her husband come to my house to I guess confront me because my mother in law insists I was screaming at my 10 year old step daughter the other day about being at her house when I was the one that allowed her to go in the first place. Anyways they come and ask my step daughter in front of me what happen and she told them well they didn't like her answers and say I am brain washing her and she is only saying that cause I'm in the room. My mother in laws husband told my stepdaughter "so ur saying ur grandma is making things up" and she said yes. And she told them she doesn't want to go to their house any more if they continue to make things up. They only speak Spanish so I didn't understand what was said but they go to my husband and try to convince him I'm this horrible person terrorizing his kids. I told my husband if they kids don't want to go to her house I'm not forcing them am I in the wrong for not letting them go over there?

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Jodi - posted on 07/13/2012

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She will only ruin your marriage if you and your husband allow it. I would have a very serious talk with your husband if I were you, and let him know in no uncertain terms that he needs to address this issue with his parents. He needs to back you up 100% on this, and let them know that if this continues, your family will no longer be visiting them and they will not be welcome in your home. Sorry, this is unacceptable, and if he allows it to continue, then that is also unacceptable.

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Thereasa - posted on 10/06/2012

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No way ur not wrong in letting them go there. It's the kids choice if they dnt want.and it the grand parents own fault! I love children's honesty adults hate it if they are in the wrong :)

Sam - posted on 07/16/2012

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Wow! If I were in this situation I'd tell my husband that he needs to deal with his mother! He's your best bet to getting this situation sorted out. I couldn't deal with all of that, I'd have to cut them out of my life or hit the door running. Talk your your husband about this, he has to see what this is doing to you and your family. Good luck.

Jodie - posted on 07/16/2012

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Was your step-daughters mother also Spanish? If this is the case then it sounds like your MIL might be just a bit racist and wants you out of the picture for the reason alone. Maybe she loved your sons first wife. None of these are acceptable reasons (if true) and there is nothing you can do or say that will change her mind. It is obviously upsetting the children, and a rift in a family is very stressful for a child. I would change the rules a little, have the grandmother come to YOUR house to visit, and if she starts trouble, ask her to leave. Call her bluff on disowning you all. If she disowns you that is probably a good thing by the sounds of it. But she is merely trying to manipulate you and your husband. She doesnt feel in control. He needs to let her know that you are part of the family whether she likes it or not and to respect that. And if she cant respect that, to keep her opinions to herself or she won't see the children.

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What? She sounds like a serious nut case. How did she told your husband if you have another kid she disowns him. Reminds me of my MIL when my bf grandma ask us when are we having number 2 and she meddle in and said I don't think they should have any more kids. Umm really I told her well it's not your business cause you are not taking care of our son or helping in that matter if we want more kids we are going to have more kids. I turn to his grandma and told her we want more kids but we are not ready at the moment. If only they knew we are are going to start TTC in Nov and this time none of them are going to be involve.

As for you. I don't think you were wrong. You letting the kids see their grandparents and your step daughter told her in front of you that you are not brain washing. She needs to get over herself

Dove - posted on 07/14/2012

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Is bio mom in the picture? If she IS... his mom treating the kids like this would give her great ammunition to use against your husband.

Whether she is or not though... those kids (and your baby as well) do NOT need to be exposed to this woman. I hope you can have a good conversation with your husband about this. What does HE say?

Mindy - posted on 07/14/2012

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Wow! Talk about the ultimate control freak! I would ask your step daughters what their opinion is and let them tell you whatever they want and be very loving and understanding of their feelings. Then I would take it all to your husband. He then needs to confront his parents and tell them, they either are not allowed to see the kids or not without him present. As for the whole not disowning your husband if he has another kid with you, honey do what you want, you want another kid...by all means is you can support the child, have it!

Louise - posted on 07/14/2012

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Jod i is right! Having grown up in a household of step dad and mom having to go to biological fathers, mothers house to be shouted at and abused basically because I looked like my mother, I can empathise with your step daughter. I was her. Stuck in the middle with two warring adults on both sides. I really did not want to go to my grandmothers house as she was just plain nasty to me. Whatever I did was wrong and I would be yelled at the entire time. My only saving grace was my step dad got a job and we moved 4 hours away. What a relief!

If your step daughter is unhappy going to her grandparents then you and her need to sit down at the table with your husband and SHE needs to tell him how she feels. He then has to protect his daughter from this, not you. It has to come from him. It can not be ignored that there is a problem here. Only then will this stop being a problem in your marriage.

Jazmin - posted on 07/13/2012

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One more thing my MIL told my husband if we have another child she will disown him and never talk to him again

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