My son is 2 and he has separation anxiety from me, I work part time and he hasn't been in daycare yet but when I try he screams and cries the entire time, it makes me feel terrible.... help

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Jessica - posted on 11/20/2008

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If you have to take your child to a daycare of othre provider the child is going to throw a fit. Your child just has to get use to the surroundings and the child will cry for a little why but eventually it will stop.

Sarah - posted on 11/20/2008

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I forgot to mention that, if possible, make the first day or two short days. Make a run for some groceries or something that will only take an hour or two. If you start the Good-Bye routine and the "I'm back routine" that first day and you are not gone for long, it will help build up some trust and understanding that you will always come back to get him. Good luck!

Emily - posted on 11/20/2008

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I agree with the other posters... Get there early and play with him, then establish a good "good-bye" routine, with hug & kiss etc. It's also good to establish a good "welcome back" routine for the end of the day. If you make a big deal of the fact that you're back, it won't be so traumatizing when you leave. Also, try not to let him see how his anxiety upsets you... kids can sense that sometimes and will feed off your nervousness. If he knows you truly believe he will be safe and happy without you there, he'll pick up on that too. :)

Rachael - posted on 11/20/2008

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I was a preschool teacher for five years and I agree with Sarah. He will adjust and it wont be easy on you. Most of the time your child will just put on a show for you but as soon as you leave they are distracted and have a great time. Like Sarah said the most important thing to do is arrive early and let him know you are going to stay and play for a while. Warn him when it is getting close to you leaving at about 5 minutes and if possible see if there is a spot your child can wave to you at (out a window). If you try to take him and he cries and you give in and don't make him stay he will learn that crying and screaming works. Just reassure him that mommy will be back to get him. Good luck my children could care less when I put them in daycare. I could barely get a hug and kiss out of my little boy. That broke my heart even more! I still cried for 2 hours after dropping them off for 2 weeks! It is a tough transition.

Sarah - posted on 11/20/2008

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I used to work in a daycare for about a year. I know from working there that the longer you wait to put him in daycare, the worse it will be. Starting around 6 weeks to about 4 or 5 months of age, it only take a day or two generally to adjust. At ages 5 months to 14 months it takes about two weeks for the child to adjust and slow down on the crying while seeing mom or dad leave. From 14 months to 2.5 or 3 years, it takes a lot longer. It is tough every single day, but if you can be positive and show your boy how much fun it can be, it'll get easier. One of the best things I can suggest is that when you take him to the day care, try to get there a half hour early and sit and play with him with the other students there. That will help him to adjust so much quicker. I would suggest that you do this the first day or two, then daily reduce the amount of time you stay before leaving. There will be tears, but this would significantly reduce the trouble. Hope that helps.

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