My step-kids don't respect me

Brittany - posted on 07/12/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Ok, I'm not sure if this is a venting session - or a realization that I can't stay in this relationship but I am really hurting today.
A little background, my bf and I have been together for about 2.5 years, when we first moved in together it was just me, my son and my bf. About a year into living together my bf oldest son came to live with us. He is 17, I am 25, and my bf is 35, and my son is 7. We have had issues since day one, he will not clean up after himself, does not respect rules, and pretty much does whatever he wants regardless of our punishments, or what his father says. Almost a year ago we all moved across the country for better employment for my bf, his son at this time already didn't like me and talked bad about me as I was on assistance and going to school. He felt I was using his father. He has since gotten better and doesn't talk bad about me that I know, but he still does not respect my rules, will not clean up after himself,and we are constantly finding drugs in his room (pot/mushrooms). He also quit school this year.
Since our move across the country, my bf younger son also came to live with us. He is 14. At the same time he came to stay with us, we also found out we were pregnant. I am currently 32 wks, the baby is due at the end of the summer.
The oldest moved out the day he quit school, stating he was a bad example for our younger children. He was gone for one month and is now back in the house. As well, my bf sister moved in with us at the same time.
So now here are the issues.
The oldest never comes home, he is here only to shower, eat and leave again. My bf tries to enforce rules, but will not come down on him very hardly as he wants him to be with us to finish highschool in the fall - he tells him he expects him home by curfew - he does not come home for days at a time, and there are no consequences as he doesn`t want him moving out again.
The 14 year old hates my son. He is always cursing at him, and coming down on him for ridiculously small things, such as sitting in his seat -- or changing the TV channel. Tells him to shut up - will push him out of his way and curse at him ect. I am a stay at home mom right now - when I try to intervene he will curse at me, throw things around the house ect and also will not acknowledge punishment. He is angry his brother has no consequences and is starting to act out in the same way - late for curfew, won`t let us know where he is going ect.
Both of the oldest boys will physically fight during the day when there father is at work. A couple weeks ago there was a hole put in my wall. My sister babysat my youngest (as both of the older boys refuse to watch him even for 10 mins) for the night a couple months ago - while visiting us - she ended up trying to break up one of there fights leaving her with a black eye from catching an elbow, also another hole was put in my wall. Neither of them even look at me, much less answer me when I try to break these fights up. These are almost daily.
None of the kids clean up after themselves, I`m 8 months pregnant and no one will help me with anything. Carrying the laundry downstairs, bringing the garbage out ect. None of them pick up not one thing they touch during the day.. The SIL moved in with us about 2 months ago - she is just like having another teenager although she is my age. She does nothing to help and is constatly expecting me to do for her - always asking whats for supper, never helping with dishes, expects me to drive her everywhere - and I can tell she also thinks I`m using her brother.
Now, I am 10 000 km from all of my family. I am 8 months pregnant. All I do is do for this family. No one here respect me. The only one who cares for me is my bf. I really do love him with all of my heart. I know he loves me, he works a 12 hour day and comes home and helps with dinner, dishes, laundry everything. He is wonderful. But no one else in this house even likes me - much less respects me. I don`t want to break up with my bf. But I don`t want to live here either. No one likes my son except my bf, he wants to go home. He misses our family, and so do I. I miss having people to vent to - and people who care to help me. Am I wrong for feeling this way.. I know this relationship comes with his children, and I have tried my best to be everything I can for them. But I dread every minute my bf is at work. I feel like all that is going on in this house is an awful example for my son, who is also starting to act out with anger. Soon I`ll be bringing a baby into this house with all this anger around me, I find drugs in the laundry constantly, I`m scared one of the younger children will get ahold of something. I am just so overwhelmed today with the fighting - I feel like I want to leave the house, even tho I really do not want to leave my bf :( I live in a house with 6 ppl - almost 7, and only 1 respects me - when I do everything for everyone else here.
Please some advice would help.

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Mary - posted on 07/13/2012

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Pregancy should be a time for you to enjoy, not to stress over issues which such negative impact over you and your baby. Think about your children and what's best for them and yourself. Your boyfriend sounds like a nice person, but he needs to show you he cares!!

Michelle - posted on 07/12/2012

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You need to sit down with your boyfriend and lay it all out for him your family needs serious family counseling to even try to make this work. He needs to make house rules for everyone and then have the balls to enforce them. If his oldest moves out because of it that may be for the best, then you can focus on the younger children. There has to be consequences for their actions and you and your boyfriend as the parents need to step up and follow through. There is no respect because you don't demand it. As for his sister tell her she needs to be paying room and board, you are not her servant and you will no longer be doing stuff for her, she needs a ride call a cab. Flat out tell her you will not be her door mat nor will you tolerate her inconsiderate behavior. You really need to talk to your boyfriend before this gets any worse.

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Brittany - posted on 07/12/2012

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Sorry it`s so long :( Needed to take that hour of typing to vent i guess..

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