Jennifer - posted on 10/03/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )
I have been taking care of my step son since he was born and my husband and I have always had him full time. His mother has always been involved in one way or another at her convenience and over time that has sort become involved on a more regular basis. He is now 9 years old and I have since had two daughters. She is and has been more than capable of being able to take of her son on her own for quite some time now and I was hoping she would be more interested in being a mother by now.
My husband works a lot and mostly nights so I may stay home until our daughters are in pre-school. So, out of my husbands time and the mother of my step-son's time combined I am still the one who spends the most time with my step-son. With my two young ones now in the mix I just don't want to have to take care of him as much. Some days I just can't handle it.
I feel guilty for feeling like I deserve a break but at the same time my step-son deserves to be with someone who has the time to be with him, my husband and I don't. At least not like we used to. I don't mean to cast him out, I would just like to be able to switch things and have my step-son around on the week-ends. His own mother has never had to get him up and get him ready for school and on the bus in the morning, or attended a parent teacher conference, and any time something goes wrong at school guess who gets the phone call? She does not schedule and take him to his appointments, all she gets to do are the fun things. isn't that supposed to be the other way around for a step-mom?
My husband says he has "sort of" (whatever that means) talked about this with the mother from time to time over the years and according to my husband she is too afraid that she will "mess up" (and my husband is afraid too) and somehow ruin a part of his life when she has him. HELLOOOO don't we all mess up at some point? Children are resilient, I know I was. I just don't understand this but I do know that I can't keep this up. He's at an age where he needs someone who understands him and is able to be active in his interests and the thing is my step-son's mother and he have soooo much in common. Only makes sense right??
I know when I married my husband the role I was assuming but there are lines somewhere aren't there?? Can anyone relate?