My two year old makes me cry

KeAiria - posted on 12/29/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

11

8

0

For the last 2 1/2 years i've been active duty military... now i'm only a reservist and stay at home with my two year old ALL DAY... I'm also 5 months pregnant. The more my son is figuring out that mommy and daddy are having another baby the worst he gets... he kicks my tummy when i change him, slaps my face while getting out of the bath. I never thought i would be a stay at home, and the longer i do it the more i hate it... i love my son, he's been my whole world for the last 2 years. But there is not a day in this last month he hasnt made me cry, with money issues always on my mind and the stress of feeling hated by my two year old most days i go to bed feeling like a failur to my husband and son. Any adcive

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Dominique - posted on 12/29/2009

25

17

0

you are not a failure as a mommy!!! im sure you are a FABULOUS mommy and wife!!! i dont really know from experience as i only have 1 child. But assuming....having another baby come into the family when the center of attention has ALWAYS been on him has got to be a hard issue to deal with for a 2 yr old. and children have strange ways of getting their aggression out....i would maybe look into some programs or someone he could talk to!!! hope everything works out!!!!

Tasheka - posted on 12/29/2009

42

24

7

My son did this same thing and the best thing we ever did was to find help for him. We located a program and specializes in the behavior of young children...it was called Early Intervention. Please look into a program like this. If there is a local health department call them and they can locate one for you. It could go by a different name where you are. And honey he doesn't hate you he just feels the "big" change coming so he is acting out. My son did this same thing and even tried to suffocate his sister after she came home from the hospital...needless to say that was the last time we left her in her crib without us being right there watching her. Just take it day by day and remember to breathe....keep a diary even ...make a time each day or night and write everything down...Goodluck it will get better!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

12 Comments

View replies by

KeAiria - posted on 12/29/2009

11

8

0

Thanks for all the answer and help... as for me finding a job i'm trying to but for the last 5 years i've been all about the army and the last 2 1/2 on active duty... so no one want to hire someone with out college, i'm trained in admin and computer securty and network security for the military in the real world that doesnt mean a whole lot. As far as my husband being a stay at home dad if i ever found a job thats also out of question because he still active duty in the military... I will try to look into a group for my son and letting him be a bigger part in planning for Baby Emma ... i will also look into PPD thanks everyone... and please leave any more advice if anyone has any

Tabatha - posted on 12/29/2009

340

50

60

Quoting Tabatha:



Quoting TASHANA:

YOU MUST STILL HAVE POST PARTUM. MY KIDS ARE 4 AND 5 AND I SWEAR I HAD IT UNTIL THEY WERE AT LEAST 3 AND 4 YEARS OLD





heres a link for a "quiz" to see if u have PPD!






http://pediatrics.about.com/library/quiz...






 






 






Defining postpartum depression






Researchers have identified three types of postpartum depression: baby blues; postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis.






The "baby blues" is the most minor form of postpartum depression. It usually starts 1 to 3 days after delivery, and is characterized by weeping, irritability, lack of sleep, mood changes and a feeling of vulnerability. These "blues" can last several weeks. It's estimated that between 50% and 80% of mothers experience them.






Postpartum depression is more debilitating than the "blues." Women with this condition suffer despondency, tearfulness, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anxiety, irritability and fatigue. Physical symptoms include headaches, numbness, chest pain and hyperventilation. A woman with postpartum depression may regard her child with ambivalence, negativity or disinterest. An adverse effect on the bonding between mother and child may result. Because this syndrome is still poorly defined and under studied, it tends to be under reported. Estimates of its occurrence range from 3% to 20% of births. The depression can begin at any time between delivery and 6 months post-birth, and may last up to several months or even a year.






Postpartum psychosis is a relatively rare disorder. The symptoms include extreme confusion, fatigue, agitation, alterations in mood, feelings of hopelessness and shame, hallucinations and rapid speech or mania. Studies indicate that it affects only one in 1000 births.






Causes and risk factors






The exact cause of postpartum depression is not known. One factor may be the changes in hormone levels that occur during pregnancy and immediately after childbirth. Also, when the experience of having a child does not match the mother's expectations, the resultant stress can trigger depression. Studies have also considered the possible effects of maternal age, expectations of motherhood, birthing practices and the level of social support for the new mother.






There is no one trigger; postpartum depression is believed to result from many complex factors. It is important, however, to communicate to women with postpartum depression that they did not bring it upon themselves.






One certain fact is that women who have experienced depression before becoming pregnant are at higher risk for postpartum depression. Women in this situation should discuss it with their doctor so that they may receive appropriate treatment, if required. In addition, an estimated 10% to 35% of women will experience a recurrence of postpartum depression.






The amount of sick leave taken during pregnancy and the frequency of medical consultation may also be warning signs. Women who have the most doctor visits during their pregnancy and who also took the most sick-leave days have been found to be most likely to develop postpartum depression. The risk increases in women who have experienced 2 or more abortions, or women who have a history of obstetric complications.






Other factors which increase the risk of postpartum depression are severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a difficult relationship, lack of a support network, stressful events during the pregnancy or after delivery.






How is postpartum depression treated?






Therapy, support networks and medicines such as antidepressants are used to treat postpartum depression. Psychotherapy has been shown to be an effective treatment, and an acceptable choice for women who wish to avoid taking medications while breastfeeding.






Coping with postpartum depression






First, remember that you are not alone - up to 20% of new mothers experience postpartum depression. Equally important is remembering that you are not to blame. Here are some suggestions for coping:





Focus on short-term, rather than long-term goals. Build something to look forward to into every day, such as a walk, a bath, a chat with a friend
Look for free or inexpensive activities; check with your local library, community centre or place of worship
Spend time with your partner and/or close friends
Share your feelings and ask for help
Consult your doctor and look for a local support group



the best thing i ever did was yell for help!!!and i really leaned on my mommy friends and the ALL where VERY happy to help!!! and trust me i thought i had lost my mind!!! BAD  dreams/ thoughts morning noon and night. when i did go to my doc (emergancy visit set up by my health nurse) i told him "iam fine... if i say anything u will take my boy :'( ) he said " no if anything i admit mom and babe to the hospital i would never  do that ur a great mom but u need help. u have an inbalance"



i listened i took my prozac and when to meny groups in my community. we still go to this day cause its good for him to play with other kids and to be frank......... i need to talk to another mom!! my hubbys great but he doesnt get the day to day stuff that i do. when i work on a saturday hes dog tired by the time i get home (i work a tops 6hrs) lol men



 





 

Tabatha - posted on 12/29/2009

340

50

60

Quoting TASHANA:

YOU MUST STILL HAVE POST PARTUM. MY KIDS ARE 4 AND 5 AND I SWEAR I HAD IT UNTIL THEY WERE AT LEAST 3 AND 4 YEARS OLD


heres a link for a "quiz" to see if u have PPD!



http://pediatrics.about.com/library/quiz...



 



 



Defining postpartum depression



Researchers have identified three types of postpartum depression: baby blues; postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis.



The "baby blues" is the most minor form of postpartum depression. It usually starts 1 to 3 days after delivery, and is characterized by weeping, irritability, lack of sleep, mood changes and a feeling of vulnerability. These "blues" can last several weeks. It's estimated that between 50% and 80% of mothers experience them.



Postpartum depression is more debilitating than the "blues." Women with this condition suffer despondency, tearfulness, feelings of inadequacy, guilt, anxiety, irritability and fatigue. Physical symptoms include headaches, numbness, chest pain and hyperventilation. A woman with postpartum depression may regard her child with ambivalence, negativity or disinterest. An adverse effect on the bonding between mother and child may result. Because this syndrome is still poorly defined and under studied, it tends to be under reported. Estimates of its occurrence range from 3% to 20% of births. The depression can begin at any time between delivery and 6 months post-birth, and may last up to several months or even a year.



Postpartum psychosis is a relatively rare disorder. The symptoms include extreme confusion, fatigue, agitation, alterations in mood, feelings of hopelessness and shame, hallucinations and rapid speech or mania. Studies indicate that it affects only one in 1000 births.



Causes and risk factors



The exact cause of postpartum depression is not known. One factor may be the changes in hormone levels that occur during pregnancy and immediately after childbirth. Also, when the experience of having a child does not match the mother's expectations, the resultant stress can trigger depression. Studies have also considered the possible effects of maternal age, expectations of motherhood, birthing practices and the level of social support for the new mother.



There is no one trigger; postpartum depression is believed to result from many complex factors. It is important, however, to communicate to women with postpartum depression that they did not bring it upon themselves.



One certain fact is that women who have experienced depression before becoming pregnant are at higher risk for postpartum depression. Women in this situation should discuss it with their doctor so that they may receive appropriate treatment, if required. In addition, an estimated 10% to 35% of women will experience a recurrence of postpartum depression.



The amount of sick leave taken during pregnancy and the frequency of medical consultation may also be warning signs. Women who have the most doctor visits during their pregnancy and who also took the most sick-leave days have been found to be most likely to develop postpartum depression. The risk increases in women who have experienced 2 or more abortions, or women who have a history of obstetric complications.



Other factors which increase the risk of postpartum depression are severe premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a difficult relationship, lack of a support network, stressful events during the pregnancy or after delivery.



How is postpartum depression treated?



Therapy, support networks and medicines such as antidepressants are used to treat postpartum depression. Psychotherapy has been shown to be an effective treatment, and an acceptable choice for women who wish to avoid taking medications while breastfeeding.



Coping with postpartum depression



First, remember that you are not alone - up to 20% of new mothers experience postpartum depression. Equally important is remembering that you are not to blame. Here are some suggestions for coping:





Focus on short-term, rather than long-term goals. Build something to look forward to into every day, such as a walk, a bath, a chat with a friend

Look for free or inexpensive activities; check with your local library, community centre or place of worship

Spend time with your partner and/or close friends

Share your feelings and ask for help

Consult your doctor and look for a local support group

TASHANA - posted on 12/29/2009

15

49

0

YOU MUST STILL HAVE POST PARTUM. MY KIDS ARE 4 AND 5 AND I SWEAR I HAD IT UNTIL THEY WERE AT LEAST 3 AND 4 YEARS OLD

Tabatha - posted on 12/29/2009

340

50

60

its going to be hard but u NEED to be strong and keep urself together!!! he needs ur attention and he doesnt care how he gets it!!!!!! u where gone for a while and now ur back. he needs to adjust and so do u. when hes bad time out! 1 min for every year of age. so 2yr old = 2 min.
he needs to know that kicking u or anyone is unacceptable.
also looking into programs and groups in ur community.
let him help with the baby by picking the paint colour and bedding picking out toys ect......
also u need some other moms around u to chat with and do things with the kids.
hope this helps even if its just alittle ;)
chin up and we are here for u!

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2009

19

13

0

Hitting and kicking is an age appropriate thing for a 2-3 year old. Not that it's ok! He obviously needs to know there is concequences but you should know that most 2-3 year old do the same thing! Remember that being pregnant can make you more sensetive, and remind yourself to never take anything your kids do personally. Usually bad behavior is do to a desire for attention, lack of discipline(not that thats the case!) or just testing their parents. His job is to figure out how far is to far and what he can get away with. I have a 3 year gap between my kids and I thought for sure my daughter would hate her little brother by the way she treated me when i was pregnant! Now she is the BEST big sister! Also, kids usually take out all their bad emotions on the stay at home parent, I know, its a real treat! Staying at home is definetly not easy, I can't wait to go back to work!!!! Good luck, remember everything with your kids is a phase and things get better!!

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2009

387

38

27

I'd also like to tell you this-- If you do think you want to be a stay at home mom and I'm full of it-- It definitely takes some getting used to. I've been a stay at home mom for about 17 months now and I still sometimes reconsider it. I've always wanted to say home with my kids, it's just that it's tougher than people think it will be. Maybe you need to set aside "Mommy-time" and a date night so that you're getting some adult time away from the kids. As soon as I designated a date night and then a night for me to go out by myself or with my friends, I started feeling a lot better when I was taking care of my son and the house.

Also- I think women tend to have a complex -- especially since you're military and used to be active and used to being very much in control-- that they have to do EVERYTHING and do it perfectly. That's so not true!!! We're not perfect, a stay at home mom's job is worth over $150,000 a year!! (check it out-- salary.com), and there's a lot of responsibility and thanklessness to it. Give yourself a break!!! You're still a great mom and wife!

Michelle - posted on 12/29/2009

387

38

27

I think it's pretty normal for him to be rebelling and for you to be upset about it. A- you're pregnant!! Of course you're emotional!! B- you just need to be a little more firm with him that he can't behave that way! Period! Sit him down, tell him that you will still love him and play with him when the new baby comes, and he's going to get to be a big brother and all that entails. Maybe even have him help you get ready so he can start to get excited about being a big brother. Some people might object to me saying this, and I'm not trying to be offensive, but maybe you should consider that you're not meant to be a stay at home mom. Some women are, some women aren't, there's nothing wrong with either-- it's just who we are. If you don't like it, then find another way to do things! Maybe your husband would like to stay at home-- I know my fiance is really looking forward to staying home when I go back to work (we've decided on a rotation to get both of us through school). It sounds to me like you need a little more discipline, some time to cry it out and eat some ice cream :-) and a talk with your hubby to make you feel better.

Lindsay - posted on 12/29/2009

3,532

26

266

You need to step up, be the parent and let him know these things are NOT ok. Use time-out and talk to him. He may just be wanting your attention and feel like something is being taken away from him as you are preparing for the new baby. Award good behavior with fun games and extra hugs and kisses and discipline for the bad. He'll understand and will love and respect you more for being the active parent.

Ashley - posted on 12/29/2009

85

4

20

First off you are not a failure at all - your son just needs to know that you are the boss, it's normal for him to be jealous of the new baby, and with you just getting back from active duty he's testing you, to see what you'll let him get away with.- one suggestion to help with the hurting your belly- have him spend time around a baby, maybe even let him hold the baby with help- I found that once my daughter spent some time around a newborn she was excited to have a new sister of her own. - since he's 2 1/2 he should be able to understand reasoning even i he doesn't like it, any bad behavior should be punished- for my daughter - she has to put her nose in the corner and count to 10- 20 etc. depending on what she did. whatever form of discipline you decide on it has to be consistent to work, good luck.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms