Nanny or not??

Aneta - posted on 06/18/2010 ( 2 moms have responded )




Up to the 8th month of my pregnancy I've been working for 12 hours/day...just because i loved my job and what i was doing. I've been working since I was 18 and never imagined myself being stuck at home! My daughter now is 6 months old and its been 7 months Im literally stuck with her...
My husband is also a workoholic like me and many times he's back home when the little one has fallen asleep till next morning...Everything might seem well when he comes back, but the problem is that he does not realize that I AM TIRED!!!! Taking care of baby cannot be compared with any regular job! There is a lot of stress (when she cries/ fusses and im trying to understand why, when she refuses her meals etc etc) All decisions and actions related to baby are done by me: I have done the sleep training ALONE, i am trying to understand her daily schedule needs, play with her, take her out for a walk, feed her, bathe her etc etc etc
Im not a moaner in general, but lately I started realizing that I am in a self-distructive mode, I became mizerable towards myself (sometimes I have to convince myself to find another dress when going out or look in the mirror once a day) I became nervous and exhausted. I practically do not eat ( no time and no energy to cook for myself).
While after work my husband also may allow himself to go out for dinner or drink with colleagues I am trapped (anyway by the end of the day the only thing i can do is go to bed). I tried to talk with him about my problem, but every time the conversation has one way to end up: why dont you take a nanny to help...
Nanny has pros and cons. It would be great if you could share your ideas or experiences with nannies....maybe it would help me take a decision....

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Shani - posted on 06/18/2010




I dont know your financial situation but if you guys arnt struggling to bad I suggest you work part time or even cut back on hours at work, I think a lot of your stress is that there isnt enough bond between you and your baby leaving her at day care or relatives doesnt give you or your husband a chance to really know her needs thats why you get frustrated. Babies arnt easy no one said they would be but remember she is only a baby for so long and then those years are gone and you are going to miss all those time you could have shared with her instead of being mad or frustrated. My husband regrets not being there as much for our oldest child he literalyl kicks himself everyday for working to much and putting him off and to be honest he has a better bond with our middle son and new born then our oldest him and our oldest alwasy but heads beacues they dont understand eachother becuase they missed 3 years of time togther with his father just working OT and doing other things who knows if they will ever get along or have a true bond, dont get me wrong they both love eachoter my son tells his dad every night but there is something missing and they both feel it and my husband hates it he wishes him and our son justin could be close like he is with jordan. So a nany might be an easy fix but in the end i think you and your husband are going to wish you would have had time for your daughter . if anything i know its hard after work but you at least should make 2 hrs a day your daughter a priority. I am a mother of 3 i havent worked for 2 yrs and let me tell you wr are pay check to pay check right now but we rather suffer for a while and be there for our kids then be stressed from work and not be able to spend time with them we learned after our oldest. but I do plan on going back to school and working when my newborn is a yr old until then wee just go to stick it ou its hard we stressa bout money somet iems wonderingif well make rent but our kids come first before before anything we know we could be better of if i worked we would actually be a lot better off but we rather have it this way for a while. so jsut try to weigh out your options, can you guys afoford for you not to work? or jsut work part time? do you need a nany the expense will be a lot more finanfiaclly, is your daughter thinking the nanys her mom or her being closer and trysting to a stranger more imoportant then a bond with you? just think about things my husband is making 17 doller the hr and he is supporting a family of five if we can make it i know you can too good luck

Liz - posted on 06/18/2010




I personally feel that a nanny is only going to help you so much. You seem to have resentment for your husband, either that he gets out of the house for work or that he doesn't help with your child.

If it's the latter, getting a nanny is not going to make his lack of support hurt you less.

If it's the former, get a nanny and a part time job. That's where I'm at now, stir-crazy in the house.

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