Need advice...

Leah - posted on 09/21/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )




Ok, so here's the problem. My husband and I have been talking for the last couple of months about adding a third child to our family in the next little while. Our oldest is 3 1/2, our youngest is 10 months, so we were thinking about starting to try by the time our youngest hits 18 months. We are both very fertile ;) so I know we would get pregnant with in a couple of tries. Thats not the problem but this is. My sister, who is truly like the second mother to our children, has been trying to have children of her own for the last 3 years with her husband with no sucess. My BIL has a very low sperm count and my sister doesn't ovulate regularly but they are still trying. My sister is amazing to our kids, she sees them pretty much every day, calls me up on her day off to see if she can take them for the day to give me a break, buys them clothes (not because we need or ask her too, she works at a chilrens clothing store and likes to buy them clothes) and is just the most amazing auntie. She is dying to have children of her own and I know it hurts her that she hasn't had the pleasure of seeing that + sign yet. I'm the younger sister by 2 years and if I were to get pregnant with my third before she gets pregnant with her first, well, lets just say that I'm scared she would be so hurt and upset she wouldn't talk to me. Even if she acted happy on the outside, I know she would be hurt on the inside.

So the question is, does my husband and I hold off having another one for now and give my sister more time to try, do I talk to her about it first or do we just go ahead with our plan and let her deal? What would you do?


Sarah - posted on 09/21/2010




This is always a hard situation to be in. I don't think it is right for you to hold off your plans but at the same time it is nice to try to consider her feelings. You don't know how long it will be before she becomes preg. so holding off may mean for an indefinate time. I would suggest talking with your sister. She will probably be hurt not by your plans or your pregnancy for her the hurt it more that she so badly wants that and has not been able to yet. I work in adoption, so see many couples that have dealt with infertility and these kinds of situations. I often times hear people say that even though they are hurt they can't become pregnant they are happy for those friends and family that do. I think the hard part for them is seeing people become pregnant that don't have the means or stablity to have a baby at that partcular time. Then it becomes a why them and not me thing. I think your sister would want you to follow with your plan and not hold off. Will she wish that she had your luck with getting pregnant...yes and she may have some saddness by that, but she is your sister and loves you and your kids and will continue to.

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS


View replies by

Dmaxwell0008 - posted on 09/21/2010




Holding off on what you want seems like the right idea, but you need to continue expanding your family if thats what you and your hubby want. You said yourself your children have the best aunt and she treats them like her own. when and if its time for her to have her own baby then it will happen. If she is a good person, she will be happy for you and want you to continue doing what you want to do.

[deleted account]

i don't think you can stop living your life because someone else has problems... I understand that she would feel hurt and might be disappointed that she still has trouble conceiving and you don't.

I think you should just go ahead with your plan and continue being supportive to them.

Just as a side line... if your BIL wears his cell phone on his belt, or anywhere near, he should stop as it contributes to low sperm count. Have they tried chiropractic care? It worked wonders for a few women I've met.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms