need help so bad

Monet - posted on 10/29/2009 ( 175 moms have responded )

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i am 27 and i have a 2month old and i am starting to think i am not very good at this mommy thing, i get upset and cry when i dont know whats wrong. how do i get better at this? i mean i thought i would have getting the hang of it by now. is there something wrong with me?



i olny cry when i havent had a lot of sleep anad she really only crys at night and i know this sound bad but i sometimes walk away and let her cry so i can get my head on right and give her what she need.



i do pick her up at night when she cry but she dosent really cry doring the day caz were playing, sing, and having a good time.

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Jessy - posted on 11/02/2009

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there is nothing wrong with you i am 21 with a 2yr... i was the same way just remember when the baby is taking a nap u do the same it helps out a lot... being a mommy is hard don't get stressed out just breath

[deleted account]

Sounds normal to me! I felt the same way when my son was born! It does get better. My son, Max is just barely 3 months old. I cried for the first 3 weeks! It sounds like you're doing everything right, especially the alking away to "get my head on right". If after making sure Max is fed, dry & rested he's still crying I don the same thing! Every parent should have the good sense to do that. My mom did the same for me when I was tiny. I know it's horribly frustrating, but you're doing great! It will get better.

Sarah - posted on 11/02/2009

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you are perfectly normal...at 2 months old the only way a baby knows to comunicate is to cry....and you are still post partum....lots of hormones trying to balance out...it does get better...and lack of sleep can make anyone emotional...and docs always say that if the baby is fine and in a SAFE place...like a crib...and you are at the breaking point the best thing to do for you and your baby is to walk away and calm down...they can sense your emotions and they play off of them...this is a great way to prevent SBS...your patience will grow with your child...and if you continue to feel this way i would talk to your doc about postpartum depression...it is a real thing and a medical condition that can be treated....good luck...

Valarie - posted on 11/02/2009

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nothing's wrong with you, you may be suffering from a minor case of post pardum depression which doesn't mean you are a bad mother or want to hurt your child in any way. PPD is highly misunderstood and i had it with my first. I never felt the need to hurt her but was always depressed adn i cried a lot, especially when i was tired. You should talk to your doc about it, they can help and it's nothing to be ashamed of

Kira - posted on 11/02/2009

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You are doing just fine. It is not going to hurt the baby to cry for a few minutes so you can get your head on straight. Try getting family members to help you watch her during the day. And I'll give you the best peice of advice that I ever got. When that baby is down, so are you. Sleep when she sleeps and remember that this will get better. Everything always does

Maggie - posted on 11/02/2009

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it's normal. it is good that you walk away for a moment. better that then doing something you would regret. your baby is only crying because he/she needs something. it will end in time. just have to be patient!

[deleted account]

You sound normal to me.

I cry and get very cranky when I don't get enough sleep, I'm worse than a baby.

It's perfectly normal to walk away and regroup if you need to even if your child is crying, it feels horrible but it's the best thing to do.

My daughter is a year now, and I still have days where I feel like I haven't gotten the hang of it. Even my sister who has four children from the ages of 4-11 says the same thing.

Have you ever thought you might be being too hard on yourself? If it'd give you some piece of mind maybe take a trip to your doctor to see what he or she has to say.

But in my opinion one of the most important things is taking time out for yourself, even it it's 5 minutes. A happy mommy=a happy baby.

Yvonne - posted on 11/02/2009

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oh u poor thing..please do not blame yourself, it is not your fault and walking away and leaving her cry is the right thing to do to get your head straight, there isnt a mother on this planet that hasnt done it i promise.im not a doctor but it sounds to me like you might have postpartum deprssion.You need to talk to your doctor it can be treated and you can get help and i know it doesnt look like it right now but when you go to your doctor and get help you will notice a big difference i am talking from experience.good luck..xoxox

Tessa - posted on 11/02/2009

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hey, ur a normal mom, my daughter would cry and scream for hours at night resulting in me cryng and screaming, i even said to my husband late one night "i dont want her any more" i felt sooooooo bad for saying that but at the time thats how i felt, i had a really hard time getting to bond with my daughter as she was born 10 weeks early and i had little support from the hospitals she had to stay in, she spent the whole 10 weeks in 3 different hospitals, the person i did get support from was my own family doctor as the hospitals seemed useless, take care and YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT, its how good moms become great moms xxx

Desiree - posted on 11/02/2009

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I hope u can read this, but I am 27 and my twins are 2 and a half and I still cry. Nothing prepares u enough for motherhood. Trust me it will get easier and u will deff get use to the situation. When I was at that point I decided I could not do it at all. So my husband looks at me and said well u have too. I will be honest I cried so much that I did see a doctor and she had put me on something to help me cope with my feelings at that time. However I have swung myself off of that and now I know I can do anything. That first couple months is really hard and I know how u r feeling. Trust me this is the first baby and again nobody can prepare u for that. I made it thru fine and everyone cries. You will get thru it I promise. Nothing is Impossible. That is how I look at things now. If u need to chat just message me or friend request me, cause honey I have been there :)

Cassi - posted on 11/02/2009

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Nothing is wrong with you! First of all, there is no such thing as a perfect mother! Second, if you are feeling stressed out the best thing is to just let her cry for a few minutes to gather yourself. It is good for her lungs to cry anyways. I had this problem with my son when he was little, he wouldn't sleep by himself and I ended up putting him in bed with me which was the biggest mistake ever. I should have just listened to the doctors and let him cry. It took me a year to get him sleeping in his own bed. Next, it is very normal to be emotional after having a baby, 2 month may seem like a long time since giving birth, but it really isn't. I would say talk to your doctor about postpartum depression and remember, don't feel ashamed, everything you are going through is absolutely normal! Keep your chin up, this will get better for you!!

Hillary - posted on 11/01/2009

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i have felt the same way.. you probably just have a little touch of PPD.. Post Partum Depression.. dont worry, youll get through it!

[deleted account]

It's perfectly normal what you're feeling right now and you should consult your doctor cause it could be post partum depression and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

And may I add, don't ever think you're a bad mommy. We all make mistakes and we all cry. lol We can't forget that we're all humans. You can't forget that you just had a child and that is the biggest thing your body goes through. One day at a time. You need to take care of yourself too.



For your baby crying... maybe she's hungry, but how long does she cry for? It's good that you walk away cause it's normal to lose patience when you're tired. She'll eventually fall back asleep if it's nothing. Hang in there. You're never alone and we've been there and here if you need advice.

Juliane - posted on 11/01/2009

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you are not a bad mum! it happens to us all! It is perfectly normal to let your baby cry for a while before picking them up! maybe you could give her a little more time during the day where you are not holding her so that she gets used to it so that she is not thinking it only happens at night!

Molly - posted on 11/01/2009

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This is normal for someone who has their first... its not easy and babies dont come with instructions. I have a 2 month old also and sometime I have to walk away too... ITS NORMAL! You should try talking to someone or joining some sort of mommies club... i did that when i had my first and it worked wonders... not only did i get tons of tips from other moms but i found baby sitters for when i needed a break. Hang in there girl everything will be alright!

Stephanie - posted on 11/01/2009

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I was always told that it is good to let them cry to develop their lungs, but it was hard for me to do that.

Meghan - posted on 11/01/2009

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There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes it comes naturally, and sometimes there are things that will take longer and you will need to learn. My advice... just pray that God gives you the strentgh to keep going and the peace to get through the tough times. You also have SO MANY hormones raging through you that your emotions are senstive and all over the place, so just give it some time to relax. If you ever want to talk, just message me!

Katie - posted on 11/01/2009

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Dont forget that its OK to ask someone for help...A friend, family member or daddy. One thing I learned is that if im NOT ok.. then NO ONE is ok.

Ashley Nicole - posted on 11/01/2009

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Nothing is wrong at all...patience is key. Realize that sometimes your child will cry and you won't be able to do anything but be there. I found that rocking my son and singing softly kept me calm even if he didn't stop crying altogether. Parenting can get overwhelming so asking for help will make things easier especially when your exhausted and crying. Maybe talk to your doc about PPD

Leona - posted on 11/01/2009

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Honey you are perfectly normal. After having a baby we are all very hormonal and "tender". Hey if you feel like crying let it out and if you feel like walking away for a moment then you need to. You can read all the books in the library and take all the parenting classes out there but being a mom is a step by step thing. You will learn something new every day and yes we all make mistakes but thats ok too. We know the basics feed them wash them keep them safe. All the rest is a learning process. My son is 6 and my daughter is 3 they are totally different and i learn something new everyday. We have all sat down and cried together many times and we have all thrown fits together many times. Thats what brings you close and makes a family(to be able to openly express yourself). Just always remember one thing your spouse may fall out of love with you or friends may hold a grudge against you but your kids are always there and will never leave their mom. Hang in there!!!

Anna - posted on 11/01/2009

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You sound like a lovely mom and you obviously care about your daughter. You can't always know what they want when they are crying. It is just really hard looking after a crying baby when you haven't had a decent sleep in 2 months. It gets better once they get a few months older. From about 3 months, they are mostly over that screaming stage, which is usually just caused by gas. I don't believe in leaving babies to cry, but sometimes you need to do it for 5 minutes if you are getting too angry and frustrated.

Amanda - posted on 11/01/2009

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There is nothing wrong with you. I have a three year old and I still feel the same way. I am learning slowly but surly that patience is something that is learned not given.

Maureen - posted on 11/01/2009

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I am 24 and have a two month old you can ask my husband being a parent is not easy.Some days i get upset with our daughter about not knowing what she needs, but it getts easier everyday and keep in mind your hormones from your pregnancy are still not all the way back to normal. I cry just singing certian songs to our daughter. But if you get to the point that you have thoughts about hurting your self or the baby, talk to your doc. it may be good to talk with them anyway and they can reassure you. It takes time good luck!

Marie - posted on 11/01/2009

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You're fine! Every mother goes through what you're feeling. I thought I was loosing my mind the first few months. But my daughter and I have an amazing understanding of one another now... She's 11 months now. :) It DOES get easier! Crying is normal, but if you feel too overwhelmed, like everybody has said, talk to your doctor. I had postpartum depression in the beginning too. You're not a bad person for feeling like that. In fact it just proves you're normal!

It WILL get better! If you need someone to talk to, message me. I'm always on late.

Brandi - posted on 11/01/2009

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its ok to let them cry some its good for their lungs. i asked my doctor about it and she said dont let them cry for like 2 or 3 hours. but when you start to feel overwhelmed its ok to let them cry they will learn to self soothe. if your child is 2 months old then you must be doin something right cause its still alive so that goes to show that you are a great mom. i get frustrated with my newborn cause she is colic and i have to let her cry sometimes. just stick with it he/she will out grow it. keep your head up your a great mom!!!

Kaila - posted on 11/01/2009

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Hang in there I gets better try to find a toy that sings or talk . Play in around her doing the day to get her in to it. Then try giving it to her at night when you know she's dry and full and shouldn't be crying. Also try to stop holding her so much in the day time so she will start play by herself and not need you as much when she wakes up at night. Plus don't forget just because we are mother does not mean will don't need time to our self. Find your time even if it's just a little while. You're going to be just fine .

Brittany - posted on 11/01/2009

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There's nothing wrong with you. A lot of new mothers cry a lot - I did. It usually takes a while to get the hang of it. There's always new things being thrown at you.

Janette - posted on 11/01/2009

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sweetie no one is born knowing how to be a mother.. its takes time ask your mother and grandmother how they did things and soon you will find your way of doing things. nothing is perfect so dont try to be.. always remember it takes one day at a time...i have three children and i am still learning...you will be fine

Amanda - posted on 11/01/2009

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there is nothing wrong with you and it doesnt sound bad that you walk away when shes crying and your upset. if you are upset and try to calm her down she will only get more upset because you are. its better to let her cry for the few moments it will take you to get controll of yourself then to try and deal with her when you are upset. i do it all the time with my twins and by the time i finally have controll so do they.

Lyndsay - posted on 11/01/2009

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Well first of all I have to say that you should NOT feel bad about walking away from your crying baby when you are getting frustrated. If the alternative is potentially harming her in your frustration (shaken baby syndrome), I would say letting her cry it out until you regain your composure is much better.

I think that you need to address your feelings of helplessness, as in speak to your doctor. You may have postpartum depression, which is an issue in itself that needs to be worked out.

I know it can be difficult being a parent for the first time, but my best advice to you is try to be confident in yourself. Babies pick up on how you're feeling, and if you're super stressed out then she will feed off of that. The negative energy will affect her. Try to be positive. :)

Tiera - posted on 11/01/2009

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Some babies just cry alot. My first child did that. All you can do is try to comfort her and don't beat yourself up if you can't. It's good to take a break and walk away if you need to. That's better than getting frustrated in front of her. Don't let yourself stress over it because that will only make it worse. Your baby feeds off your emotional state too. Try to relax and know that it will get better as she gets a little older.

Shanna - posted on 11/01/2009

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The same emotions occured to me just after i had my son tyler. Im only 21 myself and at one stage i just didnt think i could do it, i was depressed and sleep deprived and this went on for months until my son was about 4 months.

It helps to try and make time for yourself, i know its hard to find the time but you need your rest, if your tired and depressed your baby can generally feel your tension.

So yeah just try and get some time for yourself, im sure your doing all the right things. =D

Aj - posted on 11/01/2009

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your not a bad mum, i went through the same thing, dont be afraid toask for help, i went to a QEII which is a hospital for mothers and babies, you should speak to your child nurse and find out about any servies that are available to help you. you may have post natal depression which is completely normal. does she have a sleep through the day? if so maybe you should have one at the same time to get that extra nap

Veronica - posted on 10/31/2009

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Nothing wrong with you at all!!!! It is a good thing to walk away sometimes it helps with you for one and sometimes it will help them learn a little of self soothing!!! But you should talk to your doc about your crying cause it might be post pardum..and they are there to help you, Always try to nap when she dose so you get enough sleep. Nightime dose she have colic type symptoms cause that might be part of her problem do a little looking into that might help. She still might be confused on her night and day too. Good luck and you are a good mom nothing is wrong with you it just takes time for both you and her to get into routines.

Tara - posted on 10/31/2009

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its ok . there is nothing worng with u. every 1st tiem mom goes trough that dout and not knwo whats wrong . here is some thing u can do. if u have changed them buped them and feed them. if u think she is teething then u give her what u think u want to give here. some times they cry beacuse they want to be held and some times its because they are bord. i know my little one cry when they have had to much run through there minds. it ok to walk away as long as there are safe. i have to do that alot even tho i have a 3 year old and a 4 month old. me i walk away out of the house for 15 to 25 mins they i go baak and try it again. u also have to think for u mood control issues u might wamt to talk to ur doc about postpardum depertion. i hope this helps some. jsut rember u are the only one that know best for ur child and ur are a good mom i just takes time to lean them. i promies u. u can do this it will all work out. and if u need more help im here for u. i knwo im younger then u but i have had my fair share of sleepls nights not know what to do and not thinking i can do it . jsut remind ur slef i can do this. if i find that the instutions on how to rasie a child i will share it with u. but every child is differnt. i can only tell u and help u from what i know.

tara

Mel - posted on 10/31/2009

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walking away is the right thing to do. I had to leave my baby for hours sometimes to cry, still in the same room though. Theres nothign wrong with you almost all mums go through it and its hard. When my daughter was first born I would cry for no reason and then over silly reasons like the fact that I was never going ot get more then 2 hours unbroken sleep for a long time. It was only at night, and after she went down to sleep id sit on the couch upset still. I think its totally normal and it passes

Julie - posted on 10/31/2009

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we all go through this my son 5months and still ave those moments but at the start i didnt know how i would cope so i joined lots of groups for support its just nice to now ur not the only one and try to sleep when she does u will feel better

Dakota - posted on 10/31/2009

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It's ok. You're a new mom, no one expects you to be perfect. I have a 33 month old and a soon to be 6 month old (on monday) and I'm still getting the hang of things. It takes a while to get it down. Also, her crying isn't your fault...she's a baby they do that a lot sometimes. Don't get yourself upset overit you'll get the hang of it in due time. Trust me. Just enjoy your little girl. :)

Amanda - posted on 10/31/2009

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You are just tired, girl, take a break get someone to help you while you take a nap...dont be too proud to ask for help or a break. And dont feel bad if you have to walk away and let ehr cry...crying dosent harm a baby...That is the best thing to do when you are overlytired or stressed just make sure she is in a safe position and walk away and have a break then come back to her. Dont worry it gets better....I am a foster mom and summer of 08 I was placed with 2 babies within 6 weeks of each other both newborns both drug addicted babies...WOW ...but we made it through...Thank God...you just have to remember to make time for urself and ask for support and help from ur family and friends...Just love your baby with all you have and everything will work out....Best Wishes!

Megan - posted on 10/31/2009

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u did great by walkin away!! it def is hard those first few mths! u feel awful wen she cries and hav no idea wut 2 do!! i cried all the stinkin time!! i didn't learn his cries 4 a looong time..so don't feel so bad...ur doin great! and puttin her n her bed at nite is great! she'll prob learn 2 go 2 bed on her own pretty soon since u do that as long as u've tried everythin else first 2 make sure there was nuttin else wrong like make sure she's dry and fed and stuff..mayb she needs a mobile above her bed 2 c the pretty colors goin round?? and hav a calmin down period every nite...turn down all the lights and turn the tv on low and mayb sing 2 her a little like an hr b4 u want her 2 go 2 bed..mayb give her a bath at nite with calming shampoo unless u think that'll jsut wake her up even more i dunno...mayb lay her down and rub her tummy or back 2 calm her down so she knows ur there but just no ur doin a grat job!! ur not a horrible mom 4 cryin! i'll tak sum time 2 get use 2...trust keep trusting ur gut and doin wut ur doing...UR DOIN GREAT!!! :)

Melinda - posted on 10/31/2009

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she could just have gas. or you might try letting her sleep with you a little and see if she just misses you. theres nothing wrong with walking away for a few sometimes thats what it takes. being a mom is very hard. try picking her up and bouncing slightly. my son did that somtimes and sing to her it may calm her down. or she could be hungery. hope things work ought good luck!

Aimee - posted on 10/31/2009

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What you described was excatly how i felt with our youngest. She cried all night and was happy during the day and I cried all the time with her. I went to see my OB and he said I definatly had post partum and gave me a lite anti depressant that i took for a couple of months and then was fine. It definatly helped to level me back out and once I was calm and ok she was calm and ok. She never would sleep unless she was being held and she liked no one other than me. It was bad for a while and i didnt have a whole lot of help. My husband was doing training with the army getting ready to MOB, my mom died a few years ago, my sister worked nights and slept days, and my father would help with the oldest but with the baby she just cried with him also so I was truly on my own with her. It doesnt hurt for the baby to lay in their bed and cry for usually no longer than 20-30 minutes. Crying helps to build their lungs and also makes them realize that crying doesnt get them picked up. And yes even new borns notice these things. Take a deep breath, shut the doo, and just let them cry for a few minutes. As long as they are feed, clean diaper, and not sick then it will be ok. Best of luck to you, Aimee

[deleted account]

its better for you to walk away for a few minutes to recollect yopurself so you don't so something harmful because of your frustration...it'll get easier as she gets older....it is sometimes very frustrating being a mom...but you just have to remember that you can overcome all obstacles and do anything wit your mom powers! lol

Kiley - posted on 10/31/2009

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oh my goodness you are not a bad mom!! you have no idea how many times i let my son cry it out and then id bawl because i felt horrible!! one thing that did help is i went to my doctor and got on cymbalta but a week later i quit taking it because i got in the swing of things.. just think about this.. your body went through a HUGE change.. you delivered a baby.. now your raising this baby and it takes a while for things to get back in place.. my son is 7 months and i still get frustrated.. but theres nothing wrong with either of us.. we're obviously frustrated.. you know your baby and you know yourself.. things will fall into place sooner than you think!!

[deleted account]

You sound exhausted and like you may have a little post partum depression. You should call your gynecologist and let them know. There are great medications that you only have to be on for a little while. See if your mom, sister, friend, significant other will get up with the baby all night so you can get one good night of rest. Postpartum depression can make you feel like you're not good at parenting and that's not true.

Nicole - posted on 10/31/2009

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No nothing wrong with you. Most people (including myself) are learned mothers. It is very stressful and overwhelming when you are exhausted and the baby is screaming. The best thing you can do when you get to the point of tears yourself is to put her in her crib and walk away so you can take a breather and come back clear minded. Things will get better soon (even if it does not seem that way now). Until then , sending HUGS and HOPE!

Abby - posted on 10/31/2009

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My son is almost 11 months now, but I remember when he was two months old I broke down crying once (out of SEVERAL crying episodes). I called my husband at work while the baby was crying in his crib (i had to walk away too) and said "I just want someone to tell me its OK that i'm fat and its OK that my house is a complete wreck because I have a 2 month old!" Things are muuuuccch better now, but I don't really look back on those first few months as a new mom fondly. He still fights sleep really hard, but it was AWFUL at the beginning. He would scream for hours on end whenever he was sleepy, then would only sleep while breastfeeding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, you're just a new mom! I hated it when people would say this--but it does get much better. good luck with everything!

Sarah - posted on 10/31/2009

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All mothers go through this emotional period. When my daughter was a month or so old, I watched a commercial on t.v. about a mother sleeping with her baby on the couch and her husband went to take a picture and her baby died, because of this I went without sleep for three days so that I could watch her and stare at her to make sure she was fine. My husband finally gave up, called the doctor when I started thinking people were breaking in to steal my daughter, yeah that's sleep depervation for you!

I don't know what I went into detail about that, yet I just wanted to explain that we all go through this crying spells and worrying spells and etc, yet if deep down you know that you are able to do this and love your baby then realize that like anything in life, there are goods and bads, yet you have to dwell on the goods!

Angelique - posted on 10/30/2009

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I am 27 and when I was 12 weeks pregnant I found out that its twins. When they were born this was very overwelming. I also said to myself that I am not cut out for this and that I am a bad mom.

One night crying just as hard as my one little boy that had bad colic, my husband came to me and said the following.

"How can you say you are a bad mother if you carried these boys so long, and they were healty at birth. How can you say you are a bad mother if you work and provide for them. A little baby wont know if you right or wrong... they think what you do it what you are suppose to do."

Now remember, raising kids I found is a guessing game. Before they can talk, you need to try and guess why or what is making them unhappy. This is just as new for you as it is for that little one, and think about it, the only way to learn is to make mistakes. We are afterall just human. Me and my husband makes mistakes as well, and there are a couple of things that now if i think about it, I will change. But I cant so all I can do is try to do better next time.

Just because your baby cries doesnt mean there is something wrong with you. I said in one of my other posts that we take these little ones for granted. You can turn if you slept on a side to long, you can scratch when you have an itch, those are just little things they cant do cause they dont know what is happening.

All we can really do is try our best and hold our sanity... It does get better. My 2 are 10 months now and we still dont sleep through but it is alot better than what is was. Just stick to a routine as that provides security and dont be hard on yourself.

There is a routine I follow and it works for me. EASY...
Eat
Awake
Sleep
Your time.

Stick to a routine and if you feel its becoming to bad or to hard, just think of those little things they do that puts a smile on your face!

Tricia - posted on 10/30/2009

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Honey, it sounds like you need a break. If your not breast feeding, go to a friends house, leave the baby with daddy or a trusted family member. Stay the whole night. This will not only give you some sleep, but it will make you miss your baby and confirm that you are a good mom.

I have four boys and I've had to do this a couple of times just to remind myself that I am a good mom. This will also raise your spirits, because sleep deprevity will cause major depression.

My prayers will be with you and yours. Try to get some sleep:-)

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