Need help trying do deal with my husband leaving me and our son....help!

DeAnn - posted on 09/14/2012

Like I said, I know EXACTLY what you're going through, and your post touched a nerve. It is so hard, and makes you question everything. If I could hug you through the computer I would. You can get through this and will be stronger for it. ♥

Kristin M - posted on 09/14/2012

Jazma, you could have not said it any better. I love the Ocean analogy. Your words are comforting.



Thanks!

Kristin M - posted on 09/14/2012

DeAnn,



Honey, you literally have me in tears over here. You have been so inspirational and encouraging. You have given me a dose of something I really needed. God bless you! Thank you so much!



Kristin

Jazzmah - posted on 09/14/2012

Well said DeAnn Cope =) !

Jazzmah - posted on 09/14/2012

I know how you feel. I went thru' this a couple years back w/my kids dad. Honestly, what I can tell you is that, You gotta' remember you have a child that needs you. I know emotionally your damaged from what has happened, but better days are yet to come. It does take time to heal, & I've been thru' that process but God will never give you a situation that you cant handle. it's okay to cry, releasing your tears to build an ocean... only means that ocean is being built to one day swim in. A friend of mine told me that and at first I didnt understand it. But, your Ocean is your future... whether you want an exotic island or a chain of Island's like Hawaii, it's meant for happiness. You have to go thru' the storm to finally feel the CALM after it. I dont know you but I will keep you and your son in my prayers. Just remember, there is always CALM after the storm. May God give you strength and comfort as you go thru' what you"re going thru'. I pray for many Blessings upon you and your SON. God Bless you !

DeAnn - posted on 09/14/2012

I've been through this. Remember that you are a strong, resilient creature. You cannot allow yourself to wallow in what is HIS problem. The issue is not you. It's not about him not wanting you, that something's wrong with you, or that you're not worthy. It's about the fact that he's a jerk and does not care enough to stick around for you and his son.



Maybe he has responsibility issues. Maybe he's a narcissist who had a rough childhood. Maybe he's immature with an entitlement mentality. Whatever the reason, do not be tempted to chase after him. Sometimes it helps to get angry, to drive you to action, but do NOT get irrational.



First, if he has a habit of making you feel dependent on him, or belittling you, calling you names, being manipulative, and generally saying intentionally mean things, that qualifies as emotional abuse and you can seek assistance with the local women's shelter for further help so you don't go back to him. It is a cycle of abuse when he comes back home like he's doing you a favor and is all lovey dovey and sorry.



Second, make sure you contact a lawyer and file for divorce for reasons of spousal abandonment and emotional abuse. If he is the only breadwinner, some law firms will build their fees into the settlement on his end or find a young lawyer to do pro bono work. Do your homework on the laws and rules for your state.



In many states, you can file for child support immediately upon filing for the divorce. The state will garnish his paychecks if he can't prove he's paying it.



Get a separate bank account in your name only. Do not allow him access to your money.



Do not give in to provocations to fight and do not allow him access to your son until there is a court order in place if you feel he will use your son against you. If he tries to pick a fight, treat him like a professional contact - be cordial but firm and communicate only necessary information. Take hold of your emotions and refuse to let him have control. You can cry later.



Remember your son is an innocent in all of this. Love on him, be there for him. If you make that your focus in the day-to-day, you will be helping him more than you know. Be strong, be smart, be strategic, be protective. Don't date right away or feel the need to be with someone. When you get lonely, call friends & family. When you get those "needs" get a vibrator. You don't want to risk getting with an abuser or a smooth-talking con man or worse, a child abuser. So sad when boyfriends murder and rape kids - there's one story a week like that where I live because some women are raised that if she doesn't have a man, she doesn't have value. THAT IS A LIE. You have VALUE, you are WORTHY, you are STRONG, you are BEAUTIFUL, you are a MOM.



God bless, sweetie. Best of luck.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2012

Just take 1 day at a time. Maybe try and get away for a couple of days.



The breakup of a relationship needs to be mourned as well.