new mom 1 month old baby boy

Jennifer - posted on 02/07/2009

Thank you very much everyone who posted the reply's it was very helpful I though it was just my hormones going nuts. I mean my bf does help out with the house I guess its just because im not use to having a baby around the house it seams a little crazy for me but than again could be alot worse. My mom stops in once a week to help me out so I can get a couple hours of sleep and any running around I need to do without the baby she kinda steps in there too so I do have help. Everyone is right though its completely life changing and alot of things to adjust too (messy house) but now that hes just over a month im kind of relaxing a bit more and not so stuck on how much he should help out. But I do have to say im dreading going back to work because im giong to miss him terribly.

Marcia - posted on 02/06/2009

It was definitely overwhelming...nothing can prepare you...however, I found, "this too shall pass" as reassuring. You've gone through a lot, you have a new baby, your life has completely changed and oh yeah your hormones are crazy. I agree with a lot of the women the first six to eight weeks is just time for you and your baby to get to know eachother and also don't be afraid to ask for help...people love to help :)
Also, I know this has been said already by many people, but being a Mom is a 24 hour job...your husband yes he does go to work...however there are a few differences at work than at home:
1. A lunch break.
2. Breaks in general.
3. Adult conversation.
4. Clear (o.k. for the most part, clear) instructions and duties.
5. Gets to sleep for the most part all night...you are the one that is up feeding the baby.
6. No crazy hormones.
My husband planned to spend the first two weeks with us, but I was in the hospital the first entire week due to complications...he helps out a lot, but a lot more now...he also needs time to get used to the big life change too. Our house is usually a crazy mess...I doubt that when our lives end we will wish that we had just had time to scrub that toilet one more time, but wished we had more time to spend with our loved ones.

Jessica - posted on 02/06/2009

I did find it a bit overwhelming in the beginning but i had my sister for the 1st week she came and stayed with us and my partner would get up and change nappies before i would feed but now it is me who gets up most of the times during the night not that he wakes that often now

Danialle - posted on 02/06/2009

I was very overwhelmed at first. My hubby only had 3 days with us before he had to go back to work. He works nights and sleeps all day so it is tough. I am a stay at home mom and my son is 7 months now. My husband started really helping out more when my son was about 4 months. Before that he was too scared and thought I did everything better, or so he said. But once my son started interacting more and showing interest in my hubby, he was willing to help more. So he takes the evening shift and I get the rest. Although we have always split DIAPER duty, that was not negotiable! And once I quit nursing, he had to help feed the baby.I informed my hubby of all this when I was prego. I told him that if he wanted to help make a baby, he got to help care for it. My son absolutely loves his daddy and they have a great time together. It does get easier!

Sarah - posted on 02/06/2009

Of course it's overwhelming.  it changes your life completely.  I was very lucky with my man and even now 15 months on he still gives me a lie in on his day off and helps as much as he can.  But how much they can help depends on personal circumstances of work.  my man works nights so he spends every afternoon  with our little girl.  But when she was first born he worked days and it was hard.  i had to look after her all day and all night as he needed to be fit for work.

Hope you get on well.  They are worth the sleepless nights

Erica - posted on 02/06/2009

I understand that when you are a frist time mother things are tough at the beginning but when we are home its our responibility to care for them i understand that when our husbands come home to take the baby for an hour to help out but at the same time our husbands work away from home and they have a responsibility to do at work. I know that it can be hard to handle a baby but when we are home in most circumstances we can catch a nap here and there during the day as our husbands can't, the more kids you have the less chance you get having a nap trust me i know i have 4 kids when my 4th was born, having a c-section, i never got a nap, and i home school, so juggling that is a lot of work, and my house is clean and tidy. And i have no family close to me to help out once and while. I have my kids 24/7 literally. i have to take 4 kids to the drs and the dentist and the eye dr. the list goes on. i have reliezed that i stay home and its my place to handle that now when my husband comes home he'll play with the kids so i can do other things without a worry but we can't always expect them do everything and complain about it. i know this sounds harsh but its true. i'm 24 with kids all under 5 years of age

Fazlin - posted on 02/06/2009

No, it is a big deal. Im a first time mum to. I salute single moms who dont get much help during the early hours. I must say, i was so impressed with my husband when baby and i came from hosp. When it gets over whelming for me he steps ryt in and takes charge, giving me an hour or so to get some sleep. It really helped. He wrks shifts but that never got in the way. Our baby boy is 2months old now and preferes to be held than to be left laying on his back, wich becomes tiering as i also love a clean place and always had everthing done on time. Well times have changed now and after seeing to my baby my chores get done but when daddy's home. I can do the worlds chores. His really an excellent helping hand and very understanding. Hope everyting goes well on ur side!!!

Amber - posted on 02/06/2009

I jstu had my first baby 7months ago.  Her dad works 40 + hrs a week and so do I.  It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed at times.  I tried so hard sometimes to make my husband understand but what we have to remember is that we are the mommies and we will always carry more of the burden of raising our child.  After a while he did start to pitch in more.  Not only with our daughter but around the house.  I think it takes them a little longer to adjust.  Remember it is ok to leave yoiu child with hima dn go awoay for a couple of hours.  Go get a  pedicure or go to the bookstore and just sit for an hour and read a book.  Trust me it's helpful.

One of my biggest stuggles was withthe house work.  I am used to having a very clean and tidy house.  Well Its not always that way anymore.  Sometimes the work will get a little overloading but it will always get done.  instead of fighting with him about it ( i'm not saying that you are but I was.)  sit and talk with him and let him know how overwhelming things can get.  Let him know that if he just does simple little things it will be lots of help. 

If you have family around don't feel bad to ask them if they can help as well.  My mom would sometimes come over so that I would be able to take a shower.  I always felt bad to leave the baby in her basinet to shower cause when I got out she would be crying.  Or maybe ask them to take her for just a couple of hours so you can nap or work around the house.  You'd be suprised at how helpful your family can be.  And they too need time to bond with your baby.

Good luck.

Erica - posted on 02/06/2009

while recovering there was more expectation on my husband to help. But once i was healed from birth the responsibility is on me. My first was natural i had a bad tear, so it took 6wkks for me to recover after that i was in charge of the baby part. Now when my son was getting close to 3 months he wasn't sleeping through the night and on weekends he would help at night and he's done that with all my kids, he wouldn't do it during the week. And sometimes he would do a 10 or 10:30pm feeding when i pumped. Don't worry it takes a bit to get in the role of things with routine and predicting what your baby will need, it happens every time i have 4 kids it takes i think 6-8 weeks to understand your baby. Your right the 1st month is over whelming and you are adjusting to things you haven't done before. I promise your body will get use to things and you will be a amazing mother.