newly seperated...1st kid... =( sad!

Christine - posted on 05/28/2009

Hey TT I was a single mom ( I still feel like a single mom). I got married at 21 to a man in Europe I paid immigration and everything. He had a job here in the states, a house, wife and kid on the way and never showed up. I got stuck raising my baby alone, moving in with my parents and struggling with their horrible comments to me. I never really got over it, the fact that after knowing someone for 7 years getting married and then he basically left me out to dry. I just forgave him. My oldest is 5 now and it hurts even more because he looks identical to his father. Anyway I made goals for myself and stuck to them. I started working out, taking my son out all the time, getting out of the house as much as I could. Basically I made myself so busy with other stuff that i would have time to cry or even think of all the mess. The wierd part is being busy with all that I bumped into my now boyfriend for 4 years. We have a son together he is 18 months. Refuses to get married. Doesnt help me with anything. Now I am a stay at home mom. When I had a job and got pregnant we had spoken about all the things we are going to go through and let me tell you, he didnt even come close to his end of the bargain. Now I really want to seperate from him because I dont feel hes right, Hed rather be on the computer than play with the kids. when he came into my life my oldest started calling him daddy. I introdused them 3 months after we met. My oldest than was 1 11/2. So my oldest now knows the truth about his biological father. I am not happy with the way he disapplins the kids and always cuts me down in front of them. With no job I really dont have anywhere to go. His jealousy is taring me apart, Like I said I feel like a single mom in a way. I have to take them to the doctors,clean,cook, fill out all papers for school and doctors even do all his paperwork, grocery shop,laundry, and still he says all i do is nothing, After I had the baby I lost myself completely :( I love my kids but I truely think I am better off without him and eventually the kids will forget about him. A father is a dime a dozen, Mothers are the ones that are hard to find. By all means I dont want my two boys to turn out like the rest of the men or liek their fathers. So I know how you feel , like a failure, mainly with this one I have been fighting with myself that if I do seperate with him I have failed again. Isnt it bad enough that my oldest doesnt have his father next to him but on the other hand I am mad that my kids are learning the crap my boyfriend is doing now. Good Luck! If I can go back to where I was I would of never started another relationship and never intrduced my son to him so soon. I feel like I have to start all over again.

Melissa - posted on 05/28/2009

Hey I am not single so I am not in your shoes but I came from a single mom who was on AISH while I was growwing up so I hope you dont mind me adding an opinion as a child.

But first Id like to say you guys are such great moms really and great strong women there is no shame in being a single mom if anything you deserve more credit I have a hard time with two of us.

For one I would care less if people on the street dont see you have a ring if they honestly are that disgruntled about it they have more issues of their own to deal with and probably thier own skelatons in the closet. I would show of the fact that you are strong and capable to do it on your own, you dont need a man to fall back on and instead of kissing the assholes ass you stood your ground great for you. You should be proud thats such a scary decision to make, but I am so sure you made the best one. I would say a childs mental health is much better with a single mom or single father who at the best maybe became friends if at all possible that would be best but if not Id stiill say its better then teaching a child that an unhealthy marriage/ relationship is what you should settle for and that they see the two people they love the most unhappy you should never settle for unhappiness.



As a child from a single mom home and do not remember my father I have 2 things to ask if you do not mind as I do not understand the full situations and I understand that

1. Please be so picky about the next man you bring into your home and to your children make sure you do love them makes sure they love and respect you if they dont of course your children are going to pick up on it and make sure they respect love and treat your child with kindness and most of all trust your children some moms shrug it off as jealousy but kids see soemtimes what we are to blind to they have great instincts.

2. Please do keep some of the fathers stuff for the child and let them know about him.. Now being 22 not seeing my father since 3 I wish I had stuff from him and believe me he did horrible things but none of it seems real he doesnt seem real and it has caused major mistrust with my mother and me I have nothing of him not even to show my kids and my husbands dad passed away so they have never had a grandpa and its my fault I cannot find him to give them one. Pleas keep as much as you can even if its in a box put away for when they want it.

3. Dont tell them the bad stuff not being rude but as you grow up it makes you question and ask yourself if its true if they come to you of course do not lie but keep it short and as easy o deal with as possible.

All kids want to feel and know they were atleast brought to this world with parents that did love eachother even if they dont any more after all kids want to be so much like us monkey see monkey do so lets show them the best parts of us even if they are hard to find.



Sorry for making this so long I am such a cry baby. But You guys are awesome women so strong and brave and you are really great role models for your kids.

Crystal - posted on 05/27/2009

My twins were 6 months old when me and their dad started going through our divorce. At first it was very hard but as then with in time it became a lot easier to cope with the way that the world became. My boys are three now and honestly I love being a single mom and all the special moments that I get to share with my boys and dont have to share them with anyone else.

I know it is hard but just keep your head high and try to stay strong for your baby cause in the long run their will br nobody like mommy

TT - posted on 05/27/2009

aw boo..im sorry..im gettin all teary eyed...my hubby is a mommas boy..part of the reason why were not together..he would let her talk any way to me n not stand up for me. like even now..i dont understand..he'll talk to me & wanna get up with me, but when it comes to our son hes just like blah..say hes gonna see em n then doesnt show..idk..but he wont give me full custody..ugh its so much drama...

im sorry boo..i know time will help...ill do the same for you! thanks tho =)

Natasha - posted on 05/27/2009

We could be the same person! My husband and I were married for 2yrs when I go pregnant with my son. He left me a week before Christmas and then left me AGAIN (actually, his mother called my mother and told her to tell me to get my stuff and get out) six weeks later after he asked me to move back to our home town. I was so crushed! I just looked at pictures and my rings and cried for weeks. I was so afraid and I still am of people thinking I was just some girl who got pregnant. I've been trying so hard to just let it go but it seems impossible. I love my son and I feel like he has been robbed of a happy family. I've had to move in with my parents and I so appreciate them and all of thier help. I just wish it was different. My ex refused and still refuses to work it out. I'm praying for you and your situation. Try to be strong for your son. Boys were made for their mommas :0)

TT - posted on 05/27/2009

thanks boo! im a strong female so i know i can def move past this..it just totally sucks ass...lol plus ontop of it filing seperation papers and custody n child support and i work right downt he street from our old home..i see him everyday after work.....ugh...i love my son, hes the best thing thats happened to me. i didnt want kids but now that i have him i cant imagine how it would be with out him lool...im glad i had him..i mean bottom line i see who his dad really was once it came down to the gritty ish u kno wha i mean..
and i dont know about that online searchin for guys lol thats how i met him! i dont want another like that!! LOL

Cassie - posted on 05/27/2009

hi, yeah all you gotta do is keep on going is pretty much how I did it my son was a month old when I left his father becuz he was really bad into drugs and that wasnt me at all he changed so much I felt it only right for me and my son to move but since I hadnt received my Maternity leave benefits I had no choice but to move an hour and half away from all my friends and move back in with my parents who still have my three siblings still at home and I had to also move back home with my two dogs and my mom already had five dogs so it made things very hectic.... everyone was accepting of my baby but I got sick of explaining why his father wasnt in his life so I started just telling them he chose drugs over his family and I didnt really think I would move out so fast it wasnt until my son was almost a year when I met a really awesome guy on Plenty of Fish which took me months and months and months to search through all the pricks and lowlifes to find someone who would understand my situation and also that would be able to handle I have a son. I talked to him on msn for months and then decided to meet him only because he was friends with two of my college friends in high school and they gave me the thumbs up that he was a good guy, him having two children already he was very understanding of children and the whole single parents situation, he was also a great dad and didnt hide anything from me, so if I have any sort of advice its that you will meet someone eventually it just takes time, all I Can say is enjoy ur son while he is still small becuz sometimes i recented my son because I was blaming him being born for me being in the situation I was in but then I realized he makes me a grown up I dont party anymore, smoke, drink, and I dont even drive with the music too loud... LOL ........a lot of girls cant give there full attention to there children they cant give up there past lives but with children you gotta live for tommorrow becuz you have no choice so even though ur sad understand it will all be more fun then you can handle eventually and you will find someone who makes you happy all you have to do is start with taking that ring into a pawn shop and buy yourself a nice purse or something....I got rid of everything that reminded me of my ex even the pics of him at my sons birth.... it was hard but it worked, hope this helps!