No baby shower:(

Stephanie - posted on 06/10/2010 ( 100 moms have responded )

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Is it selfish of me to be upset that nobody in my family(or my husband's) will throw me a baby shower? This is my 2nd baby but my 1st son and I do have all of the baby equipment(swing, bouncer, crib etc.) from my daughter who is 2 years old, but I have no clothes for my son and still need all the necessary baby items(lotion, baby wash, diapers etc.) for him. My husband was just recently laid off of his job so money is really tight right now and a shower would really help out alot. My husband's brother's wife just had her 3rd daughter(in 4 years) a few months back and my husband's aunt threw her a shower, so I really feel betrayed by them for ignoring that my son will be here really soon(I'm 32 weeks). And I feel it would be rude to ask someone to throw me one. What do you think I should do?

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Jessica - posted on 06/11/2010

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I say what you do is throw one yourself and when everyone asks where the refreshments, cake, and decorations are then you say that is exactly why I needed this baby shower, my husband is laid off and we did not expect this when I got pregnant, maybe then people will realize the hardship you are in and decide to help out!

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

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I would so ask you husband to say something to a female in the family about giving you one. I have 3 kids and only had 2 baby showers it was for the first 2 and they are only 20months apart so i really didn't need anything for those 2 but when I had the last baby it so would of been nice to have a shower. There is 4 year different between my 2nd and last boy. Talk to your husband and let he know how much it will help you guys out and that you would really like to have one. hope that this helps too

Stevie - posted on 06/13/2010

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i have never had a baby shower im pregnant with my 3rd and i know it probably wont happen but idk i just wish someone would throw me one i dont have many close friends and deff no one near me but idk it kinda hurts to think no one cares in a way i know i could throw myself one but i dont really think that is how they are suppose to be done ya know but idk im upset ive never had one and i probably never will but if you dont have a problem throwing one id say throw one for yourself i dont think its wrong to throw one but i just dont feel right doing it idk i wish you luck and that everything starts getting better

Angie - posted on 06/13/2010

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Generally having a shower for 2nd or 3rd children isn't something that is done and also throwing your own shower is generally frowned upon. I didn't have a shower for my second although someone did offer and we declined since I just didn't feel it was the right thing to do. Everyone had already been so generous with our first. But when our second was born we still got tons of little gifts from friends and family. Mostly clothes and they brought them with them when they came to meet baby for the first time. So even without a shower I would still bet you'll get some little things for the little guy.

You can get baby clothes for pretty cheap too. All you really need are some simple little outfits (onesies are like $10 for 5).

Amber - posted on 06/12/2010

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Throw a diaper shower! just envite everyone over for a girls night and tell them they need to bring a baby item to trade for a ticket to get into your awsome party and make it a potluck!

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Melissa - posted on 06/14/2010

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I do not think it is sselfish of you at all. I think of a baby shower as a celebration of a little one's life that you are bringing int otis world.The first baby is not more important then the rest, I plan on ave a get to get for all of te babies that I have.

Heidi - posted on 06/14/2010

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I understand how you feel. I am pregnant with our 2nd son...My oldest son will be 5 soon after I have this baby and when my husband and I announced that we were having another baby, his sister told us not to expect a baby shower!!! I was very hurt because I do not expect anything. My husband told me that if his family doesn't throw me a baby shower than he will. I did have a lot of things from our 1st son but when hubby's nephews baby was born 7 months after our son, we gave them a lot of our things to BARROW and they decided to give the clothes and stuff away instead of giving them back to us like we had asked. I will not do that again.
Anyways, like others have said, throw a shower for yourself or ask your hubby to do it for you.....Good luck and congrats:)!!!

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2010

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Say something!! you deserve a baby shower and like you said, this is your first son and ppl should totally throw you a shower, you have all the right reasons for backing it up and how about the fact that every expectant mom weather its first or fourth should have one anyway or that is what I believe, even if its just for all the ladies of the family and all the friends to gather and be happy for the mom. I hope they do this for you and good luck

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

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I don't think it is selfish at all! No matter how many kids you have, there are always things you need for a new baby, especially when you are trying to recover...who wants to go to the store to buy more diapers when all you can think of is more sleep?! I think it is rude of the other people to not be offering to throw you one! So, I think you should deffinately throw one yourself, or ask your husband to---you can just be behind the scenes helping him plan it :) That way you don't have to feel guilty about throwing your own--it looks like he is for you :) Good luck, I hope you get one!

Crissi Lynn - posted on 06/14/2010

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no its not selfish at all..not just for the gifts but its nice to see people around you supporting you and excited to see your son comin into the world!

Jessica - posted on 06/14/2010

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I planned mine with my mom and we had a little something here about a month before the baby was born. Guys were invited too, there was no games, some finger foods and just a fun celebration to celebrate a new life with family and friends. Plus, after the baby was born we got some gifts for my daughter and we have gotten a lot of hand me downs from friends and have borrowed stuff such as swings and exercauser etc from friends.

Heather - posted on 06/14/2010

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Too bad you didn't have other co workers or friends who cared. Maybe your church or neighbors could help. I would go to every garage sale I could if i were you. You would be surprized what you can find when you really need it most. Also check your local Salvation Army or thrift stores. Even Catholic charities and other church groups can be useful. Best of Luck awaiting your childs arrival,Stephanie! ~ Heather

Amanda - posted on 06/14/2010

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I would do a welcome home shower!! Those are really awesome and really popular thing to do this days!! With my five year old I didn't get a shower b.c. I had an emergency C section at 32 weeks so when everyone would visit me in the hospital they brought gifts and all sorts of fun things!! With my 8 month old I wanted a shower soo bad b/c they were 5 years apart and didnt think i would have another child at the time...so My best friend and I threw my shower...we did everything from the guest list to decorations to making all the food..thank goodness my mom let me use her house and helped with some of the food...For my next baby I want to do a welcome home party with friends and family!! Good luck to you and I hope your husband is able to get a new job soon!! Congrats on being a new mommy again!!!

Chantal - posted on 06/13/2010

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awh hun ur not selfish i think you should tell someone u want one. i know i want one with this baby its my second. and i know its a girl and dont have anything! i hope u get one and i wish u lived close i would help u out with clothes my monkey has tons that would be helpful to you! i know what ur feeling though i threw my own baby shower =[

Sherilynn - posted on 06/13/2010

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Its not selfish at all, you actually need it. I agree with the other comments throw one yourself, and have everyone you invite bring a covered dish, plates, napkins ect. plus a baby gift.

Xiomara - posted on 06/13/2010

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Make your own! It doesn't even have to be huge. Make an intimate gathering and provide everyone with a list of things you still need, including clothes. I'm a fan of doing one after the baby is born as well. It's never too late!

Marcia - posted on 06/13/2010

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i think u should be blunt with the families and tell them how u feel i totally agree witht eh facebook status idea, 9 months ago i had my first baby and both my mother and mother in law wanted to throw a shower and i wanted it after my son was born that way it could be gender appropriate clothing, however after he was born, no baby shower, i do feel left out cause my mom threw one for my sister when he son was born, yes things were different then, but i am the youngest child for my mother and she treats me like her baby however she didn't throw one... i'm still waiting for either shower and like i said my son is 9 months... speak up now or forever be like me upset u didn't get it

Wendy - posted on 06/13/2010

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And don't worry about the first child tradition, your 2nd, 3rd or even 4th are no less important, but that's just my opinion xo

Wendy - posted on 06/13/2010

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Hey in todays day and age throw one for yourself, I dont see anything wrong with that, my partner and I threw our own for my son, and to save money we just had it at a nearby park with BBQs and I told everyone to bring there own meats, we made big salads and cute cupcakes, it was in summer and it was great. Don't even hesitate to do it yourself I plan to for my next child aswell. Oh and congratulations

Jamie - posted on 06/13/2010

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I bet they think think that you either dont need it or dont want it? However, I say plan your own! It will be exactly the way you want it and you can invite whoever you want! I would be more dissappointed in the fact they were not celebrating your birth than not having enough items for the baby.. because as a mother you will always make sure your child what everything they NEED! Its in embedded in us!

Lisa - posted on 06/13/2010

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I was in the same situation as you. I had a shower thrown for me when I had my first, but my second baby was born 10 years later, so I had nothing. No one offered to throw me a baby shower, and we were in a financial situation that came up around the time of his birth so my husband and I decided to throw one for ourselves. He was the one who called everyone to invite them, and certain people were asked to bring food/drinks(whatever we didn't buy). I was a little uncomfortable throwing it myself so my husband was the one contacting people and said it was a surprise for me. LoL

Alicia - posted on 06/13/2010

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Traditonally you only have a baby shower for your first child. Try throwing a party to honor the new baby. Or after the baby is born hold a 'sip and see' for people to come stop by for tea and to see the baby.
In my family everyone got us a gift even though we didn't have a second shower, but it was mostly clothes. If your needing the toiletry items drop hints that you still need that.

CRISTINA - posted on 06/13/2010

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That must not feel good. I'm expecting my third baby and my mom is throwing me a baby shower. I know for a fact my grandma told her not to make me one since it's my third one, but she says she doesn't care she is still giving me one in my own home so it makes me feel good and everyone else seems supportive. I do have to say that she did ask me first if i wanted one and i said yes. Its nice for family and friends to get together and accepting what's coming a new family member so no I really dont think it's rude offer to do it at your house maybe they just don't want people at their homes...

Krystal - posted on 06/13/2010

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Well my boyfriends mother said that she would throw us one...then when i said somethin about making the invitations myself she asked who was throwing us a baby shower so we told her that we nobody was and that we were doing it ourselves...i just finished making the invitations by hand the other day...all i can say is that if you keep giving hints about a baby shower and no one is even pickin up on them then throw one yourself...and if you cant afford it then ask some friends if they will help you put one together

Cassandra - posted on 06/13/2010

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I agree with the other moms, throw one for yourself!!! My "SIL" did that and one of my best friends is doing that the end of this month. I know it doesn't follow traditional protocol but things are changing all the time, some people maybe think its weird if their ultra traditional but others won't,

Meghan - posted on 06/13/2010

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Either ask them or let it be known that you really want someone to throw you a baby shower and what you need and if you don't get a baby shower then maybe your get them as gifts from when you have your son!

Lin - posted on 06/13/2010

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I was in the same boat (I even posted something about it on here). Money was tight, no one seemed excited about my second baby, and here I was sitting at my cousin's shower for her fourth baby (she didn't need the stuff, as she brags about how rich her hubby is, she just got a $10K *upgrade* to her engagement ring, had a child just 3 years ago and oodles of mom-friends who just had a baby within the past year), everyone's ooing and aahing over her while everyone just made jokes about how fat I am. I finally just announced that we won't tell anyone the sex of the baby until the baby shower (not at her shower, a few days later). Then people decided they wanted to be the first to know (or just to know period) and started volunteering. (Drove my mother-in-law nuts since she didn't even bother to offer, but she knew my step-mom-in-law was told the baby's sex since she was putting it on, so that was a side benefit LOL. And we got more practical things we needed instead of getting the first blue thing everyone found.)



But I'm assuming you've already announced the baby's sex, so you can't go through that route, but you could talk to your family (and his) about how no one seems excited for your son, whom you could use a few little things and with the hospital bills to soon come in and without any funds coming in you sure could use a morale booster. Or if you are having a birthday between now and then, ask for baby items as birthday gifts, noting that no one's bothered to throw a shower and you have no/few boy things. (Your husband might want to do this too if his birthday falls in the right dates.)



Hope this helps, and best wishes to you and your soon-to-be family of four!

Alaina - posted on 06/13/2010

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I'm kind of a bitch and a communicator so I'd tell them how hurt I was that no one was organizing a baby shower for me especially if my fiancee was laid off work and money was tight and we still needed stuff for the baby. I would organize one yourself and invite everyone and tell them its something you want because of your current situation.

Alexis - posted on 06/13/2010

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It may not be traditional but throw yourself one, ask someone to help you put it together and maybe do a potluck or something. I did a co-ed babyshower\get together.

Meghan - posted on 06/13/2010

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I just had my second baby and it was a really hard time. I was in the hospital 5 times and needed a to be out on bed rest so my family or friends did not throw a baby shower for me. However I have planed a welcome to the world party for my daughter when she is two months old. I don't expect to get gifts or anything its just a nice way to have family and friends meet then new little bundle. If you don't have time to throw one before hand just have a big celebration after. Guaranteed people will think to bring you things you need for your new little boy and even if they don't at least everyone gets to meet the baby. Good luck! Hope it works out!

Katrina - posted on 06/13/2010

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I throu my own Babyshower for my second one... I just sent out that it was a pot luck so i didnt have to Make so much food... I ordered my baby shower cake and Had it at my place... I wasnt sure if anyone was going to throw one for me so i did it... I actually had fun doing it and having it done the way i wated it done...

Ana - posted on 06/13/2010

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Well i have a shitty family! and just did my own baby shower! But you never know they could be planning one. But if not just do your own shower!

Sarah - posted on 06/13/2010

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I never had one with my 1st son but no one did then im in the UK. With my 2nd son i thought i might have one as i had previously threw my sister one 6 mths earlier and i was all dissappointed then imet up with my sister one day and all my family and friends were there so you never know maybe there pretending to ignore it . even my hubby his it from me! or failing that ide tell my hubby to organise it and pretend u dont know . have you got a best friend u could ask instea of family ? I feel 4 you chick although think possitive and what you will be getting in afew wks:-) a lovely baby

Jessica - posted on 06/13/2010

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Yeah I would be peeved at them.... but maybe its a surprise one? lol I waited until after my lo was born to have the shower. I have several older relatives so I wanted to make it easy on everybody and do the introduction of my lo and get all the gifts :)

Tia - posted on 06/13/2010

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throw it yourself.. no one was going to do a baby shower for me until i started writing down everything i need for the party and whatnot, they helped me buy it and viola! my grandmother let me host it at her house so i wouldn't spend more money..
that being said, show you are planning it, therefore, your family members will start helping out, taking the stress off you

TINA - posted on 06/13/2010

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you desire one every baby is different and has different needs do one yourself if you have too nothing wrong with it

Colleen - posted on 06/13/2010

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I know a lot of family think you only get a shower for the first (I disagree) but I understand it also hurts that your sister-in-law got a shower for her 3rd from the Aunt.
If there isn't a co-worker or friend who you could ask to just plan one do it your self. U'll be so much happier throwing urself one then feeling bad you didn't get anything. I had to host my own shower at my house. You can tell people you especially need clothes. Buy different size oneies and have people decorate them at the shower. With limited time you can do mostly evites for the event.

Tiffany - posted on 06/13/2010

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My advice is throw yourself one and then send out invites! I know you shouldnt be throwing your own baby shower but Im sure your family and friends would come! Hope this helps! I threw my baby shower but my family still helped with planning the shower as well and purchasing things that would be needed for the shower!

Jennifer - posted on 06/13/2010

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That's not selfish at all. I agree with others on here who have said plan one yourself or talk your husband into planning one for you. Maybe if he takes the innitiative to appraoch family and friends about it then it won't seem like you're being rude but like it's a surprise for you that you don't know anything about. It will make him look like the adorable, caring, & sweet husband and no one will have to know you put him up to it!

Becky - posted on 06/13/2010

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You know what? I almost had my daughter without a baby shower. My fiance was buying everything, so even though it's rare to plan your own baby shower. I was pushed by others to plan it and I only invited those close to me. So I made an event on Facebook and invited all I wanted to be there. At first I was iffy about it.. Because I didn't want to seem greedy but it turned out great.. Lots of food and gifts gallore. So if it comes down to it everyone deserves at least 1 baby shower for each child. It's what starts you off. Take it from me, plan it yourself.. You're not being rude when you're just trying to get the necessities for your little ones arrival.

Katrina - posted on 06/13/2010

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I know it's rough when no one has stepped up and asked to throw you a shower. I've had THREE children, and no one threw me a baby shower for any of mine. With my last son I thought about throwing myself my own baby shower, but when it came to the day I wasn't feeling very well so I cancelled. Maybe you could throw your own baby shower and invite family from both sides. Tell them that you only need baby clothes, diapers, and neccesities. That there are no big ticket items needed, and sharing this experiance with them would really help with welcoming your new little one into the family. Get your husband involved, and have him personally invite people to your baby shower from his family. If all else fails the do have second hand stores that have pretty good clothing for babies that's been gently used. After all babies grow so fast that even if they did have brand new clothes they wouldn't be in them long enough to really get your money's worth. ;) Good luck hun.

Marcie - posted on 06/13/2010

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Well that is not right at all. Your hubby's brothers wife had one with her third and you only got one with your first, now what the hays?! You shouldn't feel bad to ask cause it is only right. Your hubby is layed off and that baby boy needs clothes. You need to let them know cause if he don't got clothes to go home in then they wont let you guys leave the hospital. You should get sertain people together and talk with them about this. Hope it helps.

Lynn - posted on 06/12/2010

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i know how you feel.
i was promised a baby shower when i was 30 weeks pregnant with my daughter.
she is now 3 months old.
i got a baby shower for my son.
it was hard cause money was verry tight and still is.
and i feel betrayed by my family and my fiance's too.
they recently threw his sister a baby shower
and my family recently threw my cousin a baby shower.
so it really upsets me, but i told myself i'm not gunna let it upset me cause i know i'm a good mom and i'll make do with what i do got for my daughter, and i sure am showing them. :)
hopefully something works out for you. :)

Helen - posted on 06/12/2010

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Sorry to hear that, I am 32 weeks too, this is my first baby is a boy, and I wont have a baby shower, but in my case is cuz, I have no friends and my family is in Honduras, my husband's family is in other state and so I am alone. But is not selfish of you wanting one if your family don't do it you can ask to your closest friend for help you organize one.

Caroline - posted on 06/12/2010

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i never had a baby shower, but after my baby girl was born my family and friends

came to visit me and the baby,which then they had gave me love and gifts which

made me feel happy that they didnt forget they were just waiting untill i had my baby.

may-be your family and friends are just waiting untill you have your baby? hope that helps.

Shalaina - posted on 06/12/2010

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If you want one then do it yourself.

It isn't 'proper etiquette' to have a second baby shower. Every time you get pregnant you will just keep asking for presents?

Everyone is having money problems right now, Go Obama! Why is it fair to ask someone else to throw you a party for your SECOND child and ask for presents from everyone?

Like the above comment has said, have a 'welcome home' visitation schedule. I wouldn't expect presents though. It is just nice to show everyone how wonderful he is.

Brittney - posted on 06/12/2010

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With my second we had a "welcome home baby get together" instead. The first weekend home from the hospital everyone came to my house to see the baby and brought what they could instead of doing a baby shower. All I did was tell them a few weeks ahead of time instead of dealing with the hospital to be at my house that weekend with something for the baby, mainly diapers and clothes since like you that was all I needed. We made it an open house, from like 1 to 6 that way no one had an excuse to not be there! Good luck!

Ann - posted on 06/12/2010

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i know exactly how you feel i have thrown all my sisters 3of them, second baby showers and noone through me a second one even though my first was a boy and my second pregnancy was twin girls and i was really hurt and disappointed....after i gave birth my sister tracie told me she would have thrown me one but i didnt say that i wanted one ...but i didnt feel i should have told them...you should speak up ..i wish i had

Lindsay L - posted on 06/12/2010

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A) Your not being rude or selfish at all. I believe it is every mothers right to have a baby shower. If I were in the same situation that you were in I would most likely feel the same way.
B) You don't have any friends, or your Mother, or your Mother in law, that want to plan a party? If I were you I would throw yourself a party. Your going to be a mother again soon right, so why not. In today's world it is actually a great Idea to do this.
All you need is help from 1 person. Just explain what has happened & I'm sure you can get atleast a handful of people to come. You never know until you try.
C) Relax, Have fun, put your feet up, & stop worrying.
Everything will work out in the end.
It worked out for your daughter right?
You will be just fine. :+)

Anais - posted on 06/12/2010

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Oh wow! I'm in the same position. My daughter is almost 2 and my son will be born in July. I'm 34 weeks. Neither me nor hubby have jobs and things are really tight, and no one thought about throwing us a shower for our first boy, either. I don't think it would be rude to ask someone for one, as long as you know them well enough and you think they wouldn't mind. As for me, it's too late for me to even care anymore LOL!
Good luck! =)

Cassandra - posted on 06/12/2010

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Girl If I were you and noone was getting the hint I would just make a cake and Invite people to your house and say your throwing your own baby shower. Im sorry about your husbands family not getting it. I know how that can be, but you have to do what is best for you.

Miranda - posted on 06/12/2010

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Give yourself a baby shower!!!! I'm have a 4 yrs old daughter and wasn't planning on having another so I threw all her clothes away.With this pregnancy im having another lil girl and wasn't planning on having a baby shower.Me and my boyfriend pretty much prepared ourselves and I was surprised with a baby shower on Thursday by my co-workers at my job I was very surprised so maybe You're having a surprise coming also.!!!!! Good luck

Jesstine - posted on 06/12/2010

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have a diaper party for you husband! That way you can get diapers and all that stuff!

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