No baby shower for me :(

Stephanie - posted on 06/03/2010

When I was pregnant I was far away from my family at school, of which I was in a class of 20 with 5 women, none of which I was friendly with. My grandmother was mailing a case a week of baby stuff so we really didn't need anything, so my husband called all my friends (all male) and told them they were throwing me a baby shower. We had dinner at a restaurant where they told me their horror stories about their trip to the baby store. Since your child is already 6 months, throw your own shower, even if you don't need much, I would take all the diapers I can get

Liz - posted on 06/01/2010

I feel you on this one. I didn't have a shower with my son, and my fiance's family doesn't believe in showers for a 2nd baby.

It's not about the presents. I didn't need or want them. I just wanted to throw a party and have someone be as excited as I was about the upcoming baby.

Hell, we're not even anywhere near TTC #2 and it makes me sad to think there will be no celebration of that baby.

Ashley - posted on 05/30/2010

Erin. You are awsome. Thank you so much for the post. I'm sorry your mom is a butt too. I was plaining on filling his baby shower pages with picks of people holding him. I think thats great advice. Thank you so much all of you.

Erin - posted on 05/30/2010

My mom talked about staying w/me a week to help take care of the babes; she never did, and I didn't mind! It was irritating as all hell for her to make promises and not keep them though! She was down 3 dys for #1 and was there in the hosp. when I gave birth, said she would for #2 but didn't, I don't think she even saw him for a month...some baseball game was more important! This last yr I've been getting pretty fed up w/my mom and her BS too...she never said good bye like your mom, HOW AWFUL! Is she jealous? Jealous that your husband is everything she would have hoped your father should have been??? Maybe its bringing up a bunch of stuff for her? Not to excuse it, but maybe she just had a real hard time when she had babies and thought it would be like that for you and Keith staying home spoiled her opportunity to be your saving grace? And then when he did such a good job of it to boot, anger was all that she could muster? She didn't get the chance to swoop in and rescue you from the woes of a bad marriage? or lazy husband?



I'm soo sorry that your mom is being soo selfish in a time that should be about you and the baby! I feel ya!!! I haven't felt this way about my mom since I was 15 and she was more into a certain boyfriend, the one she left my dad for and abandoned all SIX of her children for an entire month! no phone call no nothing! Sometimes its just best to leave ppl like this be...for a while...maybe a long one! Drop your expectations from them and let the rest of it go! That's all I do...when they make a promise don't expect them to follow through so then if they do its wonderful, and when they fulfill your expectation of falling through you are not left waiting...



I feel bad about having a shower for #1 then no welcome home party for #2 :( I've got all these pics in 1's baby book from his party and notta for #2 :( I decided I would put all the ppl that came in and held him in the hosp. for his "shower" pics...Maybe you could do that too...except for #1? And when you have #2 you can make it a big brother party/baby shower? That way even though you may not have had a party for #1 you can let #1 bask in the glory of having a shower as well :) Make it a party for the both of you who missed out the first time around and celebrate the new life that will change ALL of your lives :)



♥ hope you are able to get over these feelings :( Ashley, don't feel bad for unloading on a bunch of strangers, that's what we signed up for :D Do all the unloading you want!

Sarah - posted on 05/29/2010

i never had a shower .. but then again it's not really a british tradition. it would have been nice to have had one though .. they sound lovely.but it is so unfair that she promised you a shower but then let you down .. countless of times.

it is also extremely unfair that you were left waiting to be collected from the hospital once your baby arrived .. okay your partner may have needed food but thats just bullsh*t .. mothers need food too! heck a new mother needs food more to keep her energy up.

it was also extremely unfair on you since you are pretty emotional after giving birth .. your on your own with a completely helpless newborn .. it's scary! .. i used to cry myself to sleep sometimes because i felt so lonely without my partner or my mum ..

so god knows how you must have felt.

Ashley - posted on 05/29/2010

Okay there is something more I need to get off my chest about that time. Because all of you seem so great and understainding. But first I would like you to know I love my Mom very much and we have a great relationship, she just fell off the wagon at the wrong time.

Okay my Mom was taking the week off of work after my son was born. My husband was taking the whole month off. She often expressed her wanting my husband to wait until the summer or something to take the month off. I told my husband but I wasnt going to push it. He is the father and I feel has every right to be home with his new baby for the first month of his life. He was having a hard time deciding if he was going to acualy do it. (Mostly money reasons) But when our son was born he wanted to. So the second night we were home, my mother calls me up and starts to yell at me that Keith (my husband) is going to be more of a burden then anything. Guys dont help. Men are just the dick that got us pregnant. And she just started putting him down a lot. She has never had a problem with Keith before. After that I called my brother who understains how my Mom can get sometimes and he came over. We were stainding out side when I saw my moms car drive up. She lives 20 min away. She parked across the street and called me. I asked her to come in so we could talk and she said ( No Ashley, I'm being selfish and I'm just calling to say I'm sorry and good by) Then she drove away. I was hystarical. I called my step-father to make sure he called when she got home to make sure she was okay. She was and the next day we talked and smoothed things over. But I'm still really, really hurt by this. I was having enough problems trying to deal with haveing a new life in my home and breast feeding and lack of sleep and trying to eat and take care of my self. It was one of the hardest nights of my life. I still dont understaind why she did it.

My husband was such a great help that first month. He staid up late with the baby and brought him to bed for me when he needed fed so I didnt have to get up. He was fabulouse. I feel greatful every day for having him there. Why couldnt my Mom just be happy I found a guy to do that for me. My husband dosnt even hate my Mom. He acualy still likes her.

Anyways now that I am crying and feeling better about getting that finnaly off my chest to a bunch of strangers non the less. lol. Thank you sooooooo much for being there. I dont know any of you but I feel like your the only friends I have. Thank you so much for letting me get all of this off my chest.

Ashley - posted on 05/29/2010

Thank you all for your comments. Maybe I shouldnt have but I always told my Mom that it was okay because I didnt want her to feel bad. She is going through a lot and I feel like I'm being selfish for wanting something so shallow as a baby shower. But then again it wasnt for me it was for my son. I agree with you Erin that I'm going to throw Devon the best damn 1st birthday party ever. My husband has appologized a lot about leaving me in the hospital. I am also very sorry about you girls that had to go through this. Why is it that these little people that are loved SO much can be so easily forgotten about. I think my heart is breaking more for his sake. I just want to give him the whole world and maybe its hard for me to understaind that other people dont. I was promissed by my husband and best friend that I will be having a shower next baby. We will see. But then I think how is that far for baby #1? Oh I dont know. Its been 6 months I just want the hurt from this excperience to go away. Its supposed to be the happiest time of my life.

Erin - posted on 05/28/2010

My coworkers threw me a baby shower for #1 so that was all fine and good, but I didn't get any visitors in the hospital and we were there for 3 days! My husband went to his friend's house to finally have his cigar on day3 and decided he had to stop and get taco bell before coming and picking us up, so I waited some 3 hrs for him too! And I was livid!!! I feel ya there! With #2 I had no shower, although I didn't need anything, and then had a few visitors, but he's 8 mos old now and my MIL hasn't even seen a picture, my FIL & stepMIL have yet to meet him...my parents have only seen him 2-3 times respectively and my stepFIL has seen him 3-4?x It seems that noone thinks that it is important to come see us after having our second because he was #2 instead of #1? I'm feeling bummed that apparently the 2nd child isn't as important? If this is what my baby has to look forward to I have a lot to make up for!!! I was supposed to have a welcome home party but I was the only one who was going to plan it and after bringing the baby home I just didn't feel like it! So nothing :( lame...Since your baby is 6mos old I don't know about throwing a babyshower now? I'm holding out for a great 1st bday party...but now that is even looking bleek :( Good luck to you! Sorry you didn't get the celebration for your baby you wanted! Damn Mom!

Stacie - posted on 05/28/2010

I feel bad for you. Throw your own shower!!! I would be upset too. My first daughter was 5 weeks early and had to go to the NICU. We had no idea if she would be ok. Everyone blew it off like we were being silly and it wasn't serious. My dad did not show up to the hospital until more than 36 hours after she was born and then he was drunk and did not even ask about her as he told us about his night out. Talk to your mom, friends, and husband. Tell them how you feel and make sure they know that your feelings were hurt and it is not just the hormones. Then throw the best darn shower for yourself and invite them all. They will be ashamed of themselves as well they should be.

Davine - posted on 05/28/2010

Dont feel bad. I have two children and I was never thrown a baby shower! It is a hurtful feeling. My mother passed away when I was 13 yrs old. So I kind of expected my older sister to take that on, and at the least my fiances mom. But I didnt get one either time :( People offered to give me them but never followed through. Everyone should have one. You should throw one for yourself or like someone else had said talk to your mother about it. Let her know how u feel and ask her if she thinks that its right for you to feel this way, especially with a new baby!
And I cant imagine having to wait for a ride I am so sorry that you had to go through that. My fiance had no help with our daughter and had to drive an hour back home at 3 am with our 2 yr old got a couple hrs of sleep and was back when i woke up! You definatley should tell them how u feel about that. Its a disheartening thing, when u should be celebrating a new life. i do know how it feels to have someone rain on ur parade when u r bringing ur baby home though. The depression that you feel is unreal. My stepdaughter was suppose to come because it was the weekend and i was in so much pain i didnt want to be left alone with the kids, his ex went up one side of him and down the other because she was so mad that we were leaving her out. When I had cried the whole hour's ride home from the pain and i just wanted to come home and sleep with my new baby boy! It is a sickening feeling and I hope that u can get passed that feeling! I'm glad that u were able to share with us. And i hope that these comments might help u in some way! Good luck to you and if u ever need to talk i am always glad to listen! You are more than welcome to add me to ur circle! We are here to help eachother! :)

Jen - posted on 05/28/2010

I don't want to sound rude, but maybe your mother made too many decisions for you. I have a December baby and we had 2 baby showers in November. I knew I was having a girl, but even if it was a surprise there still would have been a shower. My friend had her baby shower when her son was about 1.5-2 months old. Everyone deserves a baby shower. If you want one, then have one.

Faith - posted on 05/28/2010

I cant believe your husband would do that to you and his new son, I am really sorry to hear that, don't lose your self worth tho and don't let anyone else make you feel less important they are just the ignorant ones!!

Jessica - posted on 05/28/2010

I'm sorry to hear that you went through all of this. If I were you I would talk to you're Mom about how you're feeling. You might feel better once you get it off your chest. And you're not being silly, if this happened to me I'd be upset, too. Hang in there, I hope everything gets better!



As for your friends, I don't think your Mom had any right to tell them not to come to the hospital, maybe they didn't understand and were hurt by that? And you're husband, well it shouldn't have taken him two hours to pick you both up from the hospital. THat's unfair, It doesn't matter that he hadn't eaten, he could have waited or picked something up from a drive thru.