NO JUDGING! Those OK with abortion

Melinda - posted on 04/25/2010 ( 106 moms have responded )

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First off: i realize this is a hot topic but everyone needs to be understanding and allow freedom of opinion and beliefe. NO JUDGING OR DOWNTALKING. I was just wondering, for those who believe in, or have had an abortion themselves. What makes you ok with it? What are your conditions or limits? and finally, if you have had one, what made you not have one with the child you now have? what was different that time? Do you at all feel ashamed or judged by people you encounter or know?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Melissa - posted on 04/28/2010

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To Heather Reich,

Mothers can feel their babies move as early as 18 weeks.
Also, a baby can survive as early as 24 weeks outside the womb. I would know this because I have a premature baby (who is dong just fine due to advanced medicine). So please, if you are going to argue a point and say you have the correct facts, make sure you indeed have them correct.

=)

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to heather reich.. and anyone else unaware of this, the largest planned parenthood is about to open up in Houston tx.. they will and have done abortions until up to 25 weeks this is 6 mos pregnant plus a week... and you def feel baby at this time.. some women feel their babies as early as 16 weeks..some even b4 that..

Izelle - posted on 04/28/2010

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I hate that woman see this as a way to get rid of their mistakes. I will never have an abortion myself because I know the trauma and regret that follows such an event. There are so many couples out their that can't have children and then you get these irresposible people that think ah well I can have an abortion. Imagine going thru your whole pregnancy, preparing for that little one's arrival, decorating the nursery, planning the baby shower, picking names for the baby, even packing your bag for the hospital. Then it's here, the day your baby is due, you dream of holding her, feeding her, you imagine her cry and her beautiful little face. You go thru labour pains and delivery follows, but there's no cry, there's no wiggle, there's no movement from the baby, It's a still born. what goes thru your mind at that moment? All I could think of was this is not true, how many woman are out there that doesn't want their babies, but here I am, my husband and I planned this for so long, and she is gone just like that. so next time anyone think of having an abortion, think of all those woman out there who can't have children or who went thru the whole thing only to bring a still born into life.

Alisha - posted on 04/28/2010

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You go ahead and dont have kids......please.... me and people with a heart will and we will raise em right....As for the population being out of control thats funny considering practically every country in the world is going BACKWARDS in population. The US is at 2.1 per family so you might want to do a little research.....

Nancy - posted on 04/28/2010

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I am pro-life. I used to be pro-choice. I have 2 wonderful boys, who I love to death. I don't think anyone has the right to decide if a child should have a right to live or not because you just don't know. What is a "normal life" with "normal chances." I have seen children who are "normal" who don't have "normal lives" and children who are deemed "unnormal" live perfectly "normal" lives. We are all created for a purpose, are you telling me the child who is disabled doesn't have a purpose. I am sorry if you have a child which is not normal, but I have seen wonderful mothers which give their "not normal" children "normal" chances, and a chance at a "normal" life. "Normal" is what you define it. There can never be a perfect child, and if we start picking out things why a child should not be brought into the world, we can just cross out everything. Because I can say...life is hard, no matter how "normal" you are. Why rob the world of something that can bring light into it. I believe everyone has a purpose, all children have a fighting chance to make a mark on the earth. Yes, you may have to work a little bit harder for those children who have health problems, but why deprive them. I don't want to judge anyone, I just believe every human life is special, regardless of the situation. I have compassion for those who raise and take care of their sick child, and I will say honestly from talking to those mothers, they wouldn't trade a minute of their child's life. I agree that if you are responsible enough to make the decision to have sex, have the child, if you don't want to keep it, there are many people who do.

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Nykee - posted on 04/29/2010

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Rachel's Vineyard is a great organization, named for the biblical Rachel, who was the mother of the 12 sons of Israel. She's often depicted weeping for the loss of children, especially from the holocaust or from abortions.

Chrissy - posted on 04/29/2010

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I'm not okay with abortions but I had one. I would never do it again. There are reason why I did it and I don't have to explain it. I wouldn't tell anyone to do it. I have a Beautiful three year old daughter and I love her to death!.. what her dad did to me was wrong and I wasn't going to bring another child into this world that he couldn't take care of. it was my choice and no one elses. So please don't Judge.

Nykee - posted on 04/29/2010

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Ok, for the record, I am NOT ok with abortion - however, without judgment, here's something I know. I have a friend who had two abortions. Following that, she delivered two preemies (one at a time, not twins) very early and they passed away within hours of birth. The doctors tell her it's likely related to her history with abortions... so those who are considering it, consider this, too. Abortion isn't always a do it and put it in the past decision. All the best.

Heilin - posted on 04/29/2010

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Hi Im personally against abortion. but im not going to sit here and judge anyone whos had. i understand that when people have abortions they feel that they are doing it for the right reason.i am against it in all circumstances. if there is anyone out there who has had an abortion and regrets it or anyone whos considering it- 'Rachel's vineyard' or 'Silent no more' are there to help you-not to judge

Kiley - posted on 04/29/2010

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Ok, so I'm on the fence. I've read some of these responses and here's mine...
First, I am pro choice because I do believe there are circumstances- however, for these circumstances, abortions are not necessarily the right choice....for rape victims- unless they are kidnapped for several months after the rape, why not take the morning after pill (which is not exactly the same as abortion no matter what people say- it can take up to 3 days to actually fertilize an egg, a sperm can live in a woman's vagina for 3 days! the morning after pill simple stops the sperm from fertilizing the egg or stops the fertilized egg from developing. Yes, I know this sounds like abortion but I don't think it is. I think that it's just like a miscarriage- to a certain extent.)
For the disabilities circumstance, yes more than likely the docs can't say for sure what extent the baby is not developed or how far a disease process will be when the baby is born but with 2D and 3D ultrasounds nowadays, it's not like it's a complete guess and I've been to the facilities where kids go when the parents can't take care of them- on that issue, I say it's all up to the parents.
However, for birth control or the "I was just not ready or we didn't have the money or the jobs or the education"- I think that's crazy. I mean, I wouldn't condemn someone for it but I don't think that those are good reasons. I currently work 36 hours a week, go to school full time and have a 1 year old child. I never considered abortion because I don't make enough money or I'm still in school or I wasn't ready. (I was also in a bad relationship and am not with the baby's biological father.) It's doable. It's hard but its doable and if someone is in that kind of situation and feels they couldn't keep the baby then why not give up the baby to someone who CAN'T have kids. I mean, people say "I couldn't live with myself if I gave my child up" but they could if they killed the baby???
I think it's definitely a woman's personal choice but I think things need to be considered logically and seriously before the choice is made.

Autumn - posted on 04/29/2010

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No offence but it is NOT UP TO YOU to have an abortion. It was up to you to use protection and even better don't have sex till you are ready to be a parent. Even in rape cases I could see not being able to raise the child but from the minute of conception it IS A BABY and you could give it up for adoption to a loving family who are unable to have the wonderful gift that you obviously can't see you have. There are places to turn to for help, ex. BIRTHRIGHT, they are an oganization to help mothers be mothers and give them options. There is nothing positive about abortion!

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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How am I disgusting? This is what truely happens when someone elects to kill their child. Hell we are all so eager to fight for our right to do it, so why not show what really happens? If more people saw what really happens, then it would be outlawed.

Christina - posted on 04/29/2010

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I Am Totally Against Abortion No Matter What The REASON Every Baby Is Special!! Life Is Life...ADOPTION IS THE WAY TO GO!! There Are So Many People Out There That Cant Have Babies That Would love To Have One And Not Able Too....I Am Getting Ready To Have A Lil Boy In 9 Days So Excited!! :) Even If The Baby Is Going To Have a Health Problem Love It Anyway! Give It To A Family That Would Love To Have It No Matter What The Problem IS!! Or The REASON bEHIND Getting Pregnant...Adoption PLEASE!! Its Life Remember That!!! There Lil Heart Is Beating At 6 Weeks Along!!!! Pregnancy is Totally Amazing! I Just Think Of The Baby Not Myself At A Time Like This!!
Thanks.

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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Everyone should have to watch this video before having an abortion performed. Skip ahead to 8 minutes, and then again to 13 minutes. It is a tad graffic in one area, just shows bleeding.

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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@Shaina. I am sorry if my posts came off that way. I am just trying to state my opinion as are you, and I don't think going through a break up is an excuse to kill a miracle from God, and rape is a horrible and tragic thing and I am sorry you had to go through that. There are things like adoption and the morning after pill. I am not judging. I know, even if I was raped, I would never ever kill something that is living and growing off my body.

@Stephanie, I am so sorry you had to go through something that awful. This is why I hate abortion, most times people are not given the facts and do not know all their options. I believe Texas has finally taken a step in to correct direction to outlawing abortion though. They have made it a law that you must see a sonogram of your child before you abort.

and @ Jeni. I am probably one of those people you hate. I used to sit outside clinics. I would not heckle and put down and scream hate at women going in, but rather talk to them. You would be so suprised how many of them didn't know how many options are out there. I sat out there every weekend and I sleep well knowing I helped save so many unborn children. My favorite badge, which I used to wear that opened people's eyes is ' have you ever noticed how people who are pro-choice have already been born '. We did not tell young women they were going to burn or call them whores and sinners as I have seen, we merely handed out information about programs that help you find not only families for the babies, but programs that will give you a place to live, food to eat, medical care, work and help you get on your feet after the baby. That is what people need. Not this bs don't worry, it can't feel anything. For everyone that thinks that, go to youtube.com and look up the video the silent scream. In the sonogram the fetus turns towards the monitor and opens and closes it's mouth in a silent scream. I do not judge, everyone has different situations, but just think before you act.

Chrissy - posted on 04/29/2010

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I used to be totally against Abortions until I was forced into having sex with my ex babies dad right after I had my daughter.. it was the worst experience ever.. But I know I did the right thing.. not only for me but for the baby.. Sometimes I do feel ashamed and I think about it often.. I don't really no what else to say about it. I feel like it is your own choice..

Ashlee - posted on 04/29/2010

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Wow, hot topic... wish I had time to read all the comments, but I had to comment and say I'm 1,000% against abortion for whatever the reason. My main belief is that it is murder, because from the time of conception, a life was created. (He/she should be given a chance at life!) I truly do not want to sound judgmental, but even in cases of rape, an abortion does not 'fix' the 'problem' because study has shown that there are many years following of emotional damage, not only for the rape, but for an abortion also. As for children born with problems, there are ppl out there that will adopt a special needs child.
I have 10 month old son and my whole pregnancy was a special bonding time - I cannot understand how someone could abort that precious, God-given life inside you for any reason. Children are a blessing, NOT a curse - even if they weren't planned thy way you preferred. There is always a way to make do.
I'm very passionate about this! I get pretty emotional when it comes to children.
Instead of having so many abortion clinics, why not have more counselling and support centres? I've read how abortion procedures are done and literally cried my eyes out.

Miranda - posted on 04/29/2010

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I am pro choice and pro life. To me it is their decision and if I never know about it then why should it bother me. I have worked with someone who was going around telling people she was pregnant and didn't know if she was going to keep it or have an abortion. Fine her choice but she told one of the other workers she was pregnant...this woman had 1 child in her life and lost her at 3 months to something she couldn't control...who tells someone who has lost a child and then you choose to have an abortion. I also know of someone that was in a serious car accident and was told by doctors she would never have children. At the age of I want to say 23 she got pregnant and chose to have an abortion. WHY would you do that?

Lauren - posted on 04/29/2010

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I think it's hard to have an opinion on this one unless you've been put into that situation. For whatever reason you have to abort a child, it's going to be for one factor or another that was right for you or for that child at the time. I believe it's a woman's personal choice and no one should be judged for it, if it's not what another person agrees with or believes in, they should just keep out of it. I was only reading a story in the paper online today about a woman in Italy's baby surviving a termination and the baby was alive but left to die, the baby had been aborted because it was disabled but people had commented underneath about murdering that baby and this and that, they clearly hadn't even read the article properly!

Kim - posted on 04/29/2010

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okay, this is going to be confusing. but I'm pro-life and pro-choice, let me explain.

I feel that if a woman gets pregnant and goes off and has an abortion is a wrong choice, in my opinion, however I don't pass too much judgement. If your grown up enough to do the deed, then your grown up enough to be a mom.

I believe if you are raped, or somethings wrong with the baby, or something along those lines you should have the choice. Because even if your not ready to be a mom, there are plenty of women in the word who are and can not have a child of they're own.

My best friend is unable to have a child. I would love for her to be a mom and she wants to so bad. I've even offered up my uterus to her. But alot of people dont have this choice. There are plenty of people out there who would adopt your baby.

Shaina - posted on 04/29/2010

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@ Christi. That's where you get all confused. I was not bragging about my abortions. Not even close to it. I'm not sure why it tends to come across that someone who isn't ashamed of an abortion must be bragging. And I have a very high regard for human life.

Whether you want to admit it or not, you should re-read your own phrasing to me. It was a very subtle attack. And, yes, I do tell my children that I love them and decided to have them. That's not a bad thing. My husband was an "opps" baby and made to feel that way his whole life. My children will never feel that way.

Also, my first abortion was due to a pregnancy that was caused by a rape at a very young age. Given my tender age, I most likely would not have survived a full term pregnancy then. My miscarriages were the result of a combination of a highly acidic uterus (making it hard for a fertilized egg to survive) and a horribly abusive boyfriend (hard to maintain a pregnancy when you are being thrown down flights of stairs). My last abortion was as we were separating. My last miscarriage was 2 months before conceiving my daughter. My doctors have said that there was no correlation between my abortions (one medical and one surgical) and my string of miscarriages.

Stephanie - posted on 04/29/2010

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I've had an abortion when i was 16 yrs old.I didnt want it done and i spent countless nights cryin about it tryin to find a way i could run away and have that baby . but my dad is a cop and told my bf that if i didnt he was gonna press charges on him he was 19 at the time. I'm not ok with it especially after having my two i have now. the guilt i carried with me after i got it done was insane. What made me not have one with my children i have now is i totally dnt believe in it AT ALL. Planned Parenthood are a bunch of liars. I was told at 16 wks that the baby was the end of a pencil tip that it was nothing. They didnt let me see the ultrasound they were doing . A few months later the guilt was killing me so i went back and asked them for the ultrasound pictures. and thats when i was told and saw that they were twins. and ta top it off it i saw everything arms lips ears mouth . I couldnt have made a worse decision in my life. The whole process was horrible. At the time i was more ashamed i was pregnant then gettin an abortion . I didn't how the "real" i guess it all was. I was a stupid teenager that just didnt get the consequences of my decision.I don't feel judged by the people I know everyone i knew, adults and my friends all wanted me to do it. But I do feel great shame in what i have done. Like it is tattoo'ed on my forhead letting the world know of the horrible decision I made.



fast forward 3yrs I now have a daughter born in 2007 and during my pregnancy I found out i had cervical cancer which were in the early stages.and i got a pap done during my 6wk app. I havnt updated my records and had moved and gotten a new cell number. I found out i was pregnant again when my daughter was 4moths old i called and made an app and was told my doc wanted to see me asap and that he has been tryin to get ahold of me. He told me i was in a stage 3 cervical cancer and to go on with this pregnancy would kill me because of the rapid grow the cancer is doing. I sat there cryin not for me but because i knew what i had to do. I felt that this was my time to make up for the horrible thing i had done years ago. i was keeping my baby even if that meant i wasnt gonna see them grow up . thank Gawd I did because 4wks post app. ( he had to do it early because i didnt have time to wait) I was 100% cancer free. i am sooooooo beyond lucky . I feel like now i can let the past go. I feel that i have been forgiven for my bad choice.

Amanda - posted on 04/29/2010

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I believe it is up to the mother to be as well. Personally I have never had an abortion. I have 5 lil kids ranging ing age from 11-3 years of age. On my last one I was very tempted to have an abortion, but my husband talked me into not doing it. He said I would regret it later and he was right. At the time though all I could think was I just got my body back from #4 , I just got a great position at work, and we really didnt have any room in our house for one more. But, everything turned out just fine. My older sister did have an abortion when she was 18 years old. She had joined the army and had just broke up with the guy who knocked her up. So at the time it was what made most sense for her. I know she regretted it after she did it. who wouldnt? But she now has two lil kids one boy one girl and always thinks about what if.......... I do think it is up to the woman, but also, ther should be a limit I cant believe inlate term abortion, that is just cruel. I also get mad when mothers have so many kids that it is the only option for them. Kinda sounds wierd coming from me, with 5 kids and all, but I can handle them. My oldest is such a good help when dad is at work and the girls help out to. But people who cant afford the kids or have them to get help formt he state or just sickening to me. They dont deserve those beautiful kids at all. So in short i am not against abortion, but I do believe they would make it maditory that all women who do not prove fit to have more then so many kids should be fixed LOL

Ayndriea - posted on 04/29/2010

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Well I had to watch my little girl die on and ultrasound and give birth to a dead little girl.....and even though the timing wasn't exactly perfect for us. I still wanted her and after seeing her die and having to hold my dead child I could never have an abortion.....so I disagree 100% with it and I think their are other options for those that dont want the baby or can't afford it or whatever reason they may have.

Jeni - posted on 04/29/2010

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I am mostly Anti abortion, their arre certain cases where i think that it is (to a point) ok, If you have been raped, if you cant even support yourself etc BUT i think there are also other ways around it (adoption etc)
We spent a long time in hospital when my son was very tiny and there was a family there who were about to have a child and the baby was absolutly deformed as in all its internal organs were upside down and in the wrong place, if that was my child i would of seriously thought of abortion because its just unfair to bring a child who is going to be in pain and unlikely to survive into the world.

ALSO there is a GUY who sits outside the abortion clinic where i live in wellington with his anti abortion sign, everytime i see him i just want to get out of the car and hit him! Yes i am still more on the anti abortion side but HOW DARE HE !?!

Belinda - posted on 04/29/2010

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I believe that our bodies are our own... I dont thik that ANYONE should be able to tell me or anyone else how or what we can or cant do with it, I would never choose to have an abortion but I dont think I should be able to tell someone else that they cant. To me it would be the same if other people or the goverment told me I didnt have a right to have my tubes tied because I am denying the right to thoes eggs haveing a chance at life. I hate to see or hear about people haveing them done after 3 months, but again, its NOT my choice. Prochoice to me is about being able to choose... and I chose to have both my beautiful babies but I want my daughter to have the right to make her OWN choice when the time comes.

Tanya - posted on 04/29/2010

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I'm not even going to read any of the other posts because I know where this topic can go but I would like to share my experience with this topic... I didn't believe in abortion I was raised it was wrong I was also raised to be excepting of others so I had known people who had had an abortion. I didn't feel they were right but it was a choice they made and I am not going to judge them for that also my husband was against abortion at all cost. I got pregnant at 15 and decided to keep it I lost the baby tragicly in a car accident at 19 weeks pregnant I didn't get pregnant again until I was 19 abortion never crossed my mind I had alway been against it even thought the father an I were having our moments (we are married now) after she was born 2 years later I was pregnant again still would never think of an abortion. I gave birth to another baby girl via c-section I was being very careful and responsible but ended up pregnant very soon after my c-section. We were excited it was sudden but we were excited. Early pregnancy (only about 4 to 5 weeks along) I was experincing horrible pains in my abdomon. We were given ultrasounds a few times and the scans were showing that my c-section incision was streaching already at only a few weeks along. I had already had a talk with my dr and they warned me my incision would probably open mid pregnancy being as it was streching so much now. We decided to wait another week to see what the next scan was showing my ab was very sore and hurt alot. The next scan showed that the incision was streching more then the week before my drs told me that if I continued this pregnancy that I risk my uterus opening and I could bleed out it could be fatal to the baby and to me but it was my choice I ask what they think is the best choice and they wouldn't answer being this is a personal decision but I went to my dr that delivered my two daughters and she said I have to think of everything in making this decision. So I did I thought about my belief my husbands I thought about what I was taught and what I thought of other people I thought of my life and my kids and I chose to have an abortion I chose to live for my children I could hold right now. Am I proud I made this decision? at times no but at times yes and having gone through this I don't think anyone can know what they would really do until they are put in a position that they themselfs have to make this decision. We never told our families this because they are against abortion at any cost do i know that they wouldn't except me for making this decision? No but I'd rather find out. I am still the same person I was before I had a hard decison to make and I made the best one I could for my family I believe God has forgiven me and I believe he should be the only one to judge me. We have all done things wrong and we will all answer for them in the end, he is the only one who gets to judge. About 3 years after having the abortion I had another beautiful baby girl and I believe I am blessed to be here in my childrens life I take nothing for granted..

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2010

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no i dont agree with abortion and even if i was raped i dont think i would be able to get rid of a child

Shemecia - posted on 04/29/2010

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This is one of the biggest problems in American society, 14 year olds should not be having sex. Where have the adult role models gone? If you're not old enough to deal with the many consequences that sexual activity can bring ; you're not old enough to be having sexual intercourse. The saddest thing is America is viewed as the land of opportunity and considered to be one of the most developed countries in the world but when it comes to values we leave at lot to be desired. I have very close friends from other countries and being a college student I often have to engage in many conversations on this topic in the classroom and out. People in "under developed" countries which whom we Americans so often frown upon and show in the most negative of light are eons ahead of us when it comes to morality. Let me also say that a child is not a mistake, whether born out of wedlock or not, the mistake began with your parents raising you poorly and condoning a child's promiscuity and the second mistake was made by you using abortion as a quick fix for an ever growing problem of pandemic proportions. Many children in America want to grow up before their time and this is partly due to the fact that as a society we are over sexed in the media , everything is sexualized here even food commercials! since when is yogurt sexy? and the other reason is poor parental guidance and lack of limits. The most upsetting thing of all is your amorality and your lack of regard for human life and ignorance of right vs wrong you were not raped nor did your child have a disease that would give them no quality of life but you simply didn't want the baby. You shouldn't have been having sex at 14! Haven't you ever heard of adoption? I have more respect for a mother who would give her child a chance at life with someone else rather than rob an innocent child of their right to exist and committing murder let's not sugar coat it because that's what it is not "terminating the pregnancy" I am a Christan and I serve an awesome God who is loving and merciful beyond our mere human understanding so I'm not here to condemn you to Hell because that's not my job but I'm am here to testify that God will forgive you but you have first admit that you did something wrong and then you have to repent or( ask God for forgiveness) Finally you may believe the lie that we as people don't have to answer to anyone for the decisions that we make in our lives but this is also wrong you, me and everybody under the sun on judgement day have to answer to God. We all make mistakes it is how you deal with your mistakes that matter repent now before it is too late tomorrow is not promised to anyone, invite Jesus into your heart and accept him as your personal saviour.

Heather - posted on 04/29/2010

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I'm pro-choice even though I have never had an abortion myself. Frankly, it is up to the person carrying the baby what will be done, there are plenty of children in the foster care/adoption system that have seen things and experienced things that are horrific no one should ever have to endure them, so if someone would rather have an abortion than put a child through a lifetime of pain and suffering I say let them. Better than that kid never know true love or compassion and have 18 yrs. of hell to live through before they can get away from that "parent". I think everyone has their own reasons and there are issues that they will have to deal with based on their choice. I have had two people I know have abortions, one friend had one because her boyfriend told her she would have to raise the baby herself and he wouldn't help her and if she did it he would stay around. She did it, he ende up leaving her anyway, and she still regrets it and thinks about the baby all the time. Another friend did it because it was her third child (first two were with an ex-husband that she got along with/was a good dad, they just didn't work out) and her boyfriend started beating her. She was going to get out of the relationship when she found out she was pregnant and contemplated just not telling him and leaving, but knew that if he found out ever he would hunt her down and kill her and take her child. She had an abortion so she could leave him and ensure a safe house for her two older children and not have to worry about him being stuck in their lives because she had his baby. But it still was hard on her psychologically/physcially and she still thought about the baby all the time, but just knew it was the best situation for her and her two older children. Everyone has their own reasons and everyone has to live with the consequences of their actions, and I think that there needs to be legal abortion, because before it was legal people were getting it done illegally by unlicensed doctors or people who weren't even doctors, or attempting to abort the child themselves. People don't like it, but if it weren't legal it wouldn't stop abortions from happening.

Missy - posted on 04/29/2010

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To Carmen Silver,
So basically you aborted your children as a form of birth control so that your life (not theirs) would not be uncomfortable? Deep down I know you hurt for the two other children you could have had.

Valerie - posted on 04/29/2010

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I have to say I dont agree with abortions and I'd never have one but I think that everyone should be able to choose for themselves. I dont like them but I went with a friend when she had one for support. I know she had a hard time dealing with it afterwards but she feels she did the right thing so I jave to respect that.

Amy - posted on 04/29/2010

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Personally, i could never do it. But thats me and not anyone else. Everyone has their own belifs and it is not our resopabilty to judge someone. As others have said their are factor that people have to look into. There are birth defect, weather you were raped (by anyone) their are others things, can you take this, how will you handle it. Don't judge, everyone has thier reasons, and you are not wrong for doing what you belive is right.

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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@ Sarah, like I said, I wasn't trying to attack her. I have been in a place where I have had to decide and I don't see where it would ever be a choice for anyone who cares for life. Just my opinion. I am not attacking her, I just couldn't understand her reasoning for almost bragging about it. And I know about the cancer studies. Women are more likely to miscarry and have trouble carrying children after abortions because you are literally ripping a growing human being out of your womb and it causes permnant damage and anyone who thinks other wise is plain ignorant. In my opinion I don't see how abortion is legal, you are killing a human being, it feeds off of what you feed yourself, your blood circulates through it's tiny body. Just because science says it isn't a technical human doesn't mean it isn't. Science also says there is no God or no such thing as miracles, but hundred of millions of people believe in God and I have witnessed miracles.

Sarah - posted on 04/29/2010

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@ Christi regarding Shiana- First of all this is supposed to be an open forum for people to say as they wish. I agree with Shiana in that she made the decision for herself to terminate her first trimester pregnancies for her own reasons, which sound valid. This does not mean that she is callous regarding her actions, shame is different than remorse, it just means that she did what she had to do what was right for her. Anyone that says she did the wrong thing or that she is somehow wrong in making her own decisions never had to walk in her shoes.
As far as the increase in miscarriages the link is as tenuous as the link from abortions to breast cancer. This link is more likely due to the fact that the breasts main function is to feed babies and when a baby is concieved but not produced and fed from said breasts they do not complete their intended cycle. Women who do not breast feed have a higher likelyhood of breast cancer than women who do breastfeed BTW.
But, please, remember we are here to support one another and understand that people make choices that make the most sence for them. Who are we to say what is right and wrong for someone else?

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2010

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I sometimes hate to proclaim myself as pro-life, because of the connotation that comes with it in today's society.

I feel that every woman has the ability to make a choice, sometimes she will feel it's the right choice, sometimes she'll feel it's the wrong choice, and sometimes she will feel confused and not know what she thinks about it. Any way she feels, she must live with her choices for the rest of her life. I cannot make anyone feel any particular way, and i would not want to, even if her feelings on abortion conflict with my own. The only thing i can do is share my own story and how i feel about the issue... and hope that i don't bring judgment that is too negative down on myself.

I have not had an abortion, but i came very close. When i was 20 i had just broken up with my boyfriend and moved to L.A., i had, in the last month, had sex (sometimes unprotected) with three different people (including my boyfriend), smoked copious amounts of weed and drank heavily. I also had gone off birthcontrol as my insurance had run out. When i got to L.A. and found out i was pregnant i knew there was no way i could keep the baby, and made an appointment at PP, who informed me that my cost for a chemical abortion depended on my skin color and monthly income, it was going to cost me half of my monthly salary to have an abortion... but that's not really the point.

Anyway, after making my appointment, one of my friends was looking up newly formed blastocysts, and she said to me "that's what my boyfriend looked like when they implanted him into his mom!" which was when i started having second thoughts. Then i found out my sister was pregnant and i thought about how her baby would be the same age as mine and every time i saw her baby i would think about the one i chose not to have... so i skipped my appointment and moved back home.

When i was home i tried to make ammends with my boyfriend, but he was traumatized by my actions before we broke up and emotionally abusive. For nine months i carried a baby i wished i had aborted, or miscarried. I had to deal with abuse and criticism from "friends" for choosing to keep my baby and "ruining" my boyfriend's life with it. I had people threaten to stab me in the stomach, i had people calling me names constantly, and i had one person suggest i be raped, beaten, and murdered to get rid of "the burden". Needless to say it was a very painful experience for me. It caused me to detach myself from my pregnancy, and ultimately my baby. I actually remember the first time i felt love for my son when he was six months old. In every circumstance of my pregnancy i was the ideal candidate for abortion, too young, no money, no husband, no support, abusive relationships etc. For some reason i didn't relent and i kept my pregnancy and my son.

After he was born my boyfriend cheated on me and things got worse for a long time. We were then given an ultimatum by my parents: "get married or get out." So we got married, which was, probably not the most ideal choice at the time.

All in all, we were the poster children for what you didn't want your life to be like.

For some reason though, we toughed it out. Through all the screaming and tears, we never split. Three years after my son was born, i am happy to say that we have a happy non-abusive marriage, an intact, functional family, and are expecting our second child. In retrospect i am relieved i dealt with all of my hardships and worked it out. I never realized until recently that i am actually a happy person by default. I am no longer the angry, bitter individual i was before and during my pregnancy. I have a perspective i don't think i would have gained this early in life had i chosen to go through with my abortion.

I think as human beings we will never know what hardships we are able to overcome until we are faced with them. I believe choosing to have my child forced me to deal with my choices. I also count myself lucky that i am one of the people who can come out of a bad situation better than i was going into it.

I really believe that by saving my son's life, i bettered my own.

Monica - posted on 04/29/2010

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I also am pro choice. Its not anyone else's business or choice besides the mother and father's. I myself never had an abortion and wouldn't unless medically necessary. I had suffered multiple miscarriages (5) and by the grace of God was able to conceive successfully just before my husband had left to basic training for the Airforce. We called him our miracle baby (he's almost 17 months now!) because we were soo desperately wanting to have a child yet doctors had said that it would be very hard for us to conceive. Then not even 6 months later I had fell pregnant again and didn't even realize that I was (stressed out ALL the time because of family issues with my parents). Went for a check up and found out I was pregnant with my little girl. I knew that I couldn't give her up or abort her.. that GOD had blessed me with her for a reason. It is a hard decision to make and in my opinion is solely the parents to make.

Jessie - posted on 04/29/2010

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I have always been pro choice, I had an abortion about 5 yrs ago, for medical reasons. I also have a 6y/o a 7m/o both very healthy and were normal pregnancies. My options for for the abortion were go full term and never hold a live baby and live knowing that she would have been taken straight from me put under for major skeletal/brain surgery just to end up not surviving or go ahead and terminate the pregnancy. I am now about 18 weeks along and have to go back to the prenatal geneticist, hoping it goes better then the last time 5 yrs ago. I am not ashamed by my choice and don't believe anyone has the right to judge me save for me, as no one has been where I have been

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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@Shaina, I certainly hope you don't tell your children that. That is such a horrible thing to say. "People who are pro-life tend to say that, as a woman who has terminated pregnancies, I shouldn't be allowed to have children. They feel that I was callous toward life and therefore am somehow incapable of taking care of my children and truly loving them. But I chose my children...that means I most certainly love them." I am not trying to attack you, but I was just so shocked that someone could feel no remorse whatsoever for killing God's precious gifts. And just fyi, the muliple miscarriages you have had are most likely because you had abortions. Most people that have them find it extremely hard to ever concieve.

Shaina - posted on 04/29/2010

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I had a feeling that in a young parents group their would be a lot of pro-lifers...

I'm pro-choice. I've also had 2 abortions. I don't regret them and they were both elective. On top of that, I've had multiple miscarriages and am currently pregnant with my 4th child in 4 years.

The legal restrictions on elective abortions in this country I think are perfect. The federal max for an elective abortion is 24 weeks. "Late-term" abortions are only done in very select cases and they are heavily regulated. I believe that elective abortions should be safe and easily accessible up to 24 weeks.

I have never been ashamed of the pregnancies I terminated. Those were not the right times for me to have children. I was far too young the first time and I was with someone who would have beaten me to death the second.

People who are pro-life tend to say that, as a woman who has terminated pregnancies, I shouldn't be allowed to have children. They feel that I was callous toward life and therefore am somehow incapable of taking care of my children and truly loving them. But I chose my children...that means I most certainly love them.

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2010

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I had an abortion in 2005. I had 2 kids already. I NEVER thought that I would do something like that! But when I had my 2nd child (in 2003) my placenta errupted so I had her 5 weeks early. We were both very sick. My husband and I had to see her hooked up to all kinds of things. She spent the first 3 months in the hospital. The dcotor told me that it would be too risky for me to have any more children. But then I got preg again 2 years later even though I was on birth control. We went to 3 different doctors and they all said that the baby and I would have less than a 50% chance. I did not want to leave my other 2 young kids without a mom and I def did not want to see another child in pain. So we decided on abortion. I hate myself for it every day. And I know that many people judge me. I had another child in 2007 and she is healthy. The pregnancy went great! Although I am very thankful for that it also makes me feel worse for having the abortion. I know that God has forgiven me but I will never forgive myself.

Christi - posted on 04/29/2010

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i am going to start this by saying i am not going to attack anyone, i am pro-life, i don't care if you are raped or not. i found it shocking how many mothers said they would abort their fetuses if there had been a CHANCE that their child had been mentally or physically handicapped. my mom was told that she should abort my sister because she would be mentally handicapped and she looked at the doctor like she was nuts. my sister is autistic, but she is on the correct medication and she is just like an other teenager, she even has her first crush. and i think it was also shocking that people think it is ok to kill an innocent life just because they would not be born into a and i quote 'normal' life. im sorry, but who is going to determine what is the norm. it is different for every person. adoption is a wonderful thing. my mother in law and her son are both adopted and they are extremely happy people. if i am unable to have children again, you can bet your butt i will be first in line to adopt. i just think alot of people rush into the decision without being properly informed of everything out there. there are people that will not only adopt the baby, but help you throughout your pregnancy, give you a place to stay, food, the medical aid, all of it. you just have to know what your options are. i think instead of encouraging people to line up to get the miracle God has given them literally sucked and destroyed out of them, they should stop and think. and i will say i know what it is like to be there, and find out you are pregnant after you have been so careful and the father wants nothing to do with you or the baby, doesn't mean you go sign up for the next session, it means you take a deep breath, calm down and think how happy you would be making a couple who are unable to have children.

Stephanie - posted on 04/29/2010

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so true sweetie!!! I was thinking the same thing, even though many states have laws, some doctors will do anything for money

Jamie - posted on 04/29/2010

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theres a time and a place for everything and in some cases birth control fails! My case, i was on birth control and got sick and was on antibiotcs and no one tole me that its counter reacts with bc so in turn i got pregnant i did not want another child I had my daughter and I wasnt working the father was an alcoholic so I had went to have an abortion and was told my baby wasnt alive sad but it was meant to be! Now I have 2 kids that Im happy with maybe one day I will have another but surely no time soon, People do judge you and I dont feel ashamed because I know whats right for me no one can tell you differently, I do however have a problem when people begin to think ohh its ok ill just have another abortion i think there should be a law on how many you can get I knew a girl once and shes had several (7) abortions its not ok to do that to your body like that! WOMEN HAVE THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE! AND KNOW ONE SHOULD JUDGE UNTILL THERE IN YOUR SHOES

Melissa - posted on 04/29/2010

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I never had an abortion in my life, but I do believe that women should be the one to have the choice. It is hard enought to raise children the right circumstances. On the other hand, I think that women are not given the right information about abortions can do to their bodies, and the unborn baby; I believe that most women would change their decition if this info was provided to them. At the end, it is a personal choice that including the laws and goverments should not be allow to make for you.

[deleted account]

I think what ever reasons it is done for the people involved only have to answer to themselves.I know a lot of the woman carry the loss of that child for ever and the pain is always there&i think thats enough hurt for anyone without adding to there pain by wanting them to answer for it or juding them,not saying you are its just my take on this topic.Many woman block it out and seem like the didnt care but i think deep down it does affect them even if the dont want to admit it.As human beings it cant be easy or a walk in the park to abort a growing human being within you.I feel for all woman who had to make the choice to do it and i hope in time the can heal.

Stacy-ann - posted on 04/29/2010

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i think its ok if your doin it for the right reason as a couple of years ago i had an abortion it was the hardest thing ive ever done but i did it coz i didnt have the money to support it or a roof over my head i new it would b selfish if i brought that baby into the world and my boyfriend wasnt ready eaither we were both to stupid but like i said it was the hardest thing we had ever done and we still hate ourselfs now for it as we have a 6month old daughter now she is our world we now have a flat and the money to support a baby as we all no they dont come cheap! i dont agree with so called kids havin abortion willy nilly just coz they wnt use pretection or havin babys as a fashion accesorie coz who looks after them when they wanna get drunk or get bored????

Stefanie - posted on 04/29/2010

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I had an abortion last year - my boyfriend and I had just started dating, we barely knew eachother. We were not in a place to support a child at that time, I was still living at home, and going to school - he was barely supporting himself let alone the 3 of us.
It destroyed both of us that day.. we broke up not long afterwards because of how unbelievably difficult it was. We worked it out and our relationship is stronger for it. We are expecting a baby boy in August and we couldn't be happier about it.
I regret my decision every single day and I would rather die than ever go through that again.. especially now that I am almost full term (I was only 5 weeks last time) and I can feel that beautiful child inside of me, I would give my life for him.
I wish I had known what I know now back then.. and it would have saved a whole world of hurt.. but at the same time, you never know how things would have worked out if we had chosen to have the baby..
Everyone is entitled to their own choice.. but as someone who has experienced that pain.. both physically and emotionally.. I am now very Pro Life.. hypocritical? maybe.. but I have learned from my mistakes and wish I could take it back, I did from the moment I walked out of that clinic. =(

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2010

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hi there, i think u are very brave for asking that question, i feel the same about it like most when i say its up to the person, however when i was 17 i did fall pregnant for someone that had forced sex upon me quite alot without taking any notice of me saying no, i did in fact have a "A" simply for the fact i knew in my heart i could not give a great life to a innocent child, it was very painful the memories i went thoughand still to this day (now that im 21) feel somewhat guilt i do now have a 18month old boy who i love very dearly and if i were to fall pregnant again anytime soon i don't think i could put myself through it again.. it would be only if i were to get raped or for medical reason forced me too...

Katie Pearl - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have had an abortion. I won't go into detail, but it was the right decesion for me. Every woman has a choice, but some are harder than others.

This is a link to a story about a late term abortion and bills that were passed under the Bush administration. It tugs at a mothers heart strings. I advise anyone and everyone who posts to this convo to read it. Abortion is not birthcontrol but reguardless of reasons it is a womans choice. And every woman who has one has to live with the descesion that they have made. I understand that everyone has different beliefs and point of views, but if you are pro life then that is the choice that you have made for yourself and you have that right. All I ask is to respect the choices of others and to realize that you don't have to live with our choices.... We do. Anyways I've put in my two cents...Please follow the link, this womans story should be heard!!! Stories like this are why I am and always will be pro choice.

http://www.texaskaos.com/showDiary.do?di...

Stacy - posted on 04/28/2010

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I agree there are certain circumstances where it's okay. To all who are against it: would you not get an abortion if you were raped? I know I would. Just like Amy said, I don't think I would be able to give the child the love that it deserved. It's no one's business if you get one. That is your right as a woman or a couple. That being said, I believe if you're in a relationship your partner should have a say in it too. That's just my opinion and I don't judge anyone for this kind of decision. It's not my place.

Dianna - posted on 04/28/2010

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I have read some of the comments and agree with almost everything said. I understand why people would be pro life and understand why people would be pro choice, but ultimately it is a decision you have to make as an individual and with each given situation. In my opinion if the world were a perfect place then I'd be pro life all the way, but unfortunately it's not that way. I think that if you are an alcoholic or a drug abuser and are incapable or unwilling to give your baby the best shot it has at being healthy, and having normal developement, then you shouldn't carry forth with the pregnancy because it's not fair to that baby.I believe that everthing happens for a reason, so if the baby you were carrying was meant to be born then it will be regardless if you bear it or not. Then hopefully it will be born to someone that will give it the love and the healthy start that all babies deserve. I also think that if you have been raped and got pregnant as a result of that rape, then you should absolutely have a choice. It is easy for people to tell you that you're wrong and make you feel bad for aborting, however it isn't them that has to carry, birth, and raise your baby. It isn't them that has to live with that decision for the rest of their lives so you make the decision because it's only you and that baby's life that it affects (and sometimes others too). I don't think that anyone should be alienated or made to feel ashamed over any decision you make in your life because it is YOUR life. People need to allow people the freedom to make their own decisions in life guiltfree, and without shame. Just please always make the best choice for the baby, if you can't stay clean and healthy during pregnancy, then don't have the baby. If you can stay healthy and clean during the pregnancy but don't want the baby then explore adoption options. Always just think before you do as with anything else in life, and be sure to make the right decision for all involved. Ultimately though I believe in freedom, and I believe in having a choice, but I do totaly understand why people don't. I really hope this helps and again this is only my opinion and I don't judge anyone else for thinking differently :)

Sharaya - posted on 04/28/2010

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Personally, I don't think it matters the situation of the parent. It doesn't matter if they chose to get pregnant, if it was an accident, if they got raped, whatever (even though I can only imagine what raped victims have to go through...). I believe that no matter where the parent is in life, it's not the child's fault. It's not their fault if they were born in a messed up family or at the wrong time. They should have the choice to live. And I have a sister with special needs, if my parents had aborted her, we would have missed out on something amazing, I think aborting because of that is just selfish. If you're not ready, find someone who is ready and give the child to them. People who can't have kids want to adopt, let them give the child a life you can't at the moment. I just think abortion is a coward's way out. I know choosing abortion is never a quick decision or anything, but I mean, that kid is being born for a reason. God is trying to put them on the earth for a purpose. Let him.

Carmen - posted on 04/28/2010

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This is definitely a hard topic to discuss without people getting overly sensitive and/or just plain nasty. However I'm willing to talk about my experience. I am pro-choice and have had 2 abortions myself. Both of them were very hard on me emotionally but I felt that I made the right choice then and now. My first abortion was 7 years ago and I was a homeless, meth addict whose boyfriend wanted nothing to do with a baby and I knew that I had nothing to give to a baby and didn't want to subject it to my lifestyle. I also knew that I wasn't going to quit using drugs and didn't want to put a child that I quite possibly "messed up" up for adoption. It wouldn't have been fair for the child or the system. However, God made his decision and less than 6 months later I was pregnant again although I was on birth control and taking precautions and I didn't know until I was 5 months pregnant...it was like I chose to be oblivious until it was too late so that I couldn't do anything about it. I knew that that baby was meant to be and that I couldn't fight it and I changed my life and kept him. 5 years later, I was with the man of my dreams but in my last of 3 years of college after 2.5 years of upgrading and knew that if we were to have a baby at that time we couldn't give it the life that it deserved, the life I'd spent 4.5 years trying to make. We were already financially insecure and with a child with ADHD that is very high maintenance so we aborted. However, again within 6 months I was again pregnant and I knew that I couldn't and wouldn't ever put myself through the emotional wringer of another abortion and kept the baby. As I've said, I don't regret either choice for abortion neither do I regret my 2 beautiful children. They have both impacted my life greatly and I thank them for the person that they have helped me become.

Stefania - posted on 04/28/2010

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Im 27 years old & I had 2 abortions. The first was because my OB told me if i wanted to move on with the pregnancy by the time i was recovered from it i would have full blown cervical cancer because at the time i found out i was pregnant I had cancerous cells growing in my cervix that needed immediate surgery. I couldn't have that surgery pregnant & if I waited i would've needed a histerectamy at the least. The second time was because I just couldn't raise a child at that point in my life & the guy that got me pregnant wanted nothing to do with me (or the baby) if i didnt have an abortion. Later I found out that he had got his hands on some pills that make you miss carry & was gonna give them to me in a drink if i didnt go through with the abortion. Now that i think about it im sitting here crying & thinking about how my life would be without my beautiful, happy 14 month old daughter. I got married a little over 2 years ago & he knew what i did and he also had an X who had an abortion without him even knowing she was pregnant. Anyway we both really wanted to have a baby & we tried & tried & nothing happened for 6 months. I thought i was being punished for what i had done. Everytime i woke up with my period i broke down crying. May of 2008 rolled around & again i got my period & just gave up. June came & i got my period but it was only for 2 days & they usually last a least 5 days but i thought nothing of it until my July period was just spotting. I went out & got a pregnancy test & i was pregnant. Apparently my husband didnt stop trying :) I got pregnant on June 4th 2008 & had my daughter March 2nd 2009. No one really looked at me different for what i did mostly because i only told a couple of my friends that had had abortions. I think everyone has the right to choose but now that i have a baby i dont think i could ever do it again even if it meant my life. I know i only feel that way because i had a baby after thinking i lost my chance at being a mom. I think about what they would look like & what i would've had. I hate myself for it & i will for the rest of my life! I also want to add that no one has the right to judge you but if you are doing it as a form of birth control than you should get your tubes tied. I know everyone has the right to their own opinion but there are certain situation where abortion is your only way & for me it was. I would've died from the first & mostly likely the second time would've ruined my chances to ever have children. This thread opened up a lot of stuff that i try to keep buried inside but in a way i feel better after reading some of your stories. I dont feel so alone anymore but what i did will hurt me for the rest of my life. I wonder what things would've been like if i could've had those 2 babies because if my life wasnt in danger both times i would've kept them. Sorry if some of this doesnt make scence but im crying & trying not to wake up my sleeping beauty at the same time.

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