O.K I want to know what you would do? My sons father hasn't had a job or paid child support for 8 months, we have to go back to court in about a month because their is a chance that he will go to jail for not paying, our son is having surgery a few days after the court date and he informed me that he wont be able to be there for my sons surgery because he and his wife are going skiing! would you call the lawyer? Just wondering what other moms would do?

Vanessa - posted on 02/23/2009

first of all i feel for you and your son. it's very sad that ppl can do this. i too was in your position for the first 3 yrs of my son's life he's dad never wanted to even met him, but as i have always told myself that things do get better, and you know what no matter what hppens your son will always know who  cares and loves him (you).. your son deserves better (no offence) if he can afford to go skiing then he should have the money to pay child support..  i say YES call your lawyer nothing is more important then your son,  if you have another partner you could always get the father to sign over (not saying you should) as the saying goes 'it take any man to be a father but it takes someone special to be a dad..' we as mothers know what's best in the future for our children, it's up to us to protect them... but i would definely call your lawyer.. BEST OF LUCK xxxxx 

Christian - posted on 02/23/2009

Yes, call. I wouldn't say anything around your son about it but if he can go sking her can help out his own son. Some Dads just don't get it. Wait, I know one like that.... ;)

BTW Best Wishes for your son on his surgery

Brenda - posted on 02/23/2009

Hi Liz i'm brenda! Being someone who's father hasnt paid child support for who knows how long and having very strong feelings about this situation i'd say call your lawyer. Its one thing if here and there they've made an effort but it just seems to me like once it starts it may not ever end. By not being there for your sons surgery either, just goes to show that his priorities are elsewhere and its not his first priority which IT SHOULD BE! Which also means he may not be paying child support anytime soon either. If he wanted to help, he'd show it. My father called child support services when i had my son and wanted them to have my mother sign papers to make it so he didnt have to pay her anymore he could pay me. Well they dont have plans like that so he basically wanted to get off the hook. If he doesnt want to help and be there for his child and you are the only one caring for him then you deserve to be helped by him paying. And if he doesnt want to then there needs to be something done. My father should also be going to jail now and he's begging my mother to help him not go to jail because he doesnt feel that it would solve anything. You cant bring a child into this world and just walk away without helping! Anyways.. tell your lawyer. It'll save you some headaches later, in a way. Its a tough situation. Good luck!

Aleycia - posted on 02/23/2009

I would call the lawyer b/c of the back child support. It's sad that he feels a ski trip is more important then being there for his son but that's the reality a lot of people face. If he can afford to go skiing with his new wife he can afford to support his child. I would also hope he ended up in jail for failure to pay. I'll be crossing my fingers and saying my prayers for you and your son!!

Jessica - posted on 02/23/2009

let him go skiing and hope it doesnt turn out well... it seems like your better off. id rather have no guy present than just his money.

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

i would  call a lawyer sounds fishy to me ......... if he says he can't pay you child support , but has enough money to goi skiing ........... hmmmmmmmm i would certianlly call your lawyer ..............

Sarah - posted on 02/23/2009

i would  call a lawyer sounds fishy to me ......... if he says he can't pay you child support , but has enough money to goi skiing ........... hmmmmmmmm i would certianlly call your lawyer ..............

Renee - posted on 02/23/2009

Well I've been through all this with my ex also it has been 10 years since my first son was born coming up to 11 he has never paid child support, don't even no were he is, and child support can't find him either, so i would definitely say yes call the lawyer for sure, as if he can afford a skiing holiday with his wife well he can afford to pay child support, what father in their right mind would choose a skiing holiday over being there for there son's surgery, there is so many man and women out there that should never of had the right to have children, i don;t think they realize in the long run that the problems that effect the children when older. I hope everything goes well for you

Eychell - posted on 02/23/2009

Even though I've gone through the exact same situation, I still find it so hard to believe... so it's more important to go skiing than being there for his son... don't even think about it, call the lawyer!

Amanda - posted on 02/23/2009

Hopefully he goes to jail for nonpayment and then he won't need to worry about the ski trip. There isn't anything the lawyer or anyone else for that matter can do to make him attend the surgery. Just do what I did and ask someone who cares about you and your son and wants to be there to come and wait with you while your son is in surgery. Don't sit there alone, you need company. Surgery on your little one is scary, no matter how common the procedure.

Anna - posted on 02/22/2009

Hi, I am new to the circle of mom's.  I am divorced and re-married.  My ex is very involved in my daughter's life, but we had a little struggle with the child support.  I would not get child support from him, thinking he had no money.  But would then find out he bought a new I-pod, speakers for a girl friend, etc.  I would call the lawyer for sure.  It's hard going through a divorce with childeren.  Good luck.

Margo - posted on 02/22/2009

me personally...i would inform the lawyer of everything just because only the lawyer will know what is really relevant or not!

Sherilyn - posted on 02/22/2009

I can understand how hard this is. Neither one of my childrens fathers pay me child support. I would definetly let them throw him in jail while your ex carries on his merry little way with his life. Karma is a b*tch it will get u in the end. Let the consequence of his choice go badly for him. As for talking to a lawyer they can give u the advice you need but are not really helpful otherwise. You pay a lot of money for not a lot of answers. I would make a push though for him to sign rights over to his child since he obviously has more "important" things to do that be a father let him ruin that for himself. Your son will grow up knowing this and therefore make his own choice about his father. My oldests father is going to be facing that as after 6 yrs he has never had contact with her and has only talked to her once while my youngests father in currenlty unemployed and owes me a bit of money. There is really nothing you can personally do to make sure that your son's father wants to be a part of his life but u can still make the difference that your son needs by being there no matter what

Jolene - posted on 02/22/2009

it is nice to see that in your country fathers are actually punishied for not paying up!!!!! the father of my 2 year has never paid a penny i have informed the child support agency countless times where he is working and living STILL nothing!!!!!! it isn't even that i want the money from him but y should men be allowed to have children and just walk away scott free!!!!

Melinda - posted on 02/22/2009

Sounds like your answer is  unanimously call the lawyer and I agree if he has money to go skiing then the least he could do for his child is pay the child support. It seems to me he is a very stupid man or trying to get you angry by telling you that he cannot attend your sons surgery because he has to go holiday with his new wife. What a bastard! I hope you get everything you deserve and more.

Nicole - posted on 02/22/2009

I know it pisses you off,but keep in mind you are your sons caregiver,don't make someone that doesn't want to be.Calling your lawyer does what?Maybe your ex might even say he never said that.Let your son see for himself who was there for him.I know it sucks,but why have someone around that you have to force to be around your son.My ex has not seen his son since he was 4yrs.old,finally after 5 yrs.of having his head up his A**,he realized what he's missed and NOW wants to be in his life,and pay child support.Although my son is skeptical about him,he doesn't always show interest right now.Also there 3,000 miles apart.I've always left the door open,there's never an excuse for behavior like that.I firmly believe he should pay support and be in his life,or sign all his rights away .No in and out.It's not healthy.A real parent,loving parent ,ALWAYS tries to be there,when their child needs them.ALWAYS!!!That is what makes a good loving parent!

Amie - posted on 02/21/2009

I'm so sorry to hear this. I would call the lawyer too! Hopefully he does go to jail for non payment to get the message his son comes first, no matter what. I agree with keeping the diary of events too. My oldest two are from a previous relationship that went kinda like this and the diary I kept helped a lot. My hubby though is now in the process of adopting them and their bio father has no contact because of his selfish attitude.

Julie - posted on 02/21/2009

Seems if he has enough money to go skiing he could pay you something. Sounds like the new wife is more of a priority. Sorry to hear you are going through this. If I were you I think I would contact my lawyer best of luck sweetie.

Jemma - posted on 02/16/2009

Isn't it so sad what some people can be like, it breaks my heart to think any1 would put there child second... no matter what. I have heard similar cases and a good idea i have heard is to write everything down in a book kinda like a diary but not... date it etc... so you can keep it to tell lawyer etc... make sure he can't get away with that crap! Definately call ya lawyer, good luck with it must be very hard!

Stephanie - posted on 02/16/2009

call the lawyer. If he can afford to go skiing then he can afford child's support. As for not being there for his child. Well dont be offended but if he cant help take care of a child he helped to create why would he? It is one thing if he really couldn't afford to but to say he can't and go on vacation is something all together different.

Natasha - posted on 02/16/2009

i would totally call your lawyer...he can afford to go skiing but not help out his son...and worse yet he won't even be there for his son when when he's in surgery WTF!!! totally call the lawyer!!!!

Robyn - posted on 02/16/2009

Quoting Liz:

O.K I want to know what you would do? My sons father hasn't had a job or paid child support for 8 months, we have to go back to court in about a month because their is a chance that he will go to jail for not paying, our son is having surgery a few days after the court date and he informed me that he wont be able to be there for my sons surgery because he and his wife are going skiing! would you call the lawyer? Just wondering what other moms would do?

yes i would defitenely be calling your alwyer in my opoion nothing should be more importnat than his son, some people just really dont get it