ok please dont judge but this is the ugly truth and my dilemma!!!

Chequita - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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my 16 month old sons father and i met at a very young age dated stop dating he moved on got married marriage was on the rocks they separated wife found new guy and he looked me up on fb. and we then starting seeing each other a year later i get pregnant with our son 6 months later decided to give wife and marriage another go. leaves me pregnant and once the baby is born a host of problems begin..because of our relationship the wife no longer trust him and didnt want him to come see our son if she wasnt present which i understans her mistrust for him and total dislike 4 me..however we clearly dnt get along never have even before i began seeing my sons father..(we all went to highschool together) so therefore my childs father failed to come see his son initially because the wife said NO NOT WITHOUT HER! AND I SAID NO! U CAN COME SEE N MY HOME 4 AS LONG AS U WANT BUT I DNT WANT HER AROUND BECAUSE OF THE CONFLICT BETWEEN US I MEAN GET A BACKBONE TELL UR WIFE UR GOING 2 SEE UR SON needless to say tough spot 4 him.. so at 3 weeks he begged to get my son 4 a week n another state..WTF I SAID HELL NO HES ONLY 3 WEEKS R U CRAZY..so he claim im keeping him from the baby and didnt try again for another 3 months asked again to take him out of state i said NO hes an infant but u can come see hm anytime u want..didnt want to do that another 3 months goes by same thing i say no because its been 6 months and my son clearly doesnt know u but u can come spend time with him so that he gets to know u..again didnt want that. amonth later decided to make the trip and i let him take the baby 4 the day..didnt come bk on time by the way but tht was the last time he came to see baby aug 2011. until i was in his state i let him come see the baby nov 2011... got into a big fight because i didnt let him take the baby to his house and the reason 4 tht was he was extremely sick and suffers from asthma he didint care just wanted what he wanted..tht was nov. christmas comes no calls no gifts..feb 2012 comes his 1st bday no gift...finally tired of aruing with him back and forth april i change my number may my son is in state with my mom so i txt him and let him no and he was allowed to go and get the baby eventhough i wasnt sure about letting him go i did because he is a bit older..he really doesnt help me with my son when he was 3 wks he bought a box of diapers and wipes and 150 dollars tht was feb 2011 in may he sent 150 but that was it until he saw him aug and nov. and he calims he had gifts 4 the baby he just didnt send them cause he didnt have an address( but he knowas where my mom lives)..i hate the guy with a passion and no one sees my point of view all everyone sees is tht i was with a married man and the wife was a victim but she was seeing someone else as well ..BUT NO MY SON IS THE VICTIM AND EVEN SO I SHOULDNT BARE ALL FINANCIAL RESP EITHER.. but he says he wont support him financially unless he gets him and i say u wont get him until u bond with him spend more time with him so that he gets to know u and i see how u inteeract with him..i just dont know how to let go of my anger it seems like hes getting away everything AND NO CHILD SUPPORT THEY CLOSED MY CASE SAID I MISSED A COURT DATE BUT I NEVER KNEW WE HAD ONE SO NEEDLESS TO SAY THEY CLOSED IT...IM AFRAID MY HATRED 4 THIS MAN WILL CONSUME ME

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Kelina - posted on 06/26/2012

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First-go see a lawyer about child support and custody etc. no custody agreement means he can come get little man any time he pleases and keep him as long as he wants. second, there is middle ground. If you don't like his wife and she doesn't like you but you're not comfortable with him taking little man until he's bonded, find a third party who can supervise visits, like your mom or a mutual friend. Your son deserves a chance to know his dad regardless of the tension between adults. And to be honest dad shouldn't be stuck between a rock and a hard place. sure I think the man needs to grow a spine and stick up for his son but I can understand his wifes position. Even if they were separated and seeing other people, she doesn't have to go see her ex on a regular basis or deal with him for the rest of her life. he does. as for hating him either figure out how to let it go or go see a counsellor. whether you like it or not, like him or not, you have to associate with this man for the next 17 years. He's always going to be your sons father. yes it's going to hurt as your son grows and starts asking questions but thats your burden to bear-don't destroy that relationship simply because he's dealing badly with a tough situation. let him form his own opinions of daddy. oh and as for child support-good luck. because even once it's been court ordered-that doesn't mean he's going to pay it. in a perfect world, every dad would help support their babies, but the truth is that many don't and while child support is a nice idea, not every man pays it.

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Chequita - posted on 06/27/2012

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my whole issue is tht im not trying to keep him from my ex. the deal is my son isnt really all tht familiar with his dad so my take is bond with your son first is a gradual process dealing with babies afterall he only sees the man every 3 or 4 months. but he doesnt understand tht he just wants to get him take him out of the state and go and have my son around complete strangers for 3 days and i dnt think thts in his best interest at all. and he just doesnt get it..so he goes another 3 months b4 trying to get him again and when i reinterate what i said b4 we start arguing about the same thing that again my son doesnt know u ...its back and forth and nothing is being resolved..and tht is what pisses me off about the whole that he just doesnt get it!!!!...i dont think im being unfair here i would like to think tht everyone here wouldnt allow there baby out of the state with someone they clearly dont have any type of relationship with..i dnt see y he doesnt see it tht way..he just wants what he wants..

Chequita - posted on 06/27/2012

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thanx everyone for the advice although this is an inpossible situation my intentions were to just let the court handle our visition because i cant and dont want to deal with him at all but the courts and child support workers messed up everything and i cant afford a lawyer so for now im just gonna let it go and hopefully one day we can be civil but 4 not i just dnt want to have anything to do with him when im in his state ill be sure to let him know that his son is there and he can come visit but tht is all i can guarantee 4 now...i just needed to vent because no one seemed to understand my point of view in this whole mess and tht i tried to work with him but they made it impossible and im done. just needed to get it all of my chest thanx to everyone for their comments and advice.

Dove - posted on 06/27/2012

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Your son IS the victim here. It's not his fault who his parents are and he has a right to a relationship with both of them.

Get a lawyer and get custody/visitation and child support all sorted out through the courts.

Kate - posted on 06/27/2012

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You need individual advice from your local authorities, but often coustdy and child support are two separate issues, in two separate courts. So he can complain all he wants about child support and not seeing his kid, but he still has to pay it.

You do need a custody arrangement. The way things are now if he takes your son, there is nothing you can do about it. Bring your case to a judge and explain what has happened, request that for the first six months visits are only for a day and they are supervised or in a public place.

I understand that you dislike his wife, but she is your son's stepmother and she's going to be involved in some way in his life as long as his father is. Maybe it's time to try to resolve your differences.

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