Overwhelmed and Feeling Under Appreciated

LaKisha - posted on 12/09/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I'm a newly wed and mom of a 3month old....I'm trying to balance household chores and deal with him at the same time and when hubby comes home from work, I have to tend to him and fulfill his needs...I feel so left out, tired, overwhelmed. And it's starting to feel like he's not helping...or this could be me just feeling overwhelmed. Any moms who are married have any advice for me?

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Lydia - posted on 12/10/2009

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Girl I feel the same way I have a 2yr old daughter and a 2 week old son, I am a stay at home mom so all day I am cleaning and feeding and tending to my kids then my husband comes home and I am still the one dealing with the babys, I give baths and do bedtime too, my husband says my daughter does not listen to him so I get stuck doing them... I get up up thru the night with my son for his feedings and then I am the one who gets up in the morning with my daughter... Dont get me wrong my husband will help but only if I ask him he will not just come home and take over with anything, he has to see me stressed out and tired before he will just jump right in, and even then by that point I am in such a bad mood because im stressed that I tell him I dont need his help and I can do it.

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Tara - posted on 11/04/2012

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Not too much I can add. You have been a lot of good advice, but communicating with him is a good place to start. I learned the hard way that men can't read your thoughts. Make sure that you take time for yourself as well.

Leticia - posted on 12/12/2009

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I went threw the same think. we have three kids and my husband work twelve hour days and when he comes home its like he thinks sense he works he didnt have to do anything I got so mad I am home with the kids getting one two school every day and having two clean and cook and take care of stuff and its like he doesnt even notice so one day I got mad and told him you dont notice what I do here and left him home with all the kids all day, needless to say once I got back he new how hard it was and ever sense has helped out alot more and says thank you for everything all the time.

[deleted account]

i have a partner who is just the same. it seems he never adjusted to being a parent, and he is pretty much a selfish person. there is no room for that if you have a child! suffice to say i do everything around the house and with the baby, and he does whatever he wants. (he also works to take care of us, so this is fair enough). if i want to have a relationship with him i have to get over his selfishness, and just take care of my little man and myself. IF ONLY there was one baby in the house ;) just do what's right for you and the kids, i say. i've realised i don't actually NEED a man, haha! maybe just for more kids ;)

Ilse Sabrina - posted on 12/12/2009

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HELL, I AGREE WITH THE OTHER MOMS. YOU SHOULD ALSO JUST SPEAK TO YOUR PARTNER COS AS MUCH AS WE WANT THEM TO KNOW WHAT WE THINKING AND FEELING, THEY DONT.MEN...UNFORTUNATELY JUST DONT GET IT. JUST COS YOU NT LEAVING HOME FOR WORK DOEST MEAN YOU'RE NOT WORKING. TRY AND GET TO AN UNDERSTANDING NOW ALREADY AND SHARE MORE OF BABY DUTY. LEAVE HIM WITH BABY FOR ONE NIGHT, IF YOU FEEL READY TO HAVE A TIMEOUT AND HAVE SUPPER WITH FRIENDS ETC SO THAT HE KNOWS WHAT IS LIKE FOR YOU. BE STRONG GIRL ITS QUITE A RIDE BUT WHEN YOU GET OFF THE ROLLER COASTER YOU CAN SAY YOU'VE SURVIVED THE RIDE OF YOUR LIFE ;) BE BLESSED

LaKisha - posted on 12/12/2009

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Thanks everyone!!! I'm not understanding of why you have to ask guys to do things...to me some things should be common sense...just like you the baby needs a bath and would like fresh clothes if his are soiled. Can't go to the bathrooms themselves so they need to be changed...why do we have to ask about doing those things...lolol! I digress...lolol!

Lydia, I'm in the same boat...I have to be almost on the verge of crying and feeling like screaming before it will elicit a response. WHY IS THAT?!?!? Sometimes I really do feel like he's "mama's baby and no one else's"...lolol! (That's what I call him sometimes...)

Ashleigh...I thank you. I think one of the reasons I get so overwhelmed is because I try to do too much at one time. I'm definitely going to take that advice and run with it!

What do you do if communication with hubby goes nowhere? I mean, he listens and he'll do better for a couple days or two then it goes back to what it was before...

[deleted account]

I agree with Ashleigh. I am a mother to a one month old boy. His father is great, but i too have to ask for help most of the time. However, I confronted him about it the other day and he has been great ever since. Men don't understand what women go through. Communication is an art, at least that is what my dad always told me.

User - posted on 12/10/2009

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My advice to you is to concentrate on you son, as he is priority, getting stressed about housework is only going to stress you out and start affecting your attitude towards your son, you want to enjoy your time with him, not be completely stressed out. I have a four month daughter, what i do each day, is set myself some tasks to achieve, my priority is always my daughter, but i break up the housework each day, one day i might do some washing, the next might vaccum, and so on. It feels good to achieve my goal for the day, but if I dont get to it- i dont stress about it. My husband is wonderful, he cooks and cleans when i ask him, and loves being with our daughter, if i am really tired I will ask him to look after her so I can have a quick nap or something. It could be an idea for you to dedicate some time while your husband is home, for some you time, whether this be, doing some exercise, taking a nice bath or doing something you enjoy, this time alone may help refocus and relax, and you'll be a better mother and wife. But as I dont know what your lifestyle is, i would suggest talking to your husband about how your feeling and talking about how he can help you more. If these feelings get worse, maybe talking to your doctor about it.

Rebecca - posted on 12/10/2009

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I know exactly what you are talking about. I have two sons 3years old and 6 months old, I am a part time student and I also work part time when i get off work i pick up the boys come home cook clean and tend to the kids and then when my hubby comes home i have to serve him and cater to him. It is not easy at all and at times can be very frustrating. What i try to do is talk to my hubby to let him know my frustrations and also try to come up with suggestions that may help take some stress off of you.

Krysta - posted on 12/10/2009

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i have no advice im sorry! im in the same boat as you! it is very overwhelming!

Helen - posted on 12/10/2009

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it's normal that you feel this way with all the changes in your life, i would see your doctor as you may have mild ppd and left untreated it can get really bad

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